Did I overreact about the towel thing?
July 21, 2010 2:34 PM Subscribe
In my gym at a large academic institution: this guy took my towel today by mistake in the locker room, in the showers (we were both in the showers, he got out first). He didn't tell me, but left me to figure out that he had left his towel on the other side of the other shower that he had used. I was perplexed and angry. Should I have been so pissed? More below.
He only owned up to it after I yelled out, in the locker room, "did someone take my towel?" After that, he insisted that the towel he'd left was clean, and I just responded "says you..." and used the towel only for standing on, and dried the rest of me with paper towels.
Okay, maybe this is kinda slight for the green, but I was pissed and I'm still a bit pissed and I'd like to get the consensus opinion. First of all, that my towel just disappeared with a mystery towel showing up one stall further away made me very upset. I'm pretty sensitive to the possibilities of transmitting germs in the locker room, and I'm just not keen on putting a towel someone else has even handled up against my special parts. I know that the folks who work there handle them, but my rationale is that they are handling hundreds of these things in an hour and have pretty clean hands (this is a rationalization, I know). Regardless, it upsets me that the guy didn't say anything: that towel could have fallen on the floor, or been used by someone, or etc. How was I to know if he hadn't told me?
And it makes me mad that, after that, he just insisted I use the towel that he had picked up, possibly put on the bench, possibly wrapped around his waist (as I do, I can't believe he used my towel, gross!), etc. etc.
Talk me down folks. Or something. Give me your best imitation of a the NYTimes's "Ethicist." What do you think, right or wrong or somewhere in between?
He only owned up to it after I yelled out, in the locker room, "did someone take my towel?" After that, he insisted that the towel he'd left was clean, and I just responded "says you..." and used the towel only for standing on, and dried the rest of me with paper towels.
Okay, maybe this is kinda slight for the green, but I was pissed and I'm still a bit pissed and I'd like to get the consensus opinion. First of all, that my towel just disappeared with a mystery towel showing up one stall further away made me very upset. I'm pretty sensitive to the possibilities of transmitting germs in the locker room, and I'm just not keen on putting a towel someone else has even handled up against my special parts. I know that the folks who work there handle them, but my rationale is that they are handling hundreds of these things in an hour and have pretty clean hands (this is a rationalization, I know). Regardless, it upsets me that the guy didn't say anything: that towel could have fallen on the floor, or been used by someone, or etc. How was I to know if he hadn't told me?
And it makes me mad that, after that, he just insisted I use the towel that he had picked up, possibly put on the bench, possibly wrapped around his waist (as I do, I can't believe he used my towel, gross!), etc. etc.
Talk me down folks. Or something. Give me your best imitation of a the NYTimes's "Ethicist." What do you think, right or wrong or somewhere in between?
Yes, it's annoying. It's OK that you feel pissed.
Don't hold it against him, though. It sounds like he picked up your towel by mistake and did what he thought would make it right--leave another towel for you to use. That he put it in a different location is actually a plus, right? If he had put the alternate towel exactly where yours had been sitting, you would have just picked it up and used it without another thought, potentially contaminating yourself with the mystery towel.
Yes, he could easily have shouted to you, "hey, shower guy, I used your towel by mistake but I'm leaving another clean one for you," but he didn't. We all make mistakes.
It's annoying, but don't dwell on it. It really only messed up about 5 minutes of your life, right?
posted by phunniemee at 2:40 PM on July 21, 2010 [2 favorites]
Don't hold it against him, though. It sounds like he picked up your towel by mistake and did what he thought would make it right--leave another towel for you to use. That he put it in a different location is actually a plus, right? If he had put the alternate towel exactly where yours had been sitting, you would have just picked it up and used it without another thought, potentially contaminating yourself with the mystery towel.
Yes, he could easily have shouted to you, "hey, shower guy, I used your towel by mistake but I'm leaving another clean one for you," but he didn't. We all make mistakes.
It's annoying, but don't dwell on it. It really only messed up about 5 minutes of your life, right?
posted by phunniemee at 2:40 PM on July 21, 2010 [2 favorites]
It blows my mind that A) you care and B) you care enough to post on here about it. 99.9% of the population is not as germ-phobic or easily annoyed as you. Get over it.
posted by ripley_ at 2:44 PM on July 21, 2010 [5 favorites]
posted by ripley_ at 2:44 PM on July 21, 2010 [5 favorites]
Response by poster: Watch a couple of episodes of Seinfeld tonight and figure out which character you identify with most.
