Help me get "a good head on my shoulders"
January 6, 2010 4:20 PM
Getting a "good head on your shoulders" -- how to do it? Do you have common sense? How did you get it?
I'm well-educated, responsible, in shape, have friends, a normal life, etc. But I don't come across as having "a good head on my shoulders". I want to make it clear that I "have my shit together". Objectively, I'm in pretty good shape: I support myself, have a good set of friends, savings, etc. But I don't think I give off that impression.
My parents were alcoholics who ranked very low on the common-sense meter; I'm a bit ADD, so I sometimes have trouble focusing. I'm kind of Drew Barrymore-ish in personality, but want to be as confident and successful as I can.
I'm quirky and intellectual, and I don't want to stop being that way, but I want to show that I'm not only smart, but "sensible" (without being boring).
Help!
I'm well-educated, responsible, in shape, have friends, a normal life, etc. But I don't come across as having "a good head on my shoulders". I want to make it clear that I "have my shit together". Objectively, I'm in pretty good shape: I support myself, have a good set of friends, savings, etc. But I don't think I give off that impression.
My parents were alcoholics who ranked very low on the common-sense meter; I'm a bit ADD, so I sometimes have trouble focusing. I'm kind of Drew Barrymore-ish in personality, but want to be as confident and successful as I can.
I'm quirky and intellectual, and I don't want to stop being that way, but I want to show that I'm not only smart, but "sensible" (without being boring).
Help!
"Common sense" tends to be something dumb people claim to have, to make themselves feel better about being dumb. The "clueless professor" thing is really just confirmation bias and cliche- there's no reason intellectual people can't have "common sense" too.
However, being intelligent doesn't guarantee you will make good decisions. That's what "common sense" or "good head on your shoulders" really means- making good decisions, which means thinking critically: Would that Nigerian prince *really* be emailing random people from a Yahoo account? Just think twice before you act, observe the world and learn how things work. When you do make a mistake, learn from it.
Do you actually have any sort of problem? Unless you're regularly getting scammed or tricked, you may be just fine already.
posted by drjimmy11 at 4:27 PM on January 6, 2010
However, being intelligent doesn't guarantee you will make good decisions. That's what "common sense" or "good head on your shoulders" really means- making good decisions, which means thinking critically: Would that Nigerian prince *really* be emailing random people from a Yahoo account? Just think twice before you act, observe the world and learn how things work. When you do make a mistake, learn from it.
Do you actually have any sort of problem? Unless you're regularly getting scammed or tricked, you may be just fine already.
posted by drjimmy11 at 4:27 PM on January 6, 2010
I find moving to a new city, or even a new country, generally does the trick. It's good to just escape everyone you knew and their preconceptions of you so you can start anew.
posted by dunkadunc at 4:27 PM on January 6, 2010
posted by dunkadunc at 4:27 PM on January 6, 2010
Expose yourself to as many new experiences as possible. Say "yes" as often as you can when positive opportunities present themselves.
posted by fire&wings at 4:31 PM on January 6, 2010
posted by fire&wings at 4:31 PM on January 6, 2010
Objectively, I'm in pretty good shape: I support myself, have a good set of friends, savings, etc.
So why give a rat's arse what other people might think of you?
You can't control what they think. Don't bend yourself out of shape trying to.
posted by flabdablet at 4:40 PM on January 6, 2010
So why give a rat's arse what other people might think of you?
You can't control what they think. Don't bend yourself out of shape trying to.
posted by flabdablet at 4:40 PM on January 6, 2010
dunkadunc: "I find moving to a new city, or even a new country, generally does the trick."
I think the reason this works... is because it forces you to do the things that gursky and drjimmy11 are advising:
gursky: "a good way to give off that impression is to practice being calm, cool, and collected. don't overreact to things, take them in stride. if you're levelheaded, you'll come across as sensible."
drjimmy11: "common sense" really means- making good decisions, which means thinking critically: (Would that Nigerian prince *really* be emailing random people from a Yahoo account?) Just (slow down) and think twice before you act, observe the world and learn how things work. When you do make a mistake, learn from it."
