Should I buy my son a hookah for Christmas?
November 22, 2013 5:39 PM Subscribe
Should I buy my son a hookah for Christmas?
My son is 21, and is big into smoking hookah. His usual hangout is a hookah bar, and he delights in all the accoutrements and arcana of hookah smoking. His roommates also have hookahs, and he will sit and smoke hookah by the hour together, at home or at the hookah bar, happy as a clam at high tide. He has had his own hookahs, but both are broken now.
I understand from him that Khalil Mamoon makes the very best hookahs. He could not afford such a hookah himself… but Christmas is coming.
He has not asked me for a hookah, but this is the only thing I can think of that he definitely wants and would be overjoyed to receive. On the other hand, cancer. No power in the verse can stop this kid from smoking hookah, but as his mother is it appropriate for me to provide the means to do it? Complicating matters is the fact that I smoke cigarettes myself, which makes me feel either that I am hypocritical not to buy the boy the hookah he wants, or that I am all the more culpable if I encourage a health-destroying habit I know from experience is easier to pick up than to quit.
Metafilter, am I overthinking this? Just how inappropriate is it to buy your son a hookah?
My son is 21, and is big into smoking hookah. His usual hangout is a hookah bar, and he delights in all the accoutrements and arcana of hookah smoking. His roommates also have hookahs, and he will sit and smoke hookah by the hour together, at home or at the hookah bar, happy as a clam at high tide. He has had his own hookahs, but both are broken now.
I understand from him that Khalil Mamoon makes the very best hookahs. He could not afford such a hookah himself… but Christmas is coming.
He has not asked me for a hookah, but this is the only thing I can think of that he definitely wants and would be overjoyed to receive. On the other hand, cancer. No power in the verse can stop this kid from smoking hookah, but as his mother is it appropriate for me to provide the means to do it? Complicating matters is the fact that I smoke cigarettes myself, which makes me feel either that I am hypocritical not to buy the boy the hookah he wants, or that I am all the more culpable if I encourage a health-destroying habit I know from experience is easier to pick up than to quit.
Metafilter, am I overthinking this? Just how inappropriate is it to buy your son a hookah?
I think you're going to get a lot of opinions on both sides and that in the end it's a judgement call as to which side of the one coin you wish to come down on. In my opinion, I don't think it's inappropriate because he's 21; it's a nice way to recognise his autonomy.
posted by DarlingBri at 5:48 PM on November 22, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by DarlingBri at 5:48 PM on November 22, 2013 [3 favorites]
Seeing how he is so young, he will (maybe, hopefully) quit smoking hookah in the not too far future. You will have done him a great favor not to give him more motivation to continue to smoke.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 5:48 PM on November 22, 2013 [17 favorites]
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 5:48 PM on November 22, 2013 [17 favorites]
I did a lot of things while growing up that I don't do any more. This mainly because of the adults around me who I both loved and respected eventually having an effect on my decision making (and without trying so much as via good example/influence etc). So, even if he'll get a hookah anyway, maybe it's better in the long run if it's not from his mom.
posted by marimeko at 5:48 PM on November 22, 2013 [13 favorites]
posted by marimeko at 5:48 PM on November 22, 2013 [13 favorites]
Why don't you buy him a nice e-cig kit? Vaporization is a healthier way to ingest nicotine. If the realness of that suggestion is too much, then I would drop this hookah idea altogether.
posted by oceanjesse at 5:58 PM on November 22, 2013 [5 favorites]
posted by oceanjesse at 5:58 PM on November 22, 2013 [5 favorites]
There are lots of pros and cons. I will say however, if he dies from cancer and you are still alive you will find it a considerably endeavor to sort yourself out afterwards. There are an awful lot of gifts you could give someone that do not have a significant likelihood of killing them.
posted by jcworth at 5:59 PM on November 22, 2013 [9 favorites]
posted by jcworth at 5:59 PM on November 22, 2013 [9 favorites]
No.