I fucking hate Seinfeld with a passion, but, you know, I just have to respond to that by saying "touché."
posted by dubitable at 2:44 PM on July 21, 2010 [5 favorites]
I fucking hate Seinfeld with a passion, but, you know, I just have to respond to that by saying "touché."
posted by dubitable at 2:44 PM on July 21, 2010 [5 favorites]
These things happen. Odds are that it was an honest mistake and he doesn't have the same issues as you do so didn't think it was a big deal. If it is such a big deal to you, you should probably do a better job of making sure you secure your towel (by putting a personal item on it perhaps?).
posted by Kimberly at 2:46 PM on July 21, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by Kimberly at 2:46 PM on July 21, 2010 [1 favorite]
Okay, these are towels that the gym provides for everyone, and you both grabbed them from the towel dispensary and then you hung them in the showers when you showered and he took the wrong one by mistake. Do I have that right? If not, can you explain the towel evidence chain to me?
I use a gym pretty often and I think this has happened to me once. I grabbed someone else's towel to dry off with. I found my towel in the lost and found later and I'm not even sure who took it and/or used it. This is my personal opinion, but I think you're overreacting a bit. Obviously everyone has their different threshholds of hygeine and it's good in a shared public space to be congnizant of the cleanliness levels of others as well as yourself. However, if he said the towel was clean and he took yours by accident, then really we're in no-harm-no-foul territory and your own heightened requirements for cleanliness are really your own deal to manage. That is, sometimes this sort of thing happens. It was an accident.
Your requirements to not use a towel someone else has even touched seem to be slightly outside of what I personally consider normal [again you're looking for personal opinions, right?] and while it's fine to be like "gee that was a suboptimal event, I wonder what I can do in the future to keep that from happening since it put me in a bit of a predicament?" blaming someone else enough to be angry at them for an honest mistake seems like your issue not theirs. That is, I think you are getting angry over something that does not merit it.
Alternately, since you may be in a gym where people cluelessly grab whatever towel is available, you may need to do something else to assure that your towel remains yours [bring a personal towel, mark yours in some way] so that this doesn't happen again. Ultimately, your feelings are your feelings and it's okay to feel however you feel. However if your standards for towels in a public place are that you're not comfortable if they've done something like touched a bench, you maybe need to be more careful about your own towel.
posted by jessamyn at 2:47 PM on July 21, 2010 [6 favorites]
I use a gym pretty often and I think this has happened to me once. I grabbed someone else's towel to dry off with. I found my towel in the lost and found later and I'm not even sure who took it and/or used it. This is my personal opinion, but I think you're overreacting a bit. Obviously everyone has their different threshholds of hygeine and it's good in a shared public space to be congnizant of the cleanliness levels of others as well as yourself. However, if he said the towel was clean and he took yours by accident, then really we're in no-harm-no-foul territory and your own heightened requirements for cleanliness are really your own deal to manage. That is, sometimes this sort of thing happens. It was an accident.
Your requirements to not use a towel someone else has even touched seem to be slightly outside of what I personally consider normal [again you're looking for personal opinions, right?] and while it's fine to be like "gee that was a suboptimal event, I wonder what I can do in the future to keep that from happening since it put me in a bit of a predicament?" blaming someone else enough to be angry at them for an honest mistake seems like your issue not theirs. That is, I think you are getting angry over something that does not merit it.
Alternately, since you may be in a gym where people cluelessly grab whatever towel is available, you may need to do something else to assure that your towel remains yours [bring a personal towel, mark yours in some way] so that this doesn't happen again. Ultimately, your feelings are your feelings and it's okay to feel however you feel. However if your standards for towels in a public place are that you're not comfortable if they've done something like touched a bench, you maybe need to be more careful about your own towel.
posted by jessamyn at 2:47 PM on July 21, 2010 [6 favorites]
This seems like an honest mistake to me - it certainly doesn't sounds like he intentionally stole your towel.
