3 guys, one chick.
November 26, 2009 2:44 PM Subscribe
How does one ethically play the field? I need advice on dating and being intimate with more than one person.
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (14 answers total) 8 users marked this as a favorite
I'm a early-thirties female in a large coastal city. I was a late-late-bloomer, and for various reasons really didn't have a boyfriend or sex until after college. Since then I have had a couple of 2+ year relationships, both of which started and remained exclusive, with a couple of flings in between.
Since the end of my relationship this last summer, my attitude about diving into relationships has changed...and I'm interested in taking things much slower in terms of exclusiveness. Lately I've been feeling pretty awesome, and have been missing some of the funner aspects of dating...so I put myself out there.
I've met three very nice fellows online in the short amount of time that I've had a profile up on a popular dating site. I corresponded with each of them for awhile, and eventually each of them asked me to dinner/coffee within the same week or so. So, I made plans to meet them all. Because of schedules and whatnot, I met one of them earlier than the others, but now I've met all of them and want to continue to hang out/see all three, and it seems for each of them, the feeling is mutual.
To complicate matters, I ended up hooking up with one of them a couple of times. (The first dude) It was great fun, but I'm not feeling serious about this person yet, if I ever will. I still, however, wouldn't mind continuing that aspect of our friendship.
I also want to see what develops with the other two guys, as I had a great time with both.
Seriously, I have never had to deal with this kind of situation before, and feel completely out of my element. On one hand, I want to be honest and respectful to all three. On the other, I don't want to come off as some kind of crazy maneater. I want to enjoy myself and my crazy good luck of having so many options, but I have this nagging feeling that I'm trying to have my cake and eat it too.
I plan on coming clear the next time I see dude number 1 that I'm seeing other people, but do I need to go beyond that? I don't really plan on sleeping with all of them in the same time frame or anything, but I'm worried about that aspect. I know there's a good chance that one or two of them will quickly fall to the wayside by my doing or theirs.. I just don't want to rush into any kind of relationship, as this is a mistake I've made in the past. How do I go about this in a way that is not deceptive or hurtful, but still allows me to get to know each of them?