It's enabling, and the message it sends is that you don't think the threat of cancer is all that serious.
I think you are sentimentally reaching for the feeling of those Big Present days when he was young. He's grown up now, and it would be more mature of you to get him something else than to try to do wish fulfilment for him - particularly with something you know is bad, and can't control yourself.
posted by Miko at 6:03 PM on November 22, 2013 [14 favorites]
It's enabling, and the message it sends is that you don't think the threat of cancer is all that serious.
I think you are sentimentally reaching for the feeling of those Big Present days when he was young. He's grown up now, and it would be more mature of you to get him something else than to try to do wish fulfilment for him - particularly with something you know is bad, and can't control yourself.
posted by Miko at 6:03 PM on November 22, 2013 [14 favorites]
We paid for our daughter's first tattoo because she was going to get one anyway (against our objections and a lot of prior discussion) and planned on getting it done by a friend who had bought a tattoo machine online and was going to give her a discount because he was still learning.... I hated it, still hate the tattoo, but because we paid, we were able to pick a good safe studio that talked to her about tattoo care and redid her dreadful chosen image (we also were able to veto even worse tattoos because we were paying) to something reasonable that wouldn't be held against her by a future employer. It wasn't about being the cool parents, but about limiting harm.
In this case, your son is going to get a lower-quality hookah or repair his old ones, and either way, it's not going to make a permanent difference. Make his gift something neutral like a Kindle. Give him cash or a gift certificate of the equivalent amount a hookah costs if you really feel torn about this.
posted by viggorlijah at 6:29 PM on November 22, 2013 [2 favorites]
In this case, your son is going to get a lower-quality hookah or repair his old ones, and either way, it's not going to make a permanent difference. Make his gift something neutral like a Kindle. Give him cash or a gift certificate of the equivalent amount a hookah costs if you really feel torn about this.
posted by viggorlijah at 6:29 PM on November 22, 2013 [2 favorites]
My friends and I had a blast with our hookah from about ages 21-25 and then put it away with other dumb things we liked but outgrew.
I don't think I've ever known anyone to be addicted to hookah, or to subsitute hookah for a nicotine fix otherwise. I smoked for ten years and a hookah never satisfied the urge to smoke. Friends who didn't smoke cigarettes didn't pick them up just because they smoked hookah occasionally.
Get him a nice one.
posted by griphus at 6:30 PM on November 22, 2013 [10 favorites]
I don't think I've ever known anyone to be addicted to hookah, or to subsitute hookah for a nicotine fix otherwise. I smoked for ten years and a hookah never satisfied the urge to smoke. Friends who didn't smoke cigarettes didn't pick them up just because they smoked hookah occasionally.
Get him a nice one.
posted by griphus at 6:30 PM on November 22, 2013 [10 favorites]
Hookahs are way better for you than cigarettes cuz you smoke a bit once rather than all day everywhere (in my opinion, I smoke both sometimes). Be forewarned that you can smoke weed with these things too, so if that bothers you a lot don't get him a hookah.
But if my mom had got me, say a bunch of cigars when I was 21 and smoking cigars for some reason I'd have been like "Great present mom!" and my friends would be all "Damn what a cool mom!" I don't see anything even a little judge-worthy about it.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 6:31 PM on November 22, 2013
But if my mom had got me, say a bunch of cigars when I was 21 and smoking cigars for some reason I'd have been like "Great present mom!" and my friends would be all "Damn what a cool mom!" I don't see anything even a little judge-worthy about it.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 6:31 PM on November 22, 2013
Also, it's a hookah. Like a big glass thing that is a pain in the ass to pack (although a fun ritual), completely immobile, and stinks up the entire damn room when you use it. No one darts out for a quick hookah after dinner, or lights their hookah up first thing in the morning because they're jonesin'.
posted by griphus at 6:34 PM on November 22, 2013 [6 favorites]
posted by griphus at 6:34 PM on November 22, 2013 [6 favorites]
IMHO, it's like buying your son a motorcycle or paying for his tattoo. If a child is going to do something vaguely transgressive, he should do it on his own and not with the help of his parent. Comes across as a parent trying to hard to be "the cool parent."