Of the two pieces of advice... the one that seems to be actually MAKE me more common sense and capable.. it drjimmy11's approach (especially being mindful of "critical thinking"). The one that seems to actually make peoples impression of me better.. is gursky's advice. When you start getting complimented: "Nothing seems to phase you!?!.. why is that?"... then you're on the right track.
posted by jmnugent at 5:09 PM on January 6, 2010
I think the reason this works... is because it forces you to do the things that gursky and drjimmy11 are advising:
gursky: "a good way to give off that impression is to practice being calm, cool, and collected. don't overreact to things, take them in stride. if you're levelheaded, you'll come across as sensible."
drjimmy11: "common sense" really means- making good decisions, which means thinking critically: (Would that Nigerian prince *really* be emailing random people from a Yahoo account?) Just (slow down) and think twice before you act, observe the world and learn how things work. When you do make a mistake, learn from it."
Of the two pieces of advice... the one that seems to be actually MAKE me more common sense and capable.. it drjimmy11's approach (especially being mindful of "critical thinking"). The one that seems to actually make peoples impression of me better.. is gursky's advice. When you start getting complimented: "Nothing seems to phase you!?!.. why is that?"... then you're on the right track.
posted by jmnugent at 5:09 PM on January 6, 2010
Be aware of the time and how long it takes to do things. If you say you'll be at place X at Y o'clock, be there at Y. If you are going to a movie after dinner, figure out how long dinner will take and how long it will take to get to the theater. Notice how long things take so you can make future time estimates.
Being prompt and aware of the time goes a long way towards projecting that head on you shoulders.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 5:26 PM on January 6, 2010
Being prompt and aware of the time goes a long way towards projecting that head on you shoulders.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 5:26 PM on January 6, 2010
If your concern is your impression, rather than actually having a good head on your shoulders, as you put it - perhaps talk to the people who's opinion you would value and ask them the same question? perhaps there is some element to your behavior that makes people think you don't have this quality.... or perhaps you are just being overly self-conscious.
Life is there to enjoy - if you feel happy, have good savings, are comfortable with your friends and family and general living situation, there is nothing to fix.
But just as a shot in the dark - the #1 thing that people seem to pick up on is consistency in behavior - so if it matters, try to be consistent and reliable. If you are going to phone someone back in 5 minutes, phone then back in 5 minutes. Be consistent in your opinions and actions towards others - inconsistency and percieved erratic behavior make people wary.
posted by TravellingDen at 5:35 PM on January 6, 2010
Life is there to enjoy - if you feel happy, have good savings, are comfortable with your friends and family and general living situation, there is nothing to fix.
But just as a shot in the dark - the #1 thing that people seem to pick up on is consistency in behavior - so if it matters, try to be consistent and reliable. If you are going to phone someone back in 5 minutes, phone then back in 5 minutes. Be consistent in your opinions and actions towards others - inconsistency and percieved erratic behavior make people wary.
posted by TravellingDen at 5:35 PM on January 6, 2010
Good judgement comes from experience. Experience comes from bad decisions.
Everybody makes mistakes but not everybody learns from them. When something goes poorly you have a learning opportunity but only if you take it. The world is full of people who make the same stupid mistakes repeatedly.
Reflect on what went wrong, how it went wrong, when it went wrong and what you might have done differently. Take it all on your self, don't blame. If you can do this, you will be ahead of almost everybody.
posted by trinity8-director at 5:42 PM on January 6, 2010
Everybody makes mistakes but not everybody learns from them. When something goes poorly you have a learning opportunity but only if you take it. The world is full of people who make the same stupid mistakes repeatedly.
Reflect on what went wrong, how it went wrong, when it went wrong and what you might have done differently. Take it all on your self, don't blame. If you can do this, you will be ahead of almost everybody.
posted by trinity8-director at 5:42 PM on January 6, 2010
Gah, er, that should be: "Experience comes from bad judgement."
posted by trinity8-director at 5:43 PM on January 6, 2010
posted by trinity8-director at 5:43 PM on January 6, 2010
Whenever you see something happen and you don't understand why, make yourself figure it out - or at the very least, look it up.