I'd have no problem using someone else's dry "gym-distributed" towel if they accidentally used mine. I'd also have no problem in getting a "clean/new" towel for someone if I accidentally used their towel - but if you think this is the proper corrective action, then I think it is really up to you to reject the offer of his "unused" towel and ask that he go get you a clean/new one.
posted by cnanderson at 2:52 PM on July 21, 2010
I'd have no problem using someone else's dry "gym-distributed" towel if they accidentally used mine. I'd also have no problem in getting a "clean/new" towel for someone if I accidentally used their towel - but if you think this is the proper corrective action, then I think it is really up to you to reject the offer of his "unused" towel and ask that he go get you a clean/new one.
posted by cnanderson at 2:52 PM on July 21, 2010
if you're that worried about stuff from gym towels, get your own towel. I suggest you pick up a few in a stereotypically emasculating color or theme; the sorts of people who are indifferent about towel ownership will probably avoid a hot-pink or Care Bears towel like the plague, and you'll never have to worry again.
posted by fairytale of los angeles at 2:53 PM on July 21, 2010 [3 favorites]
posted by fairytale of los angeles at 2:53 PM on July 21, 2010 [3 favorites]
I'm like you: totally germ-phobic and I tend to analyze these incidents after they've happened. The towel situation, as you've described, grosses me out as well.
I'm with phunniemee: it's OK to feel pissed, but give the stranger the benefit of the doubt here. There's all sorts of people with all sorts of ideas about hygiene, acceptable behavior, and so forth. Recently I was at Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk using the public bathroom and had just left the stall to wash my hands. I discovered, after some tries, that only one dispenser had soap. A woman left her stall as I was washing up, and found, like me, there was no soap in her dispenser. I pointed out the dispenser with soap and she just sort of smiled and shrugged and ran her fingers under the tap and said, "This is fine." This was at the height of the swine-flu scare when the news was inundated with "wash your hands with soap." Ew.
People can be gross. Better for you, though, to let it go.
posted by joseph conrad is fully awesome at 2:56 PM on July 21, 2010
I'm with phunniemee: it's OK to feel pissed, but give the stranger the benefit of the doubt here. There's all sorts of people with all sorts of ideas about hygiene, acceptable behavior, and so forth. Recently I was at Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk using the public bathroom and had just left the stall to wash my hands. I discovered, after some tries, that only one dispenser had soap. A woman left her stall as I was washing up, and found, like me, there was no soap in her dispenser. I pointed out the dispenser with soap and she just sort of smiled and shrugged and ran her fingers under the tap and said, "This is fine." This was at the height of the swine-flu scare when the news was inundated with "wash your hands with soap." Ew.
People can be gross. Better for you, though, to let it go.
posted by joseph conrad is fully awesome at 2:56 PM on July 21, 2010
This is an honest mistake. You say that he only "owned up" after you started yelling about it--but the confusion that led him to take your towel surely suggests that he had no idea that he took it in the first place (and I'd be loath to confess at all to an honest mistake with an irate showerer shaking his wet fist in the locker room).
As has been suggested above, you seem to be more sensitive than most with respect to contamination and hygiene. Whether or not you choose to get therapy for that is up to you; however, you can't expect the world to adhere to your sensitivities.
posted by Admiral Haddock at 3:19 PM on July 21, 2010 [3 favorites]
As has been suggested above, you seem to be more sensitive than most with respect to contamination and hygiene. Whether or not you choose to get therapy for that is up to you; however, you can't expect the world to adhere to your sensitivities.
posted by Admiral Haddock at 3:19 PM on July 21, 2010 [3 favorites]
Response by poster: You say that he only "owned up" after you started yelling about it...
I didn't "start yelling," I said, once, in a loud enough voice so that folks could hear me, "did anyone take the wrong towel" or something similar. The guy, who it turned out was standing right next to me, winced as though he knew something was up. Just sayin'
Whether or not you choose to get therapy
Holy crap now I need therapy for this!?
posted by dubitable at 3:23 PM on July 21, 2010
I didn't "start yelling," I said, once, in a loud enough voice so that folks could hear me, "did anyone take the wrong towel" or something similar. The guy, who it turned out was standing right next to me, winced as though he knew something was up. Just sayin'
Whether or not you choose to get therapy
Holy crap now I need therapy for this!?
posted by dubitable at 3:23 PM on July 21, 2010
Response by poster: you can't expect the world to adhere to your sensitivities.
Also, Admiral Haddock, I'm asking for people's opinions precisely because I understand this, very well.
posted by dubitable at 3:24 PM on July 21, 2010
Also, Admiral Haddock, I'm asking for people's opinions precisely because I understand this, very well.
posted by dubitable at 3:24 PM on July 21, 2010
You know, dubitable, he's not the Worst Person In The World, but I'd be pissed off too.
