Natural clothes spray?

June 11, 2008 6:41 PM

Is there something with which I could spray my clothes in the stead of washing them?

I am a lazy male that has not had nor has any prospects of human female contact for the appreciable future.

Furthermore, I hate doing laundry.

As such, it would be a magnificent boon to my misanthropic hermit lifestyle if I could simply spray particularly my underwear (undershirt, underwear proper, socks; all cotton) in order to neutralize their smell (of bread; I find my underwear smells like bread after a day of wear), kill any harmful bacteria or other microorganisms that would do me harm without evolving any MRSA type bugs, and also potentially inhibit the yellow stains of sweat and fear.

The pertinent caveat being my general mistrust of mankind extends to his industrial chemical products and as such I am looking for 'natural' type solutions that preferably require little to no preparation other than pouring into a spray bottle. Vinegar comes to mind but wouldn't that smell?

(Presently I just hang my underwears to 'air out' for a day and then alternate two pair like so for a week. There has to be a better way though).

posted by norabarnacl3 to clothing, beauty, & fashion (47 comments total)

Well, kudos for being aware that Febreeze won't actually make things clean.

If there were such a thing, college kids would buy it in bulk.

A suggestion: Many laundromats will basically do your laundry for you. You drop it off, hand them some cash, and come back to clean laundry.
posted by Tomorrowful at 6:49 PM on June 11, 2008

I went to a pre-college program at an art school down in GA, and had the (dis)pleasure of rooming with an obviously over-pampered young man who, instead of working out a suitable time and way to wash his clothes, decided to simply spray them down with Febreze once in a while and hang them in the bathroom. To say that he was also very strange, I feel, would be stating the obvious.

It also didn't help that he made towers in our bathroom trash can with carefully folded (unused) toilet paper.

You better believe I chose to write-in for a roommate when heading to the college freshman year.

Just a thought-nugget for you to chew on.
posted by self at 6:50 PM on June 11, 2008

I meant to add, and therefore second, Tomorrowful's suggestion of drop-off service.
posted by self at 6:52 PM on June 11, 2008

Replace all your underwear with products made with Dri-release with Freshguard.
posted by bondcliff at 6:53 PM on June 11, 2008

At least on tile, vinegar doesn't smell after it dries. I don't know how well it cleans fabric, though.

But can you just use a lose a laundry service?

Is letting your underwear soak in some detergent-y water, then rinsing it and then airing it out less onerous than doing a load of laundry, cause that would get things clean.

I'm not sure if your lack of female contact is your reason for not doing laundry (as in you want a woman to do it for you) or if it's your rationalization (as in, no need to smell great, if there is no lady around), but if you want that female contact doing laundry the usual way can't hurt.
posted by Airhen at 6:55 PM on June 11, 2008

Speaking as a wife and the former girlfriend of a wonderful man who used to be know as being rather lax in the laundry dept. (also an art school grad), please figure out a way to actually wash your clothing. There is no substitute for a good scrub, be it clothes or your body. Look into laundry services or hiring an individual to come and just do your laundry. Might be expensive but you will feel much better and your clothes will last longer if properly cared for.
posted by pearlybob at 6:58 PM on June 11, 2008

Those clothing steamers freshen up clothes.
posted by hortense at 6:59 PM on June 11, 2008

No. Soap and water is the only way to clean clothes to the specifications you listed.

(Also, seriously, come on.)
posted by Optimus Chyme at 7:00 PM on June 11, 2008 [6 favorites has favorites]

I have heard that cheap vodka can be poured into a spray bottle and used like Febreeze. Apparently this is something that people who work in theater do when they aren't able to wash costumes in between performances.
posted by kitty teeth at 7:05 PM on June 11, 2008

kitty teeth---
I've never heard of that!
Where did you hear of this?
posted by Dizzy at 7:22 PM on June 11, 2008

You may be able to air things out or spray them to the point where you can't smell them anymore, but let's just say that you may be a little too... close to the situation to accurately judge. The people around you will be able to tell. They probably already can. When it comes to personal odor, we're usually oblivious to how weak/strong things are.
posted by [NOT HERMITOSIS-IST] at 7:24 PM on June 11, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Point of clarification, please:

The pertinent caveat being my general mistrust of mankind extends to his industrial chemical products

Are you genuinely lazy or do you just not trust the chemicals used in doing the laundry? 'cause people can and do make their own soap.

