Sexy sex that will avoid transferring a cold

January 13, 2009 5:08 PM

I do not currently have a cold. My girlfriend currently has a cold. What sexual activities can we do that will minimize my chances of getting a cold?

Yeah, we know it's probably slim, but I really can't afford a cold right now and celibacy is so '50s.

1. Oral sex is out, yes?

2. Would any particular position help?

3. Kissing is out, but what about kissing the skin in areas not near an opening, say the chest or back, say the chest or back?

4. Would having it in the shower help?

Anonymous 'cause, well, do we really have to explain?

posted by anonymous to human relations (36 comments total)

Why not just give her a few days to, you know, RECOVER?
posted by sephira at 5:16 PM on January 13 [29 favorites]

You're probably doomed no matter what. Just being in the same room with her where she's been breathing (and coughing, and sneezing) raises your risk immensely.

But as pointed out, if she's sick she probably ain't in the mood. Let her rest.
posted by Chocolate Pickle at 5:19 PM on January 13 [2 favorites]

phone sex?

jerk off to some porn together?
posted by By The Grace of God at 5:24 PM on January 13

Well here are the methods of transmission from here

Transmission

You can get infected by cold viruses by either of these methods.

* Touching your skin or environmental surfaces, such as telephones and stair rails, that have cold germs on them and then touching your eyes or nose
* Inhaling drops of mucus full of cold germs from the air

Plan accordingly I guess. Just don't touch your nose, eyes, or mouth. How about just...regular sex? I don't think having sex will increase transmission more so then just sleeping next to her.

But, I'm no doctor of course.
posted by jourman2 at 5:27 PM on January 13

Though - of course as everyone is saying - there's this aspect.
posted by jourman2 at 5:32 PM on January 13

What sexual activities can we do that will minimize my chances of getting a cold?

Breakfast in bed and hot toddies at night. If she's cold-ridden and miserable, they count as sex.
posted by holgate at 5:33 PM on January 13 [10 favorites]

A doctor once told me that people are actually only contagious during the incubation period, which is before they show symptoms, so once the symptoms have started, it's already too late for you.

But he may have been crazy, because it seems like everyone else in the world thinks otherwise.
posted by amarynth at 5:47 PM on January 13

I've been in the same situation many times. Usually we just do whatever we want to do anyway, because we spend our lives in such close proximity that the other person is either going to catch it or not, regardless of how careful we are. Whatever you both have the energy and willingness for is probably fine.
posted by JuiceBoxHero at 5:49 PM on January 13 [2 favorites]

if she's coughing, sneezing, or you know...breathing near you...sex isn't going to determine whether or not you catch this cold. Do whatever she's up to. But I vote for a movie in bed and some rest.
posted by agentwills at 5:55 PM on January 13

celibacy is so '50s.

Expecting your gf to do her "matrimonial duties," so to speak, is much more 1950s. If you can't afford a cold, bring your girlfriend some tea and then go sleep on the couch, because if you don't want to get sick, it really shouldn't get any hotter than that.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 5:58 PM on January 13 [2 favorites]

What part of the question says "my violently ill girlfriend is hard to hold down because she is covered in fever sweat. How can I best force myself on her if my goal is to avoid catching her cold?" I do not understand why everyone is jumping all over anon like he's not accepting doctor's notes today. Have none of you ever been sick and horny at the same time? It sounds like that's what's up with the girlfriend.

Anon, everyone is right to say that once she breathes on you, your risk increases by enough that adding sex to the mix won't save you. If you're already in the same room, you might as well go for it. Take her mind off of the sniffles!
posted by prefpara at 6:02 PM on January 13 [8 favorites]

Um, I meant to write: once she breathes on you, your risk increases by enough that keeping sex out of the mix won't save you
posted by prefpara at 6:04 PM on January 13

1. Oral sex is out, yes?

I dunno, does you going down on her increase your risk of getting her cold? I doubt it.
posted by crossoverman at 6:05 PM on January 13 [1 favorite]

follow up from OP

"Please note that she is just fine with having sex (it's not the flu or even a major cold), but is worried about passing it off to me, hence the question. Yes, it may seem strange, but she's been sleeping in the guest room and avoiding contact as much as possible, which may explain our desire to have sex now. Please don't think this is one sided thing.

posted by jessamyn at 6:08 PM on January 13

Usually we just do whatever we want to do anyway, because we spend our lives in such close proximity that the other person is either going to catch it or not, regardless of how careful we are.