Make a conscious effort to research the opinions you have, especially from other perspectives. Being able to understand both sides of an issue and break it down intelligently is pretty impressive at times.
Before you do anything, make a conscious effort to think, if only for a moment, "What might happen as a result of this?" (this one has prevented several door dings as I was getting out of the car)
Finally, try as hard as possible to avoid making potentially important decisions when emotions, especially anger, may be overriding your reasoning. Sometimes it's good to break this rule, but from my experience those times are pretty rare.
posted by Earl the Polliwog at 6:09 PM on January 6, 2010
Make a conscious effort to research the opinions you have, especially from other perspectives. Being able to understand both sides of an issue and break it down intelligently is pretty impressive at times.
Before you do anything, make a conscious effort to think, if only for a moment, "What might happen as a result of this?" (this one has prevented several door dings as I was getting out of the car)
Finally, try as hard as possible to avoid making potentially important decisions when emotions, especially anger, may be overriding your reasoning. Sometimes it's good to break this rule, but from my experience those times are pretty rare.
posted by Earl the Polliwog at 6:09 PM on January 6, 2010
Be aware of the time and how long it takes to do things. If you say you'll be at place X at Y o'clock, be there at Y. If you are going to a movie after dinner, figure out how long dinner will take and how long it will take to get to the theater. Notice how long things take so you can make future time estimates.
Being prompt and aware of the time goes a long way towards projecting that head on you shoulders.
One hundred percent, this. I have absolutely found in my personal experience that if you're consistently punctual (you show up on time, meet deadlines, and handle your finances on time), you buy yourself a lot of freedom to be a total dingbat in so many other ways.
posted by padraigin at 6:28 PM on January 6, 2010
Being prompt and aware of the time goes a long way towards projecting that head on you shoulders.
One hundred percent, this. I have absolutely found in my personal experience that if you're consistently punctual (you show up on time, meet deadlines, and handle your finances on time), you buy yourself a lot of freedom to be a total dingbat in so many other ways.
posted by padraigin at 6:28 PM on January 6, 2010
But I don't come across as having "a good head on my shoulders". I want to make it clear that I "have my shit together". Objectively, I'm in pretty good shape: I support myself, have a good set of friends, savings, etc. But I don't think I give off that impression.
I wouldn't worry so much about what other people think.
I'm quirky and intellectual, and I don't want to stop being that way, but I want to show that I'm not only smart, but "sensible" (without being boring).
And I don't know you, so don't know if this is the case but: sometimes--especially if you are female--people will try to neuter/neutralize your intelligence by claiming you're not "street smart." "Oh, yeah, she's smart, but she has no common sense [like the speaker]." Sort of like the "dumb jock" or "bimbo blonde" stereotype ("sure, he's more athletic/she's more attractive, but he/she isn't very smart."
posted by availablelight at 6:29 PM on January 6, 2010
I wouldn't worry so much about what other people think.
I'm quirky and intellectual, and I don't want to stop being that way, but I want to show that I'm not only smart, but "sensible" (without being boring).
And I don't know you, so don't know if this is the case but: sometimes--especially if you are female--people will try to neuter/neutralize your intelligence by claiming you're not "street smart." "Oh, yeah, she's smart, but she has no common sense [like the speaker]." Sort of like the "dumb jock" or "bimbo blonde" stereotype ("sure, he's more athletic/she's more attractive, but he/she isn't very smart."
posted by availablelight at 6:29 PM on January 6, 2010
The less I spoke aloud (a) the more people projected their best impressions on me (b) the more they listened when I did speak (c) the less often I spoke foolishly (d) the more perspective I got on what was worth saying.
posted by eccnineten at 6:39 PM on January 6, 2010
posted by eccnineten at 6:39 PM on January 6, 2010
I don't have advice, just a story about a sensible farmwife. When I knew her, "Sally" was running a farm, a family and, in part, a company. She was bright, and turned her smarts toward looking at situations as problems to be worked, rather than as things to get upset about. She was wonderful about sitting down with me and outlining a problem and then brainstorming solutions. Her calmness and rational reactions encouraged me to talk with her, and her willingness to hear me kept us talking.
