School for the anti-student
August 11, 2010 6:20 AM Subscribe
How did you make school "work" for you?
For the larger part of my school career, I've never really enjoyed school. I have pretty textbook cases of procrastination, social anxiety, and depression. I also hate daily schedules that start in the early morning.
As I see other people in my grade drift through school so gracefully and without trouble, I find myself having to struggle to get up in the morning, or do my homework, or talk to people at lunch, or raise my hand in class. I guess I just don't fit the grain of school life.
I'll be starting my Junior year of high school on Monday. I want to make things better for me... I just don't know where to start.
I guess what I'm asking for is advice from someone who felt the same way about school but made it work.
For the larger part of my school career, I've never really enjoyed school. I have pretty textbook cases of procrastination, social anxiety, and depression. I also hate daily schedules that start in the early morning.
As I see other people in my grade drift through school so gracefully and without trouble, I find myself having to struggle to get up in the morning, or do my homework, or talk to people at lunch, or raise my hand in class. I guess I just don't fit the grain of school life.
I'll be starting my Junior year of high school on Monday. I want to make things better for me... I just don't know where to start.
I guess what I'm asking for is advice from someone who felt the same way about school but made it work.
Oh, I should also mention that I found out years and years later that I had ADD (which apart from diagnosis I know because taking ADD medications temporarily suppresses the symptoms) so that was an influence in my case too; if I'd know that when I was in school and had been able to address it in some way I might've found things to be easier.
posted by XMLicious at 6:40 AM on August 11, 2010
posted by XMLicious at 6:40 AM on August 11, 2010
Nobody's drifting through school gracefully and without trouble, trust me. Everyone, even the kids that seem to have it together, feels like they have no idea what they're doing and have to work harder than everyone else. For the majority of people high school completely sucks. Don't buy into the "it's the best time of your life!" narrative if it's really not for you.
It seems to me that the best way to turn this around is to get treated for your depression. (You are doing that, right? If not, you need to have a talk with your guardians.) Otherwise, you need to focus on one aspect at a time -- you can't force yourself to improve grades/social life/general wellbeing all at the same time. The key to procrastination is to narrow down seemingly massive, impossible tasks into smaller, easier ones. They require totally different skills and time commitments. Pick one and then narrow that goal down even further, so instead of a still-nebulous "get better grades" focus on "get better grades in math by turning in all homework on time during this unit." Narrowing down your goals from something massive (do better in school) to something doable (join a club that meets for 1 hour a week) is the best way to kick procrastination. And once one thing starts to fall into place you'll immediately begin feeling better about yourself.
posted by lilac girl at 6:42 AM on August 11, 2010
It seems to me that the best way to turn this around is to get treated for your depression. (You are doing that, right? If not, you need to have a talk with your guardians.) Otherwise, you need to focus on one aspect at a time -- you can't force yourself to improve grades/social life/general wellbeing all at the same time. The key to procrastination is to narrow down seemingly massive, impossible tasks into smaller, easier ones. They require totally different skills and time commitments. Pick one and then narrow that goal down even further, so instead of a still-nebulous "get better grades" focus on "get better grades in math by turning in all homework on time during this unit." Narrowing down your goals from something massive (do better in school) to something doable (join a club that meets for 1 hour a week) is the best way to kick procrastination. And once one thing starts to fall into place you'll immediately begin feeling better about yourself.
posted by lilac girl at 6:42 AM on August 11, 2010
- Do every assignment, and never leave a paper till the night before. I know -- easier said than done. But sometimes you just have to do it. While getting started today on the paper that's due on Monday might be the last thing you want to do, that same paper is going to be even less fun if you start it on Sunday.
- I totally hear you on the morning thing. People like you and me just aren't morning people. But it's important to be able to function anyway, because chances are you're going to need to do this for many years after high school too. This might go without saying, but get plenty of sleep, and don't have caffeine (soda, chocolate, etc.) in the evening.
- The social anxiety thing is a huge topic and is worthy of a whole question unto itself. A couple quick suggestions: check out succeedsocially.com and How to Talk to Anyone by Leil Lowndes.
- If you're not already, get involved in some extracurricular activities. For instance, in my last couple years of high school, I played guitar in a band, worked on an Onion-style satirical newspaper, and got into acting. This made high school a much happier time for me. I know (from firsthand experience) that this kind of thing is harder with social anxiety... You might not have an instant solution for that problem, but don't wait around for it to be solved before getting involved in activities.
- You don't mention this so I have no idea if it applies, but don't spend time worrying about how many of your classmates are having more dating/sexual experience than you. If you are active in that, fine, but if you're not, that's fine too. You'll only hear about the people who have the most dates and the most sex, which gives a skewed picture of things.
- XMLicious has a good point: it would help to know more detail. We can still answer the question as written, but the answers might be more targeted and useful if we knew more about, say, what a typical day is like for you. What is it that you think is going wrong that you'd like to change?
- Do not follow XMLicious's other advice! "I just completely stopped caring about grades because they're immaterial and the actual learning is what matters" -- No. I mean, actual learning is important. But sometimes you're not going to be doing any "learning" that will really matter to you. You still need to get through it. It's fine to be critical of school sometimes, but don't waste too much energy on cynicism or allow it to interfere with your grades. If the teacher assigns some dumb assignment that you can perceive is not actually going to help you "learn" -- well, maybe the teacher isn't so great, but you still need to get it done for your own purposes. In many ways, school is like a game: you do a seemingly endless string of tasks to rack up points so that you win in the end.
posted by Jaltcoh at 6:50 AM on August 11, 2010 [2 favorites]
- I totally hear you on the morning thing. People like you and me just aren't morning people. But it's important to be able to function anyway, because chances are you're going to need to do this for many years after high school too. This might go without saying, but get plenty of sleep, and don't have caffeine (soda, chocolate, etc.) in the evening.
- The social anxiety thing is a huge topic and is worthy of a whole question unto itself. A couple quick suggestions: check out succeedsocially.com and How to Talk to Anyone by Leil Lowndes.
- If you're not already, get involved in some extracurricular activities. For instance, in my last couple years of high school, I played guitar in a band, worked on an Onion-style satirical newspaper, and got into acting. This made high school a much happier time for me. I know (from firsthand experience) that this kind of thing is harder with social anxiety... You might not have an instant solution for that problem, but don't wait around for it to be solved before getting involved in activities.
- You don't mention this so I have no idea if it applies, but don't spend time worrying about how many of your classmates are having more dating/sexual experience than you. If you are active in that, fine, but if you're not, that's fine too. You'll only hear about the people who have the most dates and the most sex, which gives a skewed picture of things.
- XMLicious has a good point: it would help to know more detail. We can still answer the question as written, but the answers might be more targeted and useful if we knew more about, say, what a typical day is like for you. What is it that you think is going wrong that you'd like to change?
- Do not follow XMLicious's other advice! "I just completely stopped caring about grades because they're immaterial and the actual learning is what matters" -- No. I mean, actual learning is important. But sometimes you're not going to be doing any "learning" that will really matter to you. You still need to get through it. It's fine to be critical of school sometimes, but don't waste too much energy on cynicism or allow it to interfere with your grades. If the teacher assigns some dumb assignment that you can perceive is not actually going to help you "learn" -- well, maybe the teacher isn't so great, but you still need to get it done for your own purposes. In many ways, school is like a game: you do a seemingly endless string of tasks to rack up points so that you win in the end.
posted by Jaltcoh at 6:50 AM on August 11, 2010 [2 favorites]
I read a study a while back that claimed that teenagers actually need as much if not more sleep than toddlers, and that they do better with a schedule that begins later in the day and which takes advantage of the later afternoon time when most teenagers are at their peak. Unfortunately traditional schools don't take this into account, and it may be too late for this semester but you might be able to, in the future, arrange your class schedule so that it's front-loaded with less mentally taxing classes and your more important/difficult/challenging classes are scheduled for later in the morning and after lunch.
