How to help a boy with nighttime fears
September 13, 2010 9:03 PM
How to help a 10-year-old boy who has an irrational (yet still somewhat justified) fear of robbers/the dark/being home alone.
I'm friends with a single mother of a 10-year-old boy and 12-year-old girl. About nine months ago, the mother and her (live-in) boyfriend (and virtual stepfather to her children) of four years was involved in a serious domestic dispute. The dispute happened late at night, and it culminated with the boyfriend choking/restraining my friend (that's choking in a non-murderous kind of way). The boyfriend had been also acting extremely strange preceding this incident due to going off medication for a serious mental illness.
The incident was loud enough that it woke all of the children in the house -- the brother and sister and their 14-year-old "stepbrother" (the boyfriend's son). The stepbrother tried to get his father off my friend without success, and the daughter ended up calling 911. My understanding is that the police came, interviewed the family, and arrested the boyfriend, who was later released after spending a short time in jail.
The two children were understandably afraid of the boyfriend for a while, but they've since met with him, their mother, and their father, and while they don't like him, there's no particularly strong fear still present towards him.
The problem is the 10-year-old. He already has a history of fairly serious fear of darkness/robbers/etc., though nothing totally aberrant for someone his age. His fears seem to have become somewhat magnified at home, though. He has trouble falling asleep unless his mother is rubbing his back or reading to him and frequently wakes up in the middle of the night and goes around the house doing "spot checks," lighting candles or turning on lights, etc. He'll often migrate over to his mother's room and finish sleeping the night there.
The biggest problem is that he hasn't been getting as much sleep as he should, and he's often overtired, bordering on exhausted. He claims that if the family just moved everything would be fine. Unfortunately, moving has many large, practical barriers. With the boyfriend gone, the family has very limited income and couldn't find something comparable that they could afford. The neighborhood is also where the mother has a strong network of friends who she leans heavily on to make things work (and is also where the children have friends).
I'm sorry for the long-winded details, but the particulars seem important to this question... which is,
Can anyone offer suggestions for how to help this boy and his mother alleviate his fears, or at least get a good night's rest on a regular basis? Any thoughts on whether this issue is something important enough worth moving over are also appreciated.
Relevant details: He's on a waiting list for free counseling. Non-prescription sleep aids are a possibility if anyone has any recommendations. (Benadryl doesn't work very well on him.)
I'm friends with a single mother of a 10-year-old boy and 12-year-old girl. About nine months ago, the mother and her (live-in) boyfriend (and virtual stepfather to her children) of four years was involved in a serious domestic dispute. The dispute happened late at night, and it culminated with the boyfriend choking/restraining my friend (that's choking in a non-murderous kind of way). The boyfriend had been also acting extremely strange preceding this incident due to going off medication for a serious mental illness.
The incident was loud enough that it woke all of the children in the house -- the brother and sister and their 14-year-old "stepbrother" (the boyfriend's son). The stepbrother tried to get his father off my friend without success, and the daughter ended up calling 911. My understanding is that the police came, interviewed the family, and arrested the boyfriend, who was later released after spending a short time in jail.
The two children were understandably afraid of the boyfriend for a while, but they've since met with him, their mother, and their father, and while they don't like him, there's no particularly strong fear still present towards him.
The problem is the 10-year-old. He already has a history of fairly serious fear of darkness/robbers/etc., though nothing totally aberrant for someone his age. His fears seem to have become somewhat magnified at home, though. He has trouble falling asleep unless his mother is rubbing his back or reading to him and frequently wakes up in the middle of the night and goes around the house doing "spot checks," lighting candles or turning on lights, etc. He'll often migrate over to his mother's room and finish sleeping the night there.
The biggest problem is that he hasn't been getting as much sleep as he should, and he's often overtired, bordering on exhausted. He claims that if the family just moved everything would be fine. Unfortunately, moving has many large, practical barriers. With the boyfriend gone, the family has very limited income and couldn't find something comparable that they could afford. The neighborhood is also where the mother has a strong network of friends who she leans heavily on to make things work (and is also where the children have friends).