Exactly. She's been shedding virus for a while by now so unless you haven't kissed her in days and she washes her hands compulsively you're likely well exposed.

1. Oral sex is out, yes?

Why? Your penis isn't going to catch the cold, it's an upper respiratory tract virus. Unless she gives you head then you manage to lick your penis afterwards (or you give her head then she does the contortionist act) then there's nothing to worry about there. Um, just don't ask for a blow job if she has a blocked nose cos that's just mean.

If you really have been apart from her up til now and are clean then just avoid ingesting her spit or mucus in any way. So lots of hand washing (for both of you), nose-blowing-or-coughing-into-tissues-only (for her), don't let her breath on you, don't lick her face and no kissing. What each of your genitalia are up to has no influence on cold transmission so go to town down there. Lastly, lots of sleep will be good for both of you, a strong immune system is really your only hope.
posted by shelleycat at 6:11 PM on January 13

(or you give her head then she does the contortionist act)

Except of course she'll need to do the contortionist act first then you go down on her. Also, if she gives you head, you rub it with your hand then rub your eye you've also got a small chance of transmission, so either wash your hands a lot or don't touch anything she's licked.

Probably best if you just go down on her, she doesn't breath out that end.
posted by shelleycat at 6:14 PM on January 13 [1 favorite]

Well, if the situation was reversed then there's the whole man cold aspect to consider. But seeing as it's your girlfriend with the cold, as long as she's in the mood and as long as you avoid kissing on the mouth you've got about as good a chance of getting it as you have not having sex.
posted by ob at 6:15 PM on January 13

From what freshly-minted doctors, hopped on the latest research, have told me: you don't get colds from kissing or hugging. You get infected easiest through your eyes or ears - touch an infected surface, then rub your eyes, that sort of thing. Or get sneezed/coughed on, of course.

With that idea in mind, she should shower before cuddling, and then there's no reason at all to avoid giving her genital kisses. Orgasms can clear stuffy heads!
posted by IAmBroom at 6:21 PM on January 13

If you're close to her, you're going to catch her cold.

I caught my boyfriend's cold.
posted by bondgirl53001 at 6:40 PM on January 13

You could get all sexy sexed up in the shower, after both washing well, especially her hands. Mutual masturbation while washing away the germs, yay!
posted by Stewriffic at 7:00 PM on January 13

I would think that any position that doesn't involve prolonged face to face might help but I think you are screwed (no pun intended) by proximity anyway.

Give the OP a break. He didn't say he was pushing himself on her. Mrs. Silvertree has been known to be in the mood despite cold symptoms.
posted by Silvertree at 7:07 PM on January 13

Doctor roleplay. With the mask.
posted by internet!Hannah at 7:22 PM on January 13 [1 favorite]

I successfully avoided catching my boyfriend's (hideous, major, so-bad-we-canceled-a-vacation) cold over Christmas by doing two simple two things: 1) we both washed our hands frequently; 2) we didn't have sex for a few days.

YMMV.
posted by scody at 7:38 PM on January 13

Try these two things:

1. Take the cold like a fucking man, or

2. Give it a rest while she gets better.
posted by turgid dahlia at 7:50 PM on January 13 [1 favorite]

A doctor once told me that people are actually only contagious during the incubation period, which is before they show symptoms, so once the symptoms have started, it's already too late for you.

...

From what freshly-minted doctors, hopped on the latest research, have told me: you don't get colds from kissing or hugging.

Where exactly are you guys finding your doctors?

I don't even know where to start. Okay, here: The "incubation period" for a cold can be as short as 12 hours though it is more likely to be 2-3 days. I'm absolutely shocked that a doctor would tell you that you aren't contagious after this period, and that you specifically aren't contagious while you're showing symptoms. Do you have any idea why you are sneezing and coughing? That's right! The virus makes you sneeze and cough to spread itself to other hosts. If you weren't contagious what would be the point? This is the most basic information there is. Sneezing = ejecting the virus into the environment in aerosol form.

I'm also shocked a doctor would have told (a different) you that you don't get colds from kissing. I suppose that's true, in the sense that you don't get killed by falling out of an airplane: it's actually hitting the ground that does it. I mean, you are sticking your mouth against the mouth of a person whose saliva and nasal secretions are full of a contagious virus. Might you avoid getting sick? I suppose. But you are sticking your mouth against the mouth of a person whose saliva and nasal secretions are swimming with virus. Just... wow...

Seriously, find new doctors.

There are only two ways to avoid catching a cold from someone you are having sex with:

1) Luck.
2) Don't have sex with them until they recover.

