Bathroom entertainment

July 9, 2008 10:05 AM

Recommend me some books for when I'm on the can.

I was reading through my Book of Lists on the john today for the nth time, and realized I need something new.

What are some books which are entertaining and easily picked up at random spots?...I'm thinking something like the book of lists, or the straight dope, etc.

posted by pilibeen to media & arts (49 comments total)

A classic set of books: Uncle John's Bathroom Reader
posted by Meagan at 10:08 AM on July 9

Uncle John's Bathroom Reader. Widely available at B&N, Borders, Amazon, etc.
posted by SquidLips at 10:09 AM on July 9

I went through this thread and ordered some catalogs which are now sitting next to the toilet. Not reading by any means, but a time waster that is perfect to flip through as you go about your business.
posted by premortem at 10:10 AM on July 9

Foiled! Crud.. all my base are belong to Meagan.
posted by SquidLips at 10:10 AM on July 9

How about:
Worst Case Survival
What's the Difference
posted by Grither at 10:11 AM on July 9

I found the book Merde appropriate and entertaining. I am sure I can come up with others but just got called away.
posted by TedW at 10:11 AM on July 9

Calvin and Hobbes or similar light comic books? Other longer format comic novels might be good, e.g. The Watchmen, Sandman, or Preacher which are ranked amongst the very best in the genre. This askme gets a number of good recommendations.

If you're not into comics, then Schotts Original Miscellany would be an obvious choice if you like random facts.

As a side question-- why do you read on the toilet? Is it a digestive problem, e.g. it takes you 15 minutes to go to the bathroom, or do you do your business, then just sit there reading? (or read, then business I suppose.. but then why would you go to the bathroom without the urge).

Just curious, never understood the reasoning.
posted by Static Vagabond at 10:14 AM on July 9

The Worst Case Scenario Survival Handbook series and The Action Hero's Handbook are both quite entertaining and somewhat educational. They are nice because they are written in short sections that are conducive to five minute reading opportunities.

Plus, they teach you stuff like how to jump out of a moving car and how to get hit with a chair, which is, you know, useful.
posted by quin at 10:14 AM on July 9

Dreamtigers by J.L. Borges. Can't be beat.
posted by ludwig_van at 10:20 AM on July 9

Vice Magazine's compilation of their fashion Dos and Don'ts.

There's the one that's out now:
Vice Dos and Don'ts: 10 Years of VICE Magazine's Street Fashion Critiques (Paperback)

And the one that's coming out some time soon:
Dos & Don'ts 2: 13 Years of Vice Magazine's Street Fashion Critiques (Paperback)

Absolutely hilarious, perfect for jumping to a random page and getting a laugh.
posted by Robson at 10:22 AM on July 9

Static...
I take it you don't have kids, or have a large house/workshop. For me, at least, it's the only time my son leaves me alone during the week :-)
posted by niteHawk at 10:23 AM on July 9

Saki's short stories are very quick and delightful.
posted by moof at 10:25 AM on July 9

Robson: "Vice Magazine's compilation of their fashion Dos and Don'ts."

Ha! I read their site for that same reason when I'm wasting time on the net. I didn't know there was a book format available! Without having read it I'll second that book then.
posted by Science! at 10:29 AM on July 9

PG Wodehouse.

Inspired by the Jeeves and Wooster series, I recently picked up some of the books featuring those characters. Most of them have chapters that are only a few pages long. Just enough for one "sitting" so to speak.
posted by odragul at 10:32 AM on July 9

I'm going to second "What's the difference" and the "Action Hero's (or Heroine's) Handbook." I have both and enjoyed them (although mine was pre-bed reading and not on the pot).

A magazine that seems to stay in our restroom is ReadyMade.
posted by ForeverDcember at 10:45 AM on July 9

John Hodgman's The Areas of My Expertise has short, unrelated sections perfect for such purposes.
posted by DoctorFedora at 10:46 AM on July 9

Nthing Uncle John's. Fascinating, well-written, well-researched (and, if you read several of them, you'll notice that when they're wrong there's usually a fascinating, well-written clarification in a later volume) stuff.

I'm huge on buying tons of old crappy comics at yard sales and having a bin of 'em near the toilet, too.
posted by Shepherd at 10:53 AM on July 9

Fun FAQs
Not So Useless Facts
posted by Oriole Adams at 10:59 AM on July 9

Isn't that what Harper's Index was created for?
posted by artdrectr at 11:07 AM on July 9

I have a copy of Overheard in NYC which is now dog-eared to hell and back.
posted by mkb at 11:11 AM on July 9

The Book of Ratings
posted by Gary at 11:14 AM on July 9

If you're feeling thoughtful, Marcus Aurelius's Meditations.
posted by feckless at 11:14 AM on July 9 [1 favorite]

a Nintendo DS with Brain Age or some other puzzle game on it.
posted by low affect at 11:17 AM on July 9

The Book of the SubGenius is, I believe, the only holy text in existence whose church not only sanctions but COMMANDS its use as bathroom reading. It's full of incredible ranting and 80's clipart collage, excellent for consumption in small chunks.

