Surly Birds: Ugly Pigeon, or Juvenile Griffin? Can You ID This Bird?

June 11, 2015 5:15 PM

Walking through historic Chestertown, Maryland, last week, and saw this Hellspawn bird sitting on someone's front porch. Staring...

Unmoved by my presence as I came closer. It seemed to be daring me to approach. Perhaps it was hungry for human blood? If I didn't know better, I would say that it was the unholy offspring of Evil Pigeon and a juvenile sharp shinned hawk with the mange. But I do know better. At least I think I know better. It wasn't moving around like a pigeon, though; in fact it was unnaturally still. And it was solitary. And completely silent. Was this really just a disheveled, bad-assed pigeon, or is it something else, altogether? Maybe something... evil?

posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson to Science & Nature (9 answers total)

It's a pigeon.
posted by stormygrey at 5:19 PM on June 11, 2015

Pigeon indeed.
posted by easily confused at 5:22 PM on June 11, 2015

Best answer: My guess is perhaps the angry bird is not so much evil but wet. Most animals furred or feathered look pissed off and scary when drenched. And the idea that it is both a pigeon (habituated to people) and wet (therefore unable to fly) would make it not move even as you got close.
posted by defymynd at 5:22 PM on June 11, 2015 [8 favorites]

Best answer: True Facts:
•Evil Pigeons only come into their fully iridescent and malevolent adult plumage after their second nefarious overwintering.
•The amount of blood meals required to sustain the noisome sheen on Evil Pigeon's crests and breast feathers is roughly 1 per week. (The sheen comes from oils secreted by their evil preen gland at the base of the tail)

So this is either a. a juvenile Evil Pigeon not yet fully molted into sinister maturity, b. a malnourished adult evil pigeon unable to maintain their baleful feathers, or c. just a normal pigeon who didn't like the looks of you.
posted by Cold Lurkey at 5:28 PM on June 11, 2015 [21 favorites]

Response by poster: I'd wondered myself if it might just be very wet, which would account for both the bedraggled appearance and unusual stillness. I discounted that at first, because it was very hot and dry at the time, but now that I think about it some more, there were thunderstorms within a few miles of us. So maybe wet, tired, and bedraggled pigeon doesn't much feel like being told how it should act.

Although Cold Lurkey has some compelling arguments, too.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 5:33 PM on June 11, 2015

Best answer: Pigeon for sure, but I'd guess one of the fancy varieties that got away from someone. There are breeders, shows and everything. Here's a juvenile for comparison.
posted by jquinby at 5:38 PM on June 11, 2015 [4 favorites]

As an aside there's a cool app to help with bird identification in the future if you are interested. Merlin Bird ID - it's made by Cornell.
posted by FireFountain at 2:22 PM on June 12, 2015

Response by poster: Yeah, I've got several apps & lots of books, and I use them frequently, but the reality of most questionable sightings in my experience is that the reason for the questions are that either some crucial identifying characteristic is atypical for descriptions or photos of the standard adult, or are not visible at all. The plumage on this bird, for example, doesn't match well with the typical adult rock pigeon, although might be accounted for by one or several of the reasons listed above. The behavior was also unusual, and the tail wasn't visible at all. I was still pretty sure that it had to be some kind of pigeon, all jokes aside, but I was hoping for exactly the kinds of insights provided here.

For the record, I have decided that this was a juvenile, who was the illigitimate offspring of an escaped fancy pigeon and a common city rock pigeon, who grew up listening to stories of the horrors and humiliations of the breeding programs of its ancesters. One night, after a bit too much fermented hawthorn berry wine, the bird flew into a rage and set off to locate the old breeder. After a days-long cross-country journey, the bird arrived at its destination. Hot, dirty, exhausted, and seriously hung over, the bird sat on the stoop waiting for the homeowners to return. I'm fairly grateful that I wasn't present for what surely transpired next.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 11:04 PM on June 12, 2015 [1 favorite]

One night, after a bit too much fermented hawthorn berry wine, the bird flew into a rage and set off to locate the old breeder. After a days-long cross-country journey, the bird arrived at its destination. Hot, dirty, exhausted, and seriously hung over, the bird sat on the stoop waiting for the homeowners to return.

That bird's name?

Sue.
posted by jquinby at 6:01 AM on June 13, 2015 [1 favorite]