Can you tell me how to get my bum get cleaner than your average whistle?
September 17, 2011 7:18 PM   Subscribe

How can I best prepare my rear end for "special" anal sex? (NSFW)

I'll be blunt: I want to have unprotected, poo-free, ass-to-mouth sex with my partner, and would like the hive mind's advice on how to best COMPLETELY clean out my system (more than just for routine anal intercourse) so that there is as close to no risk of fecal matter involved as is humanly possible.

We are well-educated on the risks of e coli and other bacteria that can create real medical risks in oral-anal contact. That said, we would like for him to take his cock from my ass and put it directly into my mouth and ejaculate there, just once, for a "special occasion." This will not become part of our regular sexual routine, it is more of a once-in-a-decade type thing, and as such, I'm willing to undertake over-the-top measures to have the cleanest possible rectum -- both for safety maximization and for aesthetic poo-minimization. FWIW, we are married, STD-free and 100% monogamous. We do not wish to use a condom (or to interrupt for a baby wipe etc.) in this scenario.

I know there's plenty of A2M in porn, but I also know that those are paid professionals performing it and that they have behind-the-scenes tactics that we mere mortals are generally unaware of. I've done some reading online on how to prepare for a colonoscopy, which seems like it would be a proxy for this kind of activity since the goal is to eliminate all fecal matter from the colon. The synopsis seems to be a clear liquid diet for 1-2 days prior to the procedure, coupled with a strong laxative (or series of laxatives) to completely flush out the digestive system the evening before the activity, perhaps with an enema or anal douche as the final step. I am aware of the issues regarding medications that may not be properly digested during this "prep," and I understand that it is difficult to get a full nutritional RDA while on a clear liquid diet. Again, this is basically a one-time-only thing, so I am willing to take those on.

My questions to the anal (and medical) experts of MeFi are: Is this overkill? Would the clear liquid diet alone, assuming I have regular bowel movements, be enough to fully clear the area? Does taking an anti-diarrheal like Immodium prior to the session help stop up anything that may still be in my system?

Or am I going about this the wrong way, and there are better techniques available, or other advice you can share?

I know my tone is kind of clinical here, but believe me, I really AM excited about this -- I just want to make it as safe and pleasurable as humanly possible, and feel like prep beyond our typical anal intercourse prep is advisable in this situation.

posted by anonymous to Health & Fitness (15 answers total) 11 users marked this as a favorite

Just going to side step in here to say that someone recommended this to me, so I shall pass it on to you: FetLife.

It's worth it, especially since you have such specific questions about this sexual act. This has been done before, certainly, and they're are people on that site who will reply to your question, correct each other, debunk another's basic info, and give you more than enough help.
Highly, highly recommend.

It's the only group I've ever found that gives you the straight info on everything to do with sex of any kind, in any situation.
posted by DisreputableDog at 7:27 PM on September 17, 2011 [3 favorites]

Ugh. *there are, not they are are.
posted by DisreputableDog at 7:28 PM on September 17, 2011

It's not a matter of "perhaps" an enema or anal douche for this, I think. It's going to be essential, and as a gay man, I have a little bit of experience with anal sex. A good prep, including the day-before prep you're doing, would involve:

1. A decent enema set-up. You can get very technical with these (there are attachments that go on your shower, for instance), but a bag with a hose that fits over your shower rod or a bulb enema should be fine.

2. Use slightly-less-than-body-temperature water (no soap or anything else). Clean yourself out by filling up as much as you feel comfortable, waiting a bit, then expelling the water.

3. When you see nothing but clear water, clean up and wait a while. What generally happens is that, about 10-20 minutes afterward, you're going to need to use the toilet again, and it won't be totally clean. This leads to:

4. The second enema. Slow, cool-ish water again, until you're 100% clear.

I know guys who swear by Immodium, but that stuff makes me feel bloated, so avoiding food for a good number of hours before the time should do the trick.
posted by xingcat at 7:33 PM on September 17, 2011 [5 favorites]

Anything beyond a regular enema (or two) is crazy, crazy overkill. You should not be on a liquid diet, or taking meds, or taking Immodium or Cipro (seriously?) or laxatives or whatever the fuck. None of that will do shit (ohhhhh!!!) beyond what a regular enema does.
posted by wrok at 7:59 PM on September 17, 2011 [2 favorites]

Enema. Poke around Tristin Taormino's site, Pucker Up for specific tips. (Link is to the enema section, but she's the go-to for anal sex advice).
posted by Gilbert at 8:14 PM on September 17, 2011 [3 favorites]

Do not do the colonoscopy prep. One of the main known side effects is extreme irritation of anal tissue. You will absolutely not want to have anal sex, and it probably won't be safe for you to do so, if you actually go through the prep process. Don't do it.
posted by decathecting at 8:55 PM on September 17, 2011 [3 favorites]

Unless his dick is two feet long this is incredible overkill.

