What sort of job is good for rubbing in an abusive parent's face?

April 9, 2023 5:57 AM

For fictional purposes, I want a someone to have "fuck you" success in life after escaping poor treatment by their parents. They're going to come back one day and drop the bombshell that they're now a [JOB GOES HERE]. What would be prestigious enough that they'd expect it to make an impact, without being morally dubious, or or implausible to obtain without a support network in the UK?

It neds to be unambiguously virtuous, successful and self-made because the point is that the child can never win this battle. The parents who always told them they were useless and made their life hell will just claim credit for "straightening them out".

Doctor or dentist are the right sort of prestigious, but university fees seem unlikely for someone who had to leave home at 18. Local politics or civil service aren't quite showy enough to rub in someone's face.

Finance or sales you can climb the ranks from the bottom up but they're a little (sometimes a lot) sleazy. This person took the high road to get where they are.

But I'm having a failure of imagination. Any ideas?

posted by Lorc to Writing & Language (43 answers total)

Scientist who works with killer whales? Killer whales live in fascinating family pods.

Then like maybe they become the presenter of a beautiful, Blue Planet like documentary that expands people's minds and consciousness about the possibility of other types of cognition and being. But without being cranklike. Just very admired and famous.

They can get uni scholarships.... that solves the money issue.
posted by Didnt_do_enough at 6:12 AM on April 9, 2023 [1 favorite]

Programmer?
posted by rhymedirective at 6:15 AM on April 9, 2023 [1 favorite]

Or Youtuber and musician, like Dua Lipa.
posted by Didnt_do_enough at 6:17 AM on April 9, 2023 [1 favorite]

A wildly popular and viral, socially-beneficial mobile phone app?
posted by procrastination at 6:20 AM on April 9, 2023 [2 favorites]

Your character could own some type of well-known/well-regarded business. These parents sound terrible and would probably be more impressed by a tangible storefront than a degree they can’t see.
posted by WaspEnterprises at 6:20 AM on April 9, 2023 [2 favorites]

Diplomat? Ambassador? Advisor to a very senior minister?
posted by whitewall at 6:25 AM on April 9, 2023

The answer is whatever the parents themselves do. The kid becomes a direct competitor and his business/practice/whatever is more successful. Alternatively, the kid could just be the VP of M&A at a competitor, and he leads the competitor’s attempt to buy out and close the family business. Multinational corporation taking down a mom and pop business isn’t a particularly sympathetic story line though.
posted by kevinbelt at 6:36 AM on April 9, 2023 [11 favorites]

The correct answer is going to depend entirely on the values of the people involved. What do they respect? What don't they? They made a child feel worthless but in which dimension - physical? Intellectual? Cultural? Religious? Answering these questions, fleshing them out for your characters, will give you an answer that hits deeper than generic 'medic or solicitor' tropes.

To give a real life example, I was friends with a well known programmer whose mother always ridiculed his computer nerd status. But she was a keen bridge player. After he made his name, he set aside some spare time to write a bridge program that could easily beat her. That was a real f-you and she knew it.
posted by Ardnamurchan at 6:36 AM on April 9, 2023 [20 favorites]

The parents who always told them they were useless and made their life hell will just claim credit for "straightening them out".

It could be related to something the parents disapproved of. Like if they used to punish the kid for playing too many video games or listening to the wrong music or whatever, kid could be a video game designer or own a video game company or be a talent agent, etc.

I think the way fiction usually gets around the whole "but those aren't necessarily prestigious" problem, at least in some genres, is to make the kid be an extremely successful [whatever], featured on TV and in lifestyle magazines - so successful and well-known that they're the envy of all the parents' friends.
posted by trig at 6:40 AM on April 9, 2023 [7 favorites]

Anything in the creative arts that would require tremendous grit and bravery to even attempt, much less accomplish, given an upbringing in which the people charged with building your protagonist up instead stifled their creativity and mocked them for having the cheek to believe they had any chance at success.
posted by headnsouth at 6:41 AM on April 9, 2023