Also, what do you hate about doing laundry? Is it because you have to go to a laundromat?
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:25 PM on June 11, 2008

I think the answer is no. I'm an engineer, not a chemist, but as I understand it ...

When you wash things, you want to get rid of things (dirt, etc.) that have stuck to your clothing. Now some things will dissolve in water, so dousing them in water will carry them away. Like imagine if you had salt all over your pants. Salt dissolves really well in water, so we dump water on them, the salt dissolves in the water, we take the water away, we dry the pants, and volia! Quantity wise, though, you can imagine that if you only add a little bit of water, not all the salt is going to be able to dissolve ... so you want to add a bunch of water. (Not just a little spray, you want enough to carry the dirt away).

But some things do not like to dissolve in water, so we add soap, which 'helps' these things get carried away by the water. Generally speaking, soap and water work pretty well.

There are other chemicals which stuff dissolves into, and it is possible to dip stuff into that, if, say, water and soap are going to damage your clothes. This is the basis of 'dry cleaning', and the chemicals are generally quite hazardous. (Another example would be pen ink -- generally non fountain pen pen inks are not soluble in water, so soap and water does a poor job of removing ink-stains. Pen inks generally _are_ however soluble in rubbing alcohol, so you can use that. Alcohol will evaporate, but you have to make sure that all the stuff is in the alcohol when it goes away and that the alcohol hasn't just carried it somewhere else. See, I'm an engineer, I get ink on my pants a lot. Had to switch away from the clicky-tops. Anyway ...)

The problem is that even if you kill the fungus and the bacteria and what-have-you, there might still be dirt or waste products (not necessarily from you, but from the bacteria) on your clothes, and sprays aren't really going to remove that, partially because you'd need enough liquid to carry away whatever it is, and the stuff has to be able to dissolve into the liquid. Which means you're right back at washing stuff.

From personal experience, Lysoling white clothes will just turn them pink, which is really a very difficult color to pull off for most guys, and let's face it, if you were one of those guys you probably wouldn't be asking for advice on how to avoid the laundry. I've heard that putting Judo uniforms in the freezer will make them not smell, but I've never had to do it myself ... (and you'd probably still have dirt on them). I'm also vaguely aware that some survival guides tell you to hang clothes in direct sunlight if you can't wash them. The UV rays should sterilize them, but it'll also bleach them and make them weaker.
posted by Comrade_robot at 7:25 PM on June 11, 2008 [2 favorites has favorites]

Soap and water. Either hire a housecleaner to come to your house and throw stuff in the laundry and fold it before they leave OR take your stuff to a drop-off laundromat.

I could not tell what you meant by this part of your question, but you may find that the above steps greatly influence your prospects of female companionship. If you meant you were looking for a woman to do your laundry, you might find that erasing that expectation also affects your prospects. But I'm not sure where you were going with that.
posted by acoutu at 7:29 PM on June 11, 2008

I was just going to recommend cheap vodka. As a former wardrobe girl, let me assure you it works wonders and it won't cause sensitive skin to break out. It also doesn't have that horrid floral smell. Turn your clothes inside out, spritz away, and give it a second to dry (just don't do it on silk).

But let's be honest, you don't strike me as the type of guy who wears a lot of silk.
posted by Thin Lizzy at 7:35 PM on June 11, 2008 [3 favorites has favorites]

People in different places have very different definitions of how dirty clothes need to be before they need washing (just as they disagree about whether daily showering is a necessity or a frivolous waste of perfectly good dirt). You sound like you are in tune with 1960s Europe; modern America errs on the side of excessive cleanliness, and your laxity may be standing out more than you think it is. Your grubby undies may smell to you of bread, but would a random sample of people standing close to you agree? It can be really hard to accurately smell oneself, as many of us have discovered to our distress. (I used to insist quite loudly that I didn't need deodorant, until it was finally explained to me clearly enough that indeed, I was not a special olfactory exception.)

