How much do you fart?
May 11, 2005 1:28 PM Subscribe
A recent thread about farts has me curious. How often do you fart publicly? Do you routinely have to hold them in? I know this question is silly, but I am very serious.
It's all about context. At my sisters wedding, while I was standing in for my father... probably a bad idea. At a Super Bowl party drinking beer and eating wings... what the hell.
When in doubt, hold back. It's not that hard.
posted by Marky at 1:39 PM on May 11, 2005
When in doubt, hold back. It's not that hard.
posted by Marky at 1:39 PM on May 11, 2005
I have irritable bowel syndrome...in stores I try to go where there's no one in the aisle. If I'm one-on-one with someone I'm not very friendly with, I try to excuse myself.
posted by IndigoRain at 1:49 PM on May 11, 2005
posted by IndigoRain at 1:49 PM on May 11, 2005
I fart very rarely, though I don't make any special effort to stymie their release. I might have 1 or 2 public farts in a week, assuming that my diet didn't involve anything notably evil. If it did, then all bets are off.
posted by mosch at 1:49 PM on May 11, 2005
posted by mosch at 1:49 PM on May 11, 2005
Wikipedia says the average human releases 0.5 to 1.5 litres (1 to 3 U.S. pints) of flatus in 12 to 25 episodes throughout the day. That's a lot.
posted by nitsuj at 1:56 PM on May 11, 2005
posted by nitsuj at 1:56 PM on May 11, 2005
NEVER NEVER NEVER unless I'm dying from explosive diarrhea or something equally as ungodly. It is my worst fear. I don't even fart in front of friends or long term boyfriends, EVER. I am master of the sphincter, my friends.
posted by tristeza at 2:00 PM on May 11, 2005
posted by tristeza at 2:00 PM on May 11, 2005
I begin every day with a massive fart. Like clockwork. Probably fart at least 12 times a day. Don't really care where, except for elevators. Unless of course I'm with family, then it's fun to fart in elevators and cars. I think some of the funniest times in my life were fart related.
posted by thimk at 2:04 PM on May 11, 2005 [1 favorite]
posted by thimk at 2:04 PM on May 11, 2005 [1 favorite]
My boyfriend and I fart at each other several times a day (usually preceded by a "Hey, baby, know what?" or some such announcement). My brother and I fart into the phone when we talk to each other. I think farts are awesome.
So I find I have to hold in farts quite often -- at work, at the grocery store, etc. -- when I realize I'm not in the company of those who would appreciate them as I do. I would say I hold in a fart once every few days.
posted by climalene at 2:10 PM on May 11, 2005
So I find I have to hold in farts quite often -- at work, at the grocery store, etc. -- when I realize I'm not in the company of those who would appreciate them as I do. I would say I hold in a fart once every few days.
posted by climalene at 2:10 PM on May 11, 2005
All the time (2-5 times a day), but as quietly as possible and of range of others when I can, unless it's for dramatic effect (see climalene's response).
And apparently, if you try to hold them all in, they just come out when you sleep. Just a note for all of you maintaing the illusion that you produce no natural gas.
posted by Mercaptan at 2:22 PM on May 11, 2005
And apparently, if you try to hold them all in, they just come out when you sleep. Just a note for all of you maintaing the illusion that you produce no natural gas.
posted by Mercaptan at 2:22 PM on May 11, 2005
God, it's ridiculous how much I fart. I can't tell if it's just that i eat a lot of fiber (I do), or if it's just the general weirdness my body has adapted from being forced to go from 27 years of canadian water/food to two years of african water/food. Either way, i fart all the time, (it's often quite smelly) and i usually never know it's coming. So good lord, i so rarely hold it in. But goodness, how i wish that i could.
I feel bad for the guy i share an office with. And every cab driver i've had.
posted by Kololo at 2:32 PM on May 11, 2005
I feel bad for the guy i share an office with. And every cab driver i've had.
posted by Kololo at 2:32 PM on May 11, 2005
I don't fart a great deal, and almost never make an effort to hold it in. I'll just be standing there at the urinal and realize "hey, I could use a good fart." In a restroom full of men generally trying to be quiet and businesslike about their urination, this has resulted in a great deal of merriment. I guess I subconsciously suppress them in polite company, though, I just never seem to even have the urge. Weird!
posted by kavasa at 2:43 PM on May 11, 2005
posted by kavasa at 2:43 PM on May 11, 2005
My lord! I had no idea people farted this much!
