Getting over first love..
July 5, 2010 3:21 PM Subscribe
Getting over first love, when he needs me to be supportive when going through a tough time.
My first love of 4 years left me a couple weeks ago, to take care of his problems. He's recently agreed to be hospitalized and get help for his problems ptsd, bipolar, etc, he's going on three weeks of being hospitalized. We had some very difficult problems at one time, pretty abusive relationship. He says we're not healthy for each other which is very true, our issues clashed pretty badly but also says he still loves me and cares about me. It hurts horribly obviously and it's so much more difficult because he needs me more than ever at this point. He says he needs me right now to be supportive of him which I understand and I've been trying hard to stay strong for him, but every time I see or talk to him it's torture because it's hurts all over again. I'm still confused at this point and I can't really get any answers out of him and don't try to put pressure on him because he has enough to worry about. I still have that hope in my mind that we'll be together again but it's not what he wants or needs he says he wants a fresh start and asks for me to not be mad if he finds someone new. It makes things so much more difficult because I still love him a lot and it's hard to let go of those feelings when he needs me there for him as a friend. I feel as if I cannot get over him until I let go but he needs me, he has no other friends or family other than me, so that makes it very difficult to let go. It's just not healthy for me at this point to keep hanging on and he doesn't understand that. I want to be there for him so badly but I love him a lot. He's taking care of himself for once so I'm happy he's getting the help he needs, but how can I be there for him as a friend and get over him without hurting him by walking away because I truly do care about him? I really am at a lost for what would be best right now for us. Not just him or me but what would be best for both of us. I don't want to leave him or hurt him in any way.
My first love of 4 years left me a couple weeks ago, to take care of his problems. He's recently agreed to be hospitalized and get help for his problems ptsd, bipolar, etc, he's going on three weeks of being hospitalized. We had some very difficult problems at one time, pretty abusive relationship. He says we're not healthy for each other which is very true, our issues clashed pretty badly but also says he still loves me and cares about me. It hurts horribly obviously and it's so much more difficult because he needs me more than ever at this point. He says he needs me right now to be supportive of him which I understand and I've been trying hard to stay strong for him, but every time I see or talk to him it's torture because it's hurts all over again. I'm still confused at this point and I can't really get any answers out of him and don't try to put pressure on him because he has enough to worry about. I still have that hope in my mind that we'll be together again but it's not what he wants or needs he says he wants a fresh start and asks for me to not be mad if he finds someone new. It makes things so much more difficult because I still love him a lot and it's hard to let go of those feelings when he needs me there for him as a friend. I feel as if I cannot get over him until I let go but he needs me, he has no other friends or family other than me, so that makes it very difficult to let go. It's just not healthy for me at this point to keep hanging on and he doesn't understand that. I want to be there for him so badly but I love him a lot. He's taking care of himself for once so I'm happy he's getting the help he needs, but how can I be there for him as a friend and get over him without hurting him by walking away because I truly do care about him? I really am at a lost for what would be best right now for us. Not just him or me but what would be best for both of us. I don't want to leave him or hurt him in any way.
This post was deleted for the following reason: whoops -- jessamyn
Opps, this was already posted once! Didn't think they would post it again, I decided to make it non anonymous.
I apologize.
posted by lwclec072 at 3:31 PM on July 5, 2010
I apologize.
posted by lwclec072 at 3:31 PM on July 5, 2010
This thread is closed to new comments.
I don't want to leave him or hurt him in any way.
he says he wants a fresh start and asks for me to not be mad if he finds someone new.
This is all too vague and emotional for us to help at all.
You don't want anyone to say DTMFA, but no one can say "Yes, he will get through this and stop being a jerk and you will live happily ever after." You already know that you won't, but you can't face it, it hurts too much, so you come here and are freaking out.
I don't believe that he has no other friends or family other than you. People always say that but then there's someone lurking somewhere. And how is he going to find someone new if he has no other friends or family?
You can't have it both ways. I don't know what he wants you to do - 'be supportive' is so vague. You can 'be supportive' by visiting him once or twice a week and affirming that you support his decision to get help, but it sounds like he wants permission to mistreat you however he wishes and you're supposed to drop everything and take it. This isn't healthy, this isn't good, there is nothing here for you, but you want someone to tell you that there is.
posted by micawber at 3:30 PM on July 5, 2010