The borrowers at work?

December 1, 2008 8:04 AM

Objects keep disappearing in my apartment. Please help me figure out why, and what to do.

In the past few weeks, several objects of nominal value have disappeared from my apartment. The objects include a DVD, a pair of socks, a can of beans, and a mug.

As far as I know, no one has broken into my apartment. Among other things, valuable items such as my laptop, camera, and iPod are undisturbed.

I have not lent any of these things to anyone (and really, the DVD is the only lend-able item of the lot). I live alone in a tiny studio apartment, so it's not a handsy roommate.

I am a very organized, "place for everything, and everything in its place" kind of person, which is why I became aware of the missing things. I have also thoroughly searched (including under furniture, behind the stove, etc. etc.) and am convinced that these items are really gone.

The inconvenience and expense of replacing these items is minor. But I am concerned that there is something creepy going on that I should do something about. But I can't exactly call the police and ask them to investigate my missing socks. (And I'm not in the least superstitious; no ghosts here).

What should I do?

posted by charmcityblues to home & garden (40 comments total)

Change your locks, lock your windows, and see if the problem stops.
posted by Electrius at 8:08 AM on December 1, 2008

Maybe you could set up your laptop with a webcam and get a few pics when there is motion in the room? Here is a link to how to set it up: Motion Detection with a webcam
posted by midwestguy at 8:11 AM on December 1, 2008 [5 favorites has favorites]

have you had any maintenance work done lately? any reason for the landlord to be in lately? those are the first things i would check into.
posted by misanthropicsarah at 8:15 AM on December 1, 2008

take a hair and wedge it in above your door when you leave. leave just enough hanging out that you can hold it there while closing the door but not so much that someone else had to notice it. upon returning check whether the hair is still in its previous position or has fallen to the ground because the door has been opened. repeat until satisfied, change locks if necessary.
posted by krautland at 8:18 AM on December 1, 2008 [3 favorites has favorites]

While I don't have solutions (this sounds like a classic "locked room" type of mystery), some things I would consider:

Who has access--any family or friends? Landlord? Apartment manager? Former tenant?

Where do you do laundry? Are the socks in a dryer somewhere lamenting the loss of the lifelong partner, your feet?

Could you have taken the mug out with you?

Have you partaken of any mood-altering substances in the last few weeks?

Could you be a victim of a psychological experiment that use implanted memories to see how attentive to detail the human mind is?

If nothing seems plausible and you're positive it isn't you, consider setting up a webcam or something to record on motion detection while you're gone.
posted by VeritableSaintOfBrevity at 8:18 AM on December 1, 2008

You can put small unnoticeable pieces of scotch tape on your doors and windows when you leave your apartment. If they are disturbed when you return, someone may be getting into your place. Change the locks.
posted by kuujjuarapik at 8:19 AM on December 1, 2008

I'm assuming from your nickname that you are not abroad and this is not the work of espionage. Though I have heard tales of people breaking in to plant bugs or spy on people getting a little excited by the power and fucking with the individuals.
posted by Pollomacho at 8:21 AM on December 1, 2008

Just because you're not superstitious doesn't mean ghosts aren't involved.

I'll get my coat

But seriously, your brain may well be playing tricks: you left the socks at a friend's house, ate the beans, etc, and now you're deep in confirmation bias, thinking this is a significant new and troubling phenomenon. But if our brains didn't trick us we'd never lose anything. (And we do. Even organized people like you and me.)
posted by game warden to the events rhino at 8:21 AM on December 1, 2008 [7 favorites has favorites]

Do you have a pet door? Also, check your closets.

I wonder if your locks were re-keyed when you moved in. Ask your landlord about that, if he is the culprit, it will also let him know that you're onto the pilfering.
posted by jamaro at 8:23 AM on December 1, 2008

If the webcam shows nothing, go see your doctor. You're having problems with your short term memory. What's bad is not remembering what you did with something, what's worse is not remembering what you did with something you didn't have in the first place, but thought you did.

I'm used to it, as I've always been scatterbrained, but I can understand how it would be completely unnerving to someone who's naturally organized, and it may be a symptom of something (most likely stress or sleep issues).