Wikipedia says the average human releases 0.5 to 1.5 litres (1 to 3 U.S. pints) of flatus in 12 to 25 episodes throughout the day.
Wow. I say I fart once or twice a day, unless I've had something my digestion can't handle. (This does not include minimal poo-accompanying farts.)
As for farting in public, I will say that I was never, ever comfortable farting in front of anyone until I was in a band with three of the fartingest guys on earth. These guys were impressive, I tell yuh. Now, however, I can fart in front of my friends and family and it's funny. I've been known to make endless loud fart noises orally when others fart to make up for what I lack in the sphincterly area.
posted by Specklet at 2:57 PM on May 11, 2005
Wikipedia says the average human releases 0.5 to 1.5 litres (1 to 3 U.S. pints) of flatus in 12 to 25 episodes throughout the day.
Wow. I say I fart once or twice a day, unless I've had something my digestion can't handle. (This does not include minimal poo-accompanying farts.)
As for farting in public, I will say that I was never, ever comfortable farting in front of anyone until I was in a band with three of the fartingest guys on earth. These guys were impressive, I tell yuh. Now, however, I can fart in front of my friends and family and it's funny. I've been known to make endless loud fart noises orally when others fart to make up for what I lack in the sphincterly area.
posted by Specklet at 2:57 PM on May 11, 2005
I got no problem letting 'em rip at home. Indeed, I take joy in it.
In public, not so much. I don't see any reason to subject others' to the sound of my anus trumpet.
Also, my farts generally don't stink. It's weird. My wife eats the same diet I do, and some of hers will peel paint from the walls. But not mine.
I attribute it to an IV drip of antibiotics back when I was in the hospital for a serious head injury. I figure it killed off all of my gut bacteria, and I was never re-infected with the ones that make noxious gases.
posted by five fresh fish at 3:16 PM on May 11, 2005
In public, not so much. I don't see any reason to subject others' to the sound of my anus trumpet.
Also, my farts generally don't stink. It's weird. My wife eats the same diet I do, and some of hers will peel paint from the walls. But not mine.
I attribute it to an IV drip of antibiotics back when I was in the hospital for a serious head injury. I figure it killed off all of my gut bacteria, and I was never re-infected with the ones that make noxious gases.
posted by five fresh fish at 3:16 PM on May 11, 2005
I'm in the same camp as tristeza. Good lord people!
posted by FlamingBore at 3:29 PM on May 11, 2005
posted by FlamingBore at 3:29 PM on May 11, 2005
tristeza, flamingbore, you're both going to explode when you're 50, y'know.
posted by jonmc at 3:38 PM on May 11, 2005
posted by jonmc at 3:38 PM on May 11, 2005
I actually fart without knowing it all the time. And I fart in public all the time too, though my farts tend to be silent. I figure I have enough problems without clenching my ass together and making my stomach hurt. When other people stop doing intensely annoying things in public, maybe I'll think about not farting around them.
posted by dame at 3:45 PM on May 11, 2005
posted by dame at 3:45 PM on May 11, 2005
tristeza, flamingbore, you're both going to explode when you're 50, y'know.
No, no, when I'm totally alone and in my own home, it's bombs away - just IN PUBLIC or IN FRONT OF SOMEONE? Jesus god, kill me first.
posted by tristeza at 4:11 PM on May 11, 2005
No, no, when I'm totally alone and in my own home, it's bombs away - just IN PUBLIC or IN FRONT OF SOMEONE? Jesus god, kill me first.
posted by tristeza at 4:11 PM on May 11, 2005
Well, you're a girl, you have to have to preserve the illusion that women don't fart. We understand.
But seriously, you wouldn't even rip one in front of an SO? Hell, the other night in bed I let a loud stinker fly. A minute later mrs. jonmc did the same. I rolled over, and in my best Charles Boyer accent said "Our stinks...they are mingling..."
It's a bonding thing.
posted by jonmc at 4:42 PM on May 11, 2005
But seriously, you wouldn't even rip one in front of an SO? Hell, the other night in bed I let a loud stinker fly. A minute later mrs. jonmc did the same. I rolled over, and in my best Charles Boyer accent said "Our stinks...they are mingling..."