I literally made a MeFi account (after months of considering it) just to say that I disagree with this statement a lot. My parents actually did pay for my first tattoo when I was 18 - they are self-admitted nerds and certainly weren't trying to be "cool." On the contrary, they knew I really wanted a tattoo and had put a lot of thought (or as much as any 18yo can/will) into getting one. Doing that was like two gifts: both the gift of paying for the tattoo, and the gift of being reminded that they see me as an adult and will love me regardless of my decisions.
This is all to say that I think OP should absolutely buy his/her son a hookah, if son will like it and use it wisely.
posted by schroedingersgirl at 6:46 PM on November 22, 2013 [18 favorites]
I literally made a MeFi account (after months of considering it) just to say that I disagree with this statement a lot. My parents actually did pay for my first tattoo when I was 18 - they are self-admitted nerds and certainly weren't trying to be "cool." On the contrary, they knew I really wanted a tattoo and had put a lot of thought (or as much as any 18yo can/will) into getting one. Doing that was like two gifts: both the gift of paying for the tattoo, and the gift of being reminded that they see me as an adult and will love me regardless of my decisions.
This is all to say that I think OP should absolutely buy his/her son a hookah, if son will like it and use it wisely.
posted by schroedingersgirl at 6:46 PM on November 22, 2013 [18 favorites]
I beseech you not to. If it needs saying, hookah generates the same toxins as other tobacco smoking, if not at higher levels. The water does not filter anything out; it merely cools the smoke so that it seems safer. Hookah also has the same addictive nicotine, so it definitely would be a way of reinforcing a potentially extremely destructive habit. I think that if you wouldn't spring for a couple of cartons of cigarettes for your son, you oughtn't buy a hookah for him.
More generally, I'd posit that proving your lack of hypocrisy and/or "coolness" isn't necessarily the goal of a Christmas gift from a parent.
posted by Smells of Detroit at 6:55 PM on November 22, 2013 [5 favorites]
More generally, I'd posit that proving your lack of hypocrisy and/or "coolness" isn't necessarily the goal of a Christmas gift from a parent.
posted by Smells of Detroit at 6:55 PM on November 22, 2013 [5 favorites]
Hookahs are way better for you than cigarettes
Not really.
OP, if I were you, I would not buy my child a smoking device at any age. I have never understood the logic of "he is going to do it anyway" to mean it is a good idea to enable that someone do "it". Let him smoke on his own dime and give him a Christmas gift that won't increase risks to his health.
If you really want to have the hookah be a part of Christmas, maybe you could each quit smoking as your gifts to yourselves and each other. How about that idea?
posted by Tanizaki at 6:58 PM on November 22, 2013 [12 favorites]
Not really.
OP, if I were you, I would not buy my child a smoking device at any age. I have never understood the logic of "he is going to do it anyway" to mean it is a good idea to enable that someone do "it". Let him smoke on his own dime and give him a Christmas gift that won't increase risks to his health.
If you really want to have the hookah be a part of Christmas, maybe you could each quit smoking as your gifts to yourselves and each other. How about that idea?
posted by Tanizaki at 6:58 PM on November 22, 2013 [12 favorites]
Can you think of something else fun that he could do with friends? It's a difficult challenge, but it might be worth a little extra trouble, and risk of failure, to possibly find something that fills the same needs but isn't unhealthy.
posted by amtho at 7:13 PM on November 22, 2013
posted by amtho at 7:13 PM on November 22, 2013
OP, I think that you're overthinking this. I like an occasional cigar. My father also likes cigars, rather more frequently than occasionally. Every Christmas, he gives me a bundle of cigars that are of far better quality than I would ever be able to purchase for myself. It's a really thoughtful gift, and one that I'm very appreciative of--every time I grab a cigar and head out to the patio, I'm reminded of him. It's an indulgence to smoke something that nice.
