Are you someone with intrinsic motivation? Share your secret sauce.
May 23, 2023 2:15 AM Subscribe
I am someone who is very externally motivated, that is, great at meeting commitments and deadlines imposed by others. For example, I would have to be pretty much dead to cancel an appointment with, say, a personal trainer or a therapist. If a paper or work project is due on x date, it will be delivered on that date. But if it’s just me, alone, doing a thing whether it’s education, work, exercise, cooking for myself, pretty much anything that’s even the most minimal effort, even when I really enjoy it? I find it much much harder to stick with it consistently. Are you someone who does things consistently by yourself? How?!
To a point, I’m aware its easier for humans generally to do things if they have other humans to keep them accountable, and that social support is an enabler of consistent behaviour in, for instance, exercise.
Some people however do seem to have the ability to undertake tasks consistently with only themselves for motivation: they work for themselves, they go for walks every day consistently, they cook themselves fairly healthy dinners, they finish their PhD over four years of working mostly alone. (Unthinkable to me.) They have intrinsic motivation!
Me, not so much. I do play to my strengths where I can and sign up to, say, exercise classes, and coaching where I can which helps a lot. But I can’t always rely on being accountable to other people to get stuff done! I’d love to work for myself, and exercise alone, but so far, so failure.
All I’ve come up with so far is focus on the process, positive self talk (my internal narrator has been quite critical and I’m working on that) and rewarding/recognising success e.g small reward for say, three walks in a row kind of thing.
Intrinsically motivated Mefites, how do you do it? Bonus if you lacked intrinsic motivation and somehow managed to develop it, or can point me to any research about intrinsic motivation and its development. Or lack thereof and factors influencing that.
To a point, I’m aware its easier for humans generally to do things if they have other humans to keep them accountable, and that social support is an enabler of consistent behaviour in, for instance, exercise.
Some people however do seem to have the ability to undertake tasks consistently with only themselves for motivation: they work for themselves, they go for walks every day consistently, they cook themselves fairly healthy dinners, they finish their PhD over four years of working mostly alone. (Unthinkable to me.) They have intrinsic motivation!
Me, not so much. I do play to my strengths where I can and sign up to, say, exercise classes, and coaching where I can which helps a lot. But I can’t always rely on being accountable to other people to get stuff done! I’d love to work for myself, and exercise alone, but so far, so failure.
All I’ve come up with so far is focus on the process, positive self talk (my internal narrator has been quite critical and I’m working on that) and rewarding/recognising success e.g small reward for say, three walks in a row kind of thing.
Intrinsically motivated Mefites, how do you do it? Bonus if you lacked intrinsic motivation and somehow managed to develop it, or can point me to any research about intrinsic motivation and its development. Or lack thereof and factors influencing that.
Best answer: I don't think there's an easy answer for this. One approach that's been useful for me is to open a text file or an audio recording and have a sort of discussion with myself about why I'm not doing whatever it is I thought I wanted to do. The goal is to be analytical, trying to figure out what is blocking forward progress or whether I'm even still interested in doing the thing. It's important that I not judge myself -- only observe and analyze. I've found that setting up systems to hold myself accountable or reward myself are counterproductive and tend to destroy my motivation in the long term.
posted by panic at 3:07 AM on May 23, 2023 [9 favorites]
posted by panic at 3:07 AM on May 23, 2023 [9 favorites]
Best answer: Have you read Alfie Kohn's Punished by Rewards? I think that's a pretty foundational text about intrinsic motivation.
posted by Rhedyn at 3:08 AM on May 23, 2023 [6 favorites]
posted by Rhedyn at 3:08 AM on May 23, 2023 [6 favorites]
Best answer: I am like you (I too know I would never finish a PhD if left to my own devices), but I also loathe group exercise classes and am kind of cheap about exercise generally, so signing up for classes or a trainer was not going to happen. So, I developed intrinsic motivation only in the realm of solo exercise. My main breakthrough was brute forcing it with willpower just long enough that I could credibly label myself "the kind of person who exercises everyday" and then working that into my conception of myself and, more practically, into my schedule. Once I managed that, it became a lot less hard because it's both who I am now and just a thing I do everyday, like brushing my teeth. So, I may not always feel like it (and will of course skip if I'm sick or hurt or whatever), but I've completely removed all the daily decision-making so I don't think about it, I just go do it.