What's bad is not remembering what you did with something, what's worse is not remembering what you did with something you didn't have in the first place, but thought you did... but, really, if you're that organized, you may have been wandering around with the missing object in hand, and then thrown it out. Your instinct will be that anything that isn't in its place is usually trash, without even realizing consciously you had picked it up or thrown it out. Again, stress or sleep problems will do that to you. Sleep problems can be something you're not aware of, too, like sleep apnia.
posted by Slap*Happy at 8:28 AM on December 1, 2008

Pervert/weirdo superintendent.
posted by orthogonality at 8:29 AM on December 1, 2008 [2 favorites has favorites]

(See? Scatterbrained.)
posted by Slap*Happy at 8:29 AM on December 1, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Adding to what VeritableSaintOfBerevity mentioned about mood-altering substances, if you're on any medication, and especially if it has any interaction with other things, you could be having gaps in your memory without realizing it. For example, in the Spring I was taking some SSRI medication for depression, and stupidly also drinking alcohol. It was the opposite, I'd find things in drawers or closets that I'd obviously bought but no recollection of when I'd bought them, and a couple of trips I'd taken at the time I remember very little. Only recently I read something about the medication interaction which explained the cause.
posted by hungrysquirrels at 8:34 AM on December 1, 2008

You should follow the advice here re webcams and/or hairs -- just so you can know for sure whether or not someone is breaking into your apartment.

But note that EVERYONE has brain farts.

I'm the opposite of you. I'm an unorganized clusterfuck. So the idea that something I "knew" was there is now gone isn't strange to me. My default assumption is always that regardless of how sure I am, I'm wrong. I mislaid the item.

I've noticed that people like you -- super-organized people (and my hat is off to you!) -- are more freaked out by the idea that they might be having a few mental hiccups than they are by they possibility that someone is fucking with them. I guess it's because they enjoy thinking of themselves as perfect in this way, and admitting to a lapse would mar that perfection.

But (I repeat) EVERYONE has brain farts, even the most anal-retentive, organized people. No one has a perfect brain. So do consider brain farts as a possibility.

Of course, you'll have no way of knowing the truth without some sort of confirming evidence, which is why I favor webcams, tape and hairs. But, please, if those tools wind up showing nothing, accept that it's you. Don't start becoming uber-paranoid and thinking that someone is using an invisibility cloak or re-routing the webcam to a secret mockup room in Russia that looks just like yours.
posted by grumblebee at 8:37 AM on December 1, 2008 [3 favorites has favorites]

In college, I 'acquired' a key to a friend's room, and over the course of a couple of weeks, whenever I knew she was out, I'd go in and put a couple of CDs in the wrong jewelcases. And put the blue pen lid on the red pen. And so on. Pointless, juvenile and subtle stuff like that, intended to cause occasional mild bewilderment.

So, most likely either you're mis-remembering what you did with these things, and it'll turn out you left the mug in the car etc, or someone's coming in and taking them.

As others have said, sellotape a hair or very light thread across the front door next time you leave - right at the bottom, one strip of tape on the skirting, one strip of tape on the door, hair linking the two. Opening the door pulls the hair from one of the tape strips, it's very unlikely to be noticed, and if the tape's sticky enough, unlikely to give false results.
posted by Beautiful Screaming Lady at 8:39 AM on December 1, 2008

You should check your place for carbon monoxide and other dangerous gases, especially if you live in an older place. Low levels of dangerous gasses can make you disoriented time to time.
posted by sixcolors at 8:51 AM on December 1, 2008 [2 favorites has favorites]

sleepwalking? though you'd still have had to put them somewhere... i once sleptwalked a jar of salsa into the hardware cabinet, and I still have never found what happened to a bathroom bin (I moved out of that apartment years ago, so I'll never know)
posted by mdn at 8:56 AM on December 1, 2008

Thanks for the input so far.

No pet door. High floor, no fire escape. No mind altering substances / medications - the only pills I take are Flintstones. I don't even drink!

The locks were changed when I moved in. My lease prohibits me from changing them again. I have rigged a bar for the door, but that only works when I'm home.

The only thing that fits is the maintenance crew, which is in and out of the apartment fairly regularly. They just don't strike me as Wes Anderson types, though (the missing DVD is The Life Aquatic). And what use would they have for women's socks and an unlabeled can of cannellini?

