WorkAccidentFilter: Help me protect my mother.
December 22, 2009 7:52 AM
She's burned her hands at work and I fear the company doesn't even want her around.
Here's a little (err, lengthy) backstory...
My mother just turned fifty years old. Previously, she ran her own house cleaning business for seven years before her arthritis forced her to leave. Over the past few years she's gone from job to job, never really fitting in and usually leaving (or being let go) from around 6 months to a year. Mostly she has picked up work waiting at various restaurants, but at five feet tall, diagnosed with post-trauma stress, alcoholism and arthritis it shouldn't be too difficult to understand why things haven't worked out. Unfortunately this is the type of work she's done all her life.
She has a tendency to be overbearing in that she never stops talking (in part, I feel, from the very solitary lifestyle she's acquired.) She doesn't really have friends because of this and, having no friends and little family who care to deal with her stress, has absolutely no confidence and seems to be always throwing herself under the bus in an effort of falling under the good graces of others.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So last week she started at a little soup shop that just opened up in her town. After a few days of training they eventually stuck her in the back kitchen thawing and handling bags of hot soup (160 - 200 degrees F). After her first day she complained that she had burned her hands. (The shop didn't supply their workers with any sort of protective wear) She had even attempted to explain to her boss the situation, but he was "busy". By morning the pain had not gone away so she visited the walk in hospital where they told her she had first degree burns and that she shouldn't be handling anything so hot in the near future. She was advised to have her boss file an accident report and then file workmen's comp.
The next day she was scheduled to work the front register and she went in as scheduled. Upon arriving she learned she would once again be handling the hot soup in the kitchen. Knowing that if she complained, not only would she incur the scrutiny of her boss, but her coworkers also - she stuck it out another day in the kitchen (she said her hands had been feeling better and would work with them). Last night she calls me up crying because again her hands are burned. She called the hospital back and they told her she should DEFINITELY not have worked in the kitchen, and that until she files workmen's comp. she shouldn't be working at all. So she called out of work today and explained what was needed before she could return. My obvious concern is what repercussions her attendance will have on her future employment with the company, and if the negligence on the part of her boss is wholly unwarranted and due, in part, to a personal bias against my mothers individual persona.
In the event she is let go, or neglected to the effect of her leaving, how can I protect her? I just helped her sign a lease on a new apartment and I don't know what we will do if her income is cut off. For the past few months she has received unemployment (which we will only partial now that she has a new job).
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Her situation is recurring. The opinion of her family and former friends generally falls somewhere between sympathy and an attitude of questioning her ethics and values. She comes from a staunchly lower-middle class family (Catholic, nonetheless) but the town she was born and raised, which she raised my brother and I, has been slowly inculcated with an air of superiority due to a flood of new money. Life here is too fast for her, no doubt, but there is no where else to go. (and I can guarantee you, if there was money for a lawyer I wouldn't be posting this on Metafilter, no offense :) )
Yes, she struggles with alcoholism and has been charged with various petty charges due to her behavior when drinking, but she attends all the programs the state demands of her (at the expense of her time/energy/money). She's a very lonely person who doesn't have the means to help herself, and most people around her blame her struggles solely on her, or at least cannot make the effort to see the effect of the larger social system on the individual. One last thing I would like to mention is that, when she realized she had a drinking problem years ago she brought it up to social services and asked for help for the three of us, wherein DCF charged her with neglect and threatened to remove us from the home. She was in the middle of getting a degree so she could become a teacher and, now with much time wasted due to the neglect charge, finished her degree for nought. (At the risk of this becoming a tirade I would just like to throw it out there that in my opinion social services in the United States have much more to due with maintaining a population of workers than it does with helping individuals better their lives.)
Here's a little (err, lengthy) backstory...