I am very interested to see people's answers in the non-exercise realm as I haven't cracked that one yet.
posted by snaw at 3:39 AM on May 23, 2023 [6 favorites]
I am very interested to see people's answers in the non-exercise realm as I haven't cracked that one yet.
posted by snaw at 3:39 AM on May 23, 2023 [6 favorites]
Best answer: Two principles that help:
(i) Do the thing you truly want/need to get done before anything else happens in the day. Get up early if you have to.
(ii) Do this little and often, every day, or five days a week, first thing. Even 15 minutes a day is worth it in the long term.
posted by einekleine at 4:40 AM on May 23, 2023 [3 favorites]
(i) Do the thing you truly want/need to get done before anything else happens in the day. Get up early if you have to.
(ii) Do this little and often, every day, or five days a week, first thing. Even 15 minutes a day is worth it in the long term.
posted by einekleine at 4:40 AM on May 23, 2023 [3 favorites]
In my life I don't find the concept useful. Any hard behavior I do well, I have internalized by making real or fake extrinsic motivation, and by rote repetition until it becomes habit. I don't feel 'motivated', I feel habituated.
Example: I didn't exercise regularly until my thirties when I needed to complete a certain number of hours in the gym each week to pass my community college PE class and keep my financial aid. That extrinsic motivation allowed me to form the habitual behavior I maintain more than a decade later. I can't think too much about it. I just exercise regularly now cuz that's what I do. So gamify, make accountability buddies, create rewards, whatever.. the point is to force yourself to do the thing until you have the habit.
posted by latkes at 4:49 AM on May 23, 2023 [11 favorites]
Example: I didn't exercise regularly until my thirties when I needed to complete a certain number of hours in the gym each week to pass my community college PE class and keep my financial aid. That extrinsic motivation allowed me to form the habitual behavior I maintain more than a decade later. I can't think too much about it. I just exercise regularly now cuz that's what I do. So gamify, make accountability buddies, create rewards, whatever.. the point is to force yourself to do the thing until you have the habit.
posted by latkes at 4:49 AM on May 23, 2023 [11 favorites]
Best answer: FWIW this has helped me a bit - I'm wired the same way.
i) Action precedes motivation.
Whenever you don't FEEL like doing something, just notice your feelings, but don't be beholden to them. ACT, no matter your discomfort. Motivation will grow from that.
ii) If you need a goal, make one! I like training for skiing - even if it's just a couple of days on the hill. I'm always frustrated when I'm not fit on the mountain. In good years, that can be, like, 4 months of regular exercise towards a goal.
posted by lalochezia at 4:54 AM on May 23, 2023 [20 favorites]
i) Action precedes motivation.
Whenever you don't FEEL like doing something, just notice your feelings, but don't be beholden to them. ACT, no matter your discomfort. Motivation will grow from that.
ii) If you need a goal, make one! I like training for skiing - even if it's just a couple of days on the hill. I'm always frustrated when I'm not fit on the mountain. In good years, that can be, like, 4 months of regular exercise towards a goal.
posted by lalochezia at 4:54 AM on May 23, 2023 [20 favorites]
Best answer: This may be too obvious but nobody has said it yet - I/they actually enjoy the thing! I LOVE going for walks every day. Sometimes I love the fresh air, seeing something different, or even listening to an exciting audio book. The person who finished their PhD alone probably was passionate about the topic. I built an app for fun that makes me no money and nobody cares about but me because it was fun and challenging for me.