Doctor or dentist are the right sort of prestigious, but university fees seem unlikely for someone who had to leave home at 18

Also: kid had no support network in the UK? Kid went off on their own to (used-to-be)-famous-for-cheap-housing Berlin, got a free university education while supporting themselves with part time work, and generally made connections.
posted by trig at 6:46 AM on April 9, 2023 [1 favorite]

Bestselling author of books that their friends can't stop talking about? Bonus: the books are about how to survive shitty, useless parenting!
posted by tomboko at 6:47 AM on April 9, 2023 [18 favorites]

Chef/restaurateur (with a book/TV deal)?
posted by glibhamdreck at 6:50 AM on April 9, 2023 [1 favorite]

Oprah?

Head of a philanthropic organization with the power to give large sums of money on a gut reaction.

Pastor or other religious authority - especially poignant if the parents are religious.

Beloved children's book author a la J. K. Rowling before the fall.

Helicopter pilot for doctors without borders -- perhaps with training through the military.

Creator and creative director of an emotional-intelligence, gentleness-first children's media program.



Really, though, it would be nice to base this on the parents' values and specific criticisms. Like: not smart enough? Kid founds a philanthropic tutoring nonprofit. Slutty? Kid marries a royal family member from a conservative and admired culture, or a religious figure, or becomes a religious figure. Selfish? Kid becomes a kidney donor and has a best-selling biography published by someone who is impressed by them. Needs too much attention? Kid works for the postal service, starts doing anonymous acts of kindness, then is discovered, has a bio published by someone else, and comes out hard AGAINST anonymous acts of kindness because kindness needs to be normalized so people don't regard it as weird.
posted by amtho at 7:03 AM on April 9, 2023

Most of the students I teach are getting a university education with no parental support. I think doctor (maybe especially something like pediatric surgeon) is a logical answer.
posted by hydropsyche at 7:07 AM on April 9, 2023 [9 favorites]

Could you go back and nudge into one of the parents’ past, a failure to become something? Then your protagonist succeeds on becoming whatever their parent failed at. Then it doesn’t have to be prestigious in the wider social scheme of things, but would still be very painful and provocative to the parent.
posted by penguin pie at 7:28 AM on April 9, 2023 [1 favorite]

They could have a webcomic that becomes really popular and gets published in book form and turned into a TV show or movie (like Heartstopper.) Or write fanfiction that becomes really popular and is turned into a book (like Fifty Shades of Grey but better.)

They could take low level restaurant jobs and find out they really love cooking and gradually work their way up to being a chef and then eventually become a renowned chef with a famous restaurant.

They could get into programming or some IT job through the UK equivalent to community college or by getting some non-skilled job at a place where they then make friends with people who are doing programming or IT and who help them learn some computer skills. They could eventually end up doing something prestigious like creating a famous game or software product or becoming a cybersecurity expert.

They could get a job at a company that does landscaping or construction or HVAC installation and gradually work their way up to the point where they can start their own business that becomes very big and successful. Or the business owner likes them so much they make them a partner or turn over the business to them when they're ready to retire.
posted by Redstart at 7:28 AM on April 9, 2023 [1 favorite]

Owner of a luxury boutique hotel by the sea or wherever the parents either went on vacation or wished they could afford to visit. Your character got it by learning the business from the ground up, by working very hard while taking business classes in their time off, and by being a friendly likable person.
posted by mareli at 7:32 AM on April 9, 2023 [1 favorite]

You can go to uni as estranged from your parents- it's obviously an added difficulty, but in the case of parents saying they were useless, the kid saying "I worked twice as hard and I made it" could be a bonus. https://www.ucas.com/estranged-students is the current advice/how to apply. (It looks like it's easier if you haven't communicated with your parents for a year, so the kid might have couchsurfed with friends' parents and worked for a year first.)