And get more sleep than you think you need, and definitely speak to your parents about seeking treatment for the depression you're feeling. Medication for depression can be very tricky for adolescents, but talk therapy can work wonders, and taking up some form of regular exercise will also probably help.
posted by padraigin at 6:55 AM on August 11, 2010
And get more sleep than you think you need, and definitely speak to your parents about seeking treatment for the depression you're feeling. Medication for depression can be very tricky for adolescents, but talk therapy can work wonders, and taking up some form of regular exercise will also probably help.
posted by padraigin at 6:55 AM on August 11, 2010
I realized that I was more alert first thing in the morning and really dragged after lunch, so I asked to have my schedule changed so that my more difficult classes were first thing in the morning and my electives and gym were after lunch. When I explained the problem to the attendance (might be somebody different at your school) they were willing to switch things around for me.
If you know you're not at your best first thing in the morning and you've got a hard class scheduled right away it might help you to ask if you can move it back in favor of an easier class. I don't know if this is something that your school would be willing to do, but if you give them a good reason they should be willing to help. Just saying "I hate math first thing in the morning." won't help. Something like "I have a hard time focusing before 10 am and really want to be at my best for my difficult classes." will get you a lot farther.
I also really recommend taking gym. Looking back at High School, the times my (untreated) depression was more manageable was when I was getting regular exercise. Even a dance class could be really helpful (also a good way to meet girls, if you're a guy.)
Join in any of the extra-curricular clubs that have things you're interested in. Even if you just sit in the back and don't contribute you'll still be out in public and getting to know people. You'll have a lot more fun if you contribute, but it can just be helpful to be out there doing something.
Really though, the best thing you can do is get treated for your depression. High School is an up hill hike and having depression is like making that hike in knee deep mud. Treat the depression and you'll be surprised how much easier daily life can be.
posted by TooFewShoes at 6:59 AM on August 11, 2010
If you know you're not at your best first thing in the morning and you've got a hard class scheduled right away it might help you to ask if you can move it back in favor of an easier class. I don't know if this is something that your school would be willing to do, but if you give them a good reason they should be willing to help. Just saying "I hate math first thing in the morning." won't help. Something like "I have a hard time focusing before 10 am and really want to be at my best for my difficult classes." will get you a lot farther.
I also really recommend taking gym. Looking back at High School, the times my (untreated) depression was more manageable was when I was getting regular exercise. Even a dance class could be really helpful (also a good way to meet girls, if you're a guy.)
Join in any of the extra-curricular clubs that have things you're interested in. Even if you just sit in the back and don't contribute you'll still be out in public and getting to know people. You'll have a lot more fun if you contribute, but it can just be helpful to be out there doing something.
Really though, the best thing you can do is get treated for your depression. High School is an up hill hike and having depression is like making that hike in knee deep mud. Treat the depression and you'll be surprised how much easier daily life can be.
posted by TooFewShoes at 6:59 AM on August 11, 2010
While you're adjusting yourself, which will take time, figure out what the least amount of work is to get an A. You'll be surprised, because it is a lot less work than you think. I cruised along in a similar situation to yours and cruised along with the minimum amount of work for Bs, so everyone would leave me alone. Little did I know that a smidgen more of effort would have gotten me As, and would have made the situation a little simpler because I may hate being there, but at least I'm making it work. Jalcoth has it with the "high score" metaphor, especially if you plan to go to college.
Also, if your parents have the resources to get you tested for ADHD, do it as soon as possible. Doubly so if you keep hearing that you're "not living up to your potential" over and over again, like I did. ADHD can very well lead to the school-related depression and anxiety symptoms you describe, simply because so much of your life revolves around school and ADHD completely wrecks your ability to take it, regardless of how smart or capable you are.
Good luck and godspeed. MeMail me if you'd like.
posted by griphus at 7:01 AM on August 11, 2010
Also, if your parents have the resources to get you tested for ADHD, do it as soon as possible. Doubly so if you keep hearing that you're "not living up to your potential" over and over again, like I did. ADHD can very well lead to the school-related depression and anxiety symptoms you describe, simply because so much of your life revolves around school and ADHD completely wrecks your ability to take it, regardless of how smart or capable you are.
Good luck and godspeed. MeMail me if you'd like.
posted by griphus at 7:01 AM on August 11, 2010
Response by poster: > the answers might be more targeted and useful if we knew more about, say, what a typical day is like for you.
The reason I asked the question in a "what did you do" kind of way is because I honestly don't like talking about my life. But if it helps...
On a school day, I wake up to my alarm, turn it off, and go back to sleep. My dad wakes me up fifteen minutes before the bus comes (7:00) and I frantically take a shower and dress. I skip breakfast. At school, I sit in class, extremely tired and depressed. I doodle on my notebook. When the teacher passes out an assignment, I decide not to do it. I'm just too tired, I say. I hate this class, I say. Skipping one assignment doesn't hurt, I say. At lunch, I sit with a group of people I don't know all that well. My best friend has lunch next period, so I kind of eat and look around. I realize that I forgot to put on deodorant today. Fucking fuck. After lunch, I feel even more tired than when I woke up. I cannot stay awake in English. My eyes are drooping and I usually give in. The teacher sends me to sweep. After school on the bus home, my energy suddenly skyrockets and I feel euphoric that the day has finally began. For me, at least. I get home, throw my backpack by the door and get on the computer. I surf Reddit, Metafilter, 4chan, and other time-sucking websites. I feel great until it gets dark, and the anxiety sets in. I have to get up early tomorrow. Fuck. I plan to go to bed at ten. Ok, maybe ten-thirty. Or eleven. I go to bed around three in the morning.
posted by Taft at 7:11 AM on August 11, 2010
The reason I asked the question in a "what did you do" kind of way is because I honestly don't like talking about my life. But if it helps...
On a school day, I wake up to my alarm, turn it off, and go back to sleep. My dad wakes me up fifteen minutes before the bus comes (7:00) and I frantically take a shower and dress. I skip breakfast. At school, I sit in class, extremely tired and depressed. I doodle on my notebook. When the teacher passes out an assignment, I decide not to do it. I'm just too tired, I say. I hate this class, I say. Skipping one assignment doesn't hurt, I say. At lunch, I sit with a group of people I don't know all that well. My best friend has lunch next period, so I kind of eat and look around. I realize that I forgot to put on deodorant today. Fucking fuck. After lunch, I feel even more tired than when I woke up. I cannot stay awake in English. My eyes are drooping and I usually give in. The teacher sends me to sweep. After school on the bus home, my energy suddenly skyrockets and I feel euphoric that the day has finally began. For me, at least. I get home, throw my backpack by the door and get on the computer. I surf Reddit, Metafilter, 4chan, and other time-sucking websites. I feel great until it gets dark, and the anxiety sets in. I have to get up early tomorrow. Fuck. I plan to go to bed at ten. Ok, maybe ten-thirty. Or eleven. I go to bed around three in the morning.
posted by Taft at 7:11 AM on August 11, 2010
While you're adjusting yourself, which will take time, figure out what the least amount of work is to get an A. You'll be surprised, because it is a lot less work than you think. I cruised along in a similar situation to yours and cruised along with the minimum amount of work for Bs, so everyone would leave me alone. Little did I know that a smidgen more of effort would have gotten me As
This is a really good point, and it reminds me of an insightful remark a friend of mine made to me during senior year of high school.