What bothers me about this, and it would have stayed with me, too, if it happened in my gym, isn't the fact that he had touched the towel he left for you. It is the fact that he essentially invaded your space by taking the towel from your stall, was mean enough not to replace it or come back to notify you, and apparently felt so little need to be courteous that when you had to yell to find out where it had gone, he apparently didn't even apologize.
I am pretty fed up myself with people who feel entitled to act as if they are somehow special or alone in the world -- by bellowing on their cell phones in small spaces, cutting ahead on the road, pressing the "close" button on elevators as you approach, etc.
Anyway, sorry about this.
posted by bearwife at 3:26 PM on July 21, 2010
What bothers me about this, and it would have stayed with me, too, if it happened in my gym, isn't the fact that he had touched the towel he left for you. It is the fact that he essentially invaded your space by taking the towel from your stall, was mean enough not to replace it or come back to notify you, and apparently felt so little need to be courteous that when you had to yell to find out where it had gone, he apparently didn't even apologize.
I am pretty fed up myself with people who feel entitled to act as if they are somehow special or alone in the world -- by bellowing on their cell phones in small spaces, cutting ahead on the road, pressing the "close" button on elevators as you approach, etc.
Anyway, sorry about this.
posted by bearwife at 3:26 PM on July 21, 2010
Holy crap now I need therapy for this!?
You may not need therapy for this but (I'm being completely serious) you might for the fact that you need a "consensus opinion" to validate your feeling of annoyance. What do you feel when someone cuts you off, or someone gets seated before you at a restaurant? There are assholes everywhere, you'll be happier in the long run if you learn to cope with them and the way they make you feel.
posted by ista at 3:31 PM on July 21, 2010 [4 favorites]
You may not need therapy for this but (I'm being completely serious) you might for the fact that you need a "consensus opinion" to validate your feeling of annoyance. What do you feel when someone cuts you off, or someone gets seated before you at a restaurant? There are assholes everywhere, you'll be happier in the long run if you learn to cope with them and the way they make you feel.
posted by ista at 3:31 PM on July 21, 2010 [4 favorites]
Response by poster: What bothers me about this, and it would have stayed with me, too, if it happened in my gym, isn't the fact that he had touched the towel he left for you. It is the fact that he essentially invaded your space by taking the towel from your stall
Oh, I should clarify bearwife, 'cause he didn't technically take it from my stall--it's really kind of a bad design in the shower room, and there are shower stalls with hooks outside the stalls. You hang your towel outside the stall when you go into the stall to use the shower, but it's really not clear which side is the "right" side (I've got my own perspective on this of course but let's not get into that...).
So, all that is to say that, yah, it really was an honest mistake the guy made. Um, not one I would have ever possibly made, but an honest mistake nonetheless.
posted by dubitable at 3:35 PM on July 21, 2010
Oh, I should clarify bearwife, 'cause he didn't technically take it from my stall--it's really kind of a bad design in the shower room, and there are shower stalls with hooks outside the stalls. You hang your towel outside the stall when you go into the stall to use the shower, but it's really not clear which side is the "right" side (I've got my own perspective on this of course but let's not get into that...).
So, all that is to say that, yah, it really was an honest mistake the guy made. Um, not one I would have ever possibly made, but an honest mistake nonetheless.
posted by dubitable at 3:35 PM on July 21, 2010
Response by poster: You may not need therapy for this but (I'm being completely serious) you might for the fact that you need a "consensus opinion" to validate your feeling of annoyance.
Huh...as far as I can tell so far, very few people have been actually validating my feeling of annoyance...and, yet, I'm cool with it?
It's been a fun thread so far though, other than the people who have been telling me I was enraged and that I need therapy, as though they were there (wait, were you that guy!?).
posted by dubitable at 3:38 PM on July 21, 2010
Huh...as far as I can tell so far, very few people have been actually validating my feeling of annoyance...and, yet, I'm cool with it?
It's been a fun thread so far though, other than the people who have been telling me I was enraged and that I need therapy, as though they were there (wait, were you that guy!?).
posted by dubitable at 3:38 PM on July 21, 2010
he screwed up and took the wrong towel, should have told you and didn't until asked / pressed. annoying? yes. big deal? no.