I'm sorry for the long-winded details, but the particulars seem important to this question... which is,
Can anyone offer suggestions for how to help this boy and his mother alleviate his fears, or at least get a good night's rest on a regular basis? Any thoughts on whether this issue is something important enough worth moving over are also appreciated.
Relevant details: He's on a waiting list for free counseling. Non-prescription sleep aids are a possibility if anyone has any recommendations. (Benadryl doesn't work very well on him.)
Is getting a dog an option? I always feel 100x safer knowing my dog is in the house and on alert.
posted by elsietheeel at 9:31 PM on September 13, 2010
posted by elsietheeel at 9:31 PM on September 13, 2010
Second the dog idea, not just for feeling safe, but also as a furry friend to the poor guy!
posted by acheekymonkey at 9:34 PM on September 13, 2010
posted by acheekymonkey at 9:34 PM on September 13, 2010
Third the dog idea! (although, if it's a puppy, the first few months may actually lead to an even more severe lack of sleep - ha!)
As for sleep help, these are all natural and seem to help one of my friends who is a pretty severe insomniac at times: Moon Drops
I've also heard the Hylands brand works too.
posted by shoppingforsanity at 9:42 PM on September 13, 2010
As for sleep help, these are all natural and seem to help one of my friends who is a pretty severe insomniac at times: Moon Drops
I've also heard the Hylands brand works too.
posted by shoppingforsanity at 9:42 PM on September 13, 2010
Since they are on a limited income, I wouldn't get a dog. I love the idea of jbenben's inexpensive alarm system. Perhaps setting the alarm could be his special job. When he starts fretting about safety, his mom could direct his attention to the alarm, make sure it's set, and then redirect the conversation. I think acknowledging his fears, giving him something concrete to do (set the alarm), and refocusing his attention on a different topic is worth a shot. I don't think it's necessary to move. I don't have much experience with children though.
posted by studioaudience at 9:43 PM on September 13, 2010
posted by studioaudience at 9:43 PM on September 13, 2010
The counseling is probably the best thing that he could get right now. I'd encourage mom to look into as many potential sources for free counseling as possible, to minimize the waitlist time. There is a list of some potential resources in the US here: http://mentalhealth.samhsa.gov/databases/
Would mom be open to trying a few other different types of comforting/relaxing bedtime routine type things? There are some excellent bedtime 'meditation' scripts for adults to read to kids in the book Starbright by Maureen Garth. It could also be helpful to try some breathing exercises (counting to 10 breaths, stuff like that) or muscle relaxation exercises. My favorite muscle relaxing thing to do with kids is to have them pretend they're eating lemons, and that each bite of the lemon is so sour that they can feel it in progressively more parts of their bodies. It's a tense-and-relax type exercise, and then at the end, they can imagine eating a spoonful of sugar or something that takes away all of the sourness, and relax all of their muscles at the same time.
posted by so_gracefully at 9:44 PM on September 13, 2010
Would mom be open to trying a few other different types of comforting/relaxing bedtime routine type things? There are some excellent bedtime 'meditation' scripts for adults to read to kids in the book Starbright by Maureen Garth. It could also be helpful to try some breathing exercises (counting to 10 breaths, stuff like that) or muscle relaxation exercises. My favorite muscle relaxing thing to do with kids is to have them pretend they're eating lemons, and that each bite of the lemon is so sour that they can feel it in progressively more parts of their bodies. It's a tense-and-relax type exercise, and then at the end, they can imagine eating a spoonful of sugar or something that takes away all of the sourness, and relax all of their muscles at the same time.
posted by so_gracefully at 9:44 PM on September 13, 2010
My little guy had similar problems getting to sleep. If it wasn't the wind blowing a tree down onto the roof, it was a getaway car crashing into the house - always something that came into his head. It went away over time as we 'weaned' him off of the attention his anxieties demanded - shorter and shorter reassurances, but never being dismissive of his worries. After a while we'd ask him to tell us why the worry of the day wasn't a very likely thing, so he'd have his own script to play back to himself later in the night.