She was always game to learn something and never lost an opportunity to pick someone's brain on a topic that interested her. She would follow up next time she saw the person and tell him what happened when she took his advice. This trait made people think of her name when it came to be county fair time, and they needed a reliable person to run, say, the goat judging.
She was always cool in the clutch, and, after long experience, had the ability to make painful decisions quickly, like choosing to help a still-struggling calf rather than weep for the one born dead. Her quick triage skills--the ability to weigh factors, decide and *act* on the spot--were exemplary, if not warm and fuzzy. But it made me trust her.
She was also the kind of person to take mini-courses, like CPR, "just in case." (This was a good thread on being prepared. There's a similar emergency coolness Ask MeFi thread, but I can't find it now.) She always knew her stuff--or admitted that she didn't and sought out advice from experienced people. TV-watching (or any other downtime) was an occasion to fold socks, do mending, or (it must be admitted) nap. She always gave off a sense of valuing time.
Most of all, when she made mistakes, she'd just say "Oh. DARN." and then go about figuring out when she'd gone wrong and have a good laugh over her error.
Thinking, planning, staying calm, being prepared, and being willing to learn were her hallmarks. They might serve you well, too.
posted by MonkeyToes at 6:41 PM on January 6, 2010
She was always game to learn something and never lost an opportunity to pick someone's brain on a topic that interested her. She would follow up next time she saw the person and tell him what happened when she took his advice. This trait made people think of her name when it came to be county fair time, and they needed a reliable person to run, say, the goat judging.
She was always cool in the clutch, and, after long experience, had the ability to make painful decisions quickly, like choosing to help a still-struggling calf rather than weep for the one born dead. Her quick triage skills--the ability to weigh factors, decide and *act* on the spot--were exemplary, if not warm and fuzzy. But it made me trust her.
She was also the kind of person to take mini-courses, like CPR, "just in case." (This was a good thread on being prepared. There's a similar emergency coolness Ask MeFi thread, but I can't find it now.) She always knew her stuff--or admitted that she didn't and sought out advice from experienced people. TV-watching (or any other downtime) was an occasion to fold socks, do mending, or (it must be admitted) nap. She always gave off a sense of valuing time.
Most of all, when she made mistakes, she'd just say "Oh. DARN." and then go about figuring out when she'd gone wrong and have a good laugh over her error.
Thinking, planning, staying calm, being prepared, and being willing to learn were her hallmarks. They might serve you well, too.
posted by MonkeyToes at 6:41 PM on January 6, 2010
Here's the other thread about keeping cool in emergencies.
posted by MonkeyToes at 7:24 PM on January 6, 2010
posted by MonkeyToes at 7:24 PM on January 6, 2010
The person I consider to have the most common sense has many of the traits listed above, but to reiterate and clarify:
1) She learns from her mistakes.
2) She is punctual. Specifically, she accounts for things beyond her control - specifically, other people - and factor them in to her plans. So if she needs to be somewhere that is 20 minutes away, and her ride is always 10 minutes late, she plans for 40 minutes of travel time, allowing for that stupid red light, etc. This is HUGELY apparent when we try to go to the movies as a group - she's never late, never the one holding up the group, and if she has enough say, she makes sure no one else is either, even with 20+ people.
3) She communicates. She makes sure everyone knows the plan, and is clear on their part in it, and that the plan makes sense to everyone. She does this without being overbearing or controlling.
4) She documents. If she needs to get a chain of paperwork done, she gets as much of it as she can before she begins, so that she is efficient, and prior work backs her up or prevents additional work needing to be done later due to something she missed. It's a Big Picture thing. This is a big thing with medical paperwork, taxes, and office work.
5) She knows when to stop. If she's running into a wall, she doesn't keep running into it. If someone is arguing with her and becoming irrational, she'll stop the argument rather than get louder or press the issue, until it can be resolved somehow else. If there is a problem she can't solve, she'll back up in her process until the problem can be bypassed entirely by taking a different approach, when she can. Wasting effort on a lost cause is NOT common sense.
6) She uses her resources. If she has problems getting the star off the Christmas tree, she'll ask the local beanpole (me) to help get it down, rather than risk herself on a stepstool, if I'm nearby. She's not afraid to ask for help when she needs it, because common sense means you know when you don't know, and you admit it.
posted by GJSchaller at 8:17 PM on January 6, 2010
1) She learns from her mistakes.