It's a bonding thing.
posted by jonmc at 4:42 PM on May 11, 2005
I'm ashamed that i read this far... I'm seeing a therapist tomorrow.... perhaps it's not too late!
posted by HuronBob at 4:45 PM on May 11, 2005
posted by HuronBob at 4:45 PM on May 11, 2005
First, let's just say that I have to repaint the interior of my home frequently.
Second, let's just say that we work in Aeron chairs in my office, and I'm not thrilled about it.
posted by scarabic at 4:48 PM on May 11, 2005
Second, let's just say that we work in Aeron chairs in my office, and I'm not thrilled about it.
posted by scarabic at 4:48 PM on May 11, 2005
LIke I said in that other thread, I'd rather implode. Other people, like the Mad Farter in my former yoga class, just have no shame whatsoever.
*joins tristeza & flamingbore in the 'Exploding at 50' Clubhouse*
posted by Space Kitty at 4:52 PM on May 11, 2005
*joins tristeza & flamingbore in the 'Exploding at 50' Clubhouse*
posted by Space Kitty at 4:52 PM on May 11, 2005
space kitty, let me let you in on a secret, when a woman's comfortable enough with a man to let one rip in front of him, that's love, honey.
posted by jonmc at 5:00 PM on May 11, 2005
posted by jonmc at 5:00 PM on May 11, 2005
Gee, I've apparently been demonstrating my love strangely all these years, having not thought to fart my affection. [smirk]
I mean, if I really had to and there was no genteel means of escape, I would (in public, in company of SO, etc.) but I prefer not to call unnecessary attention to the poo-making aspect of my ass. Neither do I particularly want anyone to announce their gas to me. If accidental and obvious tooting occurs, a surprised "excuse me!" will suffice. Just smell with no noise? Please ignore. Discreet verbal acknowledgement of smell okay if a chronic/illness issue.
Then again, I've not been blessed with an overabundance of smelly or loud farts, so it's not too much of an issue. I go with the gentle release rather than forced-air technique, suppressing when in the office/social situations.
posted by desuetude at 5:25 PM on May 11, 2005
I mean, if I really had to and there was no genteel means of escape, I would (in public, in company of SO, etc.) but I prefer not to call unnecessary attention to the poo-making aspect of my ass. Neither do I particularly want anyone to announce their gas to me. If accidental and obvious tooting occurs, a surprised "excuse me!" will suffice. Just smell with no noise? Please ignore. Discreet verbal acknowledgement of smell okay if a chronic/illness issue.
Then again, I've not been blessed with an overabundance of smelly or loud farts, so it's not too much of an issue. I go with the gentle release rather than forced-air technique, suppressing when in the office/social situations.
posted by desuetude at 5:25 PM on May 11, 2005
This is utterly suprising. One, with so many vegetarians and vegans around these parts, I figured everyone would be proudly wafting tofu scented airbiscuits skyward.
Second, so many people here are incredibly frank and libertine about sex and menstruation and other bodily stuff, but mention farts and all of a sudden it's a room full of church ladies.
It's like that George Carlin routine where he talks about how differently society treats the words "fuck," and "fart." Soap operas plots revolve around one person trying to fuck another, talk shows feature authors plugging their books about fucking, but you never see the same thing about farts.
"Just once," Carlin said "I'd like to see Johnny Carson turn his head, sniff and say 'Jeezus, Ed. move over, that was a Clydesdale fart.'"
posted by jonmc at 5:43 PM on May 11, 2005
Second, so many people here are incredibly frank and libertine about sex and menstruation and other bodily stuff, but mention farts and all of a sudden it's a room full of church ladies.
It's like that George Carlin routine where he talks about how differently society treats the words "fuck," and "fart." Soap operas plots revolve around one person trying to fuck another, talk shows feature authors plugging their books about fucking, but you never see the same thing about farts.
