Poo
December 29, 2006 1:12 PM Subscribe
A girl I'm dating recently revealed her secret fetish: she wants me to take a dump on her, but I have an aversion to poo.
It started out innocently enough...she's into golden showers and we'd do our thing in the shower, but now she's asked me to step it up to a level with which I'm not entirely comfortable.
I'm not normal when it comes to poo. In fact, the only reason I don't own a dog is because I'd have to clean up after it on walks, and that makes me gag thinking about it. I could delve into the details, but the important point to note is that childhood incidents have scarred me. That shit monster from Dogma and Hanky the Xmas Poo scare me.
I'm a supportive kind of guy, so I looked up what was being discussed in a scat fetish message board, but there was no help to be found.
Points of note:
-yes, she's serious
-if we stopped dating, it wouldn't be the end of the world for me
-we've talked about it in-depth, and she knows where I stand
-I feel pressure to do it because she does sooo much for me in the relationship
-I'd love to follow through with it in theory because it would make a great story
-I'm worried that the consistency, colour, texture, or whatever may not meet her standards, in which case I'd have to know what sort of diet to follow to prepare
So, for anyone out there with first-hand experience or a wise word or anecdote to share, your thoughts are welcome.
It started out innocently enough...she's into golden showers and we'd do our thing in the shower, but now she's asked me to step it up to a level with which I'm not entirely comfortable.
I'm not normal when it comes to poo. In fact, the only reason I don't own a dog is because I'd have to clean up after it on walks, and that makes me gag thinking about it. I could delve into the details, but the important point to note is that childhood incidents have scarred me. That shit monster from Dogma and Hanky the Xmas Poo scare me.
I'm a supportive kind of guy, so I looked up what was being discussed in a scat fetish message board, but there was no help to be found.
Points of note:
-yes, she's serious
-if we stopped dating, it wouldn't be the end of the world for me
-we've talked about it in-depth, and she knows where I stand
-I feel pressure to do it because she does sooo much for me in the relationship
-I'd love to follow through with it in theory because it would make a great story
-I'm worried that the consistency, colour, texture, or whatever may not meet her standards, in which case I'd have to know what sort of diet to follow to prepare
So, for anyone out there with first-hand experience or a wise word or anecdote to share, your thoughts are welcome.
There is a health risk to it, and it is riskier for her as it's not her poop.
Wikipedia
posted by lee at 1:52 PM on December 29, 2006
Wikipedia
posted by lee at 1:52 PM on December 29, 2006
Mod note: a few comments removed, in fact MOST comments removed, if you can't answer the question without HURF DURF POOP comments, maybe you can go help out in the rape consent thread or something? please stick to answering the question or feel free to take it to metatalk or email
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 1:54 PM on December 29, 2006 [5 favorites]
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 1:54 PM on December 29, 2006 [5 favorites]
Response by poster: Way to eschew the anonymous tag, your balls are so big they're sitting in my lap.
This is small beans compared to some of the other stuff that goes on in my life. Besides, with anonymous, you can't respond to the follow-up.
posted by Mach3avelli at 1:54 PM on December 29, 2006 [2 favorites]
This is small beans compared to some of the other stuff that goes on in my life. Besides, with anonymous, you can't respond to the follow-up.
posted by Mach3avelli at 1:54 PM on December 29, 2006 [2 favorites]
I say you do it either way. If you don't do it and it ends the relationship, you seem ok. If you do it and it freaks you out and it ends the relationship no difference than not having done it. If you do it and she doesn't like your discard, it ends the same way. If you do it and you both like it, well that is for another thread.
Go for it.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 1:55 PM on December 29, 2006
Go for it.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 1:55 PM on December 29, 2006
I would love to help answer the question but there seemed to be some confusion as to what exactly was the question.
posted by DieHipsterDie at 1:58 PM on December 29, 2006
posted by DieHipsterDie at 1:58 PM on December 29, 2006
Given that you two are open enough to talk about this in the first place, why don't you ask her what her standards are?
posted by cmonkey at 1:59 PM on December 29, 2006
posted by cmonkey at 1:59 PM on December 29, 2006
I tend to agree with Dan Savage--all lovers should be Good, Giving, and Game. That means when your better half asks for something, it's absolutely reasonable for them to expect you to give it the ol' college try.
However, I think there are some things that fall outside of that, and while it may not be entirely unreasonably to expect someone to indulge, it may not be entirely reasonable either. I would say that anything involving permanent damage or disfigurement, blood play, breath play of any sort, heavy S&M, and anything involving digested or partially-digested food would come into the latter category.
First things first: is the pressure coming from her, or self-inflicted? If the former, you need to ask her to back off. If the latter, stop pressuring yourself. I'm sure there must be many things you give to her already--so don't sweat it too hard.
Second, have you fully explained to her 1) what your objection is, and 2) that you do want to please her, you're just not certain if you can do this particular thing? If not, do these things, immediately.
Third, if you do decide to go through with it, make it very clear that it is a one-time-only deal. Make this an unequivocal statement. This gives you room if, afterwards, you find that it wasn't so bad, or you even enjoyed it. If, however, it's awful and you've left the door open with a "well maybe", then I guarantee to you that she will ask you again.
Fourth, have you discussed with her exactly what her expectations are? Is there a specific fantasy? Does she want to be completely degraded? (If that is the case, there are definitely ways to break her down completely without having to cross the line that you don't want to cross. Try having her live as your slave for a day. I'm talking full slave--she makes and brings your food, acts as a footstool, wipes your butt for you---actually, that last one may be one way for her to get some of what she needs without you having to go too far out of your comfort zone.)