My mother just turned fifty years old. Previously, she ran her own house cleaning business for seven years before her arthritis forced her to leave. Over the past few years she's gone from job to job, never really fitting in and usually leaving (or being let go) from around 6 months to a year. Mostly she has picked up work waiting at various restaurants, but at five feet tall, diagnosed with post-trauma stress, alcoholism and arthritis it shouldn't be too difficult to understand why things haven't worked out. Unfortunately this is the type of work she's done all her life.
She has a tendency to be overbearing in that she never stops talking (in part, I feel, from the very solitary lifestyle she's acquired.) She doesn't really have friends because of this and, having no friends and little family who care to deal with her stress, has absolutely no confidence and seems to be always throwing herself under the bus in an effort of falling under the good graces of others.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So last week she started at a little soup shop that just opened up in her town. After a few days of training they eventually stuck her in the back kitchen thawing and handling bags of hot soup (160 - 200 degrees F). After her first day she complained that she had burned her hands. (The shop didn't supply their workers with any sort of protective wear) She had even attempted to explain to her boss the situation, but he was "busy". By morning the pain had not gone away so she visited the walk in hospital where they told her she had first degree burns and that she shouldn't be handling anything so hot in the near future. She was advised to have her boss file an accident report and then file workmen's comp.
The next day she was scheduled to work the front register and she went in as scheduled. Upon arriving she learned she would once again be handling the hot soup in the kitchen. Knowing that if she complained, not only would she incur the scrutiny of her boss, but her coworkers also - she stuck it out another day in the kitchen (she said her hands had been feeling better and would work with them). Last night she calls me up crying because again her hands are burned. She called the hospital back and they told her she should DEFINITELY not have worked in the kitchen, and that until she files workmen's comp. she shouldn't be working at all. So she called out of work today and explained what was needed before she could return. My obvious concern is what repercussions her attendance will have on her future employment with the company, and if the negligence on the part of her boss is wholly unwarranted and due, in part, to a personal bias against my mothers individual persona.
In the event she is let go, or neglected to the effect of her leaving, how can I protect her? I just helped her sign a lease on a new apartment and I don't know what we will do if her income is cut off. For the past few months she has received unemployment (which we will only partial now that she has a new job).
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Her situation is recurring. The opinion of her family and former friends generally falls somewhere between sympathy and an attitude of questioning her ethics and values. She comes from a staunchly lower-middle class family (Catholic, nonetheless) but the town she was born and raised, which she raised my brother and I, has been slowly inculcated with an air of superiority due to a flood of new money. Life here is too fast for her, no doubt, but there is no where else to go. (and I can guarantee you, if there was money for a lawyer I wouldn't be posting this on Metafilter, no offense :) )
Yes, she struggles with alcoholism and has been charged with various petty charges due to her behavior when drinking, but she attends all the programs the state demands of her (at the expense of her time/energy/money). She's a very lonely person who doesn't have the means to help herself, and most people around her blame her struggles solely on her, or at least cannot make the effort to see the effect of the larger social system on the individual. One last thing I would like to mention is that, when she realized she had a drinking problem years ago she brought it up to social services and asked for help for the three of us, wherein DCF charged her with neglect and threatened to remove us from the home. She was in the middle of getting a degree so she could become a teacher and, now with much time wasted due to the neglect charge, finished her degree for nought. (At the risk of this becoming a tirade I would just like to throw it out there that in my opinion social services in the United States have much more to due with maintaining a population of workers than it does with helping individuals better their lives.)
This post was deleted for the following reason: poster's request -- cortex
What is your question? She should file the worker's comp claim, which will enable her to get any benefits to which she is entitled.
posted by decathecting at 8:05 AM on December 22, 2009
posted by decathecting at 8:05 AM on December 22, 2009
All workers must be covered by Worker's Compensation insurance, which covers medical bills and lost work time. Lawyer up, if needed; it's shameful when an employer pulls this crap.