He said: "School has corrupted my morals. I don't care about getting an education for its own sake. All I care about is getting an 89.6." (He meant the lowest possible score out of 100 wherein you could assume the teacher would round up to 90, meaning an A.)
Pretty cynical, huh?
But consider this: he got about a 3.9 GPA, was chosen to give a commencement address at our graduation, and went to Columbia University. High school worked out pretty well for him, with his attitude.
posted by Jaltcoh at 7:11 AM on August 11, 2010 [1 favorite]
This is a really good point, and it reminds me of an insightful remark a friend of mine made to me during senior year of high school.
He said: "School has corrupted my morals. I don't care about getting an education for its own sake. All I care about is getting an 89.6." (He meant the lowest possible score out of 100 wherein you could assume the teacher would round up to 90, meaning an A.)
Pretty cynical, huh?
But consider this: he got about a 3.9 GPA, was chosen to give a commencement address at our graduation, and went to Columbia University. High school worked out pretty well for him, with his attitude.
posted by Jaltcoh at 7:11 AM on August 11, 2010 [1 favorite]
Kind of like life after high school, it helps to find something you are engaged in. If you treat school like a pit of misery and despair, it will be more than happy to meet your expectations. But what if you took charge of something? In high school I got into theater, photography, yearbook. I didn't have a huge social life, and I never did my best learning in a classroom. But by having extracurriculars that I could really sink my teeth into, I was able to escape the way I needed to. Suddenly I was spending hours in the darkroom, working on page layouts, rehearsing a scene.
These are just examples. You'll do whatever you want to do: football, chess, philosophy, yoga. Take the lead. Once you find -- or create -- the activity that's right for you, you will be shocked at how quickly your fortunes change.
(And as a footnote, I loathed people who loaded up on extracurriculars to pad their college applications. That level of cynicism nearly kept me away from a lot of wonderful experiences. You don't have to be one of those people - they'll be missing the point for the rest of their lives; you just need to find a way to have a good time.)
posted by thejoshu at 7:24 AM on August 11, 2010 [1 favorite]
These are just examples. You'll do whatever you want to do: football, chess, philosophy, yoga. Take the lead. Once you find -- or create -- the activity that's right for you, you will be shocked at how quickly your fortunes change.
(And as a footnote, I loathed people who loaded up on extracurriculars to pad their college applications. That level of cynicism nearly kept me away from a lot of wonderful experiences. You don't have to be one of those people - they'll be missing the point for the rest of their lives; you just need to find a way to have a good time.)
posted by thejoshu at 7:24 AM on August 11, 2010 [1 favorite]
How is your relationship with your parents? Ask them to step up. I left the house fifteen minutes after waking up because I was raised by my mom who left for work an hour before I had to leave for school. If you dad is there to get you up at 7, he's there to get you up at 6 so you can eat some breakfast, watch some TV, do some reading you didn't do the night before, whatever. Move the computer out of your own room. Ask your parents to send you to bed with enough time for you to get a minimum of seven hours' sleep.
Talk to them and figure out some sort of rewards system for following a proper schedule, if it comes to that. It doesn't have to be a material reward. Maybe they can knock off some chores if you start consistently going to sleep at midnight and waking up at 6.
If you have trouble sleeping because of anxiety, try some melatonin. It's not habit forming or toxic in any way and not a sleeping pill; it just helps your natural sleep come out better. As a fellow sufferer of night-anxiety, I really, really wish I knew about it in high school. Check with your GP if it is okay to take as a teenager, however.
posted by griphus at 7:32 AM on August 11, 2010
Talk to them and figure out some sort of rewards system for following a proper schedule, if it comes to that. It doesn't have to be a material reward. Maybe they can knock off some chores if you start consistently going to sleep at midnight and waking up at 6.
If you have trouble sleeping because of anxiety, try some melatonin. It's not habit forming or toxic in any way and not a sleeping pill; it just helps your natural sleep come out better. As a fellow sufferer of night-anxiety, I really, really wish I knew about it in high school. Check with your GP if it is okay to take as a teenager, however.
posted by griphus at 7:32 AM on August 11, 2010
Best answer: I surf Reddit, Metafilter, 4chan, and other time-sucking websites. I feel great until it gets dark, and the anxiety sets in. I have to get up early tomorrow. Fuck. I plan to go to bed at ten. Ok, maybe ten-thirty. Or eleven. I go to bed around three in the morning.
This is it my friend. The thing more than anything that has changed my life for the better is teaching myself to get up early and not hating it. You seem really wise for being able to recognize your problems at such a young age. Imagine how things might be different if you woke up say, 2 hours before you needed to leave for school, ate a nice breakfast, did something you actually ENJOYED, get dressed, take a lesiurely shower, then make sure your homework is sorted out. Then you get to school and actually feel awake, and turned on. When you get home, you can actually relax and not worry about doing some time sucking activities.
Of course, you'll need to start training yourself to go to bed early. Just ask yourself, what do you late at night that is actually adding value to your life? From your own response, it seems the answer is "nothing." This is the most concrete piece of advice I can give you. it takes practice but it will change your life for the better. If you need help read this and this.
Good luck!
posted by the foreground at 7:35 AM on August 11, 2010 [2 favorites]
This is it my friend. The thing more than anything that has changed my life for the better is teaching myself to get up early and not hating it. You seem really wise for being able to recognize your problems at such a young age. Imagine how things might be different if you woke up say, 2 hours before you needed to leave for school, ate a nice breakfast, did something you actually ENJOYED, get dressed, take a lesiurely shower, then make sure your homework is sorted out. Then you get to school and actually feel awake, and turned on. When you get home, you can actually relax and not worry about doing some time sucking activities.
Of course, you'll need to start training yourself to go to bed early. Just ask yourself, what do you late at night that is actually adding value to your life? From your own response, it seems the answer is "nothing." This is the most concrete piece of advice I can give you. it takes practice but it will change your life for the better. If you need help read this and this.
Good luck!
posted by the foreground at 7:35 AM on August 11, 2010 [2 favorites]
School has corrupted my morals. I don't care about getting an education for its own sake. All I care about is getting an 89.6.
Yeah, this is another reason why I don't think that people should care about grades. Perhaps I'm prudish or something but I was flabbergasted at how casually, at the drop of a hat, many people will lie or cheat or otherwise be deceptive in pursuit of grades. And so many can't seem to even comprehend being any other way. A girl in high school told me, "I don't believe it that you don't cheat. I mean even I cheat, and I've got good grades!"
In my professional life it has seemed that this attitude is pervasive as well. I don't claim to be perfect or to have lived without compromise, as they say every man has his price... but it seems to me that some aspects of the academic system have contributed to many people being willing to sell their honor very, very cheaply.
posted by XMLicious at 7:35 AM on August 11, 2010
Response by poster: Thanks, the foreground, your post really gave me a lot of hope. :)
posted by Taft at 7:43 AM on August 11, 2010
posted by Taft at 7:43 AM on August 11, 2010
(On the school corrupting your morals thing, it's kind of like graduating college already hip-deep in debt... why start off your life unable to even take the high ground above lying and cheating? Save that card for something big like saving your own life or your family's or taking bribes as a Senator. And don't tell me that without the grades you can never reach a high station in life anyways, George Bush became President.)
posted by XMLicious at 7:46 AM on August 11, 2010
posted by XMLicious at 7:46 AM on August 11, 2010
I hated that kind of schedule too. Going to college and then working were much, much easier. Sometimes I think you have to suck it up and find one thing you like. Your followup post makes you sound smart and funny; do you make an effort to work on your writing? Maybe concentrate on that. (With me it was art-- drawing and painting-- which I never do any more, but at the time it was fun and the art room was a refuge and the positive reinforcement from teachers and peers helped.)
