Existential Angst, Party of 1

February 11, 2011 9:41 AM

I made a turn in my life about 7 years ago and it was a wrong turn. Now I need some assistance backing out, turning around and figuring out a new path. (possible tl, dr)

When I was in my early 20's (now 40) I was on the path to becoming a rabbi. Then I realized that I'm an atheist and I turned off that path and moved into science. I've been working in HIV research for 18 years now.

About 7 years ago I took a job in a great scientific environment but it unfortunately provides me no contact with the outside world and virtually no creativity. I have done the 7-3 work and then do my own creative thing after work for years. Now the 8 hours a day that I spend on the job are getting to the point where I am completely burnt out.

I am a very creative person. I do millinery in my free time and baking is my secret power. I am also a great teacher and love to teach. Part of me believes that I should have become a rabbi anyway and just become an academic but I fear it's too late for that now. Now I have a husband (whose salary has been cut back 4 times in the last 3 years) and a rather large mortgage to pay on a home that I love.

I need a way out but quitting is not an option until I have something that can pay the mortgage. I feel like the only skills I have qualifications for are the ones I'm doing right now and I don't want to do this anymore.

I thought about opening a bakery, but I've never even worked in one much less owned one. I thought about opening a craft studio but I have no money to do so and pay our bills. Going to seminary or a Ph.D. program would be a full time endeavor.

Help me find a path under all of these "buts".

posted by Sophie1 to work & money (24 answers total)

Quitting is an option. As is the house.
posted by nickrussell at 9:53 AM on February 11, 2011 [2 favorites]

What about doing your hobbies as a side business to see how things go? Let some friends know that you bake, give out some samples and get the word out. Its at least a way to get more money and it will help you see how much you like these things in a more strucured (ie for pay and with deadlines) environment without taking a hige risk.
posted by Busmick at 9:54 AM on February 11, 2011

What's your highest education level? Depending on your state, if you have a Master's degree you can teach community college classes. Or perhaps you could translate your HIV research into doing educator/research work with NIH or the CDC.
posted by scarykarrey at 9:55 AM on February 11, 2011 [1 favorite]

i hear you. that sounds sucky - the isolation all day.

are there job postings for other departments? can any of your work be done from home? if you worked from home, you might have the option of popping off the coffee shop for mid afternoon social time or something.

is there any money for training at your job? sometimes organizations have money in the budget for training purposes that can only be used for that. if they like you and you've been doing good work but want to learn skills XYZ to get a job in a dept with more people interaction, they might be willing to help you.

is there a a public contact job somewhere in the organization? if you are a great teacher and love that, perhaps you could move over to a role that has you meeting with schools or colleges or community leaders etc to provide info sessions on HIV research. your background in the nitty gritty would be awesome because you could answer more technical questions.
posted by sio42 at 9:55 AM on February 11, 2011

Start selling your hats on etsy now! There's no reason to think you can't at least bring in sme extra income from your crafts.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 9:57 AM on February 11, 2011 [2 favorites]

I've never even worked in one much less owned one

How much time away from work do you have? Experience of the actual environment is essential to knowing whether you want to do this. If there is a local, artisanal or mom-and-pop bakery near you, you may be able to set up a short-term apprenticeship to learn about the business and determine whether that's a path for you or not.

It certainly sounds like a career change is in your future, and that's a great thing. 7 years is nothing in terms of committment to a career - lots of people change after 20, 30 years, and you can do it too. Your earlier choices aren't a "mistake," they're where you started; you have transferable skills from that career that will make you wiser and help you in your next career. You're not in a dead end by any means; a lot lies before you.

Would seminary or academia really have to be fulltime? Have you examined that? There are many graduate programs with evening and weekend classes for nontraditional students.

You have a lot of interests but are at the very early stages of needing to narrow down the whole world so you can pursue a direction. You don't necessarily need to know the end point in order to begin exploring. I recommend you start working with a couple tried-and-true resources: What Color is Your Parachute, the book but more especially the workbook, which changed my life; and I Could Do Anything If Only I Knew What It Was, which changed my life a second time.

