My mom Is Cheating On My Dad
April 7, 2010 10:00 PM Subscribe
How Am I Supposed To Feel About My Mom Cheating On My Dad? And Draining Family Money? (desperate for any help or advice)
posted by xopaigexo to human relations (29 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
My mom is cheating on my dad. She's been "with" the guy (who just happens to be a good family friend she used to work for before she was laid off who is married with children) for a year and a half, but just found out tonight and in one of the worst ways.
For a few months, I could feel tension between my parents so heavy I prefer to just not be at home. My 3 siblings are in their twenties so its just me and my parents at home. They're always fighting about something. Anyway, I recently have been seeing papers lying around the house about infidelity in marriage, and cheating (not too smart, mom!) but i didn't know which of my parents were having an affair. My boyfriend had advised me not to worry about it, he's the only one i told, and i took his advice. However, today, I was using my mom's phone to text someone because mine died and in her inbox were messages from a friend saying something like, "Try to cut off contact with him. You have your family at stake." I'm not generally nosy at all, but i had to know what was going on, because nobody had told me sh**, so i looked at my mom's email. I didn't know what to expect really but i had to know. Thing is, I don't know how to forgive what i saw.
There were about 10 messages back and forth between her and a man who went by the name of Peter, which i figured out is a cover up. Also, the subject is "sales estimates" for all of the messages.
They were long messages full of romance and lust, which maddened me and made me sick to my stomach. It also mentioned them staying at hotels together (my mom "travels with friends" alot), traveling together, dreams of "escaping". She also told him that she had saved up money for months of hotel stays with him. I mentioned above that my mom lost her job, about a year ago. My dad is working his a** off for us, working late nights because we cant make all the ends meet. I have to use my savings money for some necessities because we cant afford alot, and i cant get a job. But i figured out where all of the money is going... She's wasting it away on her affair. They mentioned me, saying if they ran off together i would come too, because i need to be with my mother. And she said she had discussed divorce with me, and the possibilty of separation, but she actually never mentioned anything to me at all. She tells him she loves her family, but she cannot decide if she wants to go with him or us. She says she is miserable without him, but even I know that the "love" they share is simply lust heightened by the fact that they "cant have each other" and they only see each other when they want to. My poor dad is a great guy who married my mom when she had to flee from her first husband with 3 kids. He adopted and raised my siblings as his own. Maybe they werent meant to be together, but she could at least respect him enough for what hes done for our family.
The reason i am miserable is because i dont know how to feel about this. I understand divorce, it happens. But adultery is unacceptable. And draining family money, hypocrisy and lies are just unforgivable. I dont know whether to speak up to her, or keep it to myself. Either way, i cant look at her the same again. I will always respect her as a mother but never again as a person. Please, can anybody give me advice on how to get through this?