Sometimes the things that are really fun for you have some nuance - it can be very specific. I really love the book Designing Your Life for exploring that nuance.
posted by beyond_pink at 5:36 AM on May 23, 2023 [8 favorites]
Sometimes the things that are really fun for you have some nuance - it can be very specific. I really love the book Designing Your Life for exploring that nuance.
posted by beyond_pink at 5:36 AM on May 23, 2023 [8 favorites]
Best answer: I struggle with this too. The only thing that has worked for me is doing the thing in tiny amounts consistently and congratulating myself for consistency over effort. So, let's say if I want to become stronger, lifting one heavy thing once a day is enough for that day to 'count', well done me.
What happened when I started doing that is, I found one lift so easy that I often did several more. I'm now doing it pretty much every day-- still occasionally just once or twice if I'm not feeling it, but also sometimes pushing my limit just for fun. What is really fun is noticing how it gets easier and I can do more reps as I go.
posted by guessthis at 5:50 AM on May 23, 2023 [3 favorites]
What happened when I started doing that is, I found one lift so easy that I often did several more. I'm now doing it pretty much every day-- still occasionally just once or twice if I'm not feeling it, but also sometimes pushing my limit just for fun. What is really fun is noticing how it gets easier and I can do more reps as I go.
posted by guessthis at 5:50 AM on May 23, 2023 [3 favorites]
To-do lists with small tasks, so I can check stuff off.
Keeping the end goal in mind helps too. I used to run marathons, but in order not to die, you need to go for a run TODAY.
Hm. I wonder, if it comes down to convincing yourself to be motivated by a smaller, self-chosen rewards. Exercising - finally doing these 10 pull-ups. Cooking - being able to cook a healthy meal competently. Marathon - t-shirt. The checking that task off a to-do list is a reward as well.
posted by Dotty at 5:51 AM on May 23, 2023 [2 favorites]
Keeping the end goal in mind helps too. I used to run marathons, but in order not to die, you need to go for a run TODAY.
Hm. I wonder, if it comes down to convincing yourself to be motivated by a smaller, self-chosen rewards. Exercising - finally doing these 10 pull-ups. Cooking - being able to cook a healthy meal competently. Marathon - t-shirt. The checking that task off a to-do list is a reward as well.
posted by Dotty at 5:51 AM on May 23, 2023 [2 favorites]
Best answer: i have a deep and gnawing internal anxiety that i'll fail at everything, become destitute and homeless, abandoned, then die alone unloved and unnoticed in the cold without any accomplishments, and am in a constant struggle to push that possibility as far away from me as i can by working working working. i don't recommend it
posted by dis_integration at 6:18 AM on May 23, 2023 [11 favorites]
posted by dis_integration at 6:18 AM on May 23, 2023 [11 favorites]
In line with many of the answers above, for me it's about:
1. Habit
Example: I started exercising more years back after my parents both had cardiovascular events, so fear kicked it off. But once I got into the habit of doing it, it became lower effort. Although I shook up the form of exercise over the years, the idea of having it in my day stayed with me. I probably looked motivated, but really I was just in a habit.
I have to say though, the pandemic + a heart condition I developed post-Covid that is now getting better, really hit that foundation for me and I started to struggle with getting out and moving...because I'd replaced exercising with some online classes and stuff. So now I'm focusing back on building just that ONE habit. I know if I stick with it for probably 2 months, it will snap back into place.
1. a) So how to form a habit? I stack them. For example, I make my kids' lunches every day because they have to have lunch and there's no option to not send it (one doesn't have a cafeteria option and so I always end up making two lunches.) While I'm doing that, I may as well toss a vegetarian chili or a soup in the slow cooker. And since I did that, now there's onions on the counter so I wipe it all up.
For exercise or that kind of habit, I always try to stack it against other activities. For a gym, for me after work has historically worked best Before Kids, because doing it before getting home meant I never had to get up off a couch. But when I haven't been able to do that, I've usually taken a class.
But for a walk/run, I've matched it up against podcasts or audiobooks. There are particular ones I basically only listen to if I'm moving, and since I want to listen to them, I get moving.
2. I can't like "action PRECEDES motivation" enough. That's why the 'do it for just 15 minutes' works so well. Once you are doing it, motivation may come. And if not, at least you did it for 15 minutes.
