How to get involved in volunteering when we have very young kids?

November 18, 2019 12:24 PM

We have very young kids (5 mo & 3 yo) - how can we volunteer in our community? The logistics seem impossible.

In theory my wife and I would like to start volunteering somewhat regularly to give back to those around us and to feel more connected to our local community. However, with two children so young they need constant supervision I can't see how we could possibly make this work. We could take the kids with us but then we would basically be watching the kids the whole time and not really accomplishing anything. One of us could go while the other stays home but then one of us is basically subsidizing the other, and honestly we'd rather do this together.

We know childless people who volunteer. We know people with older children who volunteer. But the only people we know who have young children and volunteer have someone else subsidizing their time. "Bye honey, I'm off to connect with the community, good luck with the kids" is not a popular sentiment around here. And we have the same struggles getting babysitters that everyone seems to have.

Is there any way to make this easier that we're not thinking of? Or Is this just not a good time in our lives to volunteer simultaneously?

posted by Tehhund to Sports, Hobbies, & Recreation (20 answers total)

Honestly the way you describe it is how we do it. I volunteer with some kids at church to deliver furniture to people in need, my wife chills with the kids. My wife goes to a meeting at night about homelessness efforts, I'm at home.

Most of our volunteering is with the Unitarian Church we attend and that sort of gives it a communal feel because we are working on the same things even if not at the same time.

Also remember that organizing can be done together after the kids are in bed.
posted by selfnoise at 12:28 PM on November 18, 2019 [4 favorites]

Volunteering to visit or bring food to the elderly and to nursing homes is something where children are often welcome - many residents don't get the chance to interact with young children very often and it brightens their day.

Also, this might not count as what you had in mind for volunteering, but there are also groups that ask for people to make cards and letters or assemble care packages (for soldiers, kids in hospitals, etc) where your older child can be doing a fun activity, but also making a difference.
posted by Mchelly at 12:34 PM on November 18, 2019 [8 favorites]

My family (me + wife + 4yo) make a big batch of sack lunches at home twice a week, and then drop them off at the local homeless shelter. This lets us get the kid involved in and seeing us involved in volunteering without having to split up or to manage him in a public space. Maybe there's a place near you that has a similar need?
posted by jordemort at 12:45 PM on November 18, 2019 [6 favorites]

There's no magic solution. Here's some glimpses on how I see it work:
*This election season (I'm heavily involved in local partisan politics), I took the baby in the stroller with me while I went canvassing, which worked pretty well because she usually slept. Friends sometimes bring their older kids, which only works if the kids are into knocking doors and leaving fliers- my kid tried it once and threw himself on the pavement after about 5 minutes.
*When I organize events at my house (like political phone banks), I encourage people to bring their children. The kids all go in the family room and watch a movie. Campaigns are always looking for people to organize local volunteer events; if you organized your own, you could organize something that fits your needs.
*Our kids come to meetings with us on occasion. They get to sit in the corner with an iPad to entertain themselves.
*Visiting or delivering items to the elderly could work - Meals on Wheels always needs drivers, and I'm sure the clients would love to see a child during the visit.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 12:47 PM on November 18, 2019 [10 favorites]

It's extremely likely that, if you're male, the bulk of child care falls on her -- it's pretty much impossible to avoid. So, you watch the kids while she volunteers in some way that's personally fulfilling to her (maybe something that gets her outside, like trail maintenance or community gardening, but if she's into electronics or singing, she should do that). You're both contributing.
posted by amtho at 12:49 PM on November 18, 2019 [8 favorites]

I think it's not the right time in life to try to volunteer as a family. Your kids are very little, too little to even stick on Ipads while you work, and any volunteering you do is going to be very distracted and fractured. It think the best bet would be maybe trash pickup events for as long as you can keep the 3 year old focused. I also don't see why you can't volunteer individually as adults? Most substantive volunteer work actually requires focus; multitasking with a kid around won't work.

If this is really important to you, I suggest that instead of volunteering, you join a religious congregation that does a lot of community work. You can plug into the community in different ways, and as your kid get older, you can participate more.
posted by schwinggg! at 1:19 PM on November 18, 2019 [3 favorites]

"One of us watches the kids, the other volunteers" is actually pretty common in my experience - not sure why you describe it as one "subsidizing" the other. Someone has to be watching the kids while you cook dinner or clean the toilet but that's just life. Totally OK if you prioritize spending time with your spouse/kids over time spent volunteering, but splitting up the work (childcare and volunteering) is definitely one of the ways people with small kids make it work.