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 2:02 PM on December 29, 2006
However, I think there are some things that fall outside of that, and while it may not be entirely unreasonably to expect someone to indulge, it may not be entirely reasonable either. I would say that anything involving permanent damage or disfigurement, blood play, breath play of any sort, heavy S&M, and anything involving digested or partially-digested food would come into the latter category.
First things first: is the pressure coming from her, or self-inflicted? If the former, you need to ask her to back off. If the latter, stop pressuring yourself. I'm sure there must be many things you give to her already--so don't sweat it too hard.
Second, have you fully explained to her 1) what your objection is, and 2) that you do want to please her, you're just not certain if you can do this particular thing? If not, do these things, immediately.
Third, if you do decide to go through with it, make it very clear that it is a one-time-only deal. Make this an unequivocal statement. This gives you room if, afterwards, you find that it wasn't so bad, or you even enjoyed it. If, however, it's awful and you've left the door open with a "well maybe", then I guarantee to you that she will ask you again.
Fourth, have you discussed with her exactly what her expectations are? Is there a specific fantasy? Does she want to be completely degraded? (If that is the case, there are definitely ways to break her down completely without having to cross the line that you don't want to cross. Try having her live as your slave for a day. I'm talking full slave--she makes and brings your food, acts as a footstool, wipes your butt for you---actually, that last one may be one way for her to get some of what she needs without you having to go too far out of your comfort zone.)
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 2:02 PM on December 29, 2006
I have no real problem with shit, but I don't know if I could ever look at a person in the same way knowing that I'd taken a dump on them.
Something to think about.
posted by DieHipsterDie at 2:02 PM on December 29, 2006 [1 favorite]
Something to think about.
posted by DieHipsterDie at 2:02 PM on December 29, 2006 [1 favorite]
This is small beans compared to some of the other stuff that goes on in my life.
Then what's the problem?
BLAST HER.
posted by The Straightener at 2:03 PM on December 29, 2006 [28 favorites]
Then what's the problem?
BLAST HER.
posted by The Straightener at 2:03 PM on December 29, 2006 [28 favorites]
most of Dan Savage's advice (for any scenario) boils down to: if party A has to have kink X, they're going to get it whether it's from party B or not. which one of you is more flexible on that point is a discussion you should be having for the health of your relationship.
posted by sonofslim at 2:07 PM on December 29, 2006 [1 favorite]
posted by sonofslim at 2:07 PM on December 29, 2006 [1 favorite]
Don't forget to heat up the jello, make it nice and steamy-warm in the microwave.
Fetishes are wierd. The good part is that they help foster deep intimacy. The bad part is that they often expose irreconcilable differences.
-if we stopped dating, it wouldn't be the end of the world for me.
posted by snsranch at 2:08 PM on December 29, 2006
Fetishes are wierd. The good part is that they help foster deep intimacy. The bad part is that they often expose irreconcilable differences.
-if we stopped dating, it wouldn't be the end of the world for me.
posted by snsranch at 2:08 PM on December 29, 2006
If you've talked about it and she knows you're not into it, and she hasn't dumped you yet, then she can live without it. I think most people who view a fetish as make or break in a relationship tend to bring it up almost immediately and won't engage in a relationship with someone who won't indulge them.
1) Stop putting so much pressure on yourself. If you keep thinking about it as something horrible that is going to ruin your relationship, then that's what is going to happen.
2) Try to step outside of yourself and your fears and think about it objectively. It's hard, yes, but try. Can you do this and still think about her the same way afterwards? Try to envision the situation, and hey, you might get curious...
3) Seriously, I cannot say it enough, chill out and stop pressuring yourself and try to think of this as a new, interesting experience.
posted by blueskiesinside at 2:11 PM on December 29, 2006
1) Stop putting so much pressure on yourself. If you keep thinking about it as something horrible that is going to ruin your relationship, then that's what is going to happen.
2) Try to step outside of yourself and your fears and think about it objectively. It's hard, yes, but try. Can you do this and still think about her the same way afterwards? Try to envision the situation, and hey, you might get curious...
3) Seriously, I cannot say it enough, chill out and stop pressuring yourself and try to think of this as a new, interesting experience.
posted by blueskiesinside at 2:11 PM on December 29, 2006
This is one of my limits, and I've been asked to do this so perhaps my refusal (paraphrased here) will help.
"I pick the way I give humiliation and that is because it is not easy for me to do at all. There is something that's finally degrading, to me, about taking a shit on someone and I cannot hack that. I've tried inventing a persona who wouldn't mind, but it doesn't work for me. It doesn't bother me that you would like to be shat on, but please ask someone else."
Ever since then I have told partners that scat play is a hard limit for me.
posted by jet_silver at 2:11 PM on December 29, 2006 [1 favorite]
"I pick the way I give humiliation and that is because it is not easy for me to do at all. There is something that's finally degrading, to me, about taking a shit on someone and I cannot hack that. I've tried inventing a persona who wouldn't mind, but it doesn't work for me. It doesn't bother me that you would like to be shat on, but please ask someone else."
Ever since then I have told partners that scat play is a hard limit for me.
posted by jet_silver at 2:11 PM on December 29, 2006 [1 favorite]
I tend to agree with Dan Savage--all lovers should be Good, Giving, and Game. That means when your better half asks for something, it's absolutely reasonable for them to expect you to give it the ol' college try.