"Just once," Carlin said "I'd like to see Johnny Carson turn his head, sniff and say 'Jeezus, Ed. move over, that was a Clydesdale fart.'"
posted by jonmc at 5:43 PM on May 11, 2005
I've long been an admirer of jonmc, but on the basis of this thread alone (one of the funniest ever), I nominate him fart-king of Metafilter. All in favor...
posted by fingers_of_fire at 5:52 PM on May 11, 2005
posted by fingers_of_fire at 5:52 PM on May 11, 2005
hold up those fingers_of_fire and I'll show you fart king...
posted by jonmc at 5:53 PM on May 11, 2005
posted by jonmc at 5:53 PM on May 11, 2005
(Suffice it to say, I'm responsible for more than my share of NYC's noxious fumes... just trying to do my part to sabotage the Olympics 2012 campaign.)
posted by fingers_of_fire at 5:54 PM on May 11, 2005
posted by fingers_of_fire at 5:54 PM on May 11, 2005
side note: lit farts really do burn blue, my buddy Billy did this trick on lunch break back when I worked at the A&P in high school. It only shot out about 10 inches, but it was through his pants after all.
posted by jonmc at 5:57 PM on May 11, 2005
posted by jonmc at 5:57 PM on May 11, 2005
I don't much like being publically subjected to the eye-watering stench of unwashed armpits, halitosis, springtime dogshit piles, nor the vomit-inducing stench of McD's greasebins.
I don't think you'll find many people who like being subjected to any of those things.
So out of just plain ol' fashioned respect for my fellow man, I try not to publically subject them to the odour of my farts, no matter that they almost never smell.
Likewise, I appreciate the basic reciprocation of the same consideration, and urge all you public farters to keep your nauseating smells to yourselves.
A little kindness and consideration goes a long way in this world.
posted by five fresh fish at 6:08 PM on May 11, 2005
I don't think you'll find many people who like being subjected to any of those things.
So out of just plain ol' fashioned respect for my fellow man, I try not to publically subject them to the odour of my farts, no matter that they almost never smell.
Likewise, I appreciate the basic reciprocation of the same consideration, and urge all you public farters to keep your nauseating smells to yourselves.
A little kindness and consideration goes a long way in this world.
posted by five fresh fish at 6:08 PM on May 11, 2005
How about the flip side of this thing, has anyone besides my self been vilified for out gassing in the presence of another? I find that I become righteously indignant when someone freaks if there is a toot in their vicinity. I always figure they must not break wind regularly and feel that it is an optional activity, an affront aimed at them. But really talk about rude...
I do hold back if possible, (to the detriment of my own comfort), if in the company of those I do not know well or regardless if I know it will be a stinker. I will apologize if it is hair raisingly oderific.
posted by flummox at 6:11 PM on May 11, 2005
I do hold back if possible, (to the detriment of my own comfort), if in the company of those I do not know well or regardless if I know it will be a stinker. I will apologize if it is hair raisingly oderific.
posted by flummox at 6:11 PM on May 11, 2005
This is the ultimate in the 'There are two kinds of people in the world' sweepstakes. Either you're comfortable farting in front of people, (especially SO's!) or you're not. More than once my best friend has threatened to feed me cabbage & beer and sit on me - just hoping I'll fart in front of god and everybody.
Meanwhile, Space Kitten is so damn comfortable that she's practically a guy.
Me? I'll be the first one laughing if somebody rips one, (God knows this thread has made my day) but if I can help it - it'll never *ever* be me.
I get the whole 'comfortable = real love' but damn - do you crap in front of mrs. jonmc too?
posted by Space Kitty at 6:24 PM on May 11, 2005
Meanwhile, Space Kitten is so damn comfortable that she's practically a guy.
Me? I'll be the first one laughing if somebody rips one, (God knows this thread has made my day) but if I can help it - it'll never *ever* be me.
I get the whole 'comfortable = real love' but damn - do you crap in front of mrs. jonmc too?
posted by Space Kitty at 6:24 PM on May 11, 2005
no, I do not. But after ten years together, I'm not gonna run out on the porch everytime I gotta blow the eau de colon.
Question: do you belch in front of other people, especially those of the opposite sex? That's the level I put farts on.
posted by jonmc at 6:28 PM on May 11, 2005
Question: do you belch in front of other people, especially those of the opposite sex? That's the level I put farts on.
posted by jonmc at 6:28 PM on May 11, 2005
Jeebus, FFF, you make it sound like a mild odor that disappears in like ten seconds is equivalent to torture.