I also think it's clear you are not getting enough sleep. You would probably feel better if you did something physical outdoors to get sleepy earlier. Playing around on the computer just keeps you up.
posted by BibiRose at 7:47 AM on August 11, 2010
I also think it's clear you are not getting enough sleep. You would probably feel better if you did something physical outdoors to get sleepy earlier. Playing around on the computer just keeps you up.
posted by BibiRose at 7:47 AM on August 11, 2010
Yeah, this is another reason why I don't think that people should care about grades.
Sure, "people" shouldn't, but if the OP wants to go to college, he should. Unless you're naturally brilliant and determined, or have your parents standing over you with a riding crop every minute you're home, you need to learn to Play the Game. And if you're smart, you don't ever have to cheat. I didn't, nor did any of my friends, and we were Slackers Supreme. Figure out the angles, the homework that's important and that isn't, which scores to get on which exams, which teacher likes class participation and which doesn't care. Once you get that down, you can ace any class by playing to the teacher's preference. High school isn't the time to declare independence from the world of The Man, it's the time to learn how to get around them.
posted by griphus at 7:49 AM on August 11, 2010 [3 favorites]
Sure, "people" shouldn't, but if the OP wants to go to college, he should. Unless you're naturally brilliant and determined, or have your parents standing over you with a riding crop every minute you're home, you need to learn to Play the Game. And if you're smart, you don't ever have to cheat. I didn't, nor did any of my friends, and we were Slackers Supreme. Figure out the angles, the homework that's important and that isn't, which scores to get on which exams, which teacher likes class participation and which doesn't care. Once you get that down, you can ace any class by playing to the teacher's preference. High school isn't the time to declare independence from the world of The Man, it's the time to learn how to get around them.
posted by griphus at 7:49 AM on August 11, 2010 [3 favorites]
I guess I just don't believe that, griphus. I'm not brilliant, I'm definitely not that determined, but I went to college. If you can get along without cheating I should think that you can get along without caring about grades. I think that feeling that you have to behave that way and have those values is some sort of acculturation; it's the same thing that makes people go to college when that's really not the best choice for them, or go to college to please their parents instead of for themselves.
posted by XMLicious at 8:03 AM on August 11, 2010
posted by XMLicious at 8:03 AM on August 11, 2010
(Oh, and I graduated from college too, I didn't just attend it or something, I should have mentioned that.)
posted by XMLicious at 8:14 AM on August 11, 2010
posted by XMLicious at 8:14 AM on August 11, 2010
I guess we'll have to agree to disagree here, XMLicious, especially considering we don't know if the OP wants to go to college. If he doesn't, you're right, no one gives a good goddamn about your high school GPA (although, if you're ceasing formal education at that level, having a HS degree is both important and almost always better looked-upon than a GED) and among my peers, I've seen as many no-college success stories as I have struggling and debt-ridden liberal arts majors.
The only problem is that, by anecdata alone, you have to be quite independent and clear-of-vision to get along without college. College is either where you force yourself to acquire the discipline and structure the OP lacks, which is as much a symptom of simply being a teenager as anything else, or where you get kicked out of and join the workforce and get it there, and maybe go back to college after acquiring it, like I did.
Hopefully, by the time the OP decides to enter the workforce (and if he decides to enter the white-collar workforce) the "College Degree Required" job posting boilerplate will be altered considering a college degree is slowly proving to not be the idiot test it was meant to be.
posted by griphus at 8:20 AM on August 11, 2010 [1 favorite]
The only problem is that, by anecdata alone, you have to be quite independent and clear-of-vision to get along without college. College is either where you force yourself to acquire the discipline and structure the OP lacks, which is as much a symptom of simply being a teenager as anything else, or where you get kicked out of and join the workforce and get it there, and maybe go back to college after acquiring it, like I did.
Hopefully, by the time the OP decides to enter the workforce (and if he decides to enter the white-collar workforce) the "College Degree Required" job posting boilerplate will be altered considering a college degree is slowly proving to not be the idiot test it was meant to be.
posted by griphus at 8:20 AM on August 11, 2010 [1 favorite]
Yeah, if you got discipline and structure out of college, (as a Slacker Supreme, especially?) I think it's a to-each-his-own thing we aren't going to agree on because that was the total opposite of my experience. The friends and people in my family who were looking for structure and discipline went into the military.
(Also, heh heh, I wish a college degree was an idiot test given some of the people I work with, the ones who didn't go to college are often much better. But having the college degree makes your salary much more portable between jobs and professions, which is one of the reasons why attending college - or going into the military, for example - can be a rational decision whether or not you find grades to be important or compelling.)
posted by XMLicious at 8:35 AM on August 11, 2010
(Also, heh heh, I wish a college degree was an idiot test given some of the people I work with, the ones who didn't go to college are often much better. But having the college degree makes your salary much more portable between jobs and professions, which is one of the reasons why attending college - or going into the military, for example - can be a rational decision whether or not you find grades to be important or compelling.)
posted by XMLicious at 8:35 AM on August 11, 2010
I also hate daily schedules that start in the early morning.
Go to bed earlier. No, for srs.
Being tired isn't simply being sleepy, it can have huge, negative impacts on your mood. Your motivation and concentration go out the window. Life sucks more. I would start by going to bed early enough to get a good nine hours, and see how that improves things. It won't make school a fantastic, magical place, but I think it will be easier to cope.
Your schedule--staying up until the wee hours of the morning when you have to get up before seven--is absolutely bonkers. Turn off the computer at eight at night or before. Go to bed early enough that you get a good nine hours, and see what a difference it makes.
I think it's unreasonable that your bus comes at 7:00AM and you have to get up so early. It's nonsense. However unless you have the power to change your schedule, you'll have to adjust to it.
In my opinion, it's useless to ask how to make school more bearable until you make this change. Hardly any daily routine is bearable on the amount of sleep that you're describing.
posted by Kutsuwamushi at 8:42 AM on August 11, 2010 [3 favorites]
Go to bed earlier. No, for srs.
Being tired isn't simply being sleepy, it can have huge, negative impacts on your mood. Your motivation and concentration go out the window. Life sucks more. I would start by going to bed early enough to get a good nine hours, and see how that improves things. It won't make school a fantastic, magical place, but I think it will be easier to cope.
Your schedule--staying up until the wee hours of the morning when you have to get up before seven--is absolutely bonkers. Turn off the computer at eight at night or before. Go to bed early enough that you get a good nine hours, and see what a difference it makes.
I think it's unreasonable that your bus comes at 7:00AM and you have to get up so early. It's nonsense. However unless you have the power to change your schedule, you'll have to adjust to it.
In my opinion, it's useless to ask how to make school more bearable until you make this change. Hardly any daily routine is bearable on the amount of sleep that you're describing.
posted by Kutsuwamushi at 8:42 AM on August 11, 2010 [3 favorites]
For what it's worth, I coasted through high school on autopilot, netting Bs in my classes, half asleep, doodling most of the time. The only classes I cared about were English and Art.
And then I went to college and became an uberoverachiever. Graduated from an honors' program with nearly a 4.0. I realized that my problems were twofold: first, I am not and will never be functional at 6 or 7 a.m. Christ, they expect kids to get up for high school way earlier than they expect adults to be at work, and teens need more sleep, to boot. As I've gotten to know myself better, I've learned a lot about my body and my sleep schedule. And I'll never be capable of what the foreground describes. As an adult, when I can, I've structured my life around not having painfully early mornings. When I can manage it, I find that I'm much more functional, happy, and productive. Call me lazy, whatever. But I know what works for me, and I know that I was quite literally exhausted through all of high school. First bell at 7:15 my ass.