3. For writing my novel, which has been the kind of hardest for me, I stacked it against a writer's group (accountability) and also by linking it to weekend mornings - get a coffee, look at the lake, then write. No writing, no coffee. Works for me more or less. Sometimes a lot less! But it is much much easier to look at the habits I have and then add on rather than trying to start something brand new.
posted by warriorqueen at 6:47 AM on May 23, 2023 [6 favorites]
1. Habit
Example: I started exercising more years back after my parents both had cardiovascular events, so fear kicked it off. But once I got into the habit of doing it, it became lower effort. Although I shook up the form of exercise over the years, the idea of having it in my day stayed with me. I probably looked motivated, but really I was just in a habit.
I have to say though, the pandemic + a heart condition I developed post-Covid that is now getting better, really hit that foundation for me and I started to struggle with getting out and moving...because I'd replaced exercising with some online classes and stuff. So now I'm focusing back on building just that ONE habit. I know if I stick with it for probably 2 months, it will snap back into place.
1. a) So how to form a habit? I stack them. For example, I make my kids' lunches every day because they have to have lunch and there's no option to not send it (one doesn't have a cafeteria option and so I always end up making two lunches.) While I'm doing that, I may as well toss a vegetarian chili or a soup in the slow cooker. And since I did that, now there's onions on the counter so I wipe it all up.
For exercise or that kind of habit, I always try to stack it against other activities. For a gym, for me after work has historically worked best Before Kids, because doing it before getting home meant I never had to get up off a couch. But when I haven't been able to do that, I've usually taken a class.
But for a walk/run, I've matched it up against podcasts or audiobooks. There are particular ones I basically only listen to if I'm moving, and since I want to listen to them, I get moving.
2. I can't like "action PRECEDES motivation" enough. That's why the 'do it for just 15 minutes' works so well. Once you are doing it, motivation may come. And if not, at least you did it for 15 minutes.
3. For writing my novel, which has been the kind of hardest for me, I stacked it against a writer's group (accountability) and also by linking it to weekend mornings - get a coffee, look at the lake, then write. No writing, no coffee. Works for me more or less. Sometimes a lot less! But it is much much easier to look at the habits I have and then add on rather than trying to start something brand new.
posted by warriorqueen at 6:47 AM on May 23, 2023 [6 favorites]
Best answer: I don't know if I'm where you want to be but I'm happy with where I am so maybe that's the same thing: I stop and make myself sit with "what do I want to do right now?"
It aborts the mindless frittering and is just enough motive force to get me to stand up and put on my gym shoes, or check my to do list, or tidy the X. So I get probably 1-2 things done in a day! High achieving, no, without something outside to aim for, but able to do the things I care about pretty well.
posted by Lady Li at 7:05 AM on May 23, 2023 [3 favorites]
It aborts the mindless frittering and is just enough motive force to get me to stand up and put on my gym shoes, or check my to do list, or tidy the X. So I get probably 1-2 things done in a day! High achieving, no, without something outside to aim for, but able to do the things I care about pretty well.
posted by Lady Li at 7:05 AM on May 23, 2023 [3 favorites]
Read up on The Four Tendencies. You sound like classic Obliger. However, the book didn't really have suggestions as to how to convert yourself to an Upholder, which seems to be your question.
posted by jenfullmoon at 7:17 AM on May 23, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by jenfullmoon at 7:17 AM on May 23, 2023 [2 favorites]
I am that person with loads of intrinsic motivation. It started in my early 20’s as the anxiety that dis_integration referenced, but grew out of that once I was able to change my mindset of running away from bad things to running towards good things. (Having things like some degree of financial stability, a support network, and better mental health overall we’re part of that transition.)