As for whether moving will help, I can say that in our case it didn't. If anything the first few months he had even more concerns, being in a new place without his old friends. The associations with the old house were gone, but we'd taken away much else that was familiar and comfortable.
posted by Hardcore Poser at 9:49 PM on September 13, 2010
As for whether moving will help, I can say that in our case it didn't. If anything the first few months he had even more concerns, being in a new place without his old friends. The associations with the old house were gone, but we'd taken away much else that was familiar and comfortable.
posted by Hardcore Poser at 9:49 PM on September 13, 2010
I'm a grown woman and I still have fears like this boy. Here's what helps me.
1.) I have a very large, very protective German Shepherd. When I think I hear something I can look over at her and see if she reacted. If her ears are perked up and she looks alert I know I actually heard something and should check it out or be concerned. If she's still asleep or just looking at me calmly then I know it's either a sound that shouldn't concern me or one that is only in my head.
When I was about this boy's age I read a ghost story book and couldn't sleep. The thing that helped me most was that my dad told me that animals could sense ghosts and that my cat would freak out if there was anything supernatural in my room. Waking up from a nightmare and seeing my peaceful cat was very reassuring. It also really helped that my dad didn't give the "there's no such thing as ghosts" speech. Instead he gave me a practical way to deal with the problem.
Maybe a pet would be helpful for this little guy. Especially if you could adopt an older dog that could sleep in his room. Tell him that the dog will protect him (which will be true after enough time) and will alert him if he needs to get up and do his sweep. Even a little tiny dog can be a good "watch" dog if they don't have the space or money for a big "guard" dog.
2.) I have a little league baseball bat and a flashlight near my bed. I know it's a pathetic weapon, but it makes me feel better to have it. Logically I know it will not stand a chance against a gun, but emotionally it makes me feel better.
Could you give him a hockey stick or a small bat to keep near him? It might be comforting to him to have something close that he can use to defend himself and his family. (Of course this could be a really bad idea too, I don't know anything about child psychology. I'm just telling you what makes me feel better.)
The flashlight might help with the fear of the dark part. I recommend the kind where you have to hold the button down for the light to come on. That way you don't have to replace the batteries every night when he falls asleep with the flashlight on.
3.) I have an alarm system. Love that alarm and panic button.
4.) Valerian Root. I don't know if it's okay for kids, but it's an herbal supplement that helps me calm down and sleep when I'm freaking out with anxiety. (Again, I'm just telling you what works for me.)
My heart goes out to this family. I hope that they can all get into counselling soon.
posted by TooFewShoes at 9:52 PM on September 13, 2010
1.) I have a very large, very protective German Shepherd. When I think I hear something I can look over at her and see if she reacted. If her ears are perked up and she looks alert I know I actually heard something and should check it out or be concerned. If she's still asleep or just looking at me calmly then I know it's either a sound that shouldn't concern me or one that is only in my head.
When I was about this boy's age I read a ghost story book and couldn't sleep. The thing that helped me most was that my dad told me that animals could sense ghosts and that my cat would freak out if there was anything supernatural in my room. Waking up from a nightmare and seeing my peaceful cat was very reassuring. It also really helped that my dad didn't give the "there's no such thing as ghosts" speech. Instead he gave me a practical way to deal with the problem.
Maybe a pet would be helpful for this little guy. Especially if you could adopt an older dog that could sleep in his room. Tell him that the dog will protect him (which will be true after enough time) and will alert him if he needs to get up and do his sweep. Even a little tiny dog can be a good "watch" dog if they don't have the space or money for a big "guard" dog.
2.) I have a little league baseball bat and a flashlight near my bed. I know it's a pathetic weapon, but it makes me feel better to have it. Logically I know it will not stand a chance against a gun, but emotionally it makes me feel better.
Could you give him a hockey stick or a small bat to keep near him? It might be comforting to him to have something close that he can use to defend himself and his family. (Of course this could be a really bad idea too, I don't know anything about child psychology. I'm just telling you what makes me feel better.)
The flashlight might help with the fear of the dark part. I recommend the kind where you have to hold the button down for the light to come on. That way you don't have to replace the batteries every night when he falls asleep with the flashlight on.
3.) I have an alarm system. Love that alarm and panic button.
4.) Valerian Root. I don't know if it's okay for kids, but it's an herbal supplement that helps me calm down and sleep when I'm freaking out with anxiety. (Again, I'm just telling you what works for me.)