I will certainly set up some tell-tales- thanks to all who suggested good ones. And I guess it's possible that it's all in my head- as grumblebee, Slap*Happy, and game warden to the events rhino suggested.
posted by charmcityblues at 8:59 AM on December 1, 2008

Since I've switched to a laundromat with front-loading washers, I have to be more careful about making sure I've got all my laundry out because it's not as easy to see inside. So for socks/other clothes, that could be an explanation.
posted by Airhen at 9:02 AM on December 1, 2008

Reiterating what others have said:

My first guess would be you simply forgot. Many medications cause this. I was on one prescription for a little while that caused me to totally forget entire conversations, or even how I got home from work or got to bed the night before. Or, as others have said, if you are self-medicating with something, that can have an effect on your memory.

Second guess: sleepwalking. Rare, but possible. This doesn't account for where the items might have gone (garbage?) but might be a possibility.

Third guess: someone really is sneaking in and taking things. A hungry, sockless, homeless person, who wants to sell a DVD to the pawnshop for a couple dollars?

In any case, I concur with the advice to set up something that will show evidence of entry to the apartment. A webcam, or better yet a hidden camcorder on time-lapse mode, is the best bet. It will not only show whether someone is coming in, but also who it is.

Good luck!
posted by Fuzzy Skinner at 9:07 AM on December 1, 2008

A friend once had a mouse problem and a bunch of his socks went missing. They'd made a nest of sorts in his closet. So maybe you should check the closet!

Uh.. I guess this really doesn't explain the missing can, mug or DVD.
posted by giraffe at 9:10 AM on December 1, 2008

I think game warden has the most reasonable answer. Isn't it possible you lent the DVD to somebody or watched it at a friend's house and forgot to bring it back?
posted by pravit at 9:22 AM on December 1, 2008

Friends of mine were once in a similar situation -- little things went missing (books, clothes, sunglasses etc.) over a period of weeks that they couldn't account for. Turned out that their landlord was keeping his copy of their unit key where his teenage daughter had access to it, and she was using it to freely enter the apartment and "borrow" items. So -- any chance that someone has access to a copy of the key?
posted by vers at 9:45 AM on December 1, 2008

I believe you. Really.

I had work done on my house, and later found a pair of my underwear shoved in the basement ceiling insulation. Yeah, nice.

I vote perv. Pervs are the answers to all of lifes most riddling mysteries.

p.s. Even I can't resist stealing an unlabeled can of beans when I've got the hots for someone.
posted by letahl at 9:58 AM on December 1, 2008 [3 favorites has favorites]

You ate the beans. Your socks are still where you left them in the suitcase from your last trip. You accidentally pitched the DVD with that stack of magazines you put out for recycling. The maintenance crew (cleaning staff, I assume?) accidentally broke your mug and removed the evidence.
posted by mkultra at 10:01 AM on December 1, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Please do follow-up with this. I don't know why -- perhaps because knowing where anything is is so foreign to me -- but it's got me curious.
posted by The corpse in the library at 10:04 AM on December 1, 2008

I knew a woman who was a compulsive thief, and "socks, dvds, coffee mugs" sound like the sort of things she would take; I would chalk it up to my bad memory/poor organizational skills when I couldn't find them.
posted by muddgirl at 10:05 AM on December 1, 2008

As far as the socks and the beans, socks are easily lost and beans are easily eaten and forgotten about. Dvds get put in the wrong case or can fall into crevasses, they can also hide in books and between papers. They are very easy to overlook. So to me the only thing that isn't easily explained away is the mug. Is it possible a guest broke the mug and threw away the evidence? That would my first guess. Did you bring it to work? Did it get pushed way back in your kitchen cabinet?

It's also possible that the maintenance crew is helping themselves to small things that they think you are unlikely to notice are gone. Maybe not the socks, but the can of food? a mug for their coffee? and a dvd they haven't seen? All innocuous enough and unlikely to raise the alarm for theft. Maybe ask your neighbors if they've experienced something similar.
posted by whoaali at 10:55 AM on December 1, 2008

Have you considered that, because you're an organized person, where everything has a place, that you're not creative in your search patterns?

I consider myself to be an organized person as well. I thought I lost my watch, a gift from my dad. I searched high and low, and almost cried when I couldn't find it. My mom came to my apartment, checked in between some cracks in our cushions on a love seat, and found it. I didn't think to look there because I've never lost anything in this tiny crevice before.

Have someone else help you search, someone you trust. A different way of thinking might help.