Your Mom may meet the legal definition of disabled. Her poor physical and mental health seem to make it difficult for her to hold a job She may be eligible for disability payments from social security. When you lawyer up, find a lawyer who will investigate this for her. She's awfully lucky to have you.
posted by theora55 at 8:08 AM on December 22, 2009
Your Mom may meet the legal definition of disabled. Her poor physical and mental health seem to make it difficult for her to hold a job She may be eligible for disability payments from social security. When you lawyer up, find a lawyer who will investigate this for her. She's awfully lucky to have you.
posted by theora55 at 8:08 AM on December 22, 2009
(At the risk of this becoming a tirade I would just like to throw it out there that in my opinion social services in the United States have much more to due with maintaining a population of workers than it does with helping individuals better their lives.)
While I sympathize with your feeling that social services in the US are shitty, your formulation has it almost exactly wrong. Note the, for the most part, social services here are only available to women and children, ie those who have traditionally not been workers. Read Theda Skopjol on this topic.
Otherwise, I am not sure what your question is. File for worker's comp.
posted by OmieWise at 8:09 AM on December 22, 2009
While I sympathize with your feeling that social services in the US are shitty, your formulation has it almost exactly wrong. Note the, for the most part, social services here are only available to women and children, ie those who have traditionally not been workers. Read Theda Skopjol on this topic.
Otherwise, I am not sure what your question is. File for worker's comp.
posted by OmieWise at 8:09 AM on December 22, 2009
Is this a question about the workers comp issue, or how to fix your mom's messed up life?
In the event she is let go, or neglected to the effect of her leaving, how can I protect her? I just helped her sign a lease on a new apartment and I don't know what we will do if her income is cut off.
I'm inclined to say her problems are not your problems. She's fifty years old, and you speak of her like she's a child. But since you seem to think they are your problems, why don't you let her move in with you and support her yourself? Obviously YOU are living somewhere ... what's keeping you from letting her move in with you, and looking after her?
posted by jayder at 8:12 AM on December 22, 2009
In the event she is let go, or neglected to the effect of her leaving, how can I protect her? I just helped her sign a lease on a new apartment and I don't know what we will do if her income is cut off.
I'm inclined to say her problems are not your problems. She's fifty years old, and you speak of her like she's a child. But since you seem to think they are your problems, why don't you let her move in with you and support her yourself? Obviously YOU are living somewhere ... what's keeping you from letting her move in with you, and looking after her?
posted by jayder at 8:12 AM on December 22, 2009
Is it possible she's self-sabotaging in order to force you to do something like jayder is suggesting?
posted by electroboy at 8:14 AM on December 22, 2009
posted by electroboy at 8:14 AM on December 22, 2009
If she moves in with you, she will never move out. She will have no incentive to work. If that is ok, then by all means pack up the truck.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 8:30 AM on December 22, 2009
posted by JohnnyGunn at 8:30 AM on December 22, 2009
My mom too is an alcoholic who spent her entire adult life underemployed or married to an abusive spouse. From my earliest years, I was her go to girl for every disaster that befell her. Fired fo stealing lottery tickets at her corner store job? Not her fault - they were all against her - she would NEVER do anything like that! Fired for drinking at work...same response. I spent my teens, twenties and early thirties continuously bailing out this fully grown adult while I failed to achieve anything I wanted to do - she needed me more!
Don't do this. Your mother is an adult. And until she's ready to make the changes she needs to make, this will happen again and again and again. It's the alcoholic way to make their problems someone elses, and you have stepped up for duty. I know that this is not the answer you're looking for, but please listen to my experience and see if it matches your own. Yes, it's tough out there for the underemployed alcoholic, but sometimes it really is their fault and they have to deal with the consequences of their actions like the rest of us. Let her file her own paper work and figure out how to keep a job.
posted by The Light Fantastic at 8:36 AM on December 22, 2009
Don't do this. Your mother is an adult. And until she's ready to make the changes she needs to make, this will happen again and again and again. It's the alcoholic way to make their problems someone elses, and you have stepped up for duty. I know that this is not the answer you're looking for, but please listen to my experience and see if it matches your own. Yes, it's tough out there for the underemployed alcoholic, but sometimes it really is their fault and they have to deal with the consequences of their actions like the rest of us. Let her file her own paper work and figure out how to keep a job.
posted by The Light Fantastic at 8:36 AM on December 22, 2009
...and seems to be always throwing herself under the bus in an effort of falling under the good graces of others.