I also love the "Haggis-On-Whey World of Unbelievable Brilliance" series, which to date includes three books: "Giraffes?Giraffes!," "Animals of the Ocean, In Particular the Giant Squid"(which I haven't read,) and "Your Disgusting Head"(now apparently out of print.) They're beautifully bound, coffee-table-sized books done in the style of a child's science textbook, but are full of surreal and hilarious misinformation about their topics. If you buy just one I'd recommend "Giraffes?Giraffes!"

Also in the fake-children's-book vein is "Uncle Shelby's ABZ Book: A Primer for Tender Young Minds" by Shel Silverstein, which instructs the young reader to engage in all sorts of risky, annoying and antisocial behavior.
posted by contraption at 11:21 AM on July 9

Panati's Book of endings.
posted by jeather at 11:23 AM on July 9

You will want The Encyclopaedia of Bad Taste, The Meaning of Liff and maybe The Art of Looking Sideways.
posted by rongorongo at 11:29 AM on July 9

Also on the more serious side, Seven Pillars of Wisdom by TE Lawrence. It's a big book, but with the kind of story that Lawrence is telling and the way he tells it (travelogue with compact, described-not-narrated battle scenes), you can open up to any paragraph, any page, and just enjoy the fact that he had a crazy life and wrote beautifully about it.

Plus, the writing is just absolutely gorgeous. It's pretty much the only thing I read off the bathroom reading shelf anymore.
posted by joyceanmachine at 11:43 AM on July 9

A book which I always find has pages and pages of interesting miscellany is How to Hold A Crocodile. I think it is aimed at pre-teens, which is the age when I got the book, but as an adult I still find it very enjoyable. The book is an unbelievably detailed assortment of instructions on how to do the most random things, including how to hold a crocodile, ease a backache, fire a canon, tame a tarantula, measure humidity and play bagpipes.
posted by bristolcat at 11:46 AM on July 9

Dreamtigers by J.L. Borges. Can't be beat.

I was going to suggest the "Collected Fictions" of Borges, since they're all about the same length (short).

Also, Invisible Cities by Italo Calvino. Every chapter is one page long, and there's no necessary narrative connection between them.
posted by LionIndex at 11:52 AM on July 9

Mountain Man Dance Moves - The McSweeney's Book of Lists (lots of unicorns)

They Call Me Naughty Lola - Personal Ads from the London Review of Books

The Paris Review Book of Heartbreak, Madness, Sex, Love, Betrayal, Outsiders, Intoxication, War, Whimsy, Horrors, God, Death, Dinner, Baseball, Travels, ...and Everything Else in the World Since 1953

Not sure about the availability of this one, but if you care to track down a copy of 1000 Sayings of History by Walter Fogg, I highly recommend it. It's seemingly random quotes from world leaders, nobility, and famous personages on various topics, with colorful exposition and commentary from the author. An odd glimpse into the historic/academic perspectives of the early 20th century. Here's a short excerpt I have marked (with toilet paper, go fig):

134. Ce que nous connaissons est peu de chose, ce que nous ignorons est immense.
      (What we know is of small amount; what we do not know is enormous.)
            — MARQUIS DE LAPLACE, Pierre Simon (1749-1827), French astronomer and mathematician.

LAPLACE, who very nearly equalled (sic) Newton in his extraordinary grasp of mathematical astronomy, is said to have spoken these words just before he died (March 5, 1827), in the hearing of his fellow-worker, Alexis Bouvard, and his physician, Dr. Majendie, who were at his deathbed at his Arcueil country-place. According to another version, his last utterance was:

Man pursues nothing but chimeras,

addressed to his favorite pupil Poisson, who had just brought him the news that Bessel had verified his theoretical discoveries on Jupiter's satellites. Either saying would have been in harmony with the giant intellect of Laplace. With all his remarkable disclosures concerning celestial revolutions, he undoubtedly realized the futility of attempting to complete "the science of the skies" (though Baron Fourier remarked of him that he would have completed it, "had the science been capable of completion"—an awesome thought).