Another great solution, of course, is finding volunteer jobs that provide childcare. Church stuff is good for this, but a lot of women/nonbinary-oriented volunteer gigs also provide childcare - I've occasionally volunteered for a weekend workshop for people underrepresented in tech that provides professional childcare (though I'm not sure anyone takes them up on it? I've never seen an actual child). YMMV depending on whether your kids tolerate unfamiliar caregivers.
posted by mskyle at 1:26 PM on November 18, 2019 [8 favorites]

There may be child-friendly volunteering activities locally - a lot of our park cleanups allow kids, our community farm welcomes then to do a bit of planting, our local outdoor paddling pool asks for volunteers to help clean it every week during the summer, and even toddlers can help then. Pop the baby in a sling. Or there may be mom and baby groups your wife can help with (breastfeeding support groups often have peer workers, for example).

But yes, anything more adult-oriented will need to be done separately.
posted by tinkletown at 1:33 PM on November 18, 2019

Similar to what others have said -- the one providing childcare is not subsidizing the activities of the other, they're just doing life. Or, you could think of it as volunteering one partner's time to the family to allow the other partner to volunteer time to the community.

Seconding finding kid-friendly/kid-centered opportunities. If either or both of you enjoy hiking, Hike It Baby is a great organization to get involved in. You get to meet like-minded families with young kids, you can volunteer by leading hikes that work for your family, and it's something that's actually probably easier to do with the 5 month old than the 3 year old (since the 5 month old is lighter and likelier to fall asleep in a carrier). My local chapter even does service-oriented outings occasional -- mostly trash pickups and the like.

Also, can you split the kids up? Will the 5 month old be content in a carrier, or asleep in a pack n play somewhere while one of you does some adult volunteering nearby? That gets rid of some of the "so long, good luck!" dynamic you describe. Or, if that works, both of you go and bring both kids. Stash the baby somewhere quiet, and switch off herding the older kid. Obviously, this will only work for so long.

Obviously, if you do end up volunteering separately, be cognizant of how much time each of you has away from the family -- if one of you is the primary caregiver, they'll probably feel more benefit from volunteering outside the home.
posted by natabat at 1:52 PM on November 18, 2019 [3 favorites]

We both volunteer quite a bit, but we do have separate obligations-- We book our obligations in the calendar, and the other is left with the kids. Honestly, spending one parent time with kids is really awesome. We have different styles and being "alone" with kids lets those come out. I know there's a lot more burping and farting when I'm not around, and man do they love that.

I think the only thing I could think of is that when the kids were young, and I was home on mat leave, and my husband was out of the house from 730am to 630pm, I probably would not have appreciated him going out on a regular basis after work for whatever reason. But for the nights he was out, he understood that I could, if needed, say "I need you this evening" and he would drop whatever to get home. It didn't happen often, but I did feel comfortable in saying if necessary.

For your situation, I'd probably just concentrate on building connections now. Going to events, family nights, etc, and meeting people. It entertains the kids, you build your community by being present at those events, and then when you are able to manage it, you can step in that more easily. And you might find one off activities to volunteer at that does work for your situation.
posted by Ftsqg at 1:56 PM on November 18, 2019 [5 favorites]

I have a young toddler and a 6 year old and we have been in the same boat as you for a long time. I know exactly what you mean about one of you "subsidizing" the other one's efforts. It can feel like a zero-sum game; one of you gets to leave the house and talk to people and feel good about doing something, and simultaneously the other one gets crushed that much more by endless kid duty at home. It gets to feel oppressive, and if one of you insists on maintaining lots of not-kid-friendly activities it can be hard on your relationship. It's hard to not feel resentful sometimes.

A couple things have made the situation more bearable. Take turns taking one kid with you to things - your kid will get used to going along with you to things, you'll get more adept at wrangling them, and your partner at home will just have one kid instead of two. It's like a relay race.

Also OMG I would encourage you to try harder to get a babysitter now and then. It is very very good for us when we manage to leave the house without our kids. We've had good luck finding people on Nextdoor and in our local neighborhood Facebook moms group. It's worth the effort. And don't stick with one babysitter, either - if you can get two or three to alternate it will give you more flexibility.

And it's hard but embrace that this is the stage of life you are at and acknowledge that it will not last forever. Forgive yourselves for not being able to do more right now. You can make up for it in a few years when your kids are older.
posted by beandip at 2:04 PM on November 18, 2019 [3 favorites]

I tried keeping up with volunteering when my son was a baby; e.g. I took him with me to the food bank to help with prep and sold raffle tickets with him on my lap. Eventually, I decided to step back for a while and focus on him, knowing I can come back to it when life is less crazy, and that feels right for now.
posted by bighappyhairydog at 2:34 PM on November 18, 2019 [2 favorites]