One of the best tools you can use right now is informational interviewing. Look around for people who are doing jobs you think might intrigue you. Set up a 20-meeting with them, in their office or out for some coffee, to talk over what they like and don't like about their work, how they got there, what qualifications they'd recommend, and what related career paths there are. Chances are you'll discover entire fields and subspecialities you aren't even able to imagine right now, and develop lots of leads. It's a journey of a thousand steps but it's never too late to start.
posted by Miko at 9:57 AM on February 11, 2011 [1 favorite]

Also, high school teaching? Teachers in the sciences are in high demand in many places.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 9:58 AM on February 11, 2011 [1 favorite]

You can sell food on etsy too! Cookies, biscotti?
posted by Miko at 9:58 AM on February 11, 2011

Have you read What Should I Do with My Life? It's full of great stories about people who jumped ship midlife, and how they found their way.

I feel like the only skills I have qualifications for are the ones I'm doing right now
I assure you that you have plenty of transferable skills; the Parachute book has plenty of great advice. Why do you want to open up a bakery, craft studio, or get your Ph.D.? I'm sure there's a common thread--yes, you mentioned creativity and isolation. Transferable skills + more creativity + less isolation = plenty of career opportunities. Don't limit yourself to thinking about bakeries and crafts when there are plenty of other things that would make you happy.
posted by blazingunicorn at 10:08 AM on February 11, 2011

Transition into food sciences. I don't know if you would have to go to grad school, but check with some recent grads (UCDavis has a program that I know of) and see what opportunities might be available with your background.
posted by benzenedream at 10:10 AM on February 11, 2011

Advising and other administrative jobs in academia often require graduate degrees but don't specify what field. Do you have a master's degree? Even if you don't, you can probably parlay your experience into an administrative position that gives you more interaction with people and more opportunity to explore the world (in whatever sense of the term). How about writing, either PR or technical writing? Your knowledge of research and industry would be a great asset.

If you do decide to pursue a PhD, TAships and PAships are not only helpful for cutting costs but are often more valuable than the research itself, particularly in helping you discern what you're good at and how you work with others. I've been pleasantly surprised to learn about all of the jobs I never knew existed and how people got there. A friend of mine came in for a PhD in classics, got a PAship doing advising and basically never left. His colleagues come from English, history, soil science and African studies.

On a different tack, taking a look at your local community college would be great for you for many reasons. Especially in this economy, there are a lot of people out there looking for new and different work after their previous careers took a turn. Many colleges have programs for people who want to be entrepreneurs but don't know where to start. Our local school offers enrichment classes in fields like upholstery, etc., and I know several people who have gone through the full programs in culinary arts or photography well after receiving some other sort of degree and pursuing a different career. Whether you need help with the logistics or the skills, that would be a great place to start.

But a community college could also be a great place to work, too. Not as much pressure to produce research results; more of an impact on people who truly appreciate the wisdom of someone who's been out in the working world. People I know who have attended and taught at community colleges have valued the experience way more than going to a traditional 4-year college.

Finally, don't underestimate the nonmonetary costs of having a life that suits you better. You might not have as much free time or spending money (and you're probably used to that already), but if you're happier with life in general it's probably easier to get by with less and enjoy making your own fun.
posted by Madamina at 10:17 AM on February 11, 2011

Also, if you're considering graduate school but don't know what you might do, there are some really interesting specialized programs out there. Here at UW-Madison, for example, we have a newer MS in Biotechnology program that's specifically designed for working professionals who don't want to go full-time. It combines science with business, legal issues, ethics and policy angles.

Check what's available near you -- okay, you're in SoCal, so you've got access to a lot! -- but also check online. Aim for brick-and-mortar schools that offer distance or low-residency programs; some may give you in-state tuition if you never set foot on campus.

Good luck!
posted by Madamina at 10:23 AM on February 11, 2011

What was it about being a Rabbi that attracted you?

Depending on that, you might find various kinds of coaching, counselling and personal development work a good fit. Obviously all of those involve working closely with people a good deal, unlike academia, and perhaps in a way that would be more meaningful to you than running a business would be.
posted by philipy at 10:44 AM on February 11, 2011

Quitting is an option. As is the house.