Short answer: there is no spray-on product that replaces the need for traditional cleaning.

Long answer: there are many alternatives to regular detergents. Any store with a decent hippy section will have several scent- and additive-free detergents that purport to be good for the environment and good for you; all of them that I have tried have done an acceptable job of cleaning my clothes. Or, if it is the effort of putting the clothes in the washer that is the barrier, you could always just drop them off at a wash and fold service, as has been suggested. Finally, I have met people who preferred to buy really cheap underwear in bulk rather than wash it. I think they were actually OCD, but if buying large boxes of cheap underwear made them happy, I support that fully. It certainly does no harm to anyone.
posted by Forktine at 7:36 PM on June 11, 2008

If it's the chemicals you don't like, companies like Seventh Generation and Dr. Bronner's (among many, many others) make more natural/organic laundry soaps.

If it's the going-to-the-laundromat you don't like, you can do a half-assed job (but it'll be much better than the job you're doing now) with Woolite in the sink.
posted by box at 7:38 PM on June 11, 2008

I second the cheap vodka option. I'm in the theater and it works surprisingly well, at least at combating the smell of sweat.
I'll be the first to say, however, that it really only lets you put off one, maybe two washes between performances. The process is usually that clothing that goes onstage clean, comes off the performer's body wet with sweat after two hours under hot lights, and then gets sprayed and hung on racks, and is ready (ie not stinky) for the next performance an hour later. I've never tried this with my street clothes, but I'd imagine it would work out ok in a pinch.
Another recommendation: Starch and iron. Nothing makes clothes feel clean and fresh like being starched and ironed.
posted by raygan at 7:49 PM on June 11, 2008

Dizzy, I first heard of that in a post on a message board I read, and have since read it once or twice elsewhere on the net. If you google "vodka Febreze" you'll see some more references to this technique. Thank you Thin Lizzy for chiming in as someone who has had success with this method.
posted by kitty teeth at 7:58 PM on June 11, 2008

I'm the sweaty guy who goes onstage eight times a week, and I thank you and raygan and Thin Lizzy for keeping me fresh.
Vodka!
I'd no idea that was the secret.
posted by Dizzy at 8:02 PM on June 11, 2008

I got some of my best studying done while waiting for my clothes to finish at the campus laundromats and also met a few girls there. You're not going to get a girlfriend, boyfriend, or any friends really by your proposed method.
posted by Burhanistan at 8:07 PM on June 11, 2008

If you want to lengthen the interval between laundry trips, the obvious solution is to get a ton of pairs of underwear.
posted by LobsterMitten at 8:09 PM on June 11, 2008 [3 favorites has favorites]

Alcohol is pretty good at dealing with odors. (Destroys the esters, says a chemically-inclined friend of mine.) Febreze has a lot of alcohol; here's a recipe for a home-made version that contains vodka. Rubbing alcohol is cheaper, try that.

But c'mon, the alcohol isn't going to get everything. Wash your clothes.
posted by hydrophonic at 8:10 PM on June 11, 2008

This is a joke post right? LoL! But assuming it isn't, why don't you get a bunch of underwear so you only have to deal with it once every couple of weeks, and then just take it to a laundry where you can drop it off for them to do it?

Smelling bad is not generally socially acceptable though, I'd really urge you to just suck it up and do laundry.
posted by crabintheocean at 8:15 PM on June 11, 2008

I recommend that instead of spritzing your clothes with cheap vodka, you drink the stuff in order to get through doing your laundry.
posted by beagle at 8:19 PM on June 11, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

If you're really not going to wash them, do like Roast Beef and take a trip to Underpants Time.