Ive been doing these things for most of my adult life and just keep getting better at them the more I do them. I don’t really think about it too much on a day-to-day basis, it’s really just a part of who I am now. What I do:
1. Early in my management career, someone told me that most of my employees fall into 2 categories- those who can see the big picture and care about things that are days, weeks, or months ahead and those who only care about their experience for the shift they are working. These 2 groups have to be managed differently. I incorporated those management strategies in how I manage myself. I try to give myself the big picture goals that I am working towards, but also have strategies to get through the shift. For example, with running and exercise, signing up for the marathon gave me the big picture goals. But on days I wasn’t excited to run, I shrank the scope down with things “the goal of today is to try these new socks to see if I like them”. So even on days where I’m not willing or able to think big picture, I have one actionable item I am dealing with that I can summon motivation for.
2. I build in larger systems of accountability that I care about. I pride myself on being someone that does what they say they are going to do. So if I really want to do something, I tell someone I’m going to do it. It really doesn’t matter to me who I tell, if they even care, or if there will even be any follow up on their part. Once I have said it out loud, it is something I have committed to and must follow through on. I make it a point to verbally commit to everything that is important to get done, even if just in the context of a conversation with my roommate of “what are you doing tomorrow?”
3. I let past Me, current Me, and future Me to be characters in my life story. I love and respect all the versions of Me and think of future Me as someone I want to be kind to and current Me as the one who has the agency. I enjoy delighting my future self and find that thinking about her helps me do a lot more of the small things that make the big tasks easier. For example, if I shop and prep for a couple of meals today where I have a little bit of extra time, future Me will have that gift in a couple of days when she will really appreciate it. I find this really easy to build on. So when current Me is delighted that past Me stocked the fridge, it motivates current me to do something else for future Me. All the things I do for future Me are the kinds of things I would do for the people I care about without second guessing it.
4. I give myself the best tools I can, especially if it eases the barrier to the thing I want to do. I am very lucky that I can throw some money at things, and I absolutely do that without guilt if it makes me more productive. I make myself identify what is keeping me from doing the thing, and then do something about it. Things like a rice cooker, a dyson hair dryer, a coffee pot with a timer, and merino wool have all made me better at doing the things I want to do. Especially with the pricier things, it adds a layer of “gotta get my money’s worth” motivation.
posted by August Fury at 7:37 AM on May 23, 2023 [9 favorites]
Ive been doing these things for most of my adult life and just keep getting better at them the more I do them. I don’t really think about it too much on a day-to-day basis, it’s really just a part of who I am now. What I do:
1. Early in my management career, someone told me that most of my employees fall into 2 categories- those who can see the big picture and care about things that are days, weeks, or months ahead and those who only care about their experience for the shift they are working. These 2 groups have to be managed differently. I incorporated those management strategies in how I manage myself. I try to give myself the big picture goals that I am working towards, but also have strategies to get through the shift. For example, with running and exercise, signing up for the marathon gave me the big picture goals. But on days I wasn’t excited to run, I shrank the scope down with things “the goal of today is to try these new socks to see if I like them”. So even on days where I’m not willing or able to think big picture, I have one actionable item I am dealing with that I can summon motivation for.
2. I build in larger systems of accountability that I care about. I pride myself on being someone that does what they say they are going to do. So if I really want to do something, I tell someone I’m going to do it. It really doesn’t matter to me who I tell, if they even care, or if there will even be any follow up on their part. Once I have said it out loud, it is something I have committed to and must follow through on. I make it a point to verbally commit to everything that is important to get done, even if just in the context of a conversation with my roommate of “what are you doing tomorrow?”
3. I let past Me, current Me, and future Me to be characters in my life story. I love and respect all the versions of Me and think of future Me as someone I want to be kind to and current Me as the one who has the agency. I enjoy delighting my future self and find that thinking about her helps me do a lot more of the small things that make the big tasks easier. For example, if I shop and prep for a couple of meals today where I have a little bit of extra time, future Me will have that gift in a couple of days when she will really appreciate it. I find this really easy to build on. So when current Me is delighted that past Me stocked the fridge, it motivates current me to do something else for future Me. All the things I do for future Me are the kinds of things I would do for the people I care about without second guessing it.