If this bothered me greatly I would go along with the suggestion to bring my own towel that was a different color than all of the others. no more accidents and my special parts aren't touched by a towel other than mine.
I know people that would, if they were the guy and saw how you handled this, would be watching for you in the shower and do all kinds of unsavory things to your towel in the future.
posted by busboy789 at 3:46 PM on July 21, 2010
If this bothered me greatly I would go along with the suggestion to bring my own towel that was a different color than all of the others. no more accidents and my special parts aren't touched by a towel other than mine.
I know people that would, if they were the guy and saw how you handled this, would be watching for you in the shower and do all kinds of unsavory things to your towel in the future.
posted by busboy789 at 3:46 PM on July 21, 2010
Well, OK, if he didn't reach into your stall, I'm bothered less by his behavior. But I gotta say, what kind of clueless wonder doesn't remember what hook he hung his towel on? I mean, gym showers are not lengthy affairs.
It was rude, anyway, and I gather I am right to surmise he didn't apologize. Ergo, I'd be ticked too. So I'm still validating you, just a bit more mildly.
posted by bearwife at 3:46 PM on July 21, 2010
It was rude, anyway, and I gather I am right to surmise he didn't apologize. Ergo, I'd be ticked too. So I'm still validating you, just a bit more mildly.
posted by bearwife at 3:46 PM on July 21, 2010
I didn't "start yelling,"
No judgments; your question states "He only owned up to it after I yelled out"; I had understood that when you "yelled out" you were "yelling." This seems to follow given that you describe yourself as "so pissed" and "angry" over the situation.
Holy crap now I need therapy for this!?
So called "germophobia" is on the OCD / anxiety spectrum; it's up to you whether being angry (and continuing to be angry) at this is the kind of thing that you'd like to change. Presumably, you suspect that there is some level of disconnect between the other person's mistake and your reaction, because you're asking for consensus here. Again, whether, in context, you think your reaction to the situation is problematic and something you would want to address with a therapist is solely for you to decide.
Again, no judgments; you're a disembodied voice on the internet (as am I) and you asked for people's assessments of the situation.
posted by Admiral Haddock at 3:47 PM on July 21, 2010 [4 favorites]
No judgments; your question states "He only owned up to it after I yelled out"; I had understood that when you "yelled out" you were "yelling." This seems to follow given that you describe yourself as "so pissed" and "angry" over the situation.
Holy crap now I need therapy for this!?
So called "germophobia" is on the OCD / anxiety spectrum; it's up to you whether being angry (and continuing to be angry) at this is the kind of thing that you'd like to change. Presumably, you suspect that there is some level of disconnect between the other person's mistake and your reaction, because you're asking for consensus here. Again, whether, in context, you think your reaction to the situation is problematic and something you would want to address with a therapist is solely for you to decide.
Again, no judgments; you're a disembodied voice on the internet (as am I) and you asked for people's assessments of the situation.
posted by Admiral Haddock at 3:47 PM on July 21, 2010 [4 favorites]
From what you describe I think you overreacted. Perhaps its different for me because I'm female (although I don't see why it should be). If this happened in a girls locker room I feel like we'd both have a good laugh about taking the wrong towel and I would have no problem using a stranger's towel if they said it was clean. People make mistakes. In general, I think it's better to be generous and forgiving about little things like this and giving people the benefit of the doubt is always nice. Just makes everybody's life a little better (including yours)!
posted by madokachan at 3:51 PM on July 21, 2010
posted by madokachan at 3:51 PM on July 21, 2010
Best answer:
Oh, I should clarify bearwife, 'cause he didn't technically take it from my stall--it's really kind of a bad design in the shower room, and there are shower stalls with hooks outside the stalls. You hang your towel outside the stall when you go into the stall to use the shower, but it's really not clear which side is the "right" side (I've got my own perspective on this of course but let's not get into that...).
So, all that is to say that, yah, it really was an honest mistake the guy made. Um, not one I would have ever possibly made, but an honest mistake nonetheless.
You, sir, pay far more attention to the location of your towel than I do. I (thankfully) have not been either you, nor the other guy, in this story, but I can tell you that I'm likely not concentrating on my towel at that point.
So the guy's done with his shower, soaking wet, and absent-mindedly reaches for the wrong towel, probably not even looking. Starts wiping off, and then realizes "oh, crap, I grabbed the wrong towel."