Yes, but Dan also has The Big Four fetishes where he draws the GGG line: scat, pedophilia, bestiality, and necrophilia.
posted by scody at 2:11 PM on December 29, 2006 [1 favorite]
Yes, but Dan also has The Big Four fetishes where he draws the GGG line: scat, pedophilia, bestiality, and necrophilia.
posted by scody at 2:11 PM on December 29, 2006 [1 favorite]
if you do this once, she's gonna ask for it again. i've never been in this situation, but the cure that occurs to me: ten hours before the event, eat a double goat cheese and bean burrito with a generous side of sauerkraut, follow with two tabs of ex-lax washed down with eight ounces of vietnamese fish sauce. aim for her face, and by all means get back to us to let us know what happened.
posted by bruce at 2:31 PM on December 29, 2006 [3 favorites]
posted by bruce at 2:31 PM on December 29, 2006 [3 favorites]
People poop in order to get rid of various waste products, including dead bacteria. Think E. Coli. Lee is right. It is a health risk, particularly for her. At the same time, you didn't mention anything particularly galling such as eating poop.
If you do go through with ths, remember the following. Keep all poop away from genitalia, especially her vagina. Clean up thoroughly afterwards. Do not eat the poop. Do set a line of how far this can go, and whether it is a one-time deal.
I cannot in good conscience suggest that you poop on your girlfriend. Health reasons. Aside from that, to each their own. Still, if you go through with it, be careful, clean up well, and have a shitty time.
posted by Saydur at 2:38 PM on December 29, 2006 [1 favorite]
If you do go through with ths, remember the following. Keep all poop away from genitalia, especially her vagina. Clean up thoroughly afterwards. Do not eat the poop. Do set a line of how far this can go, and whether it is a one-time deal.
I cannot in good conscience suggest that you poop on your girlfriend. Health reasons. Aside from that, to each their own. Still, if you go through with it, be careful, clean up well, and have a shitty time.
posted by Saydur at 2:38 PM on December 29, 2006 [1 favorite]
Outsourcing my two cents, Dan Savage (again!) had a recent column where he discussed the concept of "A Fetish Too Far". (emphasis mine)
Cuckolding isn't oral, it isn't light bondage, it isn't the husband wanting to wear panties. Like scat or hardcore sadism, cuckolding is "a fetish too far," meaning it's not a fetish your husband has a right to expect that you'll indulge. The emotional and physical risks are too high. You gotta wanna or it's off the table.
So, WWW, you have a right to say, "You have to drop this. You can fantasize about it whenever you like, but this isn't something I'm ever going to be able to do for you." Then, for the sake of your marriage, he has to promise not to bring it up. You, for your part, have to promise not to obsess about what might be going through his mind when you two do have sex.
posted by alana at 2:42 PM on December 29, 2006 [1 favorite]
Cuckolding isn't oral, it isn't light bondage, it isn't the husband wanting to wear panties. Like scat or hardcore sadism, cuckolding is "a fetish too far," meaning it's not a fetish your husband has a right to expect that you'll indulge. The emotional and physical risks are too high. You gotta wanna or it's off the table.
So, WWW, you have a right to say, "You have to drop this. You can fantasize about it whenever you like, but this isn't something I'm ever going to be able to do for you." Then, for the sake of your marriage, he has to promise not to bring it up. You, for your part, have to promise not to obsess about what might be going through his mind when you two do have sex.
posted by alana at 2:42 PM on December 29, 2006 [1 favorite]
Does she watch scat porn? If not, have her watch some really nasty scat porn. Like swap.avi (that link does not actually go to the movie, but a something awful post about it). It's like the film equivalent of goatse, times a hundred. If that doesn't cure her, it will probably cure you of your attraction to her!
*shudder*
posted by delmoi at 2:46 PM on December 29, 2006 [1 favorite]
*shudder*
posted by delmoi at 2:46 PM on December 29, 2006 [1 favorite]
I'm with Dan Savage on this one. I don't think you have to give this one a try. Doing something that's completely revolting to you, without any compensatory frisson of the taboo, isn't something that a considerate partner should ask.
I do think it'd be appropriate to talk about this with your partner - how you feel, why you feel this way, what's going to happen because of it. It sounds like your partner's pretty open-minded and reasonable. Be sure to talk and also to listen.
posted by ikkyu2 at 2:51 PM on December 29, 2006
I do think it'd be appropriate to talk about this with your partner - how you feel, why you feel this way, what's going to happen because of it. It sounds like your partner's pretty open-minded and reasonable. Be sure to talk and also to listen.
posted by ikkyu2 at 2:51 PM on December 29, 2006
The bad part is that they often expose irreconcilable differences.
. . . but sometimes that's a good thing . . .
posted by Neiltupper at 2:55 PM on December 29, 2006
. . . but sometimes that's a good thing . . .
posted by Neiltupper at 2:55 PM on December 29, 2006
On re-reading your question, I see that you can't even pick up dog crap without gagging.
If you go through with this you'll end up puking on her too, which is a whole new fetish that I'm sure you want nothing to do with.
Another aspect is equity. Does she do stuff for you that SHE finds over-the-top? You just have to negotiate these things.
posted by snsranch at 3:06 PM on December 29, 2006
If you go through with this you'll end up puking on her too, which is a whole new fetish that I'm sure you want nothing to do with.
