He said I'm chubby, but now he says he didn't mean it...
August 5, 2009 6:58 PM Subscribe
A week ago, my boyfriend of three years said that I was chubby. I am hurt, and having trouble moving on. Am I overreacting?
posted by BusyBusyBusy to Human Relations (85 answers total) 6 users marked this as a favorite
Mefites, am I completely overreacting? A week ago, my boyfriend of three years said that I was chubby, and "I won't lie to you and say you're skinny." This was said in the context of us cuddling in bed, after I'd gotten out of the shower at our hotel and said "The mirror in there made me feel huuuugee."
For the record, I am 5'7" and 130lbs. But in a way, I feel like it's irrelevant how much I weigh. I have female friends who are overweight, and if one of their boyfriends called them chubby I'd be mad for them. It's just a demeaning word. Like most girls, I feel a lot of pressure to be very thin, and the last person I need pressure from is him.
In his defense:
-He has apologized repeatedly, and feels genuinely bad about it.
-He insists he was only saying what he thought I wanted to hear... that he thought I wanted motivation to lose some extra pounds.
-I am my mother's daughter, meaning thin arms and legs, and a round belly no matter what (my mom used to be much skinnier than I ever have been, but never lost the belly).
-He is 19, and I am 21. He is 6'2" and 130 pounds. So maybe he has a skewed idea of normal weight?
In my defense,
-We've already had many issues with me not feeling like he's attracted to me. I do not have low self-esteem. I'm really confident, with lots of friends, abilities, and interest from other guys. I think I'm a good lookin' girl. But he never seems that... excited about me. He says he loves my personality, my brain, my face... but I'm always the one to initiate sex, and his compliments always seem forced and unnatural. We've talked about his, no change. This has left my very sensitive to his comments.
So, I have two main questions, I guess.
1. I am still very, very hurt, to the point that I don't want to be around him. I've asked for at least a few days to myself to sort this out. Am I being ridiculous? Am I overreacting?
2. How can we move past this? If you've been in a similar situation, how did you get through it?
My boyfriend is loving and supportive, which is why this has caught me so off guard. He's never said anything mean or harsh about me. He is a great boyfriend, a really sweet person, and we've gotten through much bigger problems than this. So why does the word chubby now feel like the third person in our relationship? What scares me is people I've confided this in have expressed doubts that it will go away, and that we can work it out.
Aaggh, any words of wisdom, advice, and perspective would be so, so appreciated.