Already, if he's remotely human, he's feeling like a jerk.
His options:
1) Own up immediately, go "Oh crap buddy, I'm really sorry, I grabbed *your* towel". If you give me a few minutes to dry off & get dressed, I'll head out of the locker room and get you another towel." And publicly acknowledge his idiocy, plus the humiliation of grabbing another man's towel in the locker room.
2) Admit the stupid mistake to himself, and hope-to-whatever-deity that you don't notice.
Was #2 the coward's way out? Perhaps. But then 99% of the time, it would have worked.
You might have had a bad day, but imagine that guys. He made a stupid move, and then got called out in the locker room by an angry, wet, naked guy.
Whether or not you need therapy, I'm guessing that guy's considering it now.
posted by swngnmonk at 3:54 PM on July 21, 2010 [7 favorites]
Oh, I should clarify bearwife, 'cause he didn't technically take it from my stall--it's really kind of a bad design in the shower room, and there are shower stalls with hooks outside the stalls. You hang your towel outside the stall when you go into the stall to use the shower, but it's really not clear which side is the "right" side (I've got my own perspective on this of course but let's not get into that...).
So, all that is to say that, yah, it really was an honest mistake the guy made. Um, not one I would have ever possibly made, but an honest mistake nonetheless.
You, sir, pay far more attention to the location of your towel than I do. I (thankfully) have not been either you, nor the other guy, in this story, but I can tell you that I'm likely not concentrating on my towel at that point.
So the guy's done with his shower, soaking wet, and absent-mindedly reaches for the wrong towel, probably not even looking. Starts wiping off, and then realizes "oh, crap, I grabbed the wrong towel."
Already, if he's remotely human, he's feeling like a jerk.
His options:
1) Own up immediately, go "Oh crap buddy, I'm really sorry, I grabbed *your* towel". If you give me a few minutes to dry off & get dressed, I'll head out of the locker room and get you another towel." And publicly acknowledge his idiocy, plus the humiliation of grabbing another man's towel in the locker room.
2) Admit the stupid mistake to himself, and hope-to-whatever-deity that you don't notice.
Was #2 the coward's way out? Perhaps. But then 99% of the time, it would have worked.
You might have had a bad day, but imagine that guys. He made a stupid move, and then got called out in the locker room by an angry, wet, naked guy.
Whether or not you need therapy, I'm guessing that guy's considering it now.
posted by swngnmonk at 3:54 PM on July 21, 2010 [7 favorites]
I'd be grossed out a little too. I don't even like reusing my old towels at home, I like a clean one every time I shower.
In the future is there something you could hang up with your towel that would make it difficult for somebody else to mistake your towel for theirs? Maybe something like a baseball cap or your swim goggles. Your underwear? If I'm reaching for a towel and there is something on top of it I'm going to realize pretty quickly that it's not my towel.
posted by TooFewShoes at 3:58 PM on July 21, 2010
In the future is there something you could hang up with your towel that would make it difficult for somebody else to mistake your towel for theirs? Maybe something like a baseball cap or your swim goggles. Your underwear? If I'm reaching for a towel and there is something on top of it I'm going to realize pretty quickly that it's not my towel.
posted by TooFewShoes at 3:58 PM on July 21, 2010
I never have any idea where I hang my towel. All those silly towels look the same, all the hooks are more or less equivalent, and I always worry I have accidentally grabbed someone else's towel.
I know I did it a few times because I remember someone asking "hey i thought my towel was on hook 3" or whatnot.. I probably looked very sheepish as I replied "Oh I dunno, mine must be the other one out there, take that instead".
No one has ever been visibly upset afterwards. (These are all women, though). What on earth do you to your towel when you're just carrying it that could possibly contaminate it, anyhow? Especially given all the other ick of using common showers, this isn't a thing I've worried about.
Of course now I don't worry at all because I don't have a gym before work so I shower at home...
posted by nat at 4:05 PM on July 21, 2010 [1 favorite]
I know I did it a few times because I remember someone asking "hey i thought my towel was on hook 3" or whatnot.. I probably looked very sheepish as I replied "Oh I dunno, mine must be the other one out there, take that instead".
No one has ever been visibly upset afterwards. (These are all women, though). What on earth do you to your towel when you're just carrying it that could possibly contaminate it, anyhow? Especially given all the other ick of using common showers, this isn't a thing I've worried about.