Another aspect is equity. Does she do stuff for you that SHE finds over-the-top? You just have to negotiate these things.
posted by snsranch at 3:06 PM on December 29, 2006
Yes, but Dan also has The Big Four fetishes where he draws the GGG line: scat, pedophilia, bestiality, and necrophilia.
posted by scody
*sigh*
Yes, scody... which is why I said so. (Yes, didn't include pedophilia or bestiality because to me those are self-evidently uncool--instant dealbreaker. Everything else is negotiable--yes, including necrophilia. Necrophilia is no different, conceptually, than fucking a steak. Not that I'd be into that either, and not that I'd sleep with an active necrophiliac, but considered objectively it really is victimless.)
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 3:07 PM on December 29, 2006 [2 favorites]
posted by scody
*sigh*
Yes, scody... which is why I said so. (Yes, didn't include pedophilia or bestiality because to me those are self-evidently uncool--instant dealbreaker. Everything else is negotiable--yes, including necrophilia. Necrophilia is no different, conceptually, than fucking a steak. Not that I'd be into that either, and not that I'd sleep with an active necrophiliac, but considered objectively it really is victimless.)
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 3:07 PM on December 29, 2006 [2 favorites]
In addition to the in-depth discussions you two have had, you could try watching a scat flick together. You'd be indulging her a bit without committing to anything physical, and it might nudge you out of your poophobia.
If you go ahead with it, and end up proposing to her, it could make for one of the most unique engagement ring presentations ever.
also, chugging a bottle of fish sauce would be punishing him. *gag*
posted by CKmtl at 3:13 PM on December 29, 2006 [1 favorite]
If you go ahead with it, and end up proposing to her, it could make for one of the most unique engagement ring presentations ever.
also, chugging a bottle of fish sauce would be punishing him. *gag*
posted by CKmtl at 3:13 PM on December 29, 2006 [1 favorite]
If it doesn't turn you on you shouldn't do it. w/sport is one thing but scat play is something that only a few can stomach (no pun intended). Its great to be able to share a fetish with a partner but forcing your partner to go along with it amounts to sexual manipulation and is not cool.
Just promise to drink a gallon of water to make up for it instead!
posted by mycapaciousbottega at 3:30 PM on December 29, 2006
Just promise to drink a gallon of water to make up for it instead!
posted by mycapaciousbottega at 3:30 PM on December 29, 2006
So, who cares what Dan Savage says? i mean, what has he got to do with it, really?
More to the point: Someone once asked me to do this, on her face no less. I looked down at her pretty face, lying all eager and expectant, and I said no. Today, many years later, I'm glad I said no. My "no" had no impact on our relationship at all. It was the right "no".
posted by londongeezer at 3:37 PM on December 29, 2006
More to the point: Someone once asked me to do this, on her face no less. I looked down at her pretty face, lying all eager and expectant, and I said no. Today, many years later, I'm glad I said no. My "no" had no impact on our relationship at all. It was the right "no".
posted by londongeezer at 3:37 PM on December 29, 2006
Necrophilia is no different, conceptually, than fucking a steak. Not that I'd be into that either, and not that I'd sleep with an active necrophiliac, but considered objectively it really is victimless.)
Would your take on that change if it were a dead child?
Essentially, if a necrophiliac you knew happened upon a dead child corpse, you'd be okay with them fucking it?
I think there's a reason that some people make hard-and-fast decisions, like the four-fetish rule. It starts to get really creepy when you try to break down "objectivity" and logic.
posted by disillusioned at 3:39 PM on December 29, 2006
Would your take on that change if it were a dead child?
Essentially, if a necrophiliac you knew happened upon a dead child corpse, you'd be okay with them fucking it?
I think there's a reason that some people make hard-and-fast decisions, like the four-fetish rule. It starts to get really creepy when you try to break down "objectivity" and logic.
posted by disillusioned at 3:39 PM on December 29, 2006
1. diehipsterdie is right. if you do it, every time you look at her afterwards, you will see a big turd dangling in front of her face.
2. either way, she's dumped
wakka wakka wakka
posted by white light at 3:52 PM on December 29, 2006 [1 favorite]
2. either way, she's dumped
wakka wakka wakka
posted by white light at 3:52 PM on December 29, 2006 [1 favorite]
If you don't feel comfortable, then don't do it.
Doing it will not guarentee your relationship will last, matter of fact, it could end it. It sounds like you are very sensitive to the subject of fecal matter, could you ever look at her the same way if you did do it?
posted by JujuB at 4:59 PM on December 29, 2006
Doing it will not guarentee your relationship will last, matter of fact, it could end it. It sounds like you are very sensitive to the subject of fecal matter, could you ever look at her the same way if you did do it?
posted by JujuB at 4:59 PM on December 29, 2006
You know, it could be that she's into some emotional dynamic that scat play evokes for her. Maybe it's humiliation, as others have suggested; maybe it's "dirtiness," in either the naughty or the wet-and-messy sense of the word; maybe it's the thrill of breaking a taboo or the intimacy of breaking it with someone else. If it is an emotional dynamic that she's looking for, then you can probably find other ways of creating it.