4. I give myself the best tools I can, especially if it eases the barrier to the thing I want to do. I am very lucky that I can throw some money at things, and I absolutely do that without guilt if it makes me more productive. I make myself identify what is keeping me from doing the thing, and then do something about it. Things like a rice cooker, a dyson hair dryer, a coffee pot with a timer, and merino wool have all made me better at doing the things I want to do. Especially with the pricier things, it adds a layer of “gotta get my money’s worth” motivation.
posted by August Fury at 7:37 AM on May 23, 2023 [9 favorites]
The key for me is to maintain proper perspective and to avoid constant focus on "all the things I should be doing."
I find I get demotivated if I spend too much time focusing on the long-term - I have personal, professional, family, property, and existential goals and a limited amount of time. Any given day or week - I am probably not progressing towards the vast majority of them...and if I look at them too much, it's very demotivating, because the reality of most things is - it's a slow burn and not something you get a lot of dopamine from day to day.
So I set aside specific time to think about things like - who do I want to be and what do I want my life to look like? What is making me happy and what is not serving me? Where do I want to be in 1, 5, 10 years? What could I do in the next 3 months to move towards those things? Can I identify 2-3 areas of focus from that list that feel the most right at this season of my life?
Once I've got those couple of focus areas - I make a point of putting the rest away for now. Physically in a notebook and in my day to day practice - if my focus is not losing 15 lbs (even if it's a longer term goal) then I tell myself any time I think about weight that is not my priority right now. It's part self-acceptance/love and part realizing that focus is the key to progress.
When I only have 2-3 things I am really working on things feel a LOT more manageable. I think about them daily, often write them down so I can see them. I look at my daily habits and routines and identify places where I can add them in. I block a little time off in my calendar for things that need it. I record successes and progress towards them so I can see it often.
I try to avoid rigid plans that often yield to failure - i.e., I should run four times this week - ergo, getting three runs in feels like a failure rather than the success it is. I instead truly believe if I have chosen to focus on something and remind myself of it often - I'll intuitively find ways to progress on it.
For me, think I believed motivation was some kind of internal energy source that you draw upon - but I've learned over time it's more the product of being realistic and kind with yourself, believing you're worth being intentional with where you invest your time, and in reminding yourself often of your wins and areas of focus. It comes from getting started, it's not how you get started, if that makes any sense.
I also think it helps to acknowledge that many work tasks are things you have to do, not want to do, and it's not a reflection on your worth to not be motivated by them.
posted by openhearted at 7:50 AM on May 23, 2023 [5 favorites]
I find I get demotivated if I spend too much time focusing on the long-term - I have personal, professional, family, property, and existential goals and a limited amount of time. Any given day or week - I am probably not progressing towards the vast majority of them...and if I look at them too much, it's very demotivating, because the reality of most things is - it's a slow burn and not something you get a lot of dopamine from day to day.
So I set aside specific time to think about things like - who do I want to be and what do I want my life to look like? What is making me happy and what is not serving me? Where do I want to be in 1, 5, 10 years? What could I do in the next 3 months to move towards those things? Can I identify 2-3 areas of focus from that list that feel the most right at this season of my life?
Once I've got those couple of focus areas - I make a point of putting the rest away for now. Physically in a notebook and in my day to day practice - if my focus is not losing 15 lbs (even if it's a longer term goal) then I tell myself any time I think about weight that is not my priority right now. It's part self-acceptance/love and part realizing that focus is the key to progress.
When I only have 2-3 things I am really working on things feel a LOT more manageable. I think about them daily, often write them down so I can see them. I look at my daily habits and routines and identify places where I can add them in. I block a little time off in my calendar for things that need it. I record successes and progress towards them so I can see it often.
I try to avoid rigid plans that often yield to failure - i.e., I should run four times this week - ergo, getting three runs in feels like a failure rather than the success it is. I instead truly believe if I have chosen to focus on something and remind myself of it often - I'll intuitively find ways to progress on it.
For me, think I believed motivation was some kind of internal energy source that you draw upon - but I've learned over time it's more the product of being realistic and kind with yourself, believing you're worth being intentional with where you invest your time, and in reminding yourself often of your wins and areas of focus. It comes from getting started, it's not how you get started, if that makes any sense.