2) She is punctual. Specifically, she accounts for things beyond her control - specifically, other people - and factor them in to her plans. So if she needs to be somewhere that is 20 minutes away, and her ride is always 10 minutes late, she plans for 40 minutes of travel time, allowing for that stupid red light, etc. This is HUGELY apparent when we try to go to the movies as a group - she's never late, never the one holding up the group, and if she has enough say, she makes sure no one else is either, even with 20+ people.
3) She communicates. She makes sure everyone knows the plan, and is clear on their part in it, and that the plan makes sense to everyone. She does this without being overbearing or controlling.
4) She documents. If she needs to get a chain of paperwork done, she gets as much of it as she can before she begins, so that she is efficient, and prior work backs her up or prevents additional work needing to be done later due to something she missed. It's a Big Picture thing. This is a big thing with medical paperwork, taxes, and office work.
5) She knows when to stop. If she's running into a wall, she doesn't keep running into it. If someone is arguing with her and becoming irrational, she'll stop the argument rather than get louder or press the issue, until it can be resolved somehow else. If there is a problem she can't solve, she'll back up in her process until the problem can be bypassed entirely by taking a different approach, when she can. Wasting effort on a lost cause is NOT common sense.
6) She uses her resources. If she has problems getting the star off the Christmas tree, she'll ask the local beanpole (me) to help get it down, rather than risk herself on a stepstool, if I'm nearby. She's not afraid to ask for help when she needs it, because common sense means you know when you don't know, and you admit it.
posted by GJSchaller at 8:17 PM on January 6, 2010
Confidence from having made good decisions in the past.
posted by porpoise at 9:08 PM on January 6, 2010
posted by porpoise at 9:08 PM on January 6, 2010
GJSchaller has many good points here, my favorite being: show up on time to things. Never be late. That is one trait uniformly shared by every sensible person I know.
posted by jennyhead at 10:15 PM on January 6, 2010
posted by jennyhead at 10:15 PM on January 6, 2010
Do you actually want to become more sensible or just give that impression to others? If its the latter, I have no idea. If you actually want to be more sensible, what is it that you think you said/did that was less than sensible? If you could go back in time, what would you do differently?
You haven't mentioned how old you are. That can make a huge difference. Knowing your self, what values are important to you and staying true to those values makes things a bit easier. But I think introspection and knowing your own self is the key here. Not sure you can learn that from AskMe :)
posted by xm at 10:43 PM on January 6, 2010
You haven't mentioned how old you are. That can make a huge difference. Knowing your self, what values are important to you and staying true to those values makes things a bit easier. But I think introspection and knowing your own self is the key here. Not sure you can learn that from AskMe :)
posted by xm at 10:43 PM on January 6, 2010
Don't just learn from your mistakes—you can get a few lifetimes worth of lessons from your own parents.
Think about who you most admire in this category, especially movie characters, and why you think they have good sense. List character traits, habits, mannerisms, aspects of appearance, etc. they have that give off this impression.
Also, having some sort of "proof" that you're mature helps, both in terms of giving you perspective and giving others a new take on how to view you. Try being a Big Sister, volunteering at a nursing home, a homeless shelter. When you surround yourself with such despair, many things in your life will comparatively seem easy.
posted by blazingunicorn at 4:09 AM on January 7, 2010
Think about who you most admire in this category, especially movie characters, and why you think they have good sense. List character traits, habits, mannerisms, aspects of appearance, etc. they have that give off this impression.
Also, having some sort of "proof" that you're mature helps, both in terms of giving you perspective and giving others a new take on how to view you. Try being a Big Sister, volunteering at a nursing home, a homeless shelter. When you surround yourself with such despair, many things in your life will comparatively seem easy.
posted by blazingunicorn at 4:09 AM on January 7, 2010
You seem to want to give the appearance of common sense more than you want to actually possess it. Please don't think of common sense as a parlor trick to win friends. Your questions sound a little more like insecurity than a search for wisdom. Maybe the answers to your questions lie in that direction. However, ...