My heart goes out to this family. I hope that they can all get into counselling soon.
posted by TooFewShoes at 9:52 PM on September 13, 2010
Wow, thanks for all the prompt responses so far! I selfishly look forward to more. :)
Unfortunately, dogs aren't an option -- but a wonderful idea. (Not allowed to have dogs by the landlord.)
Security devices are, of course, a great idea, especially since this kid probably puts too much trust in technology! Any additional cool, techy solutions are great. One-time or small recurring costs aren't a huge issue as long as it's not exorbitant. Friends/I will work those out.
Loving all the other suggested techniques, resources, routines, etc. as well. You guys are great.
posted by GnomeChompsky at 9:54 PM on September 13, 2010
Unfortunately, dogs aren't an option -- but a wonderful idea. (Not allowed to have dogs by the landlord.)
Security devices are, of course, a great idea, especially since this kid probably puts too much trust in technology! Any additional cool, techy solutions are great. One-time or small recurring costs aren't a huge issue as long as it's not exorbitant. Friends/I will work those out.
Loving all the other suggested techniques, resources, routines, etc. as well. You guys are great.
posted by GnomeChompsky at 9:54 PM on September 13, 2010
Oops. Just noticed the hockey stick/small bat comment and just had to say: He has a collection of swords (like, katanas and such). One of the problems is that when he goes into his mom's room, he sometimes crawls into bed... with a sharp, bladed weapon.
posted by GnomeChompsky at 9:57 PM on September 13, 2010
posted by GnomeChompsky at 9:57 PM on September 13, 2010
A few ideas til counseling becomes available:
A can full of pennies or screws on a door handle can be a simple but reliable alarm of sorts. It might help reassure him at least. (But for goodness sake make sure it doesn't get shaken accidentally--it'd probably terrify him even more!)
How about buying a handful of inexpensive night lights and letting him place them around the house in the appropriate places? Or letting him choose which lights to leave on at night?
Also, maybe give him a nice blank journal and a nice pen and encourage him to write or draw at night when he can't sleep. Could be therapeutic.
But, actually, this sounds to me like some trauma that does need to be worked out in counseling. I would not get a dog. I mean, I love my dog, but a dog is still a bandaid. Is there any pro-rated counseling available that could help in the interim?
posted by bluedaisy at 10:05 PM on September 13, 2010
A can full of pennies or screws on a door handle can be a simple but reliable alarm of sorts. It might help reassure him at least. (But for goodness sake make sure it doesn't get shaken accidentally--it'd probably terrify him even more!)
How about buying a handful of inexpensive night lights and letting him place them around the house in the appropriate places? Or letting him choose which lights to leave on at night?
Also, maybe give him a nice blank journal and a nice pen and encourage him to write or draw at night when he can't sleep. Could be therapeutic.
But, actually, this sounds to me like some trauma that does need to be worked out in counseling. I would not get a dog. I mean, I love my dog, but a dog is still a bandaid. Is there any pro-rated counseling available that could help in the interim?
posted by bluedaisy at 10:05 PM on September 13, 2010
Oh, also, given the very stressful event, I'd be inclined to let him sleep in mom's bed for a while.
I do have a question too: is the boyfriend really done? Is he around? In the neighborhood? Does the boy think the boyfriend might come back?
posted by bluedaisy at 10:08 PM on September 13, 2010
I do have a question too: is the boyfriend really done? Is he around? In the neighborhood? Does the boy think the boyfriend might come back?
posted by bluedaisy at 10:08 PM on September 13, 2010
bluedaisy, the boyfriend is totally done. He lives over a hundred miles away. The whole family is very clear that the man is completely not a part of their family/domestic lives any longer. The kids were scared of him for a while but are cool enough now. To wit, there's this ranch/campground/festival grounds that's an important part of all their lives and they would randomly bump into him on visits. At first they were terrified, but they've addressed it actually quite well and don't have any issues with seeing him/exchanging a few words anymore. (This is only a couple of times a year sort of thing moving forward -- and possibly even never as time goes on.) Oddly enough, the boy has little to no issues sleeping in a tent by himself at this campground, but I think that has more to do with the fact that he's surrounded by most of his very closest friends he's known his whole life.