Second, I realized that many teachers in high school really, really suck. I had teachers that were able to sap the joy out of topics that I came to love in college (let's see: biology, history, drama, foreign language classes). And high school classes are so short that you're rarely able to really delve into a subject with any depth, even when you get good teachers in subjects you do love (thank you, Mrs. Harris, for letting me stand up on a chair and read Howl to the class and helping me to become a writer, even if our 45 minutes together was just a brief respite from an otherwise awful day) and then there's required classes that I really, really never used, and all the fucking high school politics and I can't believe I'm in 10th grade and my geography teacher gave us a notebook grade and graded me down for doodling and ugh.
Every year I would try to do what you did: to turn things around. Every year it would be the same, messy notebooks and trying not to nod off during bio. In the end, the only thing that helped me was to get out of high school and into college. And I didn't even go to a particularly amazing college--but it was so, so much better than high school.
Which is to say, it's not just you, and it might not be you at all. Know that other people have been there. Know that you're not alone.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 9:09 AM on August 11, 2010 [1 favorite]
And then I went to college and became an uberoverachiever. Graduated from an honors' program with nearly a 4.0. I realized that my problems were twofold: first, I am not and will never be functional at 6 or 7 a.m. Christ, they expect kids to get up for high school way earlier than they expect adults to be at work, and teens need more sleep, to boot. As I've gotten to know myself better, I've learned a lot about my body and my sleep schedule. And I'll never be capable of what the foreground describes. As an adult, when I can, I've structured my life around not having painfully early mornings. When I can manage it, I find that I'm much more functional, happy, and productive. Call me lazy, whatever. But I know what works for me, and I know that I was quite literally exhausted through all of high school. First bell at 7:15 my ass.
Second, I realized that many teachers in high school really, really suck. I had teachers that were able to sap the joy out of topics that I came to love in college (let's see: biology, history, drama, foreign language classes). And high school classes are so short that you're rarely able to really delve into a subject with any depth, even when you get good teachers in subjects you do love (thank you, Mrs. Harris, for letting me stand up on a chair and read Howl to the class and helping me to become a writer, even if our 45 minutes together was just a brief respite from an otherwise awful day) and then there's required classes that I really, really never used, and all the fucking high school politics and I can't believe I'm in 10th grade and my geography teacher gave us a notebook grade and graded me down for doodling and ugh.
Every year I would try to do what you did: to turn things around. Every year it would be the same, messy notebooks and trying not to nod off during bio. In the end, the only thing that helped me was to get out of high school and into college. And I didn't even go to a particularly amazing college--but it was so, so much better than high school.
Which is to say, it's not just you, and it might not be you at all. Know that other people have been there. Know that you're not alone.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 9:09 AM on August 11, 2010 [1 favorite]
(Oh, and methods that I've known worked for others to make their teens more bearable: going to better private schools on scholarships, finishing high school early and starting college when their peers were in 12th grade, going to arts programs at the local votech, unschooling.)
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 9:15 AM on August 11, 2010
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 9:15 AM on August 11, 2010
I was a procrastinator who didn't always have the best grades, and here's what worked for me (starting around the same age you are now):
I decided what I wanted and decided I would figure out exactly how I would "get it." I decided I liked the thrill of getting an A or scoring well on a standardized test: you know how you enjoy winning a board game or figuring out how to beat a difficult challenge on a computer game? It was like that. Here are the benefits: you're never quite aware just what you're capable of until you start approaching things this way. Calculus might seem intimidating, but when you say, "I want to master this for the class," and sit down to do it, you suddenly realize that something which seemed really intimidating was actually something you can do.
Also, I looked at life goals: what kind of college do I want to go do? What kind of college do I deserve to go to, given the colleges people I feel I match up against, intellectually, are going to? If they can get those things, then clearly you can get those things, right? You want to feel like you had opportunities that you didn't take advantage of?
Some things that had to change: basically, I stopped watching television. Really, I couldn't tell you what the prime time shows worth watching in the early 90s were. You're going to find you're less aware of what's going on over at reddit and the like. It's better that way: it's really not that important.
Some things that never changed: I can't get up early in the morning. A biologist friend of mine recently explained to me that being a "morning person" is genetic. You're always going to hate that.
(On the school corrupting your morals thing, it's kind of like graduating college already hip-deep in debt... why start off your life unable to even take the high ground above lying and cheating?
WTF, XMLicious? This is actually the problem with school culture: "working extra hard to do well in a class" is associated with "lying and cheating"-- it's as though good performance in school is only supposed to come to those who appear to do it easily.
posted by deanc at 9:31 AM on August 11, 2010 [1 favorite]
I decided what I wanted and decided I would figure out exactly how I would "get it." I decided I liked the thrill of getting an A or scoring well on a standardized test: you know how you enjoy winning a board game or figuring out how to beat a difficult challenge on a computer game? It was like that. Here are the benefits: you're never quite aware just what you're capable of until you start approaching things this way. Calculus might seem intimidating, but when you say, "I want to master this for the class," and sit down to do it, you suddenly realize that something which seemed really intimidating was actually something you can do.
Also, I looked at life goals: what kind of college do I want to go do? What kind of college do I deserve to go to, given the colleges people I feel I match up against, intellectually, are going to? If they can get those things, then clearly you can get those things, right? You want to feel like you had opportunities that you didn't take advantage of?
Some things that had to change: basically, I stopped watching television. Really, I couldn't tell you what the prime time shows worth watching in the early 90s were. You're going to find you're less aware of what's going on over at reddit and the like. It's better that way: it's really not that important.
Some things that never changed: I can't get up early in the morning. A biologist friend of mine recently explained to me that being a "morning person" is genetic. You're always going to hate that.
(On the school corrupting your morals thing, it's kind of like graduating college already hip-deep in debt... why start off your life unable to even take the high ground above lying and cheating?
WTF, XMLicious? This is actually the problem with school culture: "working extra hard to do well in a class" is associated with "lying and cheating"-- it's as though good performance in school is only supposed to come to those who appear to do it easily.
posted by deanc at 9:31 AM on August 11, 2010 [1 favorite]
Did you see what I was responding to, deanc? It was an anecdote from Jaltcoh where someone was saying that school had corrupted their morals because they'd do whatever it takes to at least make a A.
I don't mean to cast aspersions on everyone who gets high grades, sorry if it sounded that way, it's just that anecdotally I've encountered a fair number of people where a facility for lying and cheating is accompanied by a desire to get high grades no matter what. But actually until the comment I mentioned above was made to me in high school I hadn't heard the notion that there was any relation between cheating and being a "high achiever"... it was only after that when I started noticing other cases (but again, even a big handful of anecdotal cases, or hearing that there were paid services in college that would write papers for you, doesn't make a rule.) This was in the early nineties though so maybe the stereotyping has become more prevalent (or maybe it was around at the time and I just hadn't heard of it.)
posted by XMLicious at 9:45 AM on August 11, 2010
I don't mean to cast aspersions on everyone who gets high grades, sorry if it sounded that way, it's just that anecdotally I've encountered a fair number of people where a facility for lying and cheating is accompanied by a desire to get high grades no matter what. But actually until the comment I mentioned above was made to me in high school I hadn't heard the notion that there was any relation between cheating and being a "high achiever"... it was only after that when I started noticing other cases (but again, even a big handful of anecdotal cases, or hearing that there were paid services in college that would write papers for you, doesn't make a rule.) This was in the early nineties though so maybe the stereotyping has become more prevalent (or maybe it was around at the time and I just hadn't heard of it.)
posted by XMLicious at 9:45 AM on August 11, 2010
It was an anecdote from Jaltcoh where someone was saying that school had corrupted their morals because they'd do whatever it takes to at least make a A.