It really depends on your diet. If you have a healthy diet with plenty of fiber chances are your ass is ready to go right now. Your ass is not a soft-serve ice cream machine. If you don't have any douche equipment at home pick up a fleet enema. Not only will it get the job done, but it is a nice education piece on the lengths a healthy person should go through for dick-lickin' clean anal sex.
posted by munchingzombie at 10:13 PM on September 17, 2011 [1 favorite]

"I am not a doctor, but I think that any "bad" ecoli that you would get from your own rectum would already be in your intestines, meaning that preventing the bacteria from getting back into your intestine would be pretty pointless. Again, though, I am not a doctor and I could be wrong."

I am not a medical doctor either, but I am a microbiologist who specializes in poop bacteria. I can see the logic behind figuring that healthy poop must be reasonably safe, since it is only going where it already came from right? However, there are significant issues with poop ingestion, even within a single healthy adult, that might be good to have addressed in this thread.

Your gut flora is a vital organ, it is analogous to a collection of domesticated animals you use for a lot of the metabolic heavy lifting as well as defense, food, and target practice. What is important with our alimentary real estate is the same as it is with any other kind; location, location, location. Escherichia coli for example, depending on the strain and concentration, is great to have in your large (lower) intestine (helps keep the it anoxic, sucking out all of the oxygen, so that other good bacteria won't be hurt by it) but not so great to have growing in your small (upper) intestine where it will have access to sugars (it ferments them into really terrible products including stupid amounts of CO2). When you transport large amounts of bacteria from the ass to the mouth end of your digestive system you are likely to cause issues. The excited and sated yet totally guilty look on the face of a great dane who was just let into a chicken coop will tell you everything you need to know about how good and useful pets can also be bad and a pain in the ass.

Now the E. coli that is currently in your gut did not spontaneously generate, small amounts of bacteria that are not crazy obligate pathogens are not that bad. A high fiber diet, a reasonable two step enema, and a lube you won't mind tasting will do you just fine
posted by Blasdelb at 10:40 PM on September 17, 2011 [11 favorites]

Don't do a colonoscopy prep unless you're willing to drink 4 liters of some really foul-tasting solution, and you're willing to be in and out of the bathroom for the next 4-6 hours. It's not fun.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 11:07 PM on September 17, 2011

Oh, gosh, I just saw that you're thinking of going the full-on colonoscopy prep. Don't do that! I would suggest a light diet and then the prep I outlined above, but the whole routine before a procedure will leave you drained, a bit raw, and it's never a good idea to overuse laxatives unless absolutely necessary.
posted by xingcat at 12:03 AM on September 18, 2011

If you're going to use a fleet enema as munchingzombie suggested, don't use the solution that comes with it - rinse out the bulb before you use it and just use luke-warm water.
posted by fresh bouquets every day at 7:04 AM on September 18, 2011 [1 favorite]

I have two former adult performers in my circle of friends, one male and one female, who both have fairly extensive experience with this very thing, and both of them apparently prefer the dry enema to the regular one.

my sunday morning txts are very entertaining for everyone involved.
posted by elizardbits at 8:06 AM on September 18, 2011 [3 favorites]

No personal experience to contribute; when I asked a friend in the adult industry about this very thing, he said that that a couple of good enemas are the standard procedure to get things squeaky clean. Leave the rest of your colon alone.
posted by freshwater at 4:30 PM on September 18, 2011

Mod note: From the OP:
Thank you all so much for your answers, especially Blasdelb's expert insight and elizardbits's mind-blowing introduction to the dry enema, which I'd never even heard of but sounds like, well, magic. I'll report back on our results... that is, if I'm not so overwhelmed by the pleasure experience to have lost my capacity for typing. Seriously, much thanks to all.

posted by jessamyn (staff) at 5:31 AM on September 19, 2011

posted by Blasdelb at 7:48 AM on September 22, 2011

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