Regarding the sleeping in mom's bed thing: That isn't an issue for the mom (just the unsheathed blades in bed aspect of it is).
posted by GnomeChompsky at 10:17 PM on September 13, 2010
Regarding the sleeping in mom's bed thing: That isn't an issue for the mom (just the unsheathed blades in bed aspect of it is).
posted by GnomeChompsky at 10:17 PM on September 13, 2010
Also, since the boyfriend and step-brother (both older males) are gone now he might be feeling the "Man of the House" responsibilities.
It might help him if somehow somebody let him know that it isn't his job to keep his family safe. Maybe if his mom was given tools to defend herself (I like the karate/self defense lessons) he could relax. I was the oldest child and when my dad had to go away for Army stuff I felt like I had to step up and help my mom protect and take care of the family in his place. Nobody ever told me it was my job (other than my dad telling me to be good and help my mom with my siblings) so it was an idea that I arrived at completely on my own and I was younger than your friend by about four years.
Maybe if mom has a bat (or sword) in her room he won't feel like he needs to bring his own weapon.
posted by TooFewShoes at 10:30 PM on September 13, 2010
It might help him if somehow somebody let him know that it isn't his job to keep his family safe. Maybe if his mom was given tools to defend herself (I like the karate/self defense lessons) he could relax. I was the oldest child and when my dad had to go away for Army stuff I felt like I had to step up and help my mom protect and take care of the family in his place. Nobody ever told me it was my job (other than my dad telling me to be good and help my mom with my siblings) so it was an idea that I arrived at completely on my own and I was younger than your friend by about four years.
Maybe if mom has a bat (or sword) in her room he won't feel like he needs to bring his own weapon.
posted by TooFewShoes at 10:30 PM on September 13, 2010
This isn't an irrational fear, it's a perfectly rational one, especially to a 10-year-old boy who had a traumatic and dangerous thing happen in his house nine months ago. I would move the counseling way way up the priority list. This may mean paying some cash, but there are plenty of therapists who will work with him on a sliding scale basis. Does his school have a counselor or have access to one? Maybe the local "crime victim's group" (usually accessible through the police or DA's office) has resources?
posted by zachlipton at 10:57 PM on September 13, 2010
posted by zachlipton at 10:57 PM on September 13, 2010
If he's a particularly mature 10, he might find this book babyish, but it's wonderful! I bought it to read with my young son and even though I'm in my 30s, I found it useful for myself, too.
posted by peep at 11:04 PM on September 13, 2010
posted by peep at 11:04 PM on September 13, 2010
Maybe talk about how family teamwork keeps everyone safe. Make a plan - if he hears a noise, use his flashlight to find out if there is a danger. If there is a danger, he should shout very loudly and Mom and sister will come help. Depending on the nature of the danger, Mom will call 911. If Mom can't then the sister's job is to call 911. Practice what he might shout and how loud it should be.
Nightlights are also a very good idea. Some music to fall asleep to might not only help him sleep but also mask random house noises that might other scare him.
Another thing would be for Mom to spend some time playing make-believe games - stuffed animals, action figures, whatever. Let the boy take the lead in the game, with Mom asking him what happens next or what her character should do. I assume that there will be lots of rescue themes. If not, then Mom might suggest that she rescue him or he rescue her. (actually do both, in different versions of the game). They can also act out or make up a story about his fears - what if there was a robber - and give the story a happy conclusion.
posted by metahawk at 11:56 PM on September 13, 2010
Nightlights are also a very good idea. Some music to fall asleep to might not only help him sleep but also mask random house noises that might other scare him.
Another thing would be for Mom to spend some time playing make-believe games - stuffed animals, action figures, whatever. Let the boy take the lead in the game, with Mom asking him what happens next or what her character should do. I assume that there will be lots of rescue themes. If not, then Mom might suggest that she rescue him or he rescue her. (actually do both, in different versions of the game). They can also act out or make up a story about his fears - what if there was a robber - and give the story a happy conclusion.
posted by metahawk at 11:56 PM on September 13, 2010
Mrs aqsakal is far, far older than this young fella, and she's still nervous about being alone at night when I'm out of town. So it's worth pointing out to him (and his mother) that there's nothing wrong/stupid/immature about this. It's something which is perfectly normal, and you can make it an exercise to accept it, face up to it rationally and find out what works for you. That might help him get things into perspective and learn to think it through. But that's long-term.
