What a dumper male really feels after the breaking up?
March 18, 2009 5:18 PM Subscribe
What a dumper male really feels after dumping? Which is the short and long term deep Psychology of the matter?
Do they feel gilty? remorse? relief? forget ? and how long exactly after the breaking up?
This post was deleted for the following reason: this is a confusing question that seems chattier than problem-solving. -- jessamyn
Males are a lot like females -- their responses vary widely depending on their nature (we're all different) and the situation (for instance, they might feel particularly guilty if babby was formed).
posted by pracowity at 5:24 PM on March 18, 2009 [5 favorites]
posted by pracowity at 5:24 PM on March 18, 2009 [5 favorites]
It all depends on the reason.
There's no one-shot answer for this. Can you give us the specifics of the breakup?
posted by DonSlice at 5:25 PM on March 18, 2009
There's no one-shot answer for this. Can you give us the specifics of the breakup?
posted by DonSlice at 5:25 PM on March 18, 2009
It entirely depends on the situation. This question is going to be a waste unless you refine it a bit. If you just got dumped, maybe try to rephrase it in a way that helps you deal with it or make some kind of plan for a next move.
posted by Askr at 5:26 PM on March 18, 2009
posted by Askr at 5:26 PM on March 18, 2009
This question has no answer.
(or rather, it has billions of equally valid, equally specific, equally useless answers).
posted by pompomtom at 5:38 PM on March 18, 2009
(or rather, it has billions of equally valid, equally specific, equally useless answers).
posted by pompomtom at 5:38 PM on March 18, 2009
I have been a dumpee, and I have been a dumper... with the same person. They both broke my heart. Beginnings are so much better than endings.
posted by netbros at 5:40 PM on March 18, 2009
posted by netbros at 5:40 PM on March 18, 2009
People's internal lives can be very different from one another.
posted by a robot made out of meat at 5:40 PM on March 18, 2009
posted by a robot made out of meat at 5:40 PM on March 18, 2009
Response by poster:
As is difficut to guess what other people feels or think even from a closest loved one after breaking up a relationship, I'd like to find out in terms of general Psychology what are the feelings of men after dumping someone who loved them and they didn't. Also to have an idea in terms of time/ emotions after dumping.
I imagine that they may go trought diff periods of grieving the loss, as everybody does, but I'd like to know more specifically what men think or how they have reacted after dumping someone , or answers of psychological researches of the matter.
posted by zulo at 5:42 PM on March 18, 2009
As is difficut to guess what other people feels or think even from a closest loved one after breaking up a relationship, I'd like to find out in terms of general Psychology what are the feelings of men after dumping someone who loved them and they didn't. Also to have an idea in terms of time/ emotions after dumping.
I imagine that they may go trought diff periods of grieving the loss, as everybody does, but I'd like to know more specifically what men think or how they have reacted after dumping someone , or answers of psychological researches of the matter.
posted by zulo at 5:42 PM on March 18, 2009
Men are not a different species, sorry. And sorry for your situation. I don't think finding a "general theory" will help you, though. Even if such a thing were possible.
posted by neroli at 5:47 PM on March 18, 2009
posted by neroli at 5:47 PM on March 18, 2009
I was the dumper once. I felt immense guilt. I didn't leave her for someone else, I just wasn't happy with her anymore. It took me about 2 years to really get over it.
posted by zerokey at 5:54 PM on March 18, 2009
posted by zerokey at 5:54 PM on March 18, 2009
If all of Metafilter told you that all men are heartbroken for years and never get over it, would that allow you to move on with your life?
posted by decathecting at 6:02 PM on March 18, 2009
posted by decathecting at 6:02 PM on March 18, 2009
OK, here are a couple of starts if you want online advice:
Recover From A Breakup Quickly (at AskMen.com): when you read it, pretend you're reading a women's magazine. "Getting over a breakup can be one of the most difficult, heart-wrenching things you'll ever have to do. One of the things that keeps men from moving on after a relationship has ended is holding on to false hope. Some men are stuck in limbo with the idea that there might be a chance of getting back together with their exes." And so on. There's little or no difference here, is there?
The Psychology of Breaking Up (at eNotAlone.com): "Here's how breaking up works, from a 'dumpers' perspective. This may or may not help you understand the psychology of a breakup..." This stuff actually sounds useful. For instance, "Most dumpers have mentally prepared themselves for this moment for a few days to a couple weeks. This is a major reason why they seem so cold to the dumpee." Worth keeping in mind when you start thinking how cold-blooded the bastard is.
posted by pracowity at 6:06 PM on March 18, 2009
Recover From A Breakup Quickly (at AskMen.com): when you read it, pretend you're reading a women's magazine. "Getting over a breakup can be one of the most difficult, heart-wrenching things you'll ever have to do. One of the things that keeps men from moving on after a relationship has ended is holding on to false hope. Some men are stuck in limbo with the idea that there might be a chance of getting back together with their exes." And so on. There's little or no difference here, is there?
The Psychology of Breaking Up (at eNotAlone.com): "Here's how breaking up works, from a 'dumpers' perspective. This may or may not help you understand the psychology of a breakup..." This stuff actually sounds useful. For instance, "Most dumpers have mentally prepared themselves for this moment for a few days to a couple weeks. This is a major reason why they seem so cold to the dumpee." Worth keeping in mind when you start thinking how cold-blooded the bastard is.
posted by pracowity at 6:06 PM on March 18, 2009
It's so dependent upon circumstances that there isn't any general answer. He could feel guilty, happy, relieved, or even nothing at all. This will depend on how long the relationship was, whether or not he was ever really into her, why he's dumping her, whether or not he's got something else lined up, how long he had been thinking about it before hand, etc.
Absent a more detailed hypothetical it's impossible for anyone to even offer their own experiences as useful anecdotes.
posted by valkyryn at 6:13 PM on March 18, 2009
Absent a more detailed hypothetical it's impossible for anyone to even offer their own experiences as useful anecdotes.
posted by valkyryn at 6:13 PM on March 18, 2009
I don't believe there is a general psychologic theory of what happens when men finish a relationship. People and relationships are so diverse, it depends on the case.
Forgive me if I'm too forward, but is this related to your past breakup? Perhaps it would help you more to understand what happened in your case.
If this is what's bothering you, maybe a counselor could help you understand what happened in your relationship, not only from his point of view, but also from yours. You can't read his mind, and even if you could it wouldn't do any good, but maybe you can learn something to get over this heartbreak.
¡Suerte y ánimo!
posted by clearlydemon at 6:13 PM on March 18, 2009 [2 favorites]
Forgive me if I'm too forward, but is this related to your past breakup? Perhaps it would help you more to understand what happened in your case.
If this is what's bothering you, maybe a counselor could help you understand what happened in your relationship, not only from his point of view, but also from yours. You can't read his mind, and even if you could it wouldn't do any good, but maybe you can learn something to get over this heartbreak.
¡Suerte y ánimo!
posted by clearlydemon at 6:13 PM on March 18, 2009 [2 favorites]
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by zoomorphic at 5:24 PM on March 18, 2009