If I may point out, the uncleanness of underpants in particular is not due to the sort of thing that would normally be alleviated by misting a liquid on them. Your underpants smell like "bread" or whatnot because they are full of dead skin, bacteria, bacteria waste products, and poo flakes. These substances are all, to my mind, on the spectrum between liquid and solid and tend to require physical agitation to remove. Detergent is a surfactant that helps the agitation get rid of your poo flakes et al.

If you're really dead set on prolonging the wavelength of your wash cycle, then soap your ass really really well and try not to sweat. Cheers. :(
posted by mindsound at 8:23 PM on June 11, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Why not go to Costco and buy a ton of cheap underwear and undershirts in bulk? It's not that expensive to sock away a month's supply. Then just don't wash your, er, outer layers very often, by using the methods described above. Then just do one huge load every 6 weeks or so, or pay someone else to do it for you.

I find that my laundromat time doesn't really vary whether it's a small load or a massive one. So why not just build up to one big wash day, while still having fresh undies in the meantime? (Soiled undies are pretty nasty, no matter how you play it-- or spray it. Especially in the summer. Girls can get all sorts of infections that way, not sure about guys.)
posted by np312 at 9:00 PM on June 11, 2008

Thanks for the responses.

The female companion thing was in regards to my incentives to be clean, not that I would expect one to do the laundry.

Cheap vodka is something I will keep in mind.

And yeah I have been told I smell by various people so I probably should do more laundry.

It is seriously a travesty though to have to gather all the laundry in a heavy bag, walk out to the apartment's laundry room, put in a dollar worth of quarters, and then be in limbo for the next 75 minutes for washing/drying, and then having to fold everything. I mean I can download an entire open source office suite in 5 minutes for free, why am I still doing laundry like it's 1840.

Anyway yeah.
posted by norabarnacl3 at 9:04 PM on June 11, 2008

dude. I just have like, three weeks worth of underpants/undershirts. Jeans, slacks, and dress shirts (and t-shirts if you wear an undershirt and are not a sweaty dude) are all rewearable.
I wash once every three weeksish, plus more washing for when the other crap starts to smell ANYTHING but neutral or becomes visibly soiled, which I try to do at the same time as the undies.

As soon an anything does not smell clean (or at least does not smell neutral), stop wearing it. You do not want to be the smelly guy. I know the smelly guy, and even though he's a good guy, his odor is always on my mind during our interactions, even if he doesn't smell that day.
AND, the smelly guy gets talked about.
posted by The Esteemed Doctor Bunsen Honeydew at 9:32 PM on June 11, 2008

Last year I had a washing machine, but didn't have a dryer or a line - only one of those rack things in a damp apartment (and a damp country, actually). I got away with doing one small load once a week because:

- my country forbade smoking in bars/restaurants/public places, so no odors at work the next day;
- smelly/fried/smoky cooking meant the bedroom door was closed and the kitchen windows opened;
- I bought enough undies/shirts to compensate for the lack in laundry-doing;
- most of my clothes were in darker hues, so pen stains and the like went unnoticed;
- I changed/washed my sheets/pillowcases pretty frequently when I was at work or out at the movies or something, so no residual body-odor/sweaty smells built up in my bedroom; and
- I showered twice a day.
posted by mdonley at 10:03 PM on June 11, 2008

Everyone else has suggested that this is a bad idea, so I do not have to do that. I will tell you that you will not be able to remove dirt. You can kill bacteria, however briefly. You can get clothing that avoids sucking up moisture, stains, etc. You may be able to mask odors or even destroy the source of the odors.

We do have a stinky bit of clothing that we wear a lot without washing very frequently. They're called shoes. The source of the odor, I'm told, would be the acids (somewhat vinegary) that build up from various bacteria having a field day with your feet. Typically, folks throw a powder with a high pH in there, like baking soda, which absorbs both through the surface area issue, but also neutralizes the acids.

It might be worth an experiment or two.
posted by adipocere at 10:39 PM on June 11, 2008

And yeah I have been told I smell by various people so I probably should do more laundry.