In the short term, what worked for Mrs a was a two-part intruder alarm: one part is a motion detector in a strategic location (in our case the garage door), and the other is a device you put next to your bed which has a selector switch for loud alarm bell or initially quiet but gradually increasing alarm bell. The two have wireless connection: when there's a movement detected near the door, the bell goes off in the bedroom. Battery operated, and cost under $20. Makes me feel better too, knowing she's not awake and scared when I'm not there.
But one thing still worries me about your friend's situation: should a 10-year-old ever be home alone? Where I live, his mother would be risking prosecution for doing this (or at least a stern warning, depending on the level of seriousness of any difficulty he got into). Not sure about the legal side of this (which will in any case depend on your local jurisdiction), but I believe the cut-off age here is around 12 or so.
posted by aqsakal at 1:39 AM on September 14, 2010
In the short term, what worked for Mrs a was a two-part intruder alarm: one part is a motion detector in a strategic location (in our case the garage door), and the other is a device you put next to your bed which has a selector switch for loud alarm bell or initially quiet but gradually increasing alarm bell. The two have wireless connection: when there's a movement detected near the door, the bell goes off in the bedroom. Battery operated, and cost under $20. Makes me feel better too, knowing she's not awake and scared when I'm not there.
But one thing still worries me about your friend's situation: should a 10-year-old ever be home alone? Where I live, his mother would be risking prosecution for doing this (or at least a stern warning, depending on the level of seriousness of any difficulty he got into). Not sure about the legal side of this (which will in any case depend on your local jurisdiction), but I believe the cut-off age here is around 12 or so.
posted by aqsakal at 1:39 AM on September 14, 2010
Something to seriously consider (and I'm only saying this because these are EXACTLY the signs my own kid started showing): what the kid is doing is also a sign of OCD.
Speaking from experience, my kid had early trauma and one day (years later) woke up and started demonstrating these exact behaviors (checking things in the house but his big one was fear of something happening to me or someone breaking in...it's very common for pediatric "bad thought" OCD). It got pretty bad. And even now, after therapy and medication, he still has worse days (yesterday, he texted my from track practice just to ask where I was...this usually means he's getting a cold or his allergies are bad).
posted by dzaz at 2:53 AM on September 14, 2010
Speaking from experience, my kid had early trauma and one day (years later) woke up and started demonstrating these exact behaviors (checking things in the house but his big one was fear of something happening to me or someone breaking in...it's very common for pediatric "bad thought" OCD). It got pretty bad. And even now, after therapy and medication, he still has worse days (yesterday, he texted my from track practice just to ask where I was...this usually means he's getting a cold or his allergies are bad).
posted by dzaz at 2:53 AM on September 14, 2010
If the kid has a computer, maybe they could set up some webcams in danger areas - front door, windows, etc. He could leave his computer running showing the view from those webcams like a nightlight.
posted by L'Estrange Fruit at 3:47 AM on September 14, 2010
posted by L'Estrange Fruit at 3:47 AM on September 14, 2010
It's a bit left field, but I'd buy him a Galileoscope, a tripod, and a black sheet to drape over him as he's observing to preserve his night vision. Astronomy's what turned me from afraid of the dark to "I am that which goes bump in the night", usually followed by "ouch!", but hey, it works.
posted by jwells at 5:31 AM on September 14, 2010
posted by jwells at 5:31 AM on September 14, 2010
As a person with well-controlled anxiety and what my psychiatrist called "obsessive-compulsive tendencies," and the parent of a child with anxiety, I would be hesitant to take any steps that would affirm the reality of the fear in the child's mind--for instance, I probably wouldn't get an alarm system unless I thought there was a credible threat of home invasion, because getting an alarm system tells the anxious mind, "Yes, there is something to be afraid of! You are right to be scared!" It's similar to avoiding a situation that you're afraid of (getting in elevators, driving on the freeway) because the avoidance reinforces the fear. Clinical-type anxiety can feed on that; if it gets you to, say, put in an alarm system, it starts looking around for other ways it can extend its power in your life.
