Like Being a Teenager

June 25, 2012 7:08 PM

Still feel comfortable, happy and awkward around him. How can I stop the awkward part?

So, a guy I've been seeing casually for quite a while... he's not in relationship mode... however, because he's so laid back on that idea, I still feel like a giddy, awkward girl sometimes around him. I don't want the night to end unless I feel he met me halfway with a goodnight kiss. We've been intimate plenty of times in every way possible and I feel good after. It's only when he doesn't, I get weird. Why does his keep happening and is there any way to stop myself from feeling this way? Feel free to mefi mail me for specific questions you need answered. Thanks!

posted by InterestedInKnowing to Human Relations (5 answers total)

Best answer: It's happening because deep down you know he's not going to commit to you, and you're enjoying the chase that, in this case, will always be a chase. You'll stop feeling this way once you stop pursuing him and seek out someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated -- and commit to being in a relationship with you in the process.
posted by Hello Darling at 7:18 PM on June 25, 2012 [8 favorites]

See also: limerence. As long as there is uncertainty you will likely feel this.
posted by thrasher at 7:21 PM on June 25, 2012

Agreeing with Hello Darling -- since he's not in the "relationship mode," it may feel like there's no guarantee that he'll want to see you again. (Actually, if he has told you he doesn't want a relationship with you, then I'd say this is more than a feeling: he doesn't want to commit, so you can't make any legitimate claims on his attention or time.) Your uncertainty about whether he'll call or not, or want to see you again or not, keeps you in a state of suspense that makes for anxiety, awkwardness, and (the unsettling kind of) butterflies.

I wouldn't enjoy this. I prefer the butterflies I get when I realize that a guy is really into me and we're building something that might just be amazing and lasting. THAT SAID, if you do enjoy it, more power to you! Just keep being honest with yourself and remember that if this awkward feeling gets too overwhelming, you can always bail and find someone else who WILL want to go into relationship mode for you.
posted by artemisia at 8:13 PM on June 25, 2012 [1 favorite]

It could be limerance. Or, as others have said, it could be that the fact that you don't know where you stand with him is keeping you off-balance.

In my experience, you can't really stop yourself from feeling a certain way, you can only control how you react to those feelings. One thing I will say from experience: any time I've been in a relationship where I felt like I had to get rid of or consistently hide emotions that would otherwise have been seen as appropriate, it hasn't been a good relationship.
posted by the essence of class and fanciness at 10:42 PM on June 25, 2012 [2 favorites]

It sounds like he sees you as a friend with benefits but you hope he will want to be your boyfriend. That conflict leads to awkwardness.
posted by 2oh1 at 3:33 PM on June 26, 2012