Also, my experience with hookah smoking (and people who are super into it) is that even if they really love it and it's a big part of their lives, it's not something that they're doing all the time. No one takes a hookah break at work--at most, you spend a couple hours in the evening sitting around and taking an occasional puff. The sheer frequency of smoking that you get with cigarettes isn't there, and it requires more thought and effort than pulling out a pack and lighting up. There's a certain amount of--ugh, ritual sounds so romanticizing, but it's the only thing I'm coming up with. There's a certain amount of ritual to it, and it's a thing that he does because he enjoys it. There are craploads of other things he could be doing that are far more destructive and problematic.
Buy him the hookah.
posted by MeghanC at 7:22 PM on November 22, 2013 [1 favorite]
Also, my experience with hookah smoking (and people who are super into it) is that even if they really love it and it's a big part of their lives, it's not something that they're doing all the time. No one takes a hookah break at work--at most, you spend a couple hours in the evening sitting around and taking an occasional puff. The sheer frequency of smoking that you get with cigarettes isn't there, and it requires more thought and effort than pulling out a pack and lighting up. There's a certain amount of--ugh, ritual sounds so romanticizing, but it's the only thing I'm coming up with. There's a certain amount of ritual to it, and it's a thing that he does because he enjoys it. There are craploads of other things he could be doing that are far more destructive and problematic.
Buy him the hookah.
posted by MeghanC at 7:22 PM on November 22, 2013 [1 favorite]
OP, if I were you, I would not buy my child a smoking device at any age. I have never understood the logic of "he is going to do it anyway" to mean it is a good idea to enable that someone do "it".
This. I'd think of something else.
posted by Salamander at 7:22 PM on November 22, 2013
This. I'd think of something else.
posted by Salamander at 7:22 PM on November 22, 2013
I don't think I've ever known anyone to be addicted to hookah, or to subsitute hookah for a nicotine fix otherwise. I smoked for ten years and a hookah never satisfied the urge to smoke. Friends who didn't smoke cigarettes didn't pick them up just because they smoked hookah occasionally.
I agree. Hookah is at least half about the ritual, I've never known anybody to get addicted to it.
Also, in terms of health:
One thing about hookah bars is that most of the neighborhood dives don't sell alcohol, because they've got the old Muslim guy clientele to worry about, too. When I've hung out with people at their homes smoking hookah, I also haven't done much, if any, drinking at the time. So I would consider the contrast of him hanging out smoking hookah v. hanging out drinking, instead of the contrast of him hanging out smoking hookah v. hanging out [???]. The drinking connection might also be a reason why he's likely to grow out of smoking hookah in a few years, when his friends age out of the "fake ID" stage and they can go where they like.
People do smoke weed out of hookahs sometimes, if that affects your decision. Of course, people also smoke weed out of apples and soda cans. Personally, I wouldn't *assume* that he smokes weed just because he likes hookah, and I wouldn't consider getting him a hookah to be encouraging "drug use."
Anyway, is he a person who is very able to set limits for himself? Does he "know when to stop," in general? I mean in terms of eating, drinkings, spending money -- you know, all the stuff that is easy to go too far with. If he is, I would go ahead and give him the hookah, and trust that it's a relatively harmless vice that he'll know how to limit. If he isn't, I wouldn't get him the hookah, because he's liable to push things too far, whatever that might mean in this case.
posted by rue72 at 7:22 PM on November 22, 2013 [1 favorite]
I agree. Hookah is at least half about the ritual, I've never known anybody to get addicted to it.
Also, in terms of health:
One thing about hookah bars is that most of the neighborhood dives don't sell alcohol, because they've got the old Muslim guy clientele to worry about, too. When I've hung out with people at their homes smoking hookah, I also haven't done much, if any, drinking at the time. So I would consider the contrast of him hanging out smoking hookah v. hanging out drinking, instead of the contrast of him hanging out smoking hookah v. hanging out [???]. The drinking connection might also be a reason why he's likely to grow out of smoking hookah in a few years, when his friends age out of the "fake ID" stage and they can go where they like.