He wasn't referring to lying or cheating as part of the moral corruption or that his desire to get an A was resulting in lying and cheating to do it, and I think you misinterpreted the statement that way. He was feeling "morally corrupted" because he was becoming less interested in his intellectual development than in figuring out what was just-enough-work required to just barely get an A. He feels "morally corrupted" because he felt like he was taking "shortcuts." I understand the sentiment, but I don't find it morally corrupting except in the most "basic" of senses-- like the scientist who decides to work in industry rather than a low-paid postdoc: you might describe yourself as "morally corrupted" because you chose a good-paying job over the virtue of "basic, pure science," but it's not necessarily a bad decision or a dishonest one.
posted by deanc at 10:00 AM on August 11, 2010
He wasn't referring to lying or cheating as part of the moral corruption or that his desire to get an A was resulting in lying and cheating to do it, and I think you misinterpreted the statement that way. He was feeling "morally corrupted" because he was becoming less interested in his intellectual development than in figuring out what was just-enough-work required to just barely get an A. He feels "morally corrupted" because he felt like he was taking "shortcuts." I understand the sentiment, but I don't find it morally corrupting except in the most "basic" of senses-- like the scientist who decides to work in industry rather than a low-paid postdoc: you might describe yourself as "morally corrupted" because you chose a good-paying job over the virtue of "basic, pure science," but it's not necessarily a bad decision or a dishonest one.
posted by deanc at 10:00 AM on August 11, 2010
Oh, I probably misunderstood then, because as I think you're saying I would not consider the intellectual thing a moral issue.
posted by XMLicious at 10:11 AM on August 11, 2010
posted by XMLicious at 10:11 AM on August 11, 2010
I felt like you describe during high school. Tired, depressed, couldn't keep my eyes open in class much less CARE about school. I figured it was hormones, or it was because the world really did suck and nobody else noticed that truth, etc. But looking back, it is so. painfully. clear. that the reason I felt like crap was that I didn't sleep. If you're regularly going to bed at 3am, and getting up at 6:45, you are getting less than 4 hours of sleep at night. No wonder your motivation and mood are in the toilet. I know it's easy to get sucked into the internet at night, or to just putter around doing nothing useful until the wee hours. But I swear, if you can manage to get a solid 8-9 hours of sleep each night for a week, you will be amazed at how much better you feel. It's not going to make life any less stressful -- you will still have homework, still have a different lunch period than your friend, still probably not love english or math or whatever subject you hate. But with that baseline level of sleep, you will be SO much more able to handle those stressors without spiraling into despair. You wouldn't expect your body to function well if you only ate half as much food as you need; don't expect your brain to work well when it only gets half as much rest as it needs. Sleep, my friend! It is so awesome.
posted by vytae at 11:18 AM on August 11, 2010
posted by vytae at 11:18 AM on August 11, 2010
Yes, deanc is correct about what I (and my friend) meant. He wasn't saying: "Hey, you know what's immoral? Lying and cheating! And that's how I got my straight A's!" His point was that the very fixation on doing the minimal amount of work necessary to achieve a certain less-than-perfect score (even if you always behave decently, follow every rule in the school code of conduct, proofread all your work, pass up hanging out with friends whenever you need to study for an exam, and turn in work with genuine insights) is "corrupting" because, at the end of the day, what you value is a quantitative means to an end rather than learning for its own sake. It was a wry, self-deprecating choice of words to express an uncommonly lofty set of aspirations (especially for a high school student).
posted by Jaltcoh at 11:31 AM on August 11, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by Jaltcoh at 11:31 AM on August 11, 2010 [1 favorite]
Best answer: I'm a teacher in a private English-language school (kids, teens, and adults come after work/in the evenings for English lessons), and many students in my classes seem *exactly like* you say you feel in the mornings! Not all, but many. So you're not alone; I'd say it's universal, in all classrooms everywhere, to have students with different levels of interest, energy, and motivation. I want to give you a perspective on this that you may not have seen before: your teachers'.
I could enumerate what makes students succeed in my class. My best students...
• may have not understood the homework totally but tried their best
• do their own practice and review at home beyond what I assign for homework
• see better English as a pathway to achieve other things, not just pass my class
• interact with each other to help each other do well
• come to me with questions and feedback
While I'm not saying you need to do all these things, or any of these things, you *do* need to think about how *not* doing them will hold you back. And I'll let you in on a little secret: as a teacher, I *really* want you to do well.
I realize, having been a student myself, that for many of my students, I am just an obstacle to what they perceive as their progress, that if I just gave them the grades they thought they deserved and signed off their presence on the attendance register and wasn't so nitpicking and went through the book exercise by exercise, everything would be easy. (You would be surprised to know how little English you need to whine: Why do we need to do that worksheet? Why do we need to meet before class to work on our project? Can't I just e-mail you my assignment instead of hand-writing it?)
But I need those students to be good enough at English to be conversational partners with those who find motivation more easily, to work on editing papers together, to make the class function. I need people to participate at roughly the same level to make it work, because the time they put in this year has an oh-so-inconveniently-direct relationship with how they will do next year, when they'll all be a level higher, having more asked of them than I did this year.
Your first day of school is tomorrow; your teachers' was probably a few weeks ago. And they are ready. And frankly, those first few days are brutal, in that they set my expectations for you for the whole year. First impressions matter.
The students who've been just doing the minimum for the last level? I can tell in the first lesson, if I've planned in enough time for all my students to work together and for me to listen in, that they're going to struggle, and I'll have to work hard to bridge the gap all year long. I wonder if they're new and if they've been placed in the wrong level. I wonder if their family or company forces them to come and they *hate* English. All this negative stuff on day one! It's really hard for me not to judge on first appearances. I don't begrudge them personally for not coming to class - people get busy at work and miss a few classes, their kids are sick, national high-school exit exams are coming up, whatever - but as time goes on and they keep up the same habits, no one wants to work with them, and they end up frustrated, because they can't interact with the material on the same level as everyone else.
I'll leave you with what I hope is an useful anecdote.
Toward the end of the last academic year, I had a class discussion on work, careers, and commuting - and one of the scrapers-by told me after the activity during a break that he had been "afraid to speak". This was unusual - the student was normally gregarious and participated in class orally, though he often failed to complete his homework. He had spent time in an English-speaking country and had better pronunciation than many other students, which sometimes hid his grammatical errors (from them, not from me). I rolled with it, though, and made a mental note to follow up after class.
After the break, he raised his hand and mentioned that he'd have to leave early. As he was 19, I couldn't stop him, but I assumed the best and perhaps he had other plans or another obligation, the details of which were none of my business. I asked him:
Me: "Oh, okay, what time are you leaving?"
Him: "...uh..."
Me: "Sorry, when are you going?"
Him: "...Eight...nineteen...half?"
Everyone: [the longest two seconds of stunned silence ever]
Me: "OK, six-thirty it is then!" [quickly moving on so as not to further alienate the guy]
Me: [other topic introduction]
Every single other student: [staring at the guy]
The guy couldn't tell the time.
He wanted to say "half past six". He couldn't. After years of "study".