Or it could be that she's into the shit itself. In that case, you've got fewer options. (Roughly: shit on her; don't shit on her.) But it might be worth finding out for sure.
posted by nebulawindphone at 5:03 PM on December 29, 2006
Or it could be that she's into the shit itself. In that case, you've got fewer options. (Roughly: shit on her; don't shit on her.) But it might be worth finding out for sure.
posted by nebulawindphone at 5:03 PM on December 29, 2006
if we stopped dating, it wouldn't be the end of the world for me
So why think about it? Just tell her no and move on.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 5:04 PM on December 29, 2006
So why think about it? Just tell her no and move on.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 5:04 PM on December 29, 2006
This is the best question.
Sir, I feel your same disgust for poop. Mr. Hanky is not all good fun, he is a disgusting piece of human waste and it makes me nauseous and frightened that a creature like him exists even in fantasy.
That said, I am willing to deal with dog poop.
However, pooping on one's girlfriend is an entirely different matter. Does she want to play with it or something? No--don't tell me. Personally, I think you've been quite game even dealknig with the golden showers. This is very much a fetish too far, and I have the suspicion that if you were to go through with it she may find her secret fetish of being vomited upon fulfilled. And you--would you be able to deal with it? The smell? The visuals? Is this something you'd be able to forget? Do you think she'd let you "dump and run", so to speak? Dump and not turn around, simply book it out of the room until she's dealt with it? I doubt it.
Twenty, thirty, fifty years from now, when you reflect back on the events of your life, do you want taking a dump on your girlfriend to be one of them? Will you remember this lady as that sweet, funny girl with a penchant for crazy socks and cooking terrible stir-fries, or that sweet, funny girl with your shit on her chest?
posted by Anonymous at 6:00 PM on December 29, 2006
Sir, I feel your same disgust for poop. Mr. Hanky is not all good fun, he is a disgusting piece of human waste and it makes me nauseous and frightened that a creature like him exists even in fantasy.
That said, I am willing to deal with dog poop.
However, pooping on one's girlfriend is an entirely different matter. Does she want to play with it or something? No--don't tell me. Personally, I think you've been quite game even dealknig with the golden showers. This is very much a fetish too far, and I have the suspicion that if you were to go through with it she may find her secret fetish of being vomited upon fulfilled. And you--would you be able to deal with it? The smell? The visuals? Is this something you'd be able to forget? Do you think she'd let you "dump and run", so to speak? Dump and not turn around, simply book it out of the room until she's dealt with it? I doubt it.
Twenty, thirty, fifty years from now, when you reflect back on the events of your life, do you want taking a dump on your girlfriend to be one of them? Will you remember this lady as that sweet, funny girl with a penchant for crazy socks and cooking terrible stir-fries, or that sweet, funny girl with your shit on her chest?
posted by Anonymous at 6:00 PM on December 29, 2006
It started out innocently enough...she's into golden showers
This is probably the only time "she's into golden showers" has directly followed "innocently enough."
But seriously, you should just do it. You've already outed yourself as someone who is seriously considering pooping on your girlfriend. The road to Normalville has already left you behind, so go ahead and embrace the weird!
posted by dhammond at 6:26 PM on December 29, 2006
This is probably the only time "she's into golden showers" has directly followed "innocently enough."
But seriously, you should just do it. You've already outed yourself as someone who is seriously considering pooping on your girlfriend. The road to Normalville has already left you behind, so go ahead and embrace the weird!
posted by dhammond at 6:26 PM on December 29, 2006
londongeezer writes "So, who cares what Dan Savage says? i mean, what has he got to do with it, really?"
I do, because he's often right on the money. Even when he's not, he has very well-reasoned...reasons...why he's not.
disillusioned writes "Essentially, if a necrophiliac you knew happened upon a dead child corpse, you'd be okay with them fucking it?"
In theory? Yes. A dead body is a dead body is a dead body--just a pile of meat. Nonrationally, I'd definitely be disturbed.
nebulawindphone writes "If it is an emotional dynamic that she's looking for, then you can probably find other ways of creating it.
"Or it could be that she's into the shit itself. In that case, you've got fewer options. (Roughly: shit on her; don't shit on her.) But it might be worth finding out for sure."
That's basically what I was trying to say. Thank you!
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 9:12 PM on December 29, 2006
I do, because he's often right on the money. Even when he's not, he has very well-reasoned...reasons...why he's not.
disillusioned writes "Essentially, if a necrophiliac you knew happened upon a dead child corpse, you'd be okay with them fucking it?"
In theory? Yes. A dead body is a dead body is a dead body--just a pile of meat. Nonrationally, I'd definitely be disturbed.
nebulawindphone writes "If it is an emotional dynamic that she's looking for, then you can probably find other ways of creating it.
"Or it could be that she's into the shit itself. In that case, you've got fewer options. (Roughly: shit on her; don't shit on her.) But it might be worth finding out for sure."
That's basically what I was trying to say. Thank you!
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 9:12 PM on December 29, 2006
If ending the relationship would not be "end of world" for you, then no, I don't think that you should push your boundaries beyond your comfort zone for this girl. Either your relationship will end on its own, or you'll get past this. In the case of the former, you don't want to do something that you've completely freaked out about. In the case of the latter, sure, it would be nice to be able to do everything your partner wants you to do, but sometimes, there's just nothing doing.