I'm not 100% sure I understand that sentence, but one way to read it is that she regularly allows herself to be injured in order to get other people to take care of her. If this is what's going on, it is a terribly destructive habit. Nobody wants to be around anyone who does this (the 'no friends' bit) because it sets off all sorts of spidey-sense, danger-Will-Robinson-danger! type alarms. The annoyance of a nonstop talker pales in comparison to such behavior.
I am so sorry you're faced with such a grim situation. The only thing I can suggest is that you get some therapy for yourself. As some posters hinted above, it sounds like your relationship with your mother is, through no fault of your own, very very unhealthy. If you can get your own head on a little straighter, you'll be in a much better position to help her if you choose to do so.
posted by jon1270 at 9:04 AM on December 22, 2009
I'm not 100% sure I understand that sentence, but one way to read it is that she regularly allows herself to be injured in order to get other people to take care of her. If this is what's going on, it is a terribly destructive habit. Nobody wants to be around anyone who does this (the 'no friends' bit) because it sets off all sorts of spidey-sense, danger-Will-Robinson-danger! type alarms. The annoyance of a nonstop talker pales in comparison to such behavior.
I am so sorry you're faced with such a grim situation. The only thing I can suggest is that you get some therapy for yourself. As some posters hinted above, it sounds like your relationship with your mother is, through no fault of your own, very very unhealthy. If you can get your own head on a little straighter, you'll be in a much better position to help her if you choose to do so.
posted by jon1270 at 9:04 AM on December 22, 2009
What an awful situation. Could you pick up a pair of silicone oven mitts like these?
posted by Maisie at 9:09 AM on December 22, 2009
posted by Maisie at 9:09 AM on December 22, 2009
In the event she is let go
I'm fairly certain labor laws cover retaliation for filing a valid workers comp claim, but there is a burden of proof to meet, so be sure she's documenting things well and following the correct procedures for filing her claims, meets all her paperwork deadlines/etc. IANAL/etc.
posted by nomisxid at 9:18 AM on December 22, 2009
I'm fairly certain labor laws cover retaliation for filing a valid workers comp claim, but there is a burden of proof to meet, so be sure she's documenting things well and following the correct procedures for filing her claims, meets all her paperwork deadlines/etc. IANAL/etc.
posted by nomisxid at 9:18 AM on December 22, 2009
I did not respond at first because I could not understand the truly bizarre behavior of getting burnt doing a certain task and then going back and doing the same thing without some protection. My first instinct was "Why didn't you get her some gloves?" - in other words, blaming someone other than her. But it didn't all fit together and I'm glad I waited to read the other responses.
We all deal with hot things at home, and we have potholders and oven mitts and gloves because of it. She could have taken something to work.
If she was cleaning up asbestos and her boss didn't provide her with a respirator or whatever specialized expensive equipment she needed to protect her health or safety, that's one thing. But if you look at this situation objectively, that's not what's going on. She decided she wanted to be injured at work some more. There is no other rational explanation. She may have wanted sympathy from you, or from the people at the hospital, or her boss. Or she may have just been sabotaging her job.
In other words, jon1270 nailed it. Please think about reevaluating your role in her life. This isn't your fault or your job to fix.
posted by fritley at 9:24 AM on December 22, 2009
We all deal with hot things at home, and we have potholders and oven mitts and gloves because of it. She could have taken something to work.