When he realized he couldn't tell the time, which he probably knew as soon as we started talking about commute times earlier, first he tried to avoid speaking at all, and when that failed - my question put him on the spot (and betrayed the unpleasant notion that perhaps he hadn't thought he'd be missed by me or anyone else, so why would I possibly care enough to ask him when he was leaving...), he tried to translate directly, which also failed, because his first language and English don't have enough in common to be able to just translate word-for-word, at least when it comes to time-telling.
It was a colossal exposure of the depth, or lack thereof, of his knowledge. Of course, the student was deeply embarrassed - like cheeks-blazing-red, hiding-his-eyes-by-looking-down, straight-up ashamed, and he stayed until 6:30, when he left.
It was like the whole world he had built for himself - I worked in Canada for a few months, I know enough to get by, I don't need to study, I don't have time for this stupid assignment, we did this in school last year - why are we doing this again, I already know this - blew up in his face, right when he needed to be able to answer the simplest of questions.
To reach my class, he would have had to have been studying with us for over five years, or to have tested in at that level (which is relatively rare). Furthermore, he had also been studying English in his state school - again, for years. In any case, time-telling is taught, and reinforced, through the lower levels of the school, but then aside from when it comes up incidentally, is never taught again - why would you need to? It's easy to study and learn on your own, even - there are literally hundreds of free sites out there.
It forever changed how I view my students; I now see that all higher-level learners will have some holes in their English-language competency, and I try to design activities to mitigate that sense of exposure. Telling the time, it turned out, was this guy's Achilles heel, and while I could never have guessed that, I realized after the fact that he'd actually tried to avoid telling time whenever he could, poor guy, and never reached out to quietly ask me for help after class one day.
If you take anything away from this, let it be this: the things you will study now are not, necessarily, useful now. But they are a basic foundation for what you do later, in both a direct and abstract way. Investing now makes later easier, basically. Your teachers know this, and they know what's coming later, better than you do, in a curriculum-based sense. Second-guessing can be risky, and you're forced to be there anyway. Why not take advantage of it? The future is yours to create, of course, and you may never need Mr. Giacometti's sine-curve lecture again. But you don't know that yet.
posted by mdonley at 11:39 AM on August 11, 2010
I could enumerate what makes students succeed in my class. My best students...
• may have not understood the homework totally but tried their best
• do their own practice and review at home beyond what I assign for homework
• see better English as a pathway to achieve other things, not just pass my class
• interact with each other to help each other do well
• come to me with questions and feedback
While I'm not saying you need to do all these things, or any of these things, you *do* need to think about how *not* doing them will hold you back. And I'll let you in on a little secret: as a teacher, I *really* want you to do well.
I realize, having been a student myself, that for many of my students, I am just an obstacle to what they perceive as their progress, that if I just gave them the grades they thought they deserved and signed off their presence on the attendance register and wasn't so nitpicking and went through the book exercise by exercise, everything would be easy. (You would be surprised to know how little English you need to whine: Why do we need to do that worksheet? Why do we need to meet before class to work on our project? Can't I just e-mail you my assignment instead of hand-writing it?)
But I need those students to be good enough at English to be conversational partners with those who find motivation more easily, to work on editing papers together, to make the class function. I need people to participate at roughly the same level to make it work, because the time they put in this year has an oh-so-inconveniently-direct relationship with how they will do next year, when they'll all be a level higher, having more asked of them than I did this year.
Your first day of school is tomorrow; your teachers' was probably a few weeks ago. And they are ready. And frankly, those first few days are brutal, in that they set my expectations for you for the whole year. First impressions matter.
The students who've been just doing the minimum for the last level? I can tell in the first lesson, if I've planned in enough time for all my students to work together and for me to listen in, that they're going to struggle, and I'll have to work hard to bridge the gap all year long. I wonder if they're new and if they've been placed in the wrong level. I wonder if their family or company forces them to come and they *hate* English. All this negative stuff on day one! It's really hard for me not to judge on first appearances. I don't begrudge them personally for not coming to class - people get busy at work and miss a few classes, their kids are sick, national high-school exit exams are coming up, whatever - but as time goes on and they keep up the same habits, no one wants to work with them, and they end up frustrated, because they can't interact with the material on the same level as everyone else.
I'll leave you with what I hope is an useful anecdote.
Toward the end of the last academic year, I had a class discussion on work, careers, and commuting - and one of the scrapers-by told me after the activity during a break that he had been "afraid to speak". This was unusual - the student was normally gregarious and participated in class orally, though he often failed to complete his homework. He had spent time in an English-speaking country and had better pronunciation than many other students, which sometimes hid his grammatical errors (from them, not from me). I rolled with it, though, and made a mental note to follow up after class.
After the break, he raised his hand and mentioned that he'd have to leave early. As he was 19, I couldn't stop him, but I assumed the best and perhaps he had other plans or another obligation, the details of which were none of my business. I asked him:
Me: "Oh, okay, what time are you leaving?"
Him: "...uh..."
Me: "Sorry, when are you going?"
Him: "...Eight...nineteen...half?"
Everyone: [the longest two seconds of stunned silence ever]
Me: "OK, six-thirty it is then!" [quickly moving on so as not to further alienate the guy]
Me: [other topic introduction]
Every single other student: [staring at the guy]
The guy couldn't tell the time.
He wanted to say "half past six". He couldn't. After years of "study".
When he realized he couldn't tell the time, which he probably knew as soon as we started talking about commute times earlier, first he tried to avoid speaking at all, and when that failed - my question put him on the spot (and betrayed the unpleasant notion that perhaps he hadn't thought he'd be missed by me or anyone else, so why would I possibly care enough to ask him when he was leaving...), he tried to translate directly, which also failed, because his first language and English don't have enough in common to be able to just translate word-for-word, at least when it comes to time-telling.
It was a colossal exposure of the depth, or lack thereof, of his knowledge. Of course, the student was deeply embarrassed - like cheeks-blazing-red, hiding-his-eyes-by-looking-down, straight-up ashamed, and he stayed until 6:30, when he left.
It was like the whole world he had built for himself - I worked in Canada for a few months, I know enough to get by, I don't need to study, I don't have time for this stupid assignment, we did this in school last year - why are we doing this again, I already know this - blew up in his face, right when he needed to be able to answer the simplest of questions.
To reach my class, he would have had to have been studying with us for over five years, or to have tested in at that level (which is relatively rare). Furthermore, he had also been studying English in his state school - again, for years. In any case, time-telling is taught, and reinforced, through the lower levels of the school, but then aside from when it comes up incidentally, is never taught again - why would you need to? It's easy to study and learn on your own, even - there are literally hundreds of free sites out there.
It forever changed how I view my students; I now see that all higher-level learners will have some holes in their English-language competency, and I try to design activities to mitigate that sense of exposure. Telling the time, it turned out, was this guy's Achilles heel, and while I could never have guessed that, I realized after the fact that he'd actually tried to avoid telling time whenever he could, poor guy, and never reached out to quietly ask me for help after class one day.
If you take anything away from this, let it be this: the things you will study now are not, necessarily, useful now. But they are a basic foundation for what you do later, in both a direct and abstract way. Investing now makes later easier, basically. Your teachers know this, and they know what's coming later, better than you do, in a curriculum-based sense. Second-guessing can be risky, and you're forced to be there anyway. Why not take advantage of it? The future is yours to create, of course, and you may never need Mr. Giacometti's sine-curve lecture again. But you don't know that yet.
posted by mdonley at 11:39 AM on August 11, 2010
What I did was realise that school matters, and getting school qualifications is important and can really, really, really help you in your future life. Then, having made that determination I sucked up the incidental pain and just did it.