Doctor, vet, lawyer (working for a charity for a cause the parents agree with, if you want to avoid the "ugh, lawyers" potential reaction), fashion designer, author, high up in a well-established company or has started a new one with meteoric success, runs the youth development side of a team in the Premier League, makes wildlife TV shows, singer... I agree with people above, go with values that the parents profess and work backwards from that.
posted by Shark Hat at 7:38 AM on April 9, 2023 [2 favorites]

Best answer: A young adult I know dropped out of high school, then later got her GED. She went to a small college across from LaGuardia Airport that’s mostly known for training air traffic controllers and got a degree in aeronautical engineering. She was recruited by either Northrop or Boeing right out of college to work on propulsion systems. So yeah, she’s a rocket scientist.
posted by Mchelly at 7:53 AM on April 9, 2023 [8 favorites]

Your character becomes a nationally recognized therapist and expert on surviving toxic families. Writes a bestselling book, stays on the talk show circuit, has a smartly appointed office with a view of the river. Maybe even consults as a legal expert on this topic?
posted by mochapickle at 8:04 AM on April 9, 2023

Doctor,

Lawyer,

Writer of a best selling Broadway musical that has won a tonne of awards... (think: Hamilton)
posted by chariot pulled by cassowaries at 8:18 AM on April 9, 2023 [1 favorite]

What about a presenter of a wildly loved children’s program? Like a Levar Burton figure. Something warm and educational and philanthropic.
posted by vunder at 8:20 AM on April 9, 2023 [2 favorites]

Oooh: winner of The Voice or America's Got Talent, as a singer-songwriter of songs about social justice, heartbreak, and empowerment ballads.
posted by amtho at 8:28 AM on April 9, 2023

Just transferred in as the new bank manager in charge of his parent's tenuous financial circumstances.
posted by hh1000 at 8:29 AM on April 9, 2023 [1 favorite]

Airline pilot. Increasingly in the US, companies will pay for you to go to school. It would be great for rubbing their parents' nose in the guise of the types of gifts airline people can give, such as free flights to places.
posted by BibiRose at 8:32 AM on April 9, 2023

Maybe this isn't exactly what you seek, but a family friend owns a law firm. Senior pushed his son to follow in his footsteps. The son went into the Catholic priesthood after high school, and is now an auxiliary bishop. I do not believe the son took this route as a "F U" to his dad, but his dad did see it that way for many years.

My own dad pushed my brother and I to follow in the family tradition of military service. Neither my brother or myself took this route. My brother and I both have master's degrees, successful careers and happy marriages with children who are themselves successful. We did not do this to make my Dad unhappy. We just made our own choices. I know it did hurt him, however.

Either of the above options could work in this case.
posted by Colonel Sun at 8:48 AM on April 9, 2023 [1 favorite]

Chief of Police
Television Producer for something well known and loved
Upscale restauranteur of places the parent couldn't afford
posted by fingersandtoes at 9:10 AM on April 9, 2023 [1 favorite]

Doctor or dentist are the right sort of prestigious, but university fees seem unlikely for someone who had to leave home at 18

Community support, a teacher, a mentor, a friend who mentions a program funded by the public... there are ways.
Your character may not need their parents, but they do need community because just about everyone does.
posted by aniola at 9:18 AM on April 9, 2023

Career military person, now high ranking. Beloved by staff and peers alike. Similar would be a police chief. What about a local but renowned political figure who fought for the little guy and now does the same at the national level....
posted by chasles at 9:18 AM on April 9, 2023

Doctor or dentist are the right sort of prestigious, but university fees seem unlikely for someone who had to leave home at 18.

I left home at 18 from an abusive and significantly neglectful background and am just finishing my PhD in clinical psychology. It’s a fucking hard trip but it’s doable. At least in the US, you can get more aid if you’re an independent student, but you have to have other professionals (clergy, counselor) document the conflict/not being safe getting in touch with your parents. Not sure the specific rules in the UK though but would expect some sort of process to account for that. That said I don’t know what med school is like.

It is personally a rub in my parents face because they refused to let me see a therapist and in general don’t think much of psychologists.