I also think it helps to acknowledge that many work tasks are things you have to do, not want to do, and it's not a reflection on your worth to not be motivated by them.
posted by openhearted at 7:50 AM on May 23, 2023 [5 favorites]
I get a lot of mileage out of punting the motivation to "future me" and "past me." Like, "future me is going to be so chuffed to see the clean kitchen tomorrow morning." Or, "past me was excited to get a PhD, I can keep at it for another day / week and then reassess how I feel about it."
I also bribe myself liberally for things I don't want to do - rewards, make the task more pleasant with music and snacks, break it into short work periods that seem manageable with breaks between.
posted by momus_window at 8:04 AM on May 23, 2023 [2 favorites]
I also bribe myself liberally for things I don't want to do - rewards, make the task more pleasant with music and snacks, break it into short work periods that seem manageable with breaks between.
posted by momus_window at 8:04 AM on May 23, 2023 [2 favorites]
Question shows as answered, So this is for any later readers.
I used to have no skill caring for plants so I never had any. In my office now is a 24" "money tree" which has been growing quite nicely now that I remember to water it. I use Trello free level with its colorful cards and different lists for weekly, monthly, yearly and irregular to track things I want to do but am not forced to do. Other examples: check smoke detectors, call friends and relatives and see how they're doing, check dryer lint filter, etc.
posted by forthright at 9:49 AM on May 23, 2023 [1 favorite]
I used to have no skill caring for plants so I never had any. In my office now is a 24" "money tree" which has been growing quite nicely now that I remember to water it. I use Trello free level with its colorful cards and different lists for weekly, monthly, yearly and irregular to track things I want to do but am not forced to do. Other examples: check smoke detectors, call friends and relatives and see how they're doing, check dryer lint filter, etc.
posted by forthright at 9:49 AM on May 23, 2023 [1 favorite]
Inside my brain there is a monkey. Sometimes he wants to play and other times just wants to chill out.
So, rewards will be put in front of monkey if he plays ball with my rational brain. It's all about keeping the monkey side of the brain happy. Monkey will move mountains if the right rewards are put in front of him. This could be something as simple as a lunch out on a Tuesday afternoon or a few beers on a Friday. Ultimately, monkey decides what work gets done. For really big goals, give monkey a few days away somewhere. Master your inner-monkey, master your life...
posted by jacobean at 10:32 AM on May 23, 2023 [1 favorite]
So, rewards will be put in front of monkey if he plays ball with my rational brain. It's all about keeping the monkey side of the brain happy. Monkey will move mountains if the right rewards are put in front of him. This could be something as simple as a lunch out on a Tuesday afternoon or a few beers on a Friday. Ultimately, monkey decides what work gets done. For really big goals, give monkey a few days away somewhere. Master your inner-monkey, master your life...
posted by jacobean at 10:32 AM on May 23, 2023 [1 favorite]
Best answer: Unfortunately monkey has learned I can go out for lunch even if my chores aren't done...
For me, trying to browbeat or bribe myself into doing things brings up my authority issues and then I fight myself on things. This is why "want to" is such a powerful concept. No one is making me do the dishes. If I don't do the dishes the consequence is, uh, the dishes are sitting around being dirty and in my way, and... FINE, I'd really just rather have the dishes done, and the essay started, and the plumber called, and that feeling of meh malaise says I'd really benefit from getting some cardio, too...
posted by Lady Li at 5:12 PM on May 23, 2023 [3 favorites]
For me, trying to browbeat or bribe myself into doing things brings up my authority issues and then I fight myself on things. This is why "want to" is such a powerful concept. No one is making me do the dishes. If I don't do the dishes the consequence is, uh, the dishes are sitting around being dirty and in my way, and... FINE, I'd really just rather have the dishes done, and the essay started, and the plumber called, and that feeling of meh malaise says I'd really benefit from getting some cardio, too...
posted by Lady Li at 5:12 PM on May 23, 2023 [3 favorites]
I view this question through the lens of being someone who struggles with ADHD, so that's where I'm coming from FYI. The crux of the problem for me (and many people with ADHD and other executive dysfunction conditions) is that intrinsic motivations do not smoothly transform into executive function in many or most cases. They do for some pursuits, but not others.