People do smoke weed out of hookahs sometimes, if that affects your decision. Of course, people also smoke weed out of apples and soda cans. Personally, I wouldn't *assume* that he smokes weed just because he likes hookah, and I wouldn't consider getting him a hookah to be encouraging "drug use."
Anyway, is he a person who is very able to set limits for himself? Does he "know when to stop," in general? I mean in terms of eating, drinkings, spending money -- you know, all the stuff that is easy to go too far with. If he is, I would go ahead and give him the hookah, and trust that it's a relatively harmless vice that he'll know how to limit. If he isn't, I wouldn't get him the hookah, because he's liable to push things too far, whatever that might mean in this case.
posted by rue72 at 7:22 PM on November 22, 2013 [1 favorite]
As a parent I think this is a dumb idea. The hookah is your son's little counter-cultural thing.
Surely he must have other cool interests that require a cash outlay? When I was that age my parents got me a cool light rig for my bicycle and expensive cycling gear.
They did not buy me booze or rollies.
posted by KokuRyu at 7:53 PM on November 22, 2013 [2 favorites]
Surely he must have other cool interests that require a cash outlay? When I was that age my parents got me a cool light rig for my bicycle and expensive cycling gear.
They did not buy me booze or rollies.
posted by KokuRyu at 7:53 PM on November 22, 2013 [2 favorites]
my dad and i buy each other good cigars and nice bottles of alcohol. you're not buying him 40s and zigzags and crackpipes. i don't see this being related to being a "cool" parent. you're not buying it for your 15 year old.
posted by nadawi at 8:00 PM on November 22, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by nadawi at 8:00 PM on November 22, 2013 [3 favorites]
If you would feel comfortable buying your kid a nice cigar, buy him a nice hookah.
I have no serious moral problem buying my father a few really nice cigars for a present despite seeing patients with late-game respiratory diseases essentially every work day.
posted by skyl1n3 at 8:44 PM on November 22, 2013 [3 favorites]
I have no serious moral problem buying my father a few really nice cigars for a present despite seeing patients with late-game respiratory diseases essentially every work day.
posted by skyl1n3 at 8:44 PM on November 22, 2013 [3 favorites]
I don't like the idea. To me it is like buying him a carton of cigarettes. If you would buy him a carton of cigarettes as a gift, then a hookah would be OK. For what it is worth, I would buy my father scotch and cigars as gifts when we were both younger. While I would still buy him a really good bottle of scotch, I would not buy him cigars.
posted by wandering_not_lost at 9:16 PM on November 22, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by wandering_not_lost at 9:16 PM on November 22, 2013 [1 favorite]
I really want to come up with a reason to say, "Yes, this is a good idea." But as hard as I try, I cannot. I don't think it is a terrible idea, just not quite appropriate.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 10:29 PM on November 22, 2013
posted by JohnnyGunn at 10:29 PM on November 22, 2013
If you get your kid a hookah, make sure it's a huge gorgeous one at least.
posted by oceanjesse at 10:42 PM on November 22, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by oceanjesse at 10:42 PM on November 22, 2013 [1 favorite]
You and I BOTH do not enjoy that we can't entirely quit smoking.