I can't be bothered to dig through the archives right now, because I am a lazy laundry-hater like you, but I seem to recall there being approximately 16,587 AskMes that go roughly, "My co-worker / friend / roommate / cousin really smells. How can I tell them that?" There is a pretty strong social taboo against telling people that they smell. If multiple people have gotten over that barrier to tell you that you smell, then yeah . . . you are a major olfactory offender and you may not even be aware of all the ways it's affecting your life. Lack of romantic prospects may not be the half of it.

I hate doing laundry too, but rather than look for schemes to re-wear dirty underpants (ew) I deal with it by owning lots of clothes, including very ample stocks of the basics like socks, underwear, and t-shirts. This means that I have to do a larger quantity of laundry, but less often. If you have access to a not-too-busy laundry room with multiple sets of washers and dryers, it will still take you 75 minutes of laundry "limbo" to do the wash, but in the same amount of time you can get three or four loads done, which means you can go three or four times longer without doing laundry (assuming you run just one load at a time currently).

By the way, when you say your clothes smell like bread, do you mean they smell like yeast?

I know this doesn't directly answer the original question, but I think buying more clothes is an all-round better plan than spraying vodka on your skivvies.
posted by Orinda at 10:47 PM on June 11, 2008 [3 favorites has favorites]

Wash things by hand while you're in the shower, hang to dry.
posted by Martin E. at 11:19 PM on June 11, 2008

In a few years you should be able to afford a waterless washing machine. They're out, but they're pricey.

When I lived alone, I was a slob, too. But I had some clothing ground rules. One, never wear underwear or socks twice. It's just gross. And this is a slob talking. Even in the winter when you think you're not sweating a lot, you're sweating a lot, you just can't notice it. And in the summer it's orders of magnitude worse. Go to Walmart or Costco and buy a metric shitload of underwear and socks--they're both cheap, and you should have enough for two weeks or more of daily fresh, clean underwear and socks. When they get hole-y and ragged out, go buy some more.

As for washing underwear and socks, do what I do with my running gear--take it in the shower with you. Granted, my running outfit is nylon and washes/dries really easily, but I think washing your underwear in the shower isn't perfect but it's better than nothing. And it saves you money.

T-shirts, jeans, pants, etc., use your best discretion. Employ the sniff test regularly. I'll wear jeans a LOT before I wash them, maybe up to a dozen times or so. I like the vodka suggestion, I'll have to try that. It all depends on how much you sweat, and unless you're in the Southern Hemisphere right now, you're sweating a lot everyday.
posted by zardoz at 12:24 AM on June 12, 2008

Make sure everything you own is pure cotton, not cotton/poly blend.

Wear everything once only.

And do your friggin' laundry. What are you, sixteen?
posted by flabdablet at 2:40 AM on June 12, 2008

Why am I still doing laundry like it's 1840?

In 1840 you would have been doing your washing by hand, unless you were wealthy enough to be able to pay someone else to do it. The few machines around at the time were hand operated and operated in the same way (The first hand cranked mangle/wringer didn't arrive till 1843). I've come across something that calculated that, in terms of humidity and exertion, handwashing a typical load around this time is comparable to swimming several miles by breaststroke. Handwashing with a copper and mangle was still fairly commonplace up untill the 1950's.
posted by tallus at 3:11 AM on June 12, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

n'thing the drop-it-off laundry service. It's more expensive than doing it yourself, but it's so easy. Toss it in a duffel or even garbage bag. Swing by the laundromat when you're in the area, they'll probably weigh it on a scale and get your name and number, then you're out of there. Pick it up the next day or later, and pay. Usually I do my own laundry, but right now I've been using the wash-and-fold option, especially when I've been lazy and have several loads worth.
posted by hungrysquirrels at 3:19 AM on June 12, 2008

Yeah, my heart doesn't exactly go out to your 1840's existence, seeing as my laundry gets done in a bucket, by hand. Believe me, an laundry room or laundromat would be a luxury.
posted by Nothing at 3:32 AM on June 12, 2008