Of course now I don't worry at all because I don't have a gym before work so I shower at home...
posted by nat at 4:05 PM on July 21, 2010 [1 favorite]
At my gym, they provided plain white towels if you paid extra.
I guess some people didn't want to pay extra, or were forgetful (yeah, right), so there was a real problem with towel-stealers. It happened more than once that I would hang my clean, dry towel up outside the shower room, take my shower, and come out to find no towels hanging at all. It did really piss me off to have to towel off with my clean clothes, and pissed some of the other clients off enough that they would call out, "Who took my towel?!" and make a fuss and so on.
So I bought a few of my own brightly colored Buffy the Vampire Slayer towels, and never had the problem again.
So, I would say yes, it happens, yes, it's annoying, but like someone cutting you off in traffic or zipping in to get a space ahead of you in a parking lot, it's one of those things you have to try to just let go.
posted by Squeak Attack at 4:14 PM on July 21, 2010 [1 favorite]
I guess some people didn't want to pay extra, or were forgetful (yeah, right), so there was a real problem with towel-stealers. It happened more than once that I would hang my clean, dry towel up outside the shower room, take my shower, and come out to find no towels hanging at all. It did really piss me off to have to towel off with my clean clothes, and pissed some of the other clients off enough that they would call out, "Who took my towel?!" and make a fuss and so on.
So I bought a few of my own brightly colored Buffy the Vampire Slayer towels, and never had the problem again.
So, I would say yes, it happens, yes, it's annoying, but like someone cutting you off in traffic or zipping in to get a space ahead of you in a parking lot, it's one of those things you have to try to just let go.
posted by Squeak Attack at 4:14 PM on July 21, 2010 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: Presumably, you suspect that there is some level of disconnect between the other person's mistake and your reaction, because you're asking for consensus here. Again, whether, in context, you think your reaction to the situation is problematic and something you would want to address with a therapist is solely for you to decide.
Well, I suppose I got what I asked for.
Anyways, swngnmonk wins so far; he made me laugh out loud at his description of me as "angry, wet, naked guy," and also now I feel a little bad for the absent-minded towel pilferer and almost want to give him a hug.
As long as he's wearing a body condom.
posted by dubitable at 4:15 PM on July 21, 2010 [3 favorites]
Well, I suppose I got what I asked for.
Anyways, swngnmonk wins so far; he made me laugh out loud at his description of me as "angry, wet, naked guy," and also now I feel a little bad for the absent-minded towel pilferer and almost want to give him a hug.
As long as he's wearing a body condom.
posted by dubitable at 4:15 PM on July 21, 2010 [3 favorites]
You know, in the grand scheme of things, this seems like a pretty minor irritation that it might be best to let go of.
By which I mean, just wait until you're diagnosed with cancer, a parent needs expensive medical care, a swimming accident leaves someone you love a quadriplegic, or whatever.
Then the horrific towel incident at the gym might not weigh so heavily on your mind.
posted by Short Attention Sp at 5:16 PM on July 21, 2010
By which I mean, just wait until you're diagnosed with cancer, a parent needs expensive medical care, a swimming accident leaves someone you love a quadriplegic, or whatever.
Then the horrific towel incident at the gym might not weigh so heavily on your mind.
posted by Short Attention Sp at 5:16 PM on July 21, 2010
Best answer: To give even more benefit of the doubt to absent-minded grab-the-first-towel-without-thinking guy: He probably wasn't keeping quiet about it after realizing his mistake like people are providing as an option. He probably didn't notice until you said something, then got that electric embarrassment pang as he instantly realized, "oh shit. that was me."
Sounds like he handled it fairly gracefully. He could have just kept his mouth shut, or reacted defensively and accused you of hanging your towel in a stupid place without marking it in some way as yours. Sadly, embarrassed guys on the spot will often do the latter, even when they know damn well they're in the wrong.
Also, if some guy in the gym offered me a towel, I'd say no thanks, but if he specified that it was "clean" I'd take that to mean it had just come from the issue point, touched by nothing but his hand. I'd take it in that case, because a guy that would lie about that would have just kept his mouth shut and slinked out in the first place.