He might be a little old for this, but the book Up and Down the Worry Hill has been very helpful for some children with obsessions or compulsions; I read it and thought it seemed good but it didn't quite fit my son's issues so we didn't read it with him. (I'm very interested in the book peep mentioned up-thread.)
As far as sleep goes, we have found some bedtime melatonin really amazingly useful for helping our son make the transition to sleep without lying there at the mercy of his revving brain. I don't know whether it would help with the night wakings at all, and your mileage may vary and all that, but it was pretty much life-changing for us in terms of being able to help our son get to sleep when he was tired, and early enough that he could get a full night's sleep. We started with as much as 3 mg, but now give him 1 mg (he is 9). The mom should of course consult her doctor before she tries this because, although I am a mom who has done some research and consulted a medical provider, and who is convinced this is a safe choice for my son, I am not a doctor.
posted by not that girl at 7:10 AM on September 14, 2010
He might be a little old for this, but the book Up and Down the Worry Hill has been very helpful for some children with obsessions or compulsions; I read it and thought it seemed good but it didn't quite fit my son's issues so we didn't read it with him. (I'm very interested in the book peep mentioned up-thread.)
As far as sleep goes, we have found some bedtime melatonin really amazingly useful for helping our son make the transition to sleep without lying there at the mercy of his revving brain. I don't know whether it would help with the night wakings at all, and your mileage may vary and all that, but it was pretty much life-changing for us in terms of being able to help our son get to sleep when he was tired, and early enough that he could get a full night's sleep. We started with as much as 3 mg, but now give him 1 mg (he is 9). The mom should of course consult her doctor before she tries this because, although I am a mom who has done some research and consulted a medical provider, and who is convinced this is a safe choice for my son, I am not a doctor.
posted by not that girl at 7:10 AM on September 14, 2010
Also, if he's ending up in mom's bed during the night, I would consider starting him out there for awhile. Our 6-year-old can usually sleep through without disturbing us if he's in our bed (I think he half-wakes up, feels us there, feels secure, and goes back to sleep). But if he's in his own bed, that half-waking all alone turns into full-waking and him coming to look for us, and it's more disruptive to everybody. Yes, it can be less than ideal to have a kid sleeping in your bed, but sometimes it's the best alternative.
posted by not that girl at 7:17 AM on September 14, 2010
posted by not that girl at 7:17 AM on September 14, 2010
Great, great ideas above. I'm stuck on one thing: wakes up in the middle of the night and goes around the house doing "spot checks," lighting candles or turning on lights, etc.
I am not an overly cautious person, really, but this worries me! I'd guess the likelihood of a fire starting because of untended candles is probably small, but it's there nonetheless. I don't think the kid should be lighting candles while the rest of the house slumbers.
posted by cooker girl at 7:18 AM on September 14, 2010
I am not an overly cautious person, really, but this worries me! I'd guess the likelihood of a fire starting because of untended candles is probably small, but it's there nonetheless. I don't think the kid should be lighting candles while the rest of the house slumbers.
posted by cooker girl at 7:18 AM on September 14, 2010
Nthing the flashlight - my boyfriend sleeps with a Maglite by his side of the bed, which doubles as a reassuringly heavy possible weapon.
posted by telophase at 12:53 PM on September 14, 2010
posted by telophase at 12:53 PM on September 14, 2010
On the "cheap alarms" thought: assuming that mom doesn't often need to open the doors at night, they could get a jingle-bell door hanger to hang on the front and back doors. Then it's always obvious when someone opens the doors.
(Seconding cooker girl about sleepy kids + candles = yikes.)
posted by LobsterMitten at 3:36 PM on September 14, 2010
(Seconding cooker girl about sleepy kids + candles = yikes.)
posted by LobsterMitten at 3:36 PM on September 14, 2010
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All you need to install it is a screwdriver. Seriously.
At night or whenever the family is home, there is a simple setting where the alarm (quite loud, btw) goes off if the door is opened. An alarm set with multiple door and/or window alarms in one package is available too for about $30 to $40, I think.
It's practical, inexpensive, and might just do the trick.
posted by jbenben at 9:18 PM on September 13, 2010