If she was cleaning up asbestos and her boss didn't provide her with a respirator or whatever specialized expensive equipment she needed to protect her health or safety, that's one thing. But if you look at this situation objectively, that's not what's going on. She decided she wanted to be injured at work some more. There is no other rational explanation. She may have wanted sympathy from you, or from the people at the hospital, or her boss. Or she may have just been sabotaging her job.
In other words, jon1270 nailed it. Please think about reevaluating your role in her life. This isn't your fault or your job to fix.
posted by fritley at 9:24 AM on December 22, 2009
She decided she wanted to be injured at work some more. There is no other rational explanation.
Fritley, another rational explanation would be that she feared losing her job more than she feared the (probable) injury. Low income people make this determination all the time.
jofuu, you do need to get social services involved with your mom. I know she would hate this, given her previous negative experience with them, but filing a claim for disability with her children grown is much different than her prior situation. Starting a workers comp claim is a good first step. The employer has an obligation to provide any equipment necessary to do the job safely - even something as prosaic as oven mitts. Certainly if the employer refuses to provide them, and she must continue working at this job, then you should spring for some for her. But I would advise that she at least make the request that proper equipment for handling this food should be provided by her employer before you go that route.
posted by anastasiav at 9:35 AM on December 22, 2009
Fritley, another rational explanation would be that she feared losing her job more than she feared the (probable) injury. Low income people make this determination all the time.
jofuu, you do need to get social services involved with your mom. I know she would hate this, given her previous negative experience with them, but filing a claim for disability with her children grown is much different than her prior situation. Starting a workers comp claim is a good first step. The employer has an obligation to provide any equipment necessary to do the job safely - even something as prosaic as oven mitts. Certainly if the employer refuses to provide them, and she must continue working at this job, then you should spring for some for her. But I would advise that she at least make the request that proper equipment for handling this food should be provided by her employer before you go that route.
posted by anastasiav at 9:35 AM on December 22, 2009
Helping someone better their life depends a lot on the individual. From what you have said, there is no one who is going to be able to help your mother enough to protect her from herself. Everything that really needs to be done is only under her control. It sounds like she is dependent and manipulative. A healthy 50 year old woman should not be depending on her children to deal with her living or work situations.
Try Al-Anon for yourself. You cannot change your mother, you cannot make people behave a certain way toward your mother and frankly, this is not your business.
posted by Sophie1 at 9:39 AM on December 22, 2009
Try Al-Anon for yourself. You cannot change your mother, you cannot make people behave a certain way toward your mother and frankly, this is not your business.
posted by Sophie1 at 9:39 AM on December 22, 2009
I find her story a bit hard to believe. How are the other workers not burning themselves?
posted by Benjy at 9:47 AM on December 22, 2009
posted by Benjy at 9:47 AM on December 22, 2009
I'm not 100% sure I understand that sentence, but one way to read it is that she regularly allows herself to be injured in order to get other people to take care of her.
No. "throwing oneself under the bus" in this context seems to say that the mother lacks confidence and so tries hard to please others to get in their good graces at her own expense.
I think that anastasiav is on the right track. The mother has been let go or leaving jobs, just signed a new lease, and seems to not be very confident or assertive. She was likely just so worried about losing yet another job.
posted by cmgonzalez at 10:02 AM on December 22, 2009
No. "throwing oneself under the bus" in this context seems to say that the mother lacks confidence and so tries hard to please others to get in their good graces at her own expense.
I think that anastasiav is on the right track. The mother has been let go or leaving jobs, just signed a new lease, and seems to not be very confident or assertive. She was likely just so worried about losing yet another job.
posted by cmgonzalez at 10:02 AM on December 22, 2009
I can totally understand how this happens. For one, people who work back of house are tough -- they are tough because management tends to view them as foe more than friend (people quit, people are unreliable, people steal). Usually those people are underpaid and work very, very hard. If you are desperate for work, as your mother is, you'll do what is needed and try to keep your trap shut so that you don't lose your job. Think the manager can't find another hot soup handler?