Your neighborhood cleaners may have pick-up and delivery service. (They might not even charge extra for it.) Then all you'd need to do is stuff it all in a bag!
posted by magicbus at 5:29 AM on June 12, 2008

dude, if you're only paying a dollar in your apt. laundry room you are getting away CHEAP and should therefore revel in doing your laundry, knowing how much of a deal you are getting over other poor saps.

also, get a "granny cart" and toss your laundry in there to wheel it to the laundry room. no lugging required.

people in 1840 had to use washboards. have you ever used one of those? i have and it fucking sucks. maytag or whatever is way better.

people have already answered your question, and you've marked some best answers. but really, there is no substitute for doing your damn laundry.
posted by misanthropicsarah at 6:49 AM on June 12, 2008

YOU NEED THIS!

It can use 45,000 less litres of water per year, compared to a standard top load washing machine, a saving of nearly 80%. There is also a corresponding saving of roughly 65% in energy and 45% in detergent use.! :

Oh yeah, and you don't have to leave your apartment!

If I were single again...
posted by sondrialiac at 9:21 AM on June 12, 2008

Oh, and get a drying rack. It's better for the environment, and if you hate buying clothes (which I do) it's much easier on your clothes than a commercial dryer.

Besides...doesn't anyone else find laundromats just a little...icky?
posted by sondrialiac at 9:24 AM on June 12, 2008

No. Drop-off service.
posted by desuetude at 10:03 AM on June 12, 2008

Of all the chores which one could hate, laundry is at the bottom. You bring a book or laptop to a laundromat, and sit for 90 minutes. Watch a movie while you wait or something. Seriously, where is the pain or labor?

And seconding the yeast infection thing.
posted by herbaliser at 11:41 AM on June 12, 2008

What about just going commando if you can't keep up with washing your underwear?
posted by tastybrains at 4:55 PM on June 12, 2008

It is seriously a travesty though to have to gather all the laundry in a heavy bag, walk out to the apartment's laundry room, put in a dollar worth of quarters, and then be in limbo for the next 75 minutes for washing/drying, and then having to fold everything. I mean I can download an entire open source office suite in 5 minutes for free, why am I still doing laundry like it's 1840.

I think you are looking at this problem from the wrong angle. I completely get that you don't like doing your laundry, and that's perfectly ok, who does? However, not washing really isn't the solution, just minimize the effort of doing laundry!

As various other posters have suggested: more items of clothing equals less washing. Buy 61 undershirts, 61 pairs of socks and 61 briefs.
Congratulations, you only have to wash these bimonthly! (Although I would strongly suggest to either buy more of your regular clothing too, so you can wash them at the same frequency, or wash your regular clothing in between. Otherwise you'll still smell, sorry.)

Another suggestion was a granny cart, use this to transport your laundry to the laundry room. (Not to be patronizing, but how far can it be?).

Yet another poster suggested doing something while your machine(s) is(are) running. There's indeed not much of a difference between reading a book/watching a movie/etc. in the laundry room or in your appartment, right?

Lastly, folding. Look, does it really matter whether your underwear is neatly folded? Well, of course, it's nice, but is it necessary? No. Just toss your clean, dry underwear in a drawer.

Sorting and folding socks? Hell of a job, especially when you have all dark coloured socks that look suspiciously alike, but aren't actually.
Just toss them in another drawer and grab two each morning. I've been doing this for the last 3 years, do you think anybody has noticed? (And I even mix bright and dark socks. It really, truly does not get noticed, except for a few close friends who see me shoe-less most of the time and, after one initial comment, don't even think twice about it.)

Ask yourself this question: would you rather identify as the quirky guy with two different socks or the smelly guy?

Exactly.
posted by lioness at 7:14 PM on June 12, 2008

I hate laundromats, too, but you can bet I'd choose that over being stinky if my washer went toes-up on me. In addition to all the great suggestions (buy more clothes, use a wash-n-fold service, get over it), you could at least wash underwear every time you shower. You can even keep them on your body, if you must, as long as you give them a good, thorough scrubbing and rinsing.
posted by notashroom at 7:41 AM on June 13, 2008