I know I couldn't take a dump on someone either, no matter how much I loved that person. I'm just grateful no one's ever asked so I didn't have to disappoint them.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 9:57 PM on December 29, 2006
I know I couldn't take a dump on someone either, no matter how much I loved that person. I'm just grateful no one's ever asked so I didn't have to disappoint them.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 9:57 PM on December 29, 2006
I dunno. Find out how important it is to her, and if she's done it before. If she's done it before and it's something that she "needs," you might consider bucking up ... desensitizing yourself ... having a few stiff drinks ... and just giving it a shot. If she hasn't done it before, you certainly do risk your relationship, not unlike those threeways with a friend that go horribly awry.
A frank discussion is in order, of course. If you find out this is a serious deal for her, where she's been wanting to confess this for a few months, think about it. She's trusted you with a lot. And it isn't like you're gonna lose an eye in the process.
Think of it this way: when you're seventy and you're in diapers, she might be wiping you anyway. I've had to hold girls' hair back while they puke, and gotten a bit on me. If you would deal with her bodily fluids (or solids) out of compassion, you might as well let her deal with yours out of lust.
At least it beats her wanting to fly to Hangzhou, put on high heels, and stomp kittens to death, right?
posted by adipocere at 1:28 AM on December 30, 2006
A frank discussion is in order, of course. If you find out this is a serious deal for her, where she's been wanting to confess this for a few months, think about it. She's trusted you with a lot. And it isn't like you're gonna lose an eye in the process.
Think of it this way: when you're seventy and you're in diapers, she might be wiping you anyway. I've had to hold girls' hair back while they puke, and gotten a bit on me. If you would deal with her bodily fluids (or solids) out of compassion, you might as well let her deal with yours out of lust.
At least it beats her wanting to fly to Hangzhou, put on high heels, and stomp kittens to death, right?
posted by adipocere at 1:28 AM on December 30, 2006
(I've spent the evening listening to all of Dan's podcasts and catching up on the past month or so of his column. How apropos.)
This is a no-go, and I think you know that.
Mr. Hanky freaks you right out, and he's orders of magnitude less intense than crouching over your partner and shitting on her chest. If you couldn't bring yourself to handle dog crap through a plastic bag, I fail to see how any attempted scat play wouldn't send you running messily out the front door in abject horror.
There are some things that GGG partners simply cannot do. If this isn't a deal-breaker, good. If it is, think about the possibility of her having a scat partner (and leaving you well out of the loop regarding her activity with said partner).
Boundaries are there for a reason.
Also, what wsg said about outing your partner as a scat enthusiast. Not cool.
posted by Coda at 1:49 AM on December 30, 2006
This is a no-go, and I think you know that.
Mr. Hanky freaks you right out, and he's orders of magnitude less intense than crouching over your partner and shitting on her chest. If you couldn't bring yourself to handle dog crap through a plastic bag, I fail to see how any attempted scat play wouldn't send you running messily out the front door in abject horror.
There are some things that GGG partners simply cannot do. If this isn't a deal-breaker, good. If it is, think about the possibility of her having a scat partner (and leaving you well out of the loop regarding her activity with said partner).
Boundaries are there for a reason.
Also, what wsg said about outing your partner as a scat enthusiast. Not cool.
posted by Coda at 1:49 AM on December 30, 2006
even among the bdsm crowd, brown showers are considered a very advanced practice. this is definitely not for everyone and more than just one step up from golden showers.
regardless of whether you two are in a full-on dominant-submissive relationship (in which case I would assume she'd be into being dehumanized) or she desires to explore this for the heck of it, I would advise you against do so if it makes you uncomfortable. it will change the dynamic between you two if this is something you won't be able to stop thinking about whenever you're kissing her or such.
as for the health risk lee mentioned: that is of course assuming she wants to escalate this to the furthest possible stage - that she wants to eat it. she should get a hep c vaccination in that case but that's about it. this is after all a relationship and not casual fucking.
that all being said: she will approach you asking for bloodsports in no time at all. that I promise.
(krautland is ruining his reputation once again...yeah yeah)
posted by krautland at 4:25 AM on December 30, 2006
regardless of whether you two are in a full-on dominant-submissive relationship (in which case I would assume she'd be into being dehumanized) or she desires to explore this for the heck of it, I would advise you against do so if it makes you uncomfortable. it will change the dynamic between you two if this is something you won't be able to stop thinking about whenever you're kissing her or such.
as for the health risk lee mentioned: that is of course assuming she wants to escalate this to the furthest possible stage - that she wants to eat it. she should get a hep c vaccination in that case but that's about it. this is after all a relationship and not casual fucking.
that all being said: she will approach you asking for bloodsports in no time at all. that I promise.
(krautland is ruining his reputation once again...yeah yeah)
posted by krautland at 4:25 AM on December 30, 2006
You should decline her request. Sure, there are things we try for our partners, involving anything from sex acts to sports to a food we think we will dislike.
Bringing excrement into your sexual activity is crossing a boundary to think seriously about. It's not the same as trying snowboarding, watching a kind of movie you usually hate, or going with her to an opera when you're a country fan.
You don't seem to be committed to her to the point that you would do something so averse to your personality and psychology. She is not the love of your life.
If you find excrement repulsive (most people do to one extent or another) you have the right to decline. In my opinion, saying no to her request is valid under any circumstance, but for someone who finds it more repulsive than other people do, it's even more valid.
A good partner does not ask something of the other that is wrenching to contemplate. If she is aware of your aversity to excrement, she should not have made this request.
If you do get serious about her, this is an activity that can lead to psychological conflict later on, I'd guess. My love, my wife, the mother of my children... ah, yes, I remember how she looked that night with my steaming shit on her. Especially if she really likes it.