The answer is NO.
posted by jbenben at 11:57 PM on November 22, 2013 [1 favorite]
The answer is NO.
posted by jbenben at 11:57 PM on November 22, 2013 [1 favorite]
I do think if he owns his own hookah, it would probably increase the amount he smokes and how long is a smoker. It's nice that you want to get him something he would enjoy but, I'm not sure you can do so with a clear conscience here. However, if he already owns hookahs, I don't know if it's a huge deal. If you get a nice one he may feel more motivated to keep up the habit though.
posted by AppleTurnover at 12:24 AM on November 23, 2013
posted by AppleTurnover at 12:24 AM on November 23, 2013
Complicating matters is the fact that I smoke cigarettes myself, which makes me feel either that I am hypocritical not to buy the boy the hookah he wants
This would be more of an issue if he'd specifically asked for a hookah and you'd refused, or if you'd promised him one and changed your mind. Not surprising him with a posh hookah isn't the same as condemning his smoking. In fact, you already know he smokes, and he already knows that you've taken a live-and-let-live stance on that. Buying him a hookah might come across as endorsement, but not buying one won't change anything.
If you have doubts or mixed feelings, it's better not to buy it. There are other gifts he'll like.
posted by Metroid Baby at 6:05 AM on November 23, 2013
This would be more of an issue if he'd specifically asked for a hookah and you'd refused, or if you'd promised him one and changed your mind. Not surprising him with a posh hookah isn't the same as condemning his smoking. In fact, you already know he smokes, and he already knows that you've taken a live-and-let-live stance on that. Buying him a hookah might come across as endorsement, but not buying one won't change anything.
If you have doubts or mixed feelings, it's better not to buy it. There are other gifts he'll like.
posted by Metroid Baby at 6:05 AM on November 23, 2013
I think you should get it for him. When I was in my 20s and a smoker, my father gave me a really cool vintage ashtray. It really blew my mind that my dad accepted my choice to be a smoker. I felt like a grownup, in the sense that grownups have different opinions but respect the choices of others, and that not everything about our relationship had to be about taking care of me and making me a better person.
My parents don't smoke. I quit in my 30s. I still have the ashtray and I bust it out when ever friends come over who smoke because, people make choices that I don't like but I respect their right to so, and 'cause it's a cool ashtray.
What would your son think if you quit smoking?
posted by Locochona at 6:08 AM on November 23, 2013 [3 favorites]
My parents don't smoke. I quit in my 30s. I still have the ashtray and I bust it out when ever friends come over who smoke because, people make choices that I don't like but I respect their right to so, and 'cause it's a cool ashtray.
What would your son think if you quit smoking?
posted by Locochona at 6:08 AM on November 23, 2013 [3 favorites]
Buy it for him. I'm not a smoker, but I do enjoy a nice hookah session with friends every once in a while. Honestly, I find smoking hookah to be a much more social occasion than just smoking. Usually, my friends and I will spend a couple hours passing around the hookah pipe (and changing flavors as needed!) while catching up on life, helping each other out, and in general being friendly over a couple beers too.
posted by astapasta24 at 7:03 AM on November 23, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by astapasta24 at 7:03 AM on November 23, 2013 [1 favorite]
It sounded weird to me at the beginning, but then I realized that my parents and I all drink wine, and they have bought me Riedel stemware and fancy corkscrews as presents, and it wasn't weird. So buy it if you want to.
posted by Daily Alice at 8:27 AM on November 23, 2013
posted by Daily Alice at 8:27 AM on November 23, 2013
I would argue against buying the hookah because hookah smoking is not innocuous. I appreciate your desire to avoid hypocrisy, but I don't think that engaging in a given dangerous activity should compel you to the extreme of encouraging or enabling that activity in others, especially not your own son.
There have been some misguided claims in this thread about the relative dangers of hookah and cigarette smoking. Before you decide, I would encourage you to educate yourself more about the matter. This short video illustrates the harms of hookah smoking from a scientific perspective. (They get to the actual point about half way through if you are really antsy.)
The total harm caused by hookahs is less than the harm from cigarette smoking not because of the mode of delivery but because most hookah smokers indulge only occasionally. Having your own hookah at home is likely to encourage more than occasional use, I think. If I were you I wouldn't chide my son for the occasional hookah session, but I certainly wouldn't help him to make a more frequent habit of it.
posted by reren at 9:13 AM on November 23, 2013 [3 favorites]
There have been some misguided claims in this thread about the relative dangers of hookah and cigarette smoking. Before you decide, I would encourage you to educate yourself more about the matter. This short video illustrates the harms of hookah smoking from a scientific perspective. (They get to the actual point about half way through if you are really antsy.)