The way I see it, you can break intrinsic motivation down into 2 types:
1) intrinsic motivations to pursue things because the mere act of doing them makes us viscerally feel good, and because we know they will give our brains lots of happy chemicals, and
2) intrinsic motivations to pursue things because we know we should do them, and because we know there will be negative consequences if we don't
Now #1 can often spring us into action on its own accord, because those happy brain chemicals are good at springing us into action, it's their entire purpose after all. But #2 - the feeling that we really ought to do something - rarely does by itself, unless it's combined with high pressure and/or panic from encroaching deadlines (extrinsic motivations).
One way to try to convert #2 into action is to turn it into a #1, and there are various sidehacks for doing so. One tactic is to bootstrap the thing you ought to do with a thing that makes you feel good or stimulates you. Another strategy is to work through the exercise (like in a journal, for example) of why doing the #2 thing isn't just something you ought to do, but something where the act of doing it will itself give you a kind of pleasure, or will give you a set of skills or knowledge that will help you achieve your #1 things better or more effectively. There's a few ways to approach this.
Another way to convert #2 into action is to intentionally and proactively set up your own networks of extrinsic motivation. These networks will catch you when your intrinsic motivation inevitably fails to turn into action. For me this looks like tools such as FocusMate and Beeminder (both of which I find indispensable). I also like to proactively set up a client review meeting in 1-2 days to review the thing I haven't even started yet and seem incapable to start, which is a great way to put pressure and panic on myself to get it done in a short, intensely focused period of time. For some, this might mean telling friends or family that you will accomplish something and sticking to it, and having accountability partners who will follow up and ask you how the thing is coming along, etc.
Even with this toolset I still struggle. Every day. But still, they are the only things that stand a chance of motivating me to move from complete inaction, to starting, to completion on my own accord.
posted by naju at 2:52 PM on May 26, 2023 [1 favorite]
The way I see it, you can break intrinsic motivation down into 2 types:
1) intrinsic motivations to pursue things because the mere act of doing them makes us viscerally feel good, and because we know they will give our brains lots of happy chemicals, and
2) intrinsic motivations to pursue things because we know we should do them, and because we know there will be negative consequences if we don't
Now #1 can often spring us into action on its own accord, because those happy brain chemicals are good at springing us into action, it's their entire purpose after all. But #2 - the feeling that we really ought to do something - rarely does by itself, unless it's combined with high pressure and/or panic from encroaching deadlines (extrinsic motivations).
One way to try to convert #2 into action is to turn it into a #1, and there are various sidehacks for doing so. One tactic is to bootstrap the thing you ought to do with a thing that makes you feel good or stimulates you. Another strategy is to work through the exercise (like in a journal, for example) of why doing the #2 thing isn't just something you ought to do, but something where the act of doing it will itself give you a kind of pleasure, or will give you a set of skills or knowledge that will help you achieve your #1 things better or more effectively. There's a few ways to approach this.
Another way to convert #2 into action is to intentionally and proactively set up your own networks of extrinsic motivation. These networks will catch you when your intrinsic motivation inevitably fails to turn into action. For me this looks like tools such as FocusMate and Beeminder (both of which I find indispensable). I also like to proactively set up a client review meeting in 1-2 days to review the thing I haven't even started yet and seem incapable to start, which is a great way to put pressure and panic on myself to get it done in a short, intensely focused period of time. For some, this might mean telling friends or family that you will accomplish something and sticking to it, and having accountability partners who will follow up and ask you how the thing is coming along, etc.
Even with this toolset I still struggle. Every day. But still, they are the only things that stand a chance of motivating me to move from complete inaction, to starting, to completion on my own accord.
posted by naju at 2:52 PM on May 26, 2023 [1 favorite]
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posted by wheatlets at 2:58 AM on May 23, 2023 [5 favorites]