Once done, it will never, ever be un-remembered.
My vote is 'no'.
posted by Savannah at 7:39 AM on December 30, 2006
Bringing excrement into your sexual activity is crossing a boundary to think seriously about. It's not the same as trying snowboarding, watching a kind of movie you usually hate, or going with her to an opera when you're a country fan.
You don't seem to be committed to her to the point that you would do something so averse to your personality and psychology. She is not the love of your life.
If you find excrement repulsive (most people do to one extent or another) you have the right to decline. In my opinion, saying no to her request is valid under any circumstance, but for someone who finds it more repulsive than other people do, it's even more valid.
A good partner does not ask something of the other that is wrenching to contemplate. If she is aware of your aversity to excrement, she should not have made this request.
If you do get serious about her, this is an activity that can lead to psychological conflict later on, I'd guess. My love, my wife, the mother of my children... ah, yes, I remember how she looked that night with my steaming shit on her. Especially if she really likes it.
Once done, it will never, ever be un-remembered.
My vote is 'no'.
posted by Savannah at 7:39 AM on December 30, 2006
Give it a try. Stop being such a dork and just try it. We're not talking about some dangerous, psychotic fetish that's illegal in 31 states and the District of Columbia. We're talking about shit. This is not a big deal. What's the worst that could happen? I've never heard of this psychologically scarring anybody and sending them to the hospital. Try it once and if it really bothers you then you can safely say you never want to do it again. Remember that you can walk away at any time and you don't need to feel bad. It's just not your thing. And, as I'm sure you know now, there's no accounting for taste. Generally these things always seem way worse than they actually are -- particularly these days where the 'shock value' or different fetishes is literally cultural currency. When the time actually comes you'll probably find it pretty damned boring. Your 'aversion to shit' is just a quirk, not a serious psychological disability, and you shouldn't let it control you or harm your relationship.
posted by nixerman at 9:21 AM on December 30, 2006
posted by nixerman at 9:21 AM on December 30, 2006
I wouldn't do it. No freakin' way. I mean, shit is just gross. It's supposed to be gross. If it wasn't gross, our ancestors would have eaten it and played around with it, and they would have gotten sick and died and the human race would have never evolved.
In fact, I think that the whole shit fetish is a bit of a "Darwin awards" thing, anyway.
Tell her "no." You'll feel better for it.
I can already tell that you don't want to do it. I wouldn't think that crapping on someone is something that people can feel "so-so" about. It's kinda like how you can't be "sorta pregnant" - either you are or you aren't. My guess is that if you didn't "snap-to-attention" at first mention of her gross gross grosser-then-gross fetish, you were never meant to partake in it.
Tell her "no." If she accepts that you aren't down with her fetish and you stay together anyway, it will make your relationship stronger.
Tell her "no." Shit is just gross.
Eeeeew.
posted by kenoshakid at 9:43 AM on December 30, 2006
In fact, I think that the whole shit fetish is a bit of a "Darwin awards" thing, anyway.
Tell her "no." You'll feel better for it.
I can already tell that you don't want to do it. I wouldn't think that crapping on someone is something that people can feel "so-so" about. It's kinda like how you can't be "sorta pregnant" - either you are or you aren't. My guess is that if you didn't "snap-to-attention" at first mention of her gross gross grosser-then-gross fetish, you were never meant to partake in it.
Tell her "no." If she accepts that you aren't down with her fetish and you stay together anyway, it will make your relationship stronger.
Tell her "no." Shit is just gross.
Eeeeew.
posted by kenoshakid at 9:43 AM on December 30, 2006
No, I say. I just cant see that pissing and shitting on someone or likewise is an intimate act of any kind. It's fricking degrading.
posted by nj_subgenius at 12:32 PM on December 30, 2006
posted by nj_subgenius at 12:32 PM on December 30, 2006
In highschool, I was told a story about a man who falsely conned women into going to bed with him, tied them up, shat on them, then took all their money and clothes and left them crying in hotel rooms. I thought it was maybe the worst thing you could do to someone.
On the other hand, look at the thread above. The poor girl is just looking for someone to pull her hair. It's all relative I guess. Your post mentions a lot of YOUR insecurities (e.g. smell, size, density, etc.). If those things are really your concerns I don't think you have anything to worry about. That's like being worried about dick size or something. Trust me, your poo is fine.
I have a hard time typing this, but I think shitting on your girlfriend would be a very loving thing for you to do, if that's what she really wants. :-)
posted by xammerboy at 12:37 PM on December 30, 2006 [1 favorite]
On the other hand, look at the thread above. The poor girl is just looking for someone to pull her hair. It's all relative I guess. Your post mentions a lot of YOUR insecurities (e.g. smell, size, density, etc.). If those things are really your concerns I don't think you have anything to worry about. That's like being worried about dick size or something. Trust me, your poo is fine.
I have a hard time typing this, but I think shitting on your girlfriend would be a very loving thing for you to do, if that's what she really wants. :-)
posted by xammerboy at 12:37 PM on December 30, 2006 [1 favorite]
We're talking about shit. This is not a big deal.
I'm sorry to be this blunt (and jess will hate me now) but nixerman doesn't know what he's talking about. exploring fetishes isn't about what exactly they are but what they represent. she is interested in the implications. this will change the dynamic. the original poster needs to think about whether he is comfortable with how she will see him after this and how he will (be able to) see her post completion.