I am not being flippant here. This is exactly what I did. Once you understand that something is important or valuable you also understand that the inconveniences, annoyances and stress associated with it just have to be weathered, and so you do that, because that's life. Life is not easy, stress-free, no-hassle joy forever. Welcome to near-adulthood! It only gets worse. ;-)
posted by Decani at 12:27 PM on August 11, 2010
I am not being flippant here. This is exactly what I did. Once you understand that something is important or valuable you also understand that the inconveniences, annoyances and stress associated with it just have to be weathered, and so you do that, because that's life. Life is not easy, stress-free, no-hassle joy forever. Welcome to near-adulthood! It only gets worse. ;-)
posted by Decani at 12:27 PM on August 11, 2010
First, everyone's spot on about your sleep patterns being the ugliest, self-perpetuating cycle here. And yes, we all stay up too late sometimes, and yes, high school starts unspeakably, ungodly early, and it's stupid. But since you can't help that, you've got to instill some discipline on your own.
First, if you're beyond parent-enforced bedtimes, consider installing a shutdown timer on your computer. Set your own bedtime. Have it put up a warning X minutes before bed, so you have plenty of time to check those Last. Three. Websites. Don't hit the override button.
Second, start resetting your sleep cycle right now so that next week isn't a living hell. If you went to bed at 3AM last night, go to bed at 2AM tonight (tomorrow morning?). Thursday, shoot for 1AM; Friday, midnight. 10PM by Sunday night will be hard, but do everything you can to make it happen. In the short term, you might want to consider melatonin supplements to help you out - my husband has teenager-like circadian rhythms, and they're one of the few things that work for him to induce sleepiness when he's on a later-and-later bedtime kick. You can find them in the pharmacy area of most grocery stores- just be sure to give yourself at least 8 hours from taking the supplement & going to bed to having your alarm go off in the morning.
Giving yourself enough time to sleep really is critical overall. When I was in high school, I needed 9 hours just to be functional, which was when I realized I would never, ever be a doctor because med school would kill me. If you're like me, and you've got to get up before 7AM, you're talking 9:30 bedtime at the latest. Ridiculous? Sure. Annoying to not have those extra 4-5 hours when you're the only one awake in the house? No question. But your quality of life and overall mood will be so much better that it really is worth it.
Oh, and last of all? Try to start things off on a good note with your teachers this year. There's a huge benefit grade-wise to teachers thinking you're trying, even if you're really struggling with school or motivation. Come clean to a few that you've been a horrible student because you've been so exhausted, but you'd really like to do better. Ask their advice - they'll see you as sympathetic instead of a slacker, and you'll feel more invested in their class if they treat you like a human being from the get-go.
posted by deludingmyself at 12:38 PM on August 11, 2010
First, if you're beyond parent-enforced bedtimes, consider installing a shutdown timer on your computer. Set your own bedtime. Have it put up a warning X minutes before bed, so you have plenty of time to check those Last. Three. Websites. Don't hit the override button.
Second, start resetting your sleep cycle right now so that next week isn't a living hell. If you went to bed at 3AM last night, go to bed at 2AM tonight (tomorrow morning?). Thursday, shoot for 1AM; Friday, midnight. 10PM by Sunday night will be hard, but do everything you can to make it happen. In the short term, you might want to consider melatonin supplements to help you out - my husband has teenager-like circadian rhythms, and they're one of the few things that work for him to induce sleepiness when he's on a later-and-later bedtime kick. You can find them in the pharmacy area of most grocery stores- just be sure to give yourself at least 8 hours from taking the supplement & going to bed to having your alarm go off in the morning.
Giving yourself enough time to sleep really is critical overall. When I was in high school, I needed 9 hours just to be functional, which was when I realized I would never, ever be a doctor because med school would kill me. If you're like me, and you've got to get up before 7AM, you're talking 9:30 bedtime at the latest. Ridiculous? Sure. Annoying to not have those extra 4-5 hours when you're the only one awake in the house? No question. But your quality of life and overall mood will be so much better that it really is worth it.
Oh, and last of all? Try to start things off on a good note with your teachers this year. There's a huge benefit grade-wise to teachers thinking you're trying, even if you're really struggling with school or motivation. Come clean to a few that you've been a horrible student because you've been so exhausted, but you'd really like to do better. Ask their advice - they'll see you as sympathetic instead of a slacker, and you'll feel more invested in their class if they treat you like a human being from the get-go.
posted by deludingmyself at 12:38 PM on August 11, 2010
Taft, do you have to be exhausted before you can fall asleep? Like glasses-still-on, bedside-lamp-all-night, book-on-your-chest exhausted? Do you require the alone-time in your room before sleep in order to disconnect from your day, even if you are physically tired and ready for bed when you go to your room? Also, your internet use before bed -- does it feel compulsive to you?
When you reset your alarm and go back to sleep in the morning, does it relieve your anxiety to close your eyes again for a mini start of the day do-over knowing your dad is there as a wake-up safety net?
If you're going to have a timer on your computer, get a cheap wall-socket one for your lamp, too. Now, when you think of this, and you think of all the good advice people have been offering about just going to bed earlier, do you see yourself lying in the dark thinking and thinking, getting more anxious and not sleeping?
For some people, the answer truly is as simple as this: go to bed earlier.
If you are thinking "yes" to some or all of the questions I asked, you are going to need more than that. For one thing, see if you can get some kind of sleep aid from your doctor. Also, skim through the big ADHD thread and see if some kind of lights go on for you.
As far as next week's school goes, my smartest and most successful friend told me this: do your very very best for the first six to eight weeks (deludingmyself's advice to engage your teachers is excellent) and you'll have enough goodwill and credit built up to coast a little bit when you need it later.
I am really sorry high school sucks so much for you. If it is any comfort to you, it sucks in various sucky ways for pretty much everyone. For that tiny percentage having a peak experience, don't worry, they have a different hell.
posted by Sallyfur at 9:56 PM on August 11, 2010
When you reset your alarm and go back to sleep in the morning, does it relieve your anxiety to close your eyes again for a mini start of the day do-over knowing your dad is there as a wake-up safety net?
If you're going to have a timer on your computer, get a cheap wall-socket one for your lamp, too. Now, when you think of this, and you think of all the good advice people have been offering about just going to bed earlier, do you see yourself lying in the dark thinking and thinking, getting more anxious and not sleeping?
For some people, the answer truly is as simple as this: go to bed earlier.
If you are thinking "yes" to some or all of the questions I asked, you are going to need more than that. For one thing, see if you can get some kind of sleep aid from your doctor. Also, skim through the big ADHD thread and see if some kind of lights go on for you.
As far as next week's school goes, my smartest and most successful friend told me this: do your very very best for the first six to eight weeks (deludingmyself's advice to engage your teachers is excellent) and you'll have enough goodwill and credit built up to coast a little bit when you need it later.
I am really sorry high school sucks so much for you. If it is any comfort to you, it sucks in various sucky ways for pretty much everyone. For that tiny percentage having a peak experience, don't worry, they have a different hell.
posted by Sallyfur at 9:56 PM on August 11, 2010
This thread is closed to new comments.
I just completely stopped caring about grades because they're immaterial and the actual learning is what matters. When I was bored in class I would go forward in the textbook and read whatever looked interesting to me that we hadn't covered yet. It didn't make any of those daily struggles easier but it took some of the stress off. Of course, consequently I never got very good grades and couldn't leverage the various advantages of doing so, but there were some brighter points - one year I had an F-minus (!) in a class at the midpoint of the semester, although in the end I passed the class with an average grade with healthy margins, but I thought it was so cool that I framed the F- progress report and kept it on my wall for years. Before that point I didn't even know it was possible to get an F-.
posted by XMLicious at 6:34 AM on August 11, 2010 [1 favorite]