To add to the prestige, I would go neuropsychologist or forensic psychologist working on high profile murder cases. Forensic psychologists make insane amount of money.
posted by brook horse at 9:35 AM on April 9, 2023 [2 favorites]

Oh, and if you want advice on writing realistically about leaving home at 18 with no parental support, feel free to MeMail me.
posted by brook horse at 9:38 AM on April 9, 2023

Okay, I’m not proud of watching this but the first scenes—maybe 15 minutes—of the first episode of Ultimate Force, the UK show about an SAS team, is a really effective demonstration of “fuck you” to an abusive parent.
posted by TWinbrook8 at 9:49 AM on April 9, 2023

Leader in a UN program: UNHCR, food distribution, peacekeeping, etc.
posted by equipoise at 9:52 AM on April 9, 2023

Professional West End stage manager, often traveling with the show to Broadway.
The old folks’ jaws’ll drop.
posted by BostonTerrier at 10:35 AM on April 9, 2023 [1 favorite]

So if this is dropping a bombshell to the parents' face, it seems like you wouldn't want anything where the person would be famous. It sounds like the element of surprise is important here.

But maybe famous-adjacent would work? Personal assistant to famous person the parents' admire and respect? This could be a politician or an artist or a celebrity (or maybe royalty - I'm American and I don't know if that's doable or not). I'm just remembering how awestruck my mother was by connections to famous people.
posted by FencingGal at 10:46 AM on April 9, 2023

Dentist. Scholarship student after leaving home/breaking ties, now very successful, volunteers with a pediatric nonprofit like Smile Train.

Whatever it is, maybe the parents only find out because a journalist cold-calls them for the 'hometown hero' article when character is recognized for their work? Or, they learn of their kid's success *reading* that article after a friend/neighbor brings it to their attention -- the parents weren't contacted, the article elides them/life before the scholarship entirely, same as their child? Not sure a high-road-taking person, doing virtuous work, would have time to visit and rub the success in their faces. Living well is the best blah blah etc.
posted by Iris Gambol at 11:12 AM on April 9, 2023

In the US, the military is a very plausible path to a free education. I don't know if it works the same way in the UK or if joining the military seems too morally dubious to you, but in the US a bright young person could enlist and then be sent to college to study something like medicine or engineering. They would eventually have the option to leave the military and find some prestigious and/or lucrative work in government or the private sector - doctor with a humanitarian mission, highly paid cybersecurity consultant, whatever sounds good to you.
posted by Redstart at 11:44 AM on April 9, 2023 [3 favorites]

Maybe the child becomes someone that the parents made a big point of needing and respecting and is then in a position of power over those parents? There would then be a choice for the child to make about how to wield that power.

For example, if the parents were big into motor racing and the child became Bernie Ecclestone. Or the parents worked in a factory and the child did a safety inspection of the factory.
posted by cogat at 4:09 PM on April 9, 2023

Nobel Peace Prize winner.
posted by donut_princess at 5:32 PM on April 9, 2023

A lot of this depends on what actually motivates your character. Unless they're primarily motivated by this idea of getting back at their parents, I feel like any sort of "victory" they would have here would be a hollow one. At the very least it feels like it might not ring true for that character, depending on how you've written them in the rest of the story.

In a lot of ways I'd say the best revenge is living well, and them being independent, successful in their chosen field (whatever that may be) and leading a generally fulfilling life is going to be more impactful than entering any specific profession will be, I'd wager.
posted by Aleyn at 8:04 PM on April 9, 2023

The UK higher ed system requires loans for undergraduates (unless they can cover fees themselves) but they would be accessible to any 18 year old who could get accepted at a uni. Getting parental sign off or security is not required.
posted by biffa at 8:12 AM on April 10, 2023

UK...Local politics or civil service aren't quite showy enough to rub in someone's face.


Idk if this fits with the rest, but you could have the parents be Tori, pro-leave rumps that have some sort of local exploitative hustle that is abetted by their politics. But then the child becomes a local rep that changes regulations in a way that is for the greater good, while undermining their parents lucrative grift.

I was thinking something around parents' use of AirBnBs or illegal labor practices, but I don't quite know the lay of the land enough to put it together with specifics here.
posted by Reasonably Everything Happens at 8:39 AM on April 10, 2023