Like I said, when other people control their screeching children, stop shouting on public transport, stop standing on stairs (what is with that?!), and generally stop being idiots, then maybe we will have reached the politeness plateau where my discomfort is a worthy price for shielding you from the disaster that is an unpleasant smell. Till then? Phhhhtttt.
posted by dame at 6:32 PM on May 11, 2005
Like I said, when other people control their screeching children, stop shouting on public transport, stop standing on stairs (what is with that?!), and generally stop being idiots, then maybe we will have reached the politeness plateau where my discomfort is a worthy price for shielding you from the disaster that is an unpleasant smell. Till then? Phhhhtttt.
posted by dame at 6:32 PM on May 11, 2005
Question: do you belch in front of other people
Well, no - not if I can help it. And the sex of the other party doesn't enter into it. Part of those Church Lady manners, I guess...
posted by Space Kitty at 6:48 PM on May 11, 2005
Well, no - not if I can help it. And the sex of the other party doesn't enter into it. Part of those Church Lady manners, I guess...
posted by Space Kitty at 6:48 PM on May 11, 2005
this could prove useful. and listen to Benny Franklin.
On preview: there's an old (admittedly sexist) joke, Women do not sneeze, belch or fart, therefore they must bitch or they will blow up.
Actually, when I was single and a pretty girl belched in front of me, I thought "She's a keeper."
posted by jonmc at 6:50 PM on May 11, 2005
On preview: there's an old (admittedly sexist) joke, Women do not sneeze, belch or fart, therefore they must bitch or they will blow up.
Actually, when I was single and a pretty girl belched in front of me, I thought "She's a keeper."
posted by jonmc at 6:50 PM on May 11, 2005
also, I just finished a feta burger & some leftover rice and beans and I've been drinking PBR all night. You may want to stand back...
posted by jonmc at 7:05 PM on May 11, 2005
posted by jonmc at 7:05 PM on May 11, 2005
Spaghetti and High Life here. I have been banished to the back porch with my laptop.
*lifts right cheek*
posted by climalene at 7:50 PM on May 11, 2005
*lifts right cheek*
posted by climalene at 7:50 PM on May 11, 2005
yoga class. always.
posted by BuddhaInABucket at 1:16 AM on May 12, 2005
posted by BuddhaInABucket at 1:16 AM on May 12, 2005
I try to suppress it in public. I tend to fart when I laugh really hard though, so if someone gets me giggling all bets are off.
I usually excuse myself in front of my mother although she's not too offended if one slips out every now and then. At my father's it's let 'er rip! Both he and my stepmother are not only comfortable with us all farting around one another, they celebrate it.
At some point during the beginning of a relationship I make sure I let the guy know that if he intends to get serious there WILL be farting involved - loud and often. I've never had anyone take offense. Most were relieved. Nothing says lovin' like a farting contest with your honey.
posted by LeeJay at 2:37 AM on May 12, 2005
I usually excuse myself in front of my mother although she's not too offended if one slips out every now and then. At my father's it's let 'er rip! Both he and my stepmother are not only comfortable with us all farting around one another, they celebrate it.
At some point during the beginning of a relationship I make sure I let the guy know that if he intends to get serious there WILL be farting involved - loud and often. I've never had anyone take offense. Most were relieved. Nothing says lovin' like a farting contest with your honey.
posted by LeeJay at 2:37 AM on May 12, 2005
One of my fondest memories of my father in his last years is when he belched loudly one day, looked my way and deadpanned, "Saves wear and tear on the @$$hole."
posted by alumshubby at 6:59 AM on May 12, 2005
posted by alumshubby at 6:59 AM on May 12, 2005
Sometimes you can't just hold it in. I sometimes just try to ignore it. Or, I have actually used the expresion "they deserved it" to friends after clearing a room. But then again, I was once thrown out of a cab for the most noxious of air kisses that even I have unleashed. I'll take the free ride any time over the embarrassment.
posted by Duck_Lips at 8:15 AM on May 12, 2005
posted by Duck_Lips at 8:15 AM on May 12, 2005
I won't pollute the green with James Joyce's dirty letters involving farts, but those not at work might want to check them out.
posted by Aknaton at 1:57 PM on May 12, 2005
posted by Aknaton at 1:57 PM on May 12, 2005
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by jonmc at 1:32 PM on May 11, 2005