It's like 900 pages long, and chock full of interesting and chatty history.
posted by carsonb at 12:08 PM on July 9

Any of The Darwin Awards compilations.
Stuff White People Like: A Definitive Guide to the Unique Taste of Millions
posted by carmicha at 12:10 PM on July 9

Oh and an old standby, the Guiness Book of World Records.
posted by carmicha at 12:11 PM on July 9

I have a subscription to the British VIZ comic (www.viz.co.uk). Expensivish but absolutely hilarious, totally appropriate (it's full of potty humor) and able to be picked up at any point at random since it's just full of comic strips, bizarre letters to the editor etc. They ain't books, but they're far better in my opinion. Last book I had in the can was "The God Delusion" and I found that I shat far too quickly to be able to afford the time to get through more than a paragraph per sitting.
posted by tra at 12:12 PM on July 9

The Time Out Film Guide is my stand-by (well, sit-by). Also useful are books written in little snippets like Vonnegut's Breakfast of Champions.
posted by Kafkaesque at 12:28 PM on July 9

I can personally vouch for: Take Me to Your Leader
posted by Otis at 12:31 PM on July 9

Specific title: "Me of Little Faith" by Lewis Black. Hilarious rants on religion and short enough for can sessions.

More generally, I think the various New Yorker anthologies on food, comedy, etc... are great because they're really well written, short, and interesting.

Hope everything comes out OK for you. :)
posted by webhund at 12:53 PM on July 9

Jon Stewart's America: The Book and Cobert's I Am America! (And So Can You) are both good ones for dipping in and out of, so to speak. But the all-time best book for this purpose is An Incomplete Education, which I first read in 1987 and still think of as the The Internet on Paper, just because it's so damn interesting, random, and funny/snarky. As Amazon says, it's 'a whirlwind tour through 12 different disciplines, from American studies to philosophy to world history," giving you the all the essentials in a highly readable style.
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 1:02 PM on July 9

When I was growing up, we always had Jokes for the John in the bathroom. Very dated but an interesting look at the culture of the early 60s.
posted by Sculthorpe at 1:22 PM on July 9

Currently sitting on the Bartfast toilet tank: The Hypochondriac's Pocket Guide to Horrible Diseases You Probably Already Have. The section on intestinal worms seems have a particular appeal while the bowels move.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 1:51 PM on July 9

Any of the three volumes of The Superior Person's Book Of Words.

Though - not to derail and get gross or anything - sitting on a toilet for protracted periods can lead to uncomfortable complications.
posted by turgid dahlia at 3:03 PM on July 9

Dreamtigers by J.L. Borges. Can't be beat.

I was going to suggest the "Collected Fictions" of Borges, since they're all about the same length (short).

I'd certainly recommend the collected fictions to anyone, but lots of them are around 15 pages. Everything in Dreamtigers is 1 or 2 pages. Reading it in my girlfriend's bathroom is what got me into Borges.
posted by ludwig_van at 3:23 PM on July 9

The Portable Dorothy Parker. Lots of short poems and three page stories, all witty and hilarious.
posted by painquale at 3:32 PM on July 9

I received a 1950's book of etiquette from a friend and it's FANTASTIC. Never before did I know exactly how one should eat an apple served at a formal dinner or why my 14 button kid gloves were not at all appropriate for day wear [I should be wearing the 8 button before dinner].
posted by rhinny at 4:44 PM on July 9

Apple iPhone

For serious. It's revolutionized defecation for me.
posted by greenie2600 at 5:16 PM on July 9

Panati's Book of endings.

No, that one's sad! Try his Book of Beginnings. Much more cheerful.
posted by Savannah at 5:21 PM on July 9

If non-fiction is okay, and you're interested in general trivia (or a wide range of topics from the arts to science and beyond), Mental Floss magazine has a nice series of books. The great thing about them is that within each 'chapter' there are small capsules of information, so it would be easy to read a few bits about one topic, and then come back to it later. Or, even jump around to other subjects. Besides being educational, the writing is very entertaining. I've enjoyed Condensed Knowledge: A Deliciously Irreverent Guide To Feeling Smart Again, but they have a whole series of trivia books (available on Amazon and at fine book merchants near you). The magazines are good, too, but won't hold up as well in the bathroom as the paperbacks.
posted by Mael Oui at 8:49 PM on July 9

The Bible. Seriously.
posted by pushing paper and bottoming chairs at 8:58 PM on July 9

If you're interested in modern music history, I can recommend Greil Marcus' "In the Fascist Bathroom", a collection of his writings on punk and other music. Each chapter is about a poo in length.
posted by tim_in_oz at 2:35 AM on July 10

Talk about the internet on paper, Norton's Dictionary of Modern Thought is like a paper-bound series of tubes. Here's a sample - you'll get absorbed following the hyperlinks (shown in SMALL CAPS).

And, I'll second printing out a bunch of Harper's Indices. Their "Readings" section would be good, too.
posted by HE Amb. T. S. L. DuVal at 4:26 AM on July 14