The total harm caused by hookahs is less than the harm from cigarette smoking not because of the mode of delivery but because most hookah smokers indulge only occasionally. Having your own hookah at home is likely to encourage more than occasional use, I think. If I were you I wouldn't chide my son for the occasional hookah session, but I certainly wouldn't help him to make a more frequent habit of it.
posted by reren at 9:13 AM on November 23, 2013 [3 favorites]
NO!
when i was in my mid-20s, i had to direct my dad not to give me a bottle of scotch for b-days/xmas because i can get stuff that isn't good for me/will get me into trouble through my own means. he responded favorably to this direction because his own father had died as a result of alcoholism.
posted by bruce at 10:34 AM on November 23, 2013
when i was in my mid-20s, i had to direct my dad not to give me a bottle of scotch for b-days/xmas because i can get stuff that isn't good for me/will get me into trouble through my own means. he responded favorably to this direction because his own father had died as a result of alcoholism.
posted by bruce at 10:34 AM on November 23, 2013
Hah, I'm surprised at all the nannying.
I am a 30 year old woman and I love my hookah. I've been using it occasionally for 5 years now. I have never once felt the need to smoke a cigarette. It's not the kind of thing that leads to cigarette smoking, not that that's necessarily your worry. IMO it's no worse than drinking. I've yet to meet anybody who smokes one more than a few times a week, let alone 20 times a day (a la pack a day smokers).
If you're going to get him a hookah, you should also get him all the accessories he needs:
1. Shisha tobacco (pick maybe 2 or 3 flavors? Fumari makes excellent shisha, I have yet to find one I don't like, fantasia is also good).
2. Coals (People swear by 3 kings coals, I actually prefer the cheapo ones)
3. An extra hose - make sure it says "washable" so it won't rust when he cleans it (I really love this one). Also you might need the coversion kit to "open up" the second hose opening - depends on the hookah).
4. A wind cover if he'll be using it outside ever. Otherwise the coals turn to ash in like 10 minutes.
posted by zug at 11:54 AM on November 23, 2013 [6 favorites]
I am a 30 year old woman and I love my hookah. I've been using it occasionally for 5 years now. I have never once felt the need to smoke a cigarette. It's not the kind of thing that leads to cigarette smoking, not that that's necessarily your worry. IMO it's no worse than drinking. I've yet to meet anybody who smokes one more than a few times a week, let alone 20 times a day (a la pack a day smokers).
If you're going to get him a hookah, you should also get him all the accessories he needs:
1. Shisha tobacco (pick maybe 2 or 3 flavors? Fumari makes excellent shisha, I have yet to find one I don't like, fantasia is also good).
2. Coals (People swear by 3 kings coals, I actually prefer the cheapo ones)
3. An extra hose - make sure it says "washable" so it won't rust when he cleans it (I really love this one). Also you might need the coversion kit to "open up" the second hose opening - depends on the hookah).
4. A wind cover if he'll be using it outside ever. Otherwise the coals turn to ash in like 10 minutes.
posted by zug at 11:54 AM on November 23, 2013 [6 favorites]
If he chooses to smoke, that's up to him, but if you buy him smoking equipment, you're helping him smoke. I wouldn't.
posted by theora55 at 1:22 PM on November 23, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by theora55 at 1:22 PM on November 23, 2013 [2 favorites]
I'd say the folks in this threat were largely overnanny-ing, except that OP has said that her son sits around and smokes it for hours and hours. That's a heavy enough habit to be quite different from the sort of occasional ritual social use that I'm familiar with. It's a heavy enough habit that I, as a parent, wouldn't feel right about encouraging or prolonging it for my kid.
posted by fingersandtoes at 1:24 PM on November 23, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by fingersandtoes at 1:24 PM on November 23, 2013 [1 favorite]
My boyfriend smoked for like 30 years, and had a hell of a time quitting, but you know what he totally loves smoking now? electronic cigarettes - maybe that's another fun gift idea?