When I last worked in a pizza kitchen, I was constantly being asked to carry very hot plates. Stuff very-nearly right out of the oven. Very hot. When I'd look around for a potholder, people would make fun of me. Whatevs! I used a potholder or dry rag every time. These are MY hands -- my time and energy belong to the house for those hours only, my hands are mine. However, not everyone feels so empowered.
A couple things. Buy her two pair of Ove Gloves. These are totally awesome and grippy and offer more dexterity than a silicone mitt. However, if they get wet they are useless just like an oven mitt so she needs two pair.
Write up a list for her. 1. She needs to talk to a manager and bring doctor documentation. She should say that she was injured and needs time to heal and is planning to use protective gloves in the future -- she should ask if they'd be willing to pay for 2 pair of ove gloves or if the manager recommends something else. 2. She should contact the state department who overseas such things and ask about worker's comp, how it works and what effect it may have on her employment 3. she should probably file worker's comp 4. when she heals she should go back properly geared up and do the job she was hired for.
posted by amanda at 10:31 AM on December 22, 2009
When I last worked in a pizza kitchen, I was constantly being asked to carry very hot plates. Stuff very-nearly right out of the oven. Very hot. When I'd look around for a potholder, people would make fun of me. Whatevs! I used a potholder or dry rag every time. These are MY hands -- my time and energy belong to the house for those hours only, my hands are mine. However, not everyone feels so empowered.
A couple things. Buy her two pair of Ove Gloves. These are totally awesome and grippy and offer more dexterity than a silicone mitt. However, if they get wet they are useless just like an oven mitt so she needs two pair.
Write up a list for her. 1. She needs to talk to a manager and bring doctor documentation. She should say that she was injured and needs time to heal and is planning to use protective gloves in the future -- she should ask if they'd be willing to pay for 2 pair of ove gloves or if the manager recommends something else. 2. She should contact the state department who overseas such things and ask about worker's comp, how it works and what effect it may have on her employment 3. she should probably file worker's comp 4. when she heals she should go back properly geared up and do the job she was hired for.
posted by amanda at 10:31 AM on December 22, 2009
Her to do list - File workers compensation. Investigate possible disability coverage through Social Security.
Your to do list - Al-Anon or Co-dependents Anonymous or other support group. Your mother is not your child. She is not helpless. In reading your question, it struck me how many things are just strange in your relationship. Your mother is 50, but has her teaching certification. At 50, she has plenty of earning years before retirement. The neglect charge must have been years ago - why are you still using it as an excuse? Since she's still required to attend state programs, I'm thinking her criminal behavior is recent.
If you want to help her, start by getting yourself help. You are the adult child of an alcoholic. That's not an easy burden to carry - get some help with the load.
posted by 26.2 at 10:37 AM on December 22, 2009
Your to do list - Al-Anon or Co-dependents Anonymous or other support group. Your mother is not your child. She is not helpless. In reading your question, it struck me how many things are just strange in your relationship. Your mother is 50, but has her teaching certification. At 50, she has plenty of earning years before retirement. The neglect charge must have been years ago - why are you still using it as an excuse? Since she's still required to attend state programs, I'm thinking her criminal behavior is recent.
If you want to help her, start by getting yourself help. You are the adult child of an alcoholic. That's not an easy burden to carry - get some help with the load.
posted by 26.2 at 10:37 AM on December 22, 2009
She's an adult. Let her figure out a plan for solving her problem, and then she can ask you for help if she needs it. A parent's job is to take care of their kids, not the other way around (unless/until there's an agreement otherwise or circumstances render the parent unable) and frankly, a story that centers around someone not realizing that hot soup is hot indicates that the problem has almost nothing to do with the job or workplace circumstance, but tons of other larger issues.