Or you're going crazy. Welcome to the club.
posted by teabag at 11:22 AM on December 1, 2008 [2 favorites has favorites]

I vote set up a webcam and see if someone's entering your apt when they shouldn't be. Also, I can't tell where you live but many states have landlord/tenant laws prohibiting random access by maintenance people or your landlord; in WA they must give you 48 hours written notice each time they want to come in. If your maintenance people can traipse in and out freely, maybe they're taking liberties with your stuff as well?
posted by bizwank at 11:23 AM on December 1, 2008

This could be a perceptual issue. I've noticed that if I'm convinced that something is properly gone, say that I've loaned a DVD to someone, then I can't see it even if it is on the shelf. Things like DVDs, socks, mugs etc, are all items that we scan a number of in quick succession, so it's fairly easy to "lose" things that are still right there.

> Have someone else help you search, someone you trust. A different way of thinking might help.

Sounds like good advice.
posted by iivix at 11:43 AM on December 1, 2008

Basically, if there's no logical way for something to get lost, then maybe it isn't lost.
posted by iivix at 11:44 AM on December 1, 2008

Alternatively, your washing machine or tumble dryer ate the socks (they can get trapped between the drum and the door and pulled into the case). The other items, I don't know.
posted by iivix at 11:46 AM on December 1, 2008

I vote for the maintenance crew/ landlord/ perv with a key scenario. I've had some really weird experiences with workmen to say the least. It might not be the regular crew- maybe one of the guys sometimes brings his kid to work. Or they have some young kids on the crew that are just stealing stuff for no real reason other than being young and stupid.
posted by fshgrl at 12:35 PM on December 1, 2008

If you also notice that a silver spoon, a painted stick, and a conch shell have gone missing, let us know.
posted by elizardbits at 1:58 PM on December 1, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

I think there was a scenario like this in The Gift Of Fear by Gavin de Becker. I vote set up the webcam.
posted by goshling at 2:52 PM on December 1, 2008 [2 favorites has favorites]

I would also say that you have had a memory lapse, but... this has happened to me. I lived in an apartment with a roommate, and we started to notice things had been moved around, and things had been taken out of the kitchen. It was really very strange because we could both sort of sense that things weren't as we had left them, and became very observant of how we had left things, and where. One day I gave my uni classes the heave-ho and slept in to some ungodly hour like midday after a late shift at work, when I heard someone let themselves into the apartment with a key. Knowing my roommate was out of town, I got dressed and went out into the kitchen where...

my landlord was standing by the sink making coffee like he was in his own apartment

No kidding. Needless to say, this scared the bejesus out of me, and in the ensuing "what the hell?!" I worked out that he had some boundary issues and literally had no idea that even though he owned the apartment he had absolutely no business just letting himself in. We were HORRIFIED. He simply didn't get it. The whole time we'd been living there, he had been letting himself in to check the hot water service, work on the tiles in the bathroom... and make himself coffee in our kitchen.

I endorse the Nancy Drew approach that everyone else has suggested. If you are suresuresure things are missing or tampered with, some amateur sleuthing is in order.
posted by lottie at 2:53 PM on December 1, 2008 [2 favorites has favorites]

Stress? Say, extra personal stressors? General additional changes in life(style)? Getting less or poorer quality sleep? Less exercise, or poorer food? Are you doing or managing more than usual? I found that my (once) pretty-impressive-memory started dropping minor events when events & responsibilities ratched up significantly -- at some point, it simply becomes impossible to remember *everything*, and (hopefully) less significant things get dropped..
posted by Tuesday After Lunch at 4:00 AM on December 2, 2008

Are you Billy Bragg, or in love with Billy Bragg? "Our love is so strong it moves objects in my house."
posted by kirkaracha at 8:01 AM on December 2, 2008 [2 favorites has favorites]

Nothing else has disappeared. My tell-tales have been unmolested. Granted, it's only been a few days, but I'm ready to chalk this up to the maintenance workers who were fixing various things in my apartment in the last two weeks. This explanation seems the most rational, but still, weird!

I can't help imagine the maintenance guy, eating my beans from my mug, watching my DVD, and wearing my socks, surrounded by a strange tableau of similarly obtained items.

I going to be very careful when entering my apartment, including checking for an intruder.

Thanks to all for the thoughtful (and funny!) responses.
posted by charmcityblues at 10:51 PM on December 2, 2008