Do you have common sense? How did you get it?
FWIW, a person wishing to demonstrate common sense should really want to live an intentional life. With intention, the events of your life don't appear to just fall into place. They happen because you analyzed and selected the correct choices from the various options. People can usually see the sense of your decision without explanation. Hence, the meaning of 'common'. Beware: some admire this quality; some find it cold.
Common sense is nothing more than a filter, a screening process, a review and rating of options. First you have to know the options and their merits. Education helps but don't confuse education with judgement. Most people gain wisdom from experience not textbooks. Using common sense doesn't mean you make the correct decision, only that you can justify it.
Secondly, you need a retention system. Whatever decision-making sense I feel I have has come from remembering the consequences of my actions. What were my choices in any given situation? What were the results of these options? I make new decisions based on the collection of past ones. Obviously, with time comes more data. Time starts now.
One final caution. Putting on an appearance of common sense is worse than never possessing it.
posted by birdwatcher at 4:57 AM on January 7, 2010
Do you have common sense? How did you get it?
FWIW, a person wishing to demonstrate common sense should really want to live an intentional life. With intention, the events of your life don't appear to just fall into place. They happen because you analyzed and selected the correct choices from the various options. People can usually see the sense of your decision without explanation. Hence, the meaning of 'common'. Beware: some admire this quality; some find it cold.
Common sense is nothing more than a filter, a screening process, a review and rating of options. First you have to know the options and their merits. Education helps but don't confuse education with judgement. Most people gain wisdom from experience not textbooks. Using common sense doesn't mean you make the correct decision, only that you can justify it.
Secondly, you need a retention system. Whatever decision-making sense I feel I have has come from remembering the consequences of my actions. What were my choices in any given situation? What were the results of these options? I make new decisions based on the collection of past ones. Obviously, with time comes more data. Time starts now.
One final caution. Putting on an appearance of common sense is worse than never possessing it.
posted by birdwatcher at 4:57 AM on January 7, 2010
Things that are sometimes referred to as "common sense":
Knowing how to cook basic dishes - a stew, an omelet, a cooked breakfast, a roast dinner, etc.
Knowing how to keep your house at a reasonable level of cleanliness, and then doing this on a regular basis.
Knowing how to solve basic household problems (and having the tools to do it): change a lightbulb or a fuse or a tap washer, fix a wonky drawer, unblock the sink.
Knowing basic car maintenance: how often you need to change the oil and why. What pressure your tires should be at, how often to check them, how to pump them up.
Knowing basic physics and how it applies to common situations, e.g. what will happen if you lean over on that stepladder; what gear is best for getting your car going on an icy road.
Having basic electrical knowledge.
Owning and wearing the right clothes for the weather conditions.
Having a first aid kit in your house and car and knowing what to do with it.
Being well prepared for things that might go wrong. Do you know what you would do if your car broke down on the way somewhere? Could you get into your house if you lost your keys? Do you know where you could find a torch - and spare batteries for it - if there was a power cut?
posted by emilyw at 4:58 AM on January 7, 2010
Knowing how to cook basic dishes - a stew, an omelet, a cooked breakfast, a roast dinner, etc.
Knowing how to keep your house at a reasonable level of cleanliness, and then doing this on a regular basis.
Knowing how to solve basic household problems (and having the tools to do it): change a lightbulb or a fuse or a tap washer, fix a wonky drawer, unblock the sink.
Knowing basic car maintenance: how often you need to change the oil and why. What pressure your tires should be at, how often to check them, how to pump them up.
Knowing basic physics and how it applies to common situations, e.g. what will happen if you lean over on that stepladder; what gear is best for getting your car going on an icy road.
Having basic electrical knowledge.
Owning and wearing the right clothes for the weather conditions.
Having a first aid kit in your house and car and knowing what to do with it.