By solving this problem for her, you might handle the immediate issue, but you won't likely be helping her with the bigger problem of getting her life on track — alcoholics have to reach the point where they want to do that themselves before anything gets better.
posted by anildash at 3:33 PM on December 22, 2009
By solving this problem for her, you might handle the immediate issue, but you won't likely be helping her with the bigger problem of getting her life on track — alcoholics have to reach the point where they want to do that themselves before anything gets better.
posted by anildash at 3:33 PM on December 22, 2009
firstly, thank you all for the responses. let me respond to a few things:
@sio42: yes, we have all the hospitals paperwork and she has also scheduled a followup appointment for safe measure. luckily her assertion did pay off. in the time since i originally posted this her boss has filed an accident report, and heeded the advice of the hospital in giving her a few days off (paid) so as to avoid a compounding problem.
@elle.jeezy, et al: from what i've learned kitchen staff are required to wear proper protection but at the time the restaurant had not been properly equipped. they now have gloves available for the staff. i wouldn't go so far as to call it neglect because i understand the pressures of opening any sort of business, even more-so when it happens to be a restaurant, but surely this was a major oversight.
@theora55: before filing worker's comp her manager needed to file an accident report. now that this has been done i believe she has already begun the procedure for worker's comp. previously she has attempted to file for disability and been denied both times. the most recent was a little under six months ago. we considered filing for an appeal but didn't feel we could afford a lawyer at the time, especially if the appeal was denied.
@The Light Fantastic: she has always filed her own paperwork, she doesn't steal nor drink on the job… her issues aren't moral ones but psychological, and reflect larger social issues that are an inevitable result of the current power structures of society (see next reply).
@jayder, @electroboy, @jon1270, @fritley: please see @anastasiav and others have said. "another rational explanation would be that she feared losing her job more than she feared the (probable) injury. Low income people make this determination all the time." in the midst of many hardships my mother successfully ran her own business for 8 years. she considers herself tough as nails and would rather do things on her own than have assistance from someone else. as @anastasiav mentioned, the bottom end of the social ladder almost have a reverence for the hardship they endure. See also what @cmgonzalez wrote:
'No. "throwing oneself under the bus" in this context seems to say that the mother lacks confidence and so tries hard to please others to get in their good graces at her own expense.
I think that anastasiav is on the right track. The mother has been let go or leaving jobs, just signed a new lease, and seems to not be very confident or assertive. She was likely just so worried about losing yet another job.'
and @amanda:
"I can totally understand how this happens. For one, people who work back of house are tough -- they are tough because management tends to view them as foe more than friend (people quit, people are unreliable, people steal). Usually those people are underpaid and work very, very hard. If you are desperate for work, as your mother is, you'll do what is needed and try to keep your trap shut so that you don't lose your job. Think the manager can't find another hot soup handler?"
@26.2: her neglect charge was years ago, but she was casually informed that it would stay on her record for the duration of her life and she would never be permitted to teach young children as she intended. it was not my intent to use it as any sort of excuse, but i view it as a pivotal point when she stopped trusting social services, started drinking heavily and simply "gave up" on bettering her self.
@anildash and others who say to let her solve her own problems: i'm sure glad you're not my brother[s]. it's very easy to forget there are 2 things to work for in this life: 1) money, which provides you with the means, opinions and wherewithal to cavort with others in similar positions (*cough*sucking-at-the-fat-tit-of-society*cough*) or 2) to help who appear in need without asking questions or making demands, nor asserting ones own moral agenda upon the situation.
thanks again,
joe
posted by jofuu at 6:22 AM on December 28, 2009
@sio42: yes, we have all the hospitals paperwork and she has also scheduled a followup appointment for safe measure. luckily her assertion did pay off. in the time since i originally posted this her boss has filed an accident report, and heeded the advice of the hospital in giving her a few days off (paid) so as to avoid a compounding problem.
@elle.jeezy, et al: from what i've learned kitchen staff are required to wear proper protection but at the time the restaurant had not been properly equipped. they now have gloves available for the staff. i wouldn't go so far as to call it neglect because i understand the pressures of opening any sort of business, even more-so when it happens to be a restaurant, but surely this was a major oversight.