Came here to second this. Houses almost always require a 9-5 job that pays well. You probably can't have the house and a creative life at the same time - at least not initially. You may love the house, but note that you still wrote this askme about an unfulfilled life.
posted by MillMan at 10:56 AM on February 11, 2011 [1 favorite]

I don't have a lot of suggestions or advice, but I just wanted to shout out that I'm in something of a similar situation. You're not alone! If you could do anything, go anywhere, be anyone, what, where and who would that be?

I am currently reading The Art of Happiness by HH The Dalai Lama as well as Let Your Life Speak: Listening for the Voice of Vocation by Parker J. Palmer. I'm not sure I am comfortable with the idea that I'll just somehow magically know when I'm supposed to do something, but I do like the idea that whatever it is we do, it should bring us closer to real happiness.

Good luck on your path. May it light up like sidewalk squares under Michael Jackson's sparkly loafers. ;)
posted by kiwitayro at 11:03 AM on February 11, 2011 [1 favorite]

Really pursue going part time with your current job. If your office can let you drop down to 20 or 30 hours a week, that frees up a lot of time for you to find you. Just devote those extra hours to pursuing your hobbies and figuring out how to make them into a job that fulfills you. You might have to make some lifestyle changes, but that's not the end of the world. If giving up cable, netflix and eating out twice a week left you with enough space in the budget to work a less high paying job, it would be worth it. You are worth it. Sit down with your husband and your budget and figure out how much wiggle room you really have. I bet it's more than you think, even keeping the fancy house. Remember - you can always turn the thermostat down to save energy.
posted by stoneweaver at 11:24 AM on February 11, 2011

Be careful with What Should I Do With My Life. I had a great job and very comfortable life in Hollywood and eight years later, I have seen the world, acquired a Master's degree, and truly lived my dreams yet I still have yet to achieve the same level of pay as previous.

There is not a day that I wish for anything other than what I have however the costs have been significantly higher than expected. Many people forget to factor in the true financial and non-financial value of momentum. Squander carefully.

Robert Frost: "I took the road less traveled, and that has made all the difference." For years, I thought this meant 'take the road less traveled, it's better'. But now I realise when he says 'and that has made all the difference,' that does not mean better. It means it made all the difference.

I am not saying do not follow your dreams however think very carefully about the value of momentum and what you are willing to give up. If you still choose to go the creative route, you will feel tremendously empowered when the speedbumps come for not only did you expect them but you chose them.
posted by nickrussell at 11:30 AM on February 11, 2011 [11 favorites]

I’m just going to put out lots of crazy ideas, some of it based on your background (and I also worked in labs, so I’ve thought about this before), and some of it based on what you indicate as an interest. One piece of info that I wish we had, though, are things such as do you have a masters degree now? (My response assumes this). It would also be helpful to know how much you need to bring in per month (minimum and preferred). So some of these choices may need to be taken off the list when you do the research and find out you can only earn an amount that will not meet your needs:

• Medical writing (if you have a masters, you can write for medical communication companies, who in turn write for phama companies--actually you don't need a graduate degree, but it may help open more doors). Depending on the company, it can be anything from in depth science (think primary and secondary articles for medical journals) or slide decks and material to teach physicians. If you really want to interact with pple more, they love having someone with a science background who can interact with a client, so you can pursue that route if you want. A new person in that field should get around $65 K, should go up quickly in a few years. Suggesting this because you would have coworkers, it can involve creativity, and may come close to what you want to earn?

• Science writing for universities. I know that I found this in my local area…I think that it is called PR, but there were people with science backgrounds writing publications to let the public know about research at their university. You may actually have this at the place you work now. Only caveat is that the pay is lower than the medical writing, but it would involve interaction with people and I think potential to be a bit more creative.

• You may find suggestions in my first angst-filled ask meta “alternative careers for a biologist” question (please, please ignore the question, but people do mention other job possibilities if you have a background in the sciences, and some sounded really interesting to me).

• Because you don’t mention how much you need per month, a PhD in the sciences may not be out of the question. Most offer tuition, health insurance, and a stipend. Let me stress that the stipends are small, but you don’t mention how much you need so if it is ~$1000/month, it should be doable.