Being well prepared for things that might go wrong. Do you know what you would do if your car broke down on the way somewhere? Could you get into your house if you lost your keys? Do you know where you could find a torch - and spare batteries for it - if there was a power cut?
posted by emilyw at 4:58 AM on January 7, 2010
Donate blood. Only 5% of people who can actually do it, but everyone means to get around to it one day. This is related to getting points simply by being punctual (or always 5 minutes early)--it shows you are more on-the-case than 95% of people, and only takes half an hour or so. (And it's a good thing to do anyhow, and wearing the little "I donated today" sticker reminds other people to actually get around to it, so it's win-win.)
posted by K.P. at 5:15 AM on January 7, 2010
posted by K.P. at 5:15 AM on January 7, 2010
I give off the same impression, but I'm actually much more put together than people think that I am. My problems are that I have a very sort of "Hippy dippy" personality coupled with a chronic disorder which is unpredictable in nature (epilepsy - I sometimes have to "flake out" on things with no warning and I honestly have no control over that). I've accepted that a lot of people think of me as "crazy" or "offbeat" and whatever, that's just like, their opinion, man.
If, objectively, you're in good shape - there's nothing you can do to change other people's impressions. Just embrace your quirky image. There is absolutely NOTHING you can do to change the way someone else thinks of you - I've learned this from bitter, bitter experience.
(Hell, I'm a nanny and work with children professionally and I had a friend believe that because I love babies, I was going to come and steal hers in the night. She wasn't previously out of her mind - I would actually describe her as level-headed to a fault, but no amount of FACTS was going to change her mind that I'm a baby-thief. Same is true for just about anyone, even if you start waving your bank statements around, you might still be seen as a "flake." Just shrug and move on.)
If, on the other hand, you really do need to get it together, there's a lot of great advice in the thread.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 5:39 AM on January 7, 2010
If, objectively, you're in good shape - there's nothing you can do to change other people's impressions. Just embrace your quirky image. There is absolutely NOTHING you can do to change the way someone else thinks of you - I've learned this from bitter, bitter experience.
(Hell, I'm a nanny and work with children professionally and I had a friend believe that because I love babies, I was going to come and steal hers in the night. She wasn't previously out of her mind - I would actually describe her as level-headed to a fault, but no amount of FACTS was going to change her mind that I'm a baby-thief. Same is true for just about anyone, even if you start waving your bank statements around, you might still be seen as a "flake." Just shrug and move on.)
If, on the other hand, you really do need to get it together, there's a lot of great advice in the thread.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 5:39 AM on January 7, 2010
If you wish to appear sensible, the thing to do is act sensibly. Those who are considered insensible or flighty or ignorant are usually those people who take action (or omit actions) without understanding why they should or should not do a thing.
A huge portion of what people categorize as "common sense" is merely thinking through the consequences of your actions before you take the action. If you pause to consider what will happen were you to do something, and then avoid doing the things that will have consequences beyond your immediate assumption, you'll be perceived as sensible.
posted by majick at 5:40 AM on January 7, 2010
A huge portion of what people categorize as "common sense" is merely thinking through the consequences of your actions before you take the action. If you pause to consider what will happen were you to do something, and then avoid doing the things that will have consequences beyond your immediate assumption, you'll be perceived as sensible.
posted by majick at 5:40 AM on January 7, 2010
A huge portion of what people categorize as "common sense" is merely thinking through the consequences of your actions before you take the action.
I agree, and would expand on that somewhat. You need to plan for the things you do more carefully in order to avoid looking flighty.
Example: A friend of mine never, ever plans her evenings -- she just winds up wherever various situations take her. So she's constantly dressed inappropriately, shows up empty-handed, is super late or early, needs to borrow money, etc. She's a smart gal who seems like an idiot to people who don't know her because someone always has to take care of her in some way as a result of her utter lack of planning.
posted by coolguymichael at 12:36 PM on January 7, 2010
I agree, and would expand on that somewhat. You need to plan for the things you do more carefully in order to avoid looking flighty.
Example: A friend of mine never, ever plans her evenings -- she just winds up wherever various situations take her. So she's constantly dressed inappropriately, shows up empty-handed, is super late or early, needs to borrow money, etc. She's a smart gal who seems like an idiot to people who don't know her because someone always has to take care of her in some way as a result of her utter lack of planning.
posted by coolguymichael at 12:36 PM on January 7, 2010
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posted by gursky at 4:26 PM on January 6, 2010