How do I smoke my weed?
January 9, 2019 3:14 AM   Subscribe

I recently came into possession of a bit of weed. I am in a state where weed is legal (yay!) but for REASONS I would still like to consume my weed discretely. I don't want to smell up my house, my clothing, or myself with the smell of weed. I also don't want to have to find a Weed Store and buy a Weed Thing to smoke my weed. I would like to buy what I need on-line and not have it arrive in a package that says WEEDSTUFF DOT COM.

I used to smoke a lot of weed, so I know how to smoke weed and how to be high. What I don't know anything about is how to consume weed by inhaling it without actually smoking it. I think the kids call this vaping or something? Can you actually vape actual weed weed or do you need special weed in the form of oil or paste or putty or some sort of space-age synthetic weed?

I don't have time to make weed brownies or weed gummies or anything like that. That's also not discrete enough.

I'm not concerned with trying to act like I'm not high or anything like that. I will be doing it in my own home, or more likely just outside the door or a window of my home.

Cost isn't really an issue. I suspect there will be more weed in my future so I'd like something that I can hide that will last a while and not smell.

I only have a little weed and a little window in which to consume the weed so I would prefer something foolproof that I don't have to experiment with in order to get it to work properly.

So, in short, I have weed and would like to consume it easily and discretely but I'm old and all I know how to do is roll a joint or hollow out an apple and use a sink screen with it.

posted by anonymous to Sports, Hobbies, & Recreation (12 answers total) 13 users marked this as a favorite
Get the Vapcap M starter pack online. Shipping is discreet. It's cheap and it works in a way that will blow your mind if you have never tried it before. It takes a little practice but there are about a billion online videos to help. Vaping is pretty great. The flavors! You can do it in your home. The smell goes away in a few minutes. It's nothing like that nasty combustion smell.
posted by Patapsco Mike at 3:51 AM on January 9, 2019 [3 favorites]

Go find a vape that fits your budget at Planet of the Vapes.
posted by gnutron at 4:19 AM on January 9, 2019

Take about 0.25-1.0 grams of dried cannabis, depending on potency, tolerance, and desired effect. Crumble into a mug. Add enough vegetable oil to cover, then maybe .5 cm more. Mix. Microwave at 40% for 5-6 mins. Allow to cool. Add milk, stir. Drink, preferably on an empty stomach. Wait 30-60 mins. Enjoy.
posted by lemur at 5:39 AM on January 9, 2019 [6 favorites]

I understand you didn't want to share your reasons but maybe knowing a bit more would help us help you? You can vape flower but it will still smell some (like how little odor do you need exactly?) and requires a lot of fiddly bits (I have three different flower vapes and they all have various pieces and accessories). They do make extract vapes that are basically odorless and if you're in the US in a legal state you can totally go buy one but it sounds like that's out of the question? Amazon sells paraphernalia so you can get a grinder and a pipe on there if you wanted. Weed smell definitely doesn't linger as long ae cigarettes though and with a candle and some Ozium a little pipe is perfect, or just taking a joint and going for a walk. Joints are so great since they're disposable, super discreet!
posted by masquesoporfavor at 7:34 AM on January 9, 2019

If you produce any vapour or smoke and want to remove the smell, these things are popular and work very well, I am told:
posted by Brockles at 7:34 AM on January 9, 2019 [1 favorite]

For weed weed you're looking for a dry-herb vaporizer. For the like oil weed you need a different sort of vaporizer (mostly). For space-age, you just buy a 510 cartridge of weed stuff, screw it onto a stick battery (like early/cheap e-cigs (but not vape-cloud-monster thing)).

I have a G-Pen Elite for the dry-herb thing and I didn't like it. They're a bit of a pain. You still have to break-up and maybe grind your weed, pack it, then make sure it's charged, then turn it on and wait N seconds for it to heat up, then wait while the heat does something, then take a drag, then wait a bit longer for it to do more of it's thing, then puff and wait, then maybe stir it up a bit. I went back to just a pipe.

The 520 cartridge thing can look like a long cigarette and fit in the pencil holder in your briefcase. It is instant on, and you can get your puffing done in a minute. It smells pretty much nothing like weed, more like a bit of incense or perfume that only lasts a minute. Any haze is gone in a minute.

There's a whole bunch of other random stuff of what I've sussed out over the year that weed has been legal here. From another old craft-a-pipe stoner type and general drug delivery methods who also lapsed and had to try an catch up will all of this new stuff. MeMail me if you like.
posted by zengargoyle at 7:47 AM on January 9, 2019 [1 favorite]

For similar reasons I’m personally a fan of the Magic Flight Launch Box. It’s not super expensive, easy to use if you’ve smoked before, uses regular old flower, and very discreet (almost no smell and small amounts of vapor).

The Wirecutter did a nice review and could be a good place to get started on research.
posted by forkisbetter at 10:38 AM on January 9, 2019 [3 favorites]

Best pipe I've ever owned.
posted by humboldt32 at 11:04 AM on January 9, 2019

I'm not sure if you have a pipe already but are concerned about smell/smoke? Because in that instance, a sploof is the term you're looking for and they are easy to make yourself (apologies if you totally know this). Launch Box otherwise is really what you are looking for.
posted by jessamyn at 1:34 PM on January 9, 2019 [1 favorite]

Or use a Smokebuddy Junior or ECo420 personal air filter for $12.

I own like 8 vapes. Of them all, my G-Pen (like $100) has been the most durable and easy to use, and Pax products are vastly overpriced crap. And I’ve got a tabletop Arizer too. But in the end vaping is not nearly as efficient, tasty, or potent as burning the stuff. Proper use of the personal filter is quite sufficient for use in your own apartment.

Some people disagree I know. But I know what I like and vaping (leaf) always disappoints me. A glass pipe remains the best way.

Concentrates are a whole other story.
posted by spitbull at 2:12 PM on January 9, 2019

I think I am probably less discrete than you and do not fully appreciate your context. But here goes.

The issue is no smell connected to you, right? Can you get roof access? Or access any space that is open / well ventilated and not yours?

For me it just ain’t the same if you are not toking on a fat d00b. Find that place, go and quickly huff your d00b, return home.
posted by Meatbomb at 6:44 PM on January 9, 2019 [1 favorite]

Adding in my support behind the Gpen elite if you choose to use flower. It goes on sale frequently, it works really well and is quite small. It could easily be used outside or in public, without any attention. Battery life is kind of 'meh' so it pretty much requires a recharge between uses. I prefer it to other methods; it doesn't produce much odor (not none, but not much), nor does the odor linger very long. It tastes quite nice if you find cannabis that tastes quite nice.
posted by furnace.heart at 9:02 PM on January 9, 2019 [1 favorite]

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