• If you have that masters in the sciences, check out teaching at a CC or somewhere else. You can probably grab a part time gig somewhere – I really would caution to try it for a semester and plan to put in quite a few hours to have a successful class—if you like it, then look for fulltime positions, etc. But at least you will still have your job to fall back on.

• Test out your craft studio idea in bits and in pieces. Can you offer a class at a YMCA? Or import supplies and sell them using your home as a base but put it on the internet (a friend of mine imports everything from clothes to whatever trinkets and sells them to stores…all from his house/no store front needed). I really do think that running a business, no matter how small requires creativity. You could test it over the next few months, though, to see if it would be successful. If your art class did/does very well, you would potentially have customers and proof of concept that it may translated into the next step.

• Is there something between running your own bakery/baking/creativity/and teaching? Same as above, but see if you can offer a class at the YMCA that is catered to cooking? Maybe the science of food and/or the science of cooking. Or it could be a cooking class for parents and their children (okay, this does not have to be your niche market…but I am assuming that you may not be a professional cook, yet cook well, and you are testing the idea). IF this did well, you could experiment more and more in terms of what you offer. A book, etc.

The point with the last 2 ideas is to test 1) can you earn money and 2) do you still enjoy it (would you want to invest more time), and 3) can you see ways to earn even more $. It may be less “risky” if you can test the idea first. I also nth the suggestion above about doing a part time internship or working in a bakery to see if that is what you want and study what they do, but YMMV. Actually a friend pointed out to me many years ago that I was just trying to force myelf into jobs and let the workplace define the environment and/or things that I did each day. If you try for your own busines and vision (provided it makes $), you can at least escape that loop.
posted by Wolfster at 12:25 PM on February 11, 2011

Be careful with What Should I Do With My Life. I had a great job and very comfortable life in Hollywood and eight years later, I have seen the world, acquired a Master's degree, and truly lived my dreams yet I still have yet to achieve the same level of pay as previous.

I agree with this! Oh dear, I used that book during grad school. I used to wave it around and recommend it to people. I let it mislead me into formulating a plan that went with my gut at the time, and I made some pretty dumb career decisions relying on what I thought were the lessons of that book.
posted by anniecat at 12:51 PM on February 11, 2011

What sort of rabbinical training were you in?

I was raised in a Reconstructionist congregation. In our congregation, God was whatever you wanted it to be, or if you didn't want there to be a being/collective called God, that was fine too. The focus was on community and song. I was comfortable being an atheist there, and based on what I remember our rabbis saying, I could imagine being an atheist rabbi in a Reconstructionist congregation.
posted by MonsieurBon at 1:47 PM on February 11, 2011

fixed link: I Could Do Anything If Only I Knew What It Was.
posted by Margalo Epps at 7:55 PM on February 11, 2011

TLDR

Sell that house and follow your heart!
posted by Murray M at 4:50 AM on February 12, 2011

MonsieurBon has a great point. There are also tons of wonderful opportunities for creative types to find work in Jewish institutions that focus on cultural, rather than religious Jewish life. Some of these would be more accessible than others, depending on where you live (where do you live, by the way, and would you be willing to move for the right opportunity?). We're in the middle of a very exciting time in the world of religious/cultural nonprofits, and if you're willing to take a chance, you could find something very cool.
posted by AngerBoy at 8:43 PM on February 12, 2011

@anniecat: Here, here. At the time, a good friend made the point that if you look through WSIDWML, his point is that the story is not the decision to change your life but rather everything that comes after making that decision.

I will always remember two stories from that book, the first about the oil executive and the second about the woman who looks to raise money for cancer research. In each instance, they were fighting the good fight however at extreme personal expense. The oil executive himself had the most troublesome story, that he made so little money working for the EPA whilst his previous colleagues had beautiful cars and great golf memberships. Thus his choice became to either lavish himself in that lifestyle or continue upon the current course. Unfortunately, he now knew the environmental cost of his activities, thus returning to the corporate fold meant actively participating in environmental destruction and foreknowledge of the consequences.

Definitely the case that once you have seen, you cannot un-see and once you have known, you cannot un-know, thus be careful of what you choose to know for it may ruin your enjoyment of the executive gold course forever.
posted by nickrussell at 3:57 AM on February 13, 2011