@theora55: before filing worker's comp her manager needed to file an accident report. now that this has been done i believe she has already begun the procedure for worker's comp. previously she has attempted to file for disability and been denied both times. the most recent was a little under six months ago. we considered filing for an appeal but didn't feel we could afford a lawyer at the time, especially if the appeal was denied.
@The Light Fantastic: she has always filed her own paperwork, she doesn't steal nor drink on the job… her issues aren't moral ones but psychological, and reflect larger social issues that are an inevitable result of the current power structures of society (see next reply).
@jayder, @electroboy, @jon1270, @fritley: please see @anastasiav and others have said. "another rational explanation would be that she feared losing her job more than she feared the (probable) injury. Low income people make this determination all the time." in the midst of many hardships my mother successfully ran her own business for 8 years. she considers herself tough as nails and would rather do things on her own than have assistance from someone else. as @anastasiav mentioned, the bottom end of the social ladder almost have a reverence for the hardship they endure. See also what @cmgonzalez wrote:
'No. "throwing oneself under the bus" in this context seems to say that the mother lacks confidence and so tries hard to please others to get in their good graces at her own expense.
I think that anastasiav is on the right track. The mother has been let go or leaving jobs, just signed a new lease, and seems to not be very confident or assertive. She was likely just so worried about losing yet another job.'
and @amanda:
"I can totally understand how this happens. For one, people who work back of house are tough -- they are tough because management tends to view them as foe more than friend (people quit, people are unreliable, people steal). Usually those people are underpaid and work very, very hard. If you are desperate for work, as your mother is, you'll do what is needed and try to keep your trap shut so that you don't lose your job. Think the manager can't find another hot soup handler?"
@26.2: her neglect charge was years ago, but she was casually informed that it would stay on her record for the duration of her life and she would never be permitted to teach young children as she intended. it was not my intent to use it as any sort of excuse, but i view it as a pivotal point when she stopped trusting social services, started drinking heavily and simply "gave up" on bettering her self.
@anildash and others who say to let her solve her own problems: i'm sure glad you're not my brother[s]. it's very easy to forget there are 2 things to work for in this life: 1) money, which provides you with the means, opinions and wherewithal to cavort with others in similar positions (*cough*sucking-at-the-fat-tit-of-society*cough*) or 2) to help who appear in need without asking questions or making demands, nor asserting ones own moral agenda upon the situation.
thanks again,
joe
posted by jofuu at 6:22 AM on December 28, 2009
You know if you're going to discount all the advice related to your mother's alcoholism and high rate of job turnover as irrelevant, you might not want to include that information in the question.
posted by electroboy at 12:55 PM on December 28, 2009
posted by electroboy at 12:55 PM on December 28, 2009
OP, If you feel like you need to shout down a half dozen or a dozen people, all of whom are telling you similar things, I gently suggest that maybe you ought to read and consider their answers again. The answers were in good faith and the whole point here is to get input from a variety of people with different life experiences and opinions than your own.
i'm sure glad you're not my brother[s]
Jeez this kind of personal attack is not classy at all. anildash's answer is not what you wanted to hear, but he's sure not out of line to say that this is not an isolated workplace issue and that maybe you are not seeing the forest for the trees. Please try to see how all the answers were from people trying to help you, and so the answerers all deserve your thoughtful consideration, not your scorn.
posted by fritley at 2:03 PM on December 29, 2009
i'm sure glad you're not my brother[s]
Jeez this kind of personal attack is not classy at all. anildash's answer is not what you wanted to hear, but he's sure not out of line to say that this is not an isolated workplace issue and that maybe you are not seeing the forest for the trees. Please try to see how all the answers were from people trying to help you, and so the answerers all deserve your thoughtful consideration, not your scorn.
posted by fritley at 2:03 PM on December 29, 2009
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posted by elle.jeezy at 8:03 AM on December 22, 2009