Also, if I was that guy having made an honest mistake and tried to offer some kind of mitigation, and then you had insulted me by drying off with paper towels, for fucks sake, rather than touch a towel I had touched, I'd be thinking "Christ, what an asshole."
posted by ctmf at 5:21 PM on July 21, 2010 [6 favorites]
Sounds like he handled it fairly gracefully. He could have just kept his mouth shut, or reacted defensively and accused you of hanging your towel in a stupid place without marking it in some way as yours. Sadly, embarrassed guys on the spot will often do the latter, even when they know damn well they're in the wrong.
Also, if some guy in the gym offered me a towel, I'd say no thanks, but if he specified that it was "clean" I'd take that to mean it had just come from the issue point, touched by nothing but his hand. I'd take it in that case, because a guy that would lie about that would have just kept his mouth shut and slinked out in the first place.
Also, if I was that guy having made an honest mistake and tried to offer some kind of mitigation, and then you had insulted me by drying off with paper towels, for fucks sake, rather than touch a towel I had touched, I'd be thinking "Christ, what an asshole."
posted by ctmf at 5:21 PM on July 21, 2010 [6 favorites]
he should have gotten you a new towel.
posted by elle.jeezy at 5:55 PM on July 21, 2010
posted by elle.jeezy at 5:55 PM on July 21, 2010
Holy crap now I need therapy for this!?
For the towel incident? Nope. For the apparent sensitivity to other people's germs? Probably not. For the anger and extended simmering over a really simple and innocent mistake? Yes, if you can't learn to mellow out on your own.
posted by davejay at 7:55 PM on July 21, 2010 [4 favorites]
For the towel incident? Nope. For the apparent sensitivity to other people's germs? Probably not. For the anger and extended simmering over a really simple and innocent mistake? Yes, if you can't learn to mellow out on your own.
posted by davejay at 7:55 PM on July 21, 2010 [4 favorites]
there are shower stalls with hooks outside the stalls. You hang your towel outside the stall when you go into the stall to use the shower, but it's really not clear which side is the "right" side
I bet this is what happened: assuming you're both right handed you hang your towels on the hook to the right side of your respective stalls before you go in to shower and your stall is to the left of his. When he exits the stall he should grab the towel that's now on his left. But if he's not particularly paying attention and is sort of on autopilot mode his natural tendency is to grab the towel on the right, which is your towel.
Annoying? Definitely! But it's an easy mistake to make.
posted by 6550 at 10:28 AM on July 22, 2010
I bet this is what happened: assuming you're both right handed you hang your towels on the hook to the right side of your respective stalls before you go in to shower and your stall is to the left of his. When he exits the stall he should grab the towel that's now on his left. But if he's not particularly paying attention and is sort of on autopilot mode his natural tendency is to grab the towel on the right, which is your towel.
Annoying? Definitely! But it's an easy mistake to make.
posted by 6550 at 10:28 AM on July 22, 2010
Response by poster: So, quick follow-up: I know I came off as being really angry in my initial post but I wasn't really so angry. Honestly, I was posting this more as a sort of, "this thing happened today that pissed me off, I wonder what the Metafilter crowd thinks of it, which side of the fence they'll come down on? That could be a fun question!" So when I said "I'm still a bit pissed," I meant that like, "I'm still kinda irked/annoyed in a pretty mild way" and not "I'm simmering with rage and would like to kill the guy" (which is not the way I felt at any point, actually). Just wanted to clarify that because I don't think I expressed that very well, judging from some of the responses. Of course, the fault lies with my initial post; I can't blame you guys for taking it the way I wrote it.
Anyways, to follow-up, thanks for all the thoughtful responses. Some where really harsh but really accurate. I feel bad for the guy now, and I think ctmf's post about me coming off as an asshole for not taking his towel is pretty dead-on. I will apologize to him next time I see him, and I also typed up a note and left it prominently in the gym ("sorry for being a dick last week, if you see me approaching don't run away 'cause I just want to apologize!").
As always, thanks MeFites!
posted by dubitable at 11:07 AM on July 30, 2010
Anyways, to follow-up, thanks for all the thoughtful responses. Some where really harsh but really accurate. I feel bad for the guy now, and I think ctmf's post about me coming off as an asshole for not taking his towel is pretty dead-on. I will apologize to him next time I see him, and I also typed up a note and left it prominently in the gym ("sorry for being a dick last week, if you see me approaching don't run away 'cause I just want to apologize!").
As always, thanks MeFites!
posted by dubitable at 11:07 AM on July 30, 2010
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by smackfu at 2:39 PM on July 21, 2010 [10 favorites]