I think shitting on your girlfriend would be a very loving thing for you to do
I agree with xammerboy in that she will see this as loving. the poster is another story. it's a question of interpretation. I'd say if you chained her to the bed while sleeping, she would interpret that as a sign that you valued her enough to wish for her not to disappear in your sleep. the shit play is about ownership - you only take posession of items you deem worth it.
if you feel you don't wish to do this, tell her brown showers are a hard limit for you. she will understand if she respects you, otherwise she's just using you and that would mean you're replacable.
posted by krautland at 1:07 PM on December 30, 2006
I'm sorry to be this blunt (and jess will hate me now) but nixerman doesn't know what he's talking about. exploring fetishes isn't about what exactly they are but what they represent. she is interested in the implications. this will change the dynamic. the original poster needs to think about whether he is comfortable with how she will see him after this and how he will (be able to) see her post completion.
I think shitting on your girlfriend would be a very loving thing for you to do
I agree with xammerboy in that she will see this as loving. the poster is another story. it's a question of interpretation. I'd say if you chained her to the bed while sleeping, she would interpret that as a sign that you valued her enough to wish for her not to disappear in your sleep. the shit play is about ownership - you only take posession of items you deem worth it.
if you feel you don't wish to do this, tell her brown showers are a hard limit for you. she will understand if she respects you, otherwise she's just using you and that would mean you're replacable.
posted by krautland at 1:07 PM on December 30, 2006
I'm weighing in for "no". While there are lots of people out there who could incorporate this kind of activity into their sexual repetoire without pushing their boundaries to the breaking point, the fact that you have such a strong (and valid) aversion to feces should probably exclude this kind of play from your relationship.
The reason I suggest this is that obviously you're a caring person. Even if it wouldn't be the end of the world for you to lose her, you have given obviously strong consideration to the idea because you care enough about this girl that you've pushed through your initial revulsion and given it some serious thought. However, if you can't bear the idea of watching Mr. Hanky, then thinking about this girl, whom you obviously care about, with your poo all over her is probably going to be scarring past the breaking point for you. If you do this, it's very likely that you will be unable to move past it or accept it.
And completely aside from the way this would change your image of her, how do you think it would affect your self-esteem? I presume to make no judgements on this, only to suggest that you ask yourself this. If you feel that going through with this would negatively effect your self-image, then please don't do it.
That said, the question of boundaries has to be asked. If you still want to maintain this relationship, would you be comfortable with her finding some other guy/girl to poop on her? would you want to know, or not want to know? would you be cool with them having sex, or is that outside of your boundaries?
I know that it may be a disturbing conversation to you, but even if the answer to those questions are all "no", at the very least your girlfriend will appreciate it as a sign of respect that you are willing to be honest and mature about your boundaries and sexual limits.
posted by baphomet at 2:51 PM on December 30, 2006
The reason I suggest this is that obviously you're a caring person. Even if it wouldn't be the end of the world for you to lose her, you have given obviously strong consideration to the idea because you care enough about this girl that you've pushed through your initial revulsion and given it some serious thought. However, if you can't bear the idea of watching Mr. Hanky, then thinking about this girl, whom you obviously care about, with your poo all over her is probably going to be scarring past the breaking point for you. If you do this, it's very likely that you will be unable to move past it or accept it.
And completely aside from the way this would change your image of her, how do you think it would affect your self-esteem? I presume to make no judgements on this, only to suggest that you ask yourself this. If you feel that going through with this would negatively effect your self-image, then please don't do it.
That said, the question of boundaries has to be asked. If you still want to maintain this relationship, would you be comfortable with her finding some other guy/girl to poop on her? would you want to know, or not want to know? would you be cool with them having sex, or is that outside of your boundaries?
I know that it may be a disturbing conversation to you, but even if the answer to those questions are all "no", at the very least your girlfriend will appreciate it as a sign of respect that you are willing to be honest and mature about your boundaries and sexual limits.
posted by baphomet at 2:51 PM on December 30, 2006
A full third to a half of the weight of poo is bacteria... not to be trifled with. Most of the species you've grown up with since you were a toddler, but you have different relatives living with you in your colon than other people. Additionally, you may have occult blood within your poo from colonic lesions, tears, or anal fissures. That's another potential disease vector right there.
Could a substitute work like, say, a mixture of heated chocolate and corn flour? It looks quite realistic, and you can make it just the right temperature.
Also: make sure you know in advance who's on clean-up duty.
posted by meehawl at 11:01 PM on October 24, 2007
Could a substitute work like, say, a mixture of heated chocolate and corn flour? It looks quite realistic, and you can make it just the right temperature.
Also: make sure you know in advance who's on clean-up duty.
posted by meehawl at 11:01 PM on October 24, 2007
This thread is closed to new comments.
How does she want it, like, in the bathtub or some place like that? In bed? On her chest, her face? I don't suppose it matters much to you, and it wouldn't to me either!
If you're not comfortable with it, I'd say don't do it and if you two can go on with the relationship happily, then so be it.
There's been many things i've wished I could do with a girl that she wasn't comfortable with, and not weird stuff either, just idiosynchractic kinds of things...and I was cool without them despite them giving me pleasure and we went on without those things...
i suppose it depends on how much she needs it....
all phobias aside, it would be fun to poop on someone, for old time's sake...might as well give it a try, and see how it goes!
posted by Salvatorparadise at 1:25 PM on December 29, 2006