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 6:53 PM on November 23, 2013
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 6:53 PM on November 23, 2013
Just a note, I've also known people who could smoke a cigarette a day, or a cigarette every 3 months, and not get addicted to tobacco. My former roommmate kept a pack of Marlboros in the freezer, so he could have one every now and then when the mood struck. Meanwhile me, an addict, powered through 20 cigs a day. The fact that some people can smoke a hookah in a non-addicted way does not mean that everyone can use the same nicotine delivery system in a non-addicted way. I didn't start smoking until I was past 18, but didn't --- couldn't- really quit until I was 32, after six or seven difficult attempts.
I haven't smoked in 10 years this June, and quitting was the most difficult disciplined action I have ever done, and the hardest. I sure am glad I wasn't gifted with anything to give me a rationale to indulge more, and glad that my parents (who quit after their own long struggles with tobacco) never created an atmosphere that laughed off or condoned smoking. To this day I still can't be sure what the long-term effects on my health will be. Some days I wonder if I'm already experiencing early stages of respiratory trouble.
I am sure some people can smoke a hookah and not get addicted to tobacco (even though their lack of addiction has relatively little to do with their ultimate health effects). However, the OP is addicted to tobacco, and the OP' s son seems to have a habit that is stronger than a passing social interest, with a regularity that might indicate emerging addiction. If the OP thought this was all hunky dory I doubt they would have come to AskMe to raise the question at all. They'd have just bought the thing already. So let's not say that it's "nannying" to put forward the idea that people who struggle with addictions, or even potential addictions, don't benefit when those who love us most feed and support those addictions. If you haven't ended up with a difficult-to-shake addiction to nicotine, count yourself lucky and thank the genetic roll of your dice. But there's no reason to roll out the red carpet of addiction for someone who still has a fighting chance.
posted by Miko at 8:08 PM on November 23, 2013 [7 favorites]
I haven't smoked in 10 years this June, and quitting was the most difficult disciplined action I have ever done, and the hardest. I sure am glad I wasn't gifted with anything to give me a rationale to indulge more, and glad that my parents (who quit after their own long struggles with tobacco) never created an atmosphere that laughed off or condoned smoking. To this day I still can't be sure what the long-term effects on my health will be. Some days I wonder if I'm already experiencing early stages of respiratory trouble.
I am sure some people can smoke a hookah and not get addicted to tobacco (even though their lack of addiction has relatively little to do with their ultimate health effects). However, the OP is addicted to tobacco, and the OP' s son seems to have a habit that is stronger than a passing social interest, with a regularity that might indicate emerging addiction. If the OP thought this was all hunky dory I doubt they would have come to AskMe to raise the question at all. They'd have just bought the thing already. So let's not say that it's "nannying" to put forward the idea that people who struggle with addictions, or even potential addictions, don't benefit when those who love us most feed and support those addictions. If you haven't ended up with a difficult-to-shake addiction to nicotine, count yourself lucky and thank the genetic roll of your dice. But there's no reason to roll out the red carpet of addiction for someone who still has a fighting chance.
posted by Miko at 8:08 PM on November 23, 2013 [7 favorites]
Response by poster: Thank you all for your insights. They all were helpful.
I'm not going to get the hookah.
posted by pH Indicating Socks at 2:07 PM on November 24, 2013 [2 favorites]
I'm not going to get the hookah.
posted by pH Indicating Socks at 2:07 PM on November 24, 2013 [2 favorites]
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IMHO, it's like buying your son a motorcycle or paying for his tattoo. If a child is going to do something vaguely transgressive, he should do it on his own and not with the help of his parent. Comes across as a parent trying to hard to be "the cool parent."
posted by deanc at 5:44 PM on November 22, 2013 [14 favorites]