If you simply can't go without sex for a couple days you could probably minimize your chances by avoiding kissing, avoiding going down on each other, wearing a condom, avoiding putting your face against or near any part of her body, not touching your own face during or afterwards, and then showering immediately afterwards.

But, realistically, you have two choices. Don't have sex for a few days or go ahead and have sex knowing you'll probably get a cold.
posted by Justinian at 7:56 PM on January 13 [1 favorite]

avoiding going down on each other,

Why? No really, I don't see how you can catch a cold through your penis. I could be wrong though and would be interested to hear why.
posted by shelleycat at 9:51 PM on January 13

If you can get some Cold FX and take 10 caplets or so a day, I swear on my frozen Canadian heart that you will not get sick. Oh my tundra does that stuff ever work, and I am not one of those people who relies on "natural remedy" ecchinacea-type crap. I only took it the first time to appease my wide-eyed hippie friend, but it worked, so I bought some. In the past two years or so, I've used it & avoided about 10 colds by taking big doses at the tickly throat stage. In those two years, I've only gotten sick the one time I didn't take any Cold FX.
posted by pseudostrabismus at 10:19 PM on January 13

Justinian wrote:
There are only two ways to avoid catching a cold from someone you are having sex with:

1) Luck.
2) Don't have sex with them until they recover.

There is a third way and that's called 'having a robust immune system'. I'm a data point of one, but I'll happily expose myself to all sorts of mildly germy situations, secure in the knowledge that my immune system is getting a bigger and bigger library of responses to pathogens each time.

Go at it, anon. It's just a cold ferchrissake, it's not like she's bleeding from the nipples from ebola.
posted by tim_in_oz at 11:28 PM on January 13

Uh, your immune system Doesn't Work Like That in regard to the common cold. It's not the same cold virus over and over, it's a different one each time. Having caught a previous cold doesn't confer immunity; otherwise you'd only get one cold, ever. I suppose you could get some partial protection against similar strains, but you have to contract the cold first. Just being around it doesn't do anything.
posted by Justinian at 11:31 PM on January 13

Granted, cold and flu viruses have unusually variable coat proteins, but as you say, exposure will confer partial protection against similar viruses. At the end of the day it's just a cold. Cold and flu viruses transfer so well anyway, I hardly see the need to quaranteine your sex life when you're just as likely to get it driving your girlfriend to the doctor's surgery.
posted by tim_in_oz at 11:51 PM on January 13

Just go for it, “Not only does sex heal our organism; it also sustains its immune system”.
posted by Glow Bucket at 12:10 AM on January 14

Gasmasks. Kink-factor 11 and shouldn't be too worried about other intimate contact. It's the air/breath you have to be worried about.
posted by slimepuppy at 5:10 AM on January 14

Why? No really, I don't see how you can catch a cold through your penis. I could be wrong though and would be interested to hear why.

My totally unscientific guess would be the saliva involved, which is likely to get on bed sheets and then be more easily spread to anon.

Even if his girlfriend is...ahem, down...for it, if he can't afford a cold, he can't afford a cold and shouldn't do her. If he's willing to risk getting a cold--that is, if he really can afford to get sick, then I'd say, go to town.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 7:08 AM on January 14

Get busy, but no kissing. Makes it so hot when you start kissing again in a few days (preferably toward the climax of a steamy bedroom encounter). This has worked (i.e. she didn't get a cold from me) several times when I have had a cold but she has not.
posted by Barry B. Palindromer at 8:19 AM on January 14

Well, I've certainly coughed and sneezed around SO's/relatives and they have managed not to catch my colds. Hell, I think my ex's grandfather and I (who lived in different towns) both caught pneumonia because of my ex (it was going around at his work), and the ex never bloody had pneumonia. And ah...well, let's say the ex hung around me enough where he really should have caught it, because I came down with it right after visiting him, and later spent a week at his place while I had it.

I think it's luck of the draw and your immune system here, bud. If you boink her, you're taking a risk and can't prevent exposure. On the other hand, if she's had the cold for days and you've been around her breathing, and you still don't have it, for all I know you may not get it at all by now. IANAD, though.
posted by jenfullmoon at 11:35 AM on January 14

Just a FWIW...

Sick Samizdata = Even lustier Samizdata. No clue why it happens, but it certainly does, much to the chagrin of my nurses, so I tend to find the "Just don't to anything" answers unworkable.

As far as hygiene goes, I figure a little common sense should help reduce the opportunity to catch flu.
posted by Samizdata at 9:50 AM on January 19