Help me understand.
August 31, 2010 2:51 PM Subscribe
My ex-boyfriend is depressed; I'm not. He ended our relationship abruptly, leaving me with unanswered questions. I'd like some perspective on how depression can affect and end otherwise healthy relationships.
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (15 answers total) 12 users marked this as a favorite
My ex has suffered for a long time with clinical depression. He was formerly diagnosed (I believe, he never really talked about details) in 2006 after a suicide attempt and was on and off medication until 2008, at which point he was prescribed Effexor. He was taking it when I met him (early 2009) and throughout our relationship. He experienced a lot of the normal physical side-effects but didn't want to stop taking it for the sake of his metal health.
Anyway, skip forward to this year. He's nearly graduated and his health insurance is about to run out, so he has to either stop taking his meds or switch out to something cheaper. On the advice of his doctor, he chose the second option and started weaning off Effexor and onto Prozac (something he had done before -- the weaning -- so knew what to expect). A week into this new regimen, he talks to me and tells me that he is trying to figure himself out and doesn't feel like he can be in a serious relationship. There's also some stuff about a girl he thinks he's got feelings for, but I don't know how much of that is real and how much of that is him being lonely (it was an LDR). I could have forgiven him for that, but he says he doesn't feel like himself and needs to "find out who he is", you know. (Please do note that I respect that wish and while I'm still heartbroken over it, I'm trying to leave him alone and keep my distance.)
However, having never experienced either serious depression or taking long-term meds before (let alone SSRIs), I'm wondering if his feelings could be something to do with his mixed-up brain chemistry during the change of meds. Is this possible, or does there need to be an underlying feeling for stuff like that to manifest? Does this sound familiar to anyone? Have you, or has someone you've been close to, gone through something similar? Is it just an early-20's life crisis? Is he just a jerk? Or could it have been something else?
Once again, I'm not asking this because I want to use it against him or as a reason to get back with him, I'd just like to hear from people who know more about this than I do. I realise that his mental health is no longer any of my business, nor can I change what happened. I've already come to terms with the fact that the man I loved was suffering from a disease that I couldn't help or cure and that it is part of him, as much as my astigmatism is part of me. But there's only so much I can understand about his mental state without asking people "in the know", as it were. I'd like to be friends with him someday -- and who knows, maybe I'll end up with someone battling these problems again -- so I would like, if possible, an outside perspective on what may have been going on in his head.
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