My daughter is five and I became a Girl Scout Daisy Troop leader two months ago. I have done more volunteer work in the past two months than in the previous ten years combined. I am both volunteering my time as an actual leader (which requires planning 3 hours of meetings a month, attending trainings, service unit meetings) and facilitating the children volunteering their time--in the next month I'll be volunteering time at a Turkey Trot that fundraises for a women's shelter, helping the children with an event at a local nursing home, assisting them to gather gifts for a Toys for Tots event, and baking cookies with my child to donate to a local cookie walk benefiting a food pantry. Before I volunteered, it had been four or five years since anyone was willing to lead a troop for this age group in my area. Scouting organizations, especially if you can find one that fits your personal values (and Girl Scouts is queer friendly, welcomes atheists, and focuses on empowerment of any children who identify as girls) can be a very rewarding way to volunteer with your child.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 2:52 PM on November 18, 2019 [6 favorites]

We volunteered at the community garden. Sometimes he was quite happy playing in a patch of dirt with his dinosaurs and I'd get quite a lot done, sometimes I mostly attended to him - which was ok since its a "community" thing and less a "real people depending on us for real necessities thing". It was a safe kid friendly environment and a good way to introduce volunteering. If they have lunch or snack after the work session, you could also do some baking or snack prep together at home to take to share. But yeah - ours is five and it's pretty hit and miss.

Our community garden model was one garden attended to by a group, rather than a space broken into individual small plots.

Nth join a CSA, especially if the farmers have similarly aged children, and participate as much as you can.

I did a lot of volunteer transcription the past few years for the Center for Urban Pedagogy - computer based, remote ok, flexible...
posted by jrobin276 at 3:09 PM on November 18, 2019 [2 favorites]

> Girl Scouts is queer friendly, welcomes atheists, and focuses on empowerment of any children who identify as girls

...and trans boys, too, at least in my council.

You could get in touch with the PTA at the school your kids will be going to and see if they need volunteers. PTA meetings often have childcare and/ or are child friendly, and it would be reasonable to volunteer there as a future parent. The school librarian might appreciate help -- at my local elementary school they have a storytime for future Kindergartners.
posted by The corpse in the library at 4:20 PM on November 18, 2019 [2 favorites]

We only have 1 kid, so which I understand is much much easier, but maybe our experience can still help you. There is lots of time when one of us is on kid-duty while the other is doing the volunteer thing, but as she gets older, there's more and more she can tag along to. At age 3.5 she started coming with me to organizing meetings if her dad was out of town, and in the fall she spent a lot of time hanging around our local democratic field office with dad. The key to this was loading her up with snacks, ipad, crayons etc. to keep her occupied while parents do tasks.

We've done a few volunteer things where kid actually helped (or "helped.") When she was much littler, she helped us pick up trash near a creek in an impromptu Earth Day clean-up event with a few friends. This weekend (age 4) she and a friend worked at a table outside the grocery store collecting donations to buy turkeys for the food bank. This was the rare volunteer opportunity where a little kid actually adds value, because people feel LOTS of pressure to donate if they're asked by cute children. It worked out really well, and we will probably do it again next year.
posted by juliapangolin at 5:31 PM on November 18, 2019 [1 favorite]

You can work through your local animal shelter, or animal-rescue group, to do foster care at home. Lots of animals need some time to recover from an injury, or become more socialized -- so they need homes where people can take care of them for a few weeks. This isn't really the busy season for kittens, but often litters of kittens need foster care before they're old enough to be put up for adoption.
posted by alex1965 at 7:48 PM on November 18, 2019 [1 favorite]

There's lots of ways -- and good on you for this. :7)

In the summer we volunteer at a community farm, and little kids are welcome: everyone can carry a pail, kids get taught what size veggies to pick (and how to do it), or one of the adults might take a group of kids to see the chickens or barn or something.

When I was little (like four), my mom took me along to her monthly Meals On Wheels run -- and the old people loved to see me. I remember often being given candy or a quarter or something, and I got to read out the address for the next stop as we drove along.

In my sons' old Scout troop there was a mom who acted as the treasurer, and she always brought along their youngest daughter to the weekly meetings when there were payments to be handled (so, like, every week). All the parents present would stop by and talk to the little girl as she sat coloring; she was maybe four back then. We all kept her distracted throughout the meeting so she didn't get too bored, which in turn kept her out of trouble. Everyone was happy!
posted by wenestvedt at 9:08 AM on November 19, 2019

I've volunteered for a local crisis hotline. I took calls on my cell phone at home. This might be a good option if you have kids because you can do it from home.
posted by Shadow Boxer at 4:18 AM on November 20, 2019

Especially with outdoor volunteering, you might be able to bring along a younger babysitter than you'd leave home alone. This can widen your babysitting options if you're hiring your neighbor's 10-year-old to entertain the kids rather than relying on them to completely manage their health and safety.

Larger volunteer events that attract teenagers might be worth calling too, to see if they have volunteers who'd like to provide child care in exchange for two adults' labor.
posted by metasarah at 9:36 AM on November 20, 2019 [1 favorite]