He doesn't tell me he loves me.
June 29, 2009 7:39 PM Subscribe
My boyfriend doesn't verbally communicate his love for me, help me cope.
posted by anonymous to human relations (33 answers total) 19 users marked this as a favorite
This isn't a "Should I DTMFA" or whether or not he loves me, he does. He shows it to me in other ways everyday, just not verbally. He's physically affectionate and very attentive to my needs. He's one of the best people I know who happens to also be my best friend and boyfriend. We get along great, have awesome sex and really enjoy each other's company. I have never dated someone that doesn't express their love for me verbally so it just throws me for a loop and I don't know how to deal with it. He also never compliments me either and I'm very used to getting compliments all the time, even from strangers. He has told me he loves me before, but only a few times and only recently. We've been together almost a year and a half. He's in his late thirties and I'm a female in my late twenties, if that matters. Relevant facts:
1. Yes, I have told him that I love him.
2. No, he doesn't tell other people he loves them either, even though I know he does.
3. He doesn't really express emotions, even anger, sadness, and happiness. He's just calm and mellow all the time.
4. He's had some pretty traumatic things happen to him in the past, one of them his brother committing suicide.
5. We have talked about this before, one time I got a little upset and cried which upset him in return, and he told me to "please be patient" with him. The first time we talked about it, he just said that he has always been this way.
6. This is seriously the only thing about him that I do not like and I'm very picky and have high standards.
So are some people just wired to not be verbally affectionate? What can I tell myself to feel better about the situation since I'm in this for the long haul. I'd also like some feedback from people that are like my boyfriend. Thanks.