Annoying business jargon...
April 3, 2008 8:08 AM Subscribe
Apropos of this AskMe question, I'm looking for other examples of annoying business jargon that commonly gets tossed around in office settings. What are some of the worst abuses of the English language you routinely encounter in your working life?
This post was deleted for the following reason: This is pretty much chatfilter. "Tell me things you hear that you hate" Not really a problem to be solved here. -- mathowie
I like to say "not my zebra, not my zoo" at work whenever it's applicable. (I do not work at a zoo.)
posted by 1 at 8:16 AM on April 3, 2008 [2 favorites]
posted by 1 at 8:16 AM on April 3, 2008 [2 favorites]
I shudder whenever someone uses "groupthink" is a positive context, especially when it's used as a verb.
As an aside, some people believe this kind of abuse of language isn't just annoying, but actually harmful.
posted by Nelsormensch at 8:16 AM on April 3, 2008
As an aside, some people believe this kind of abuse of language isn't just annoying, but actually harmful.
posted by Nelsormensch at 8:16 AM on April 3, 2008
When we had some non-tech-minded people fixing computers, they'd often write that they "reseeded" the video card. That one always irked me, if nothing else because someone who doesn't even know the word ought not be reseating computer innards at all.
posted by fogster at 8:16 AM on April 3, 2008
posted by fogster at 8:16 AM on April 3, 2008
The use of "revert" in place of "reply" in emails and letters. Or worse, "revert back".
posted by hellopanda at 8:18 AM on April 3, 2008
posted by hellopanda at 8:18 AM on April 3, 2008
"Pain points" is one that has gotten popular around here. Meaning little annoyances that make work unpleasant. For instance, a pain point is how no one understands all our acronyms.
On another note, Raymond Chen has a series of blog posts on Microsoft ones.
posted by smackfu at 8:18 AM on April 3, 2008
On another note, Raymond Chen has a series of blog posts on Microsoft ones.
posted by smackfu at 8:18 AM on April 3, 2008
You can essentially combine these like lego. Just take a liberal handful of legal, military, playground, mysogynistic, latin, scatalogical and pop culture references, let them stew in the fetid minds that make up 90% of all businesses and then regurgitate in an atmosphere where "wit" and "volume" are often confused:
"Let's run it up the flagpole and see if anyone fingers its arse."
"It's not rocket salad, dammit"
"Fortune favours the loud"
"Lie down [insert name of subordinate], you're dead."
and my personal favourite:
"Come the fuck in, or fuck the fuck off." (from The Thick Of It)
posted by Jofus at 8:19 AM on April 3, 2008
"Let's run it up the flagpole and see if anyone fingers its arse."
"It's not rocket salad, dammit"
"Fortune favours the loud"
"Lie down [insert name of subordinate], you're dead."
and my personal favourite:
"Come the fuck in, or fuck the fuck off." (from The Thick Of It)
posted by Jofus at 8:19 AM on April 3, 2008
Some of this may be of mere mental laziness and not specific to language used in offices. I'll list problems instead of examples. Most of these fit in the supercategory of avoiding responsibility by /pretending/ to say something.
- speaking in nothing but metaphors
- passive voice to avoid saying something concrete
- changing nouns into verbs
- using "do" or "be" for whole package-deal concepts; an action, an object, an actor -- all left unexplored and unvoiced and nebulous
posted by cmiller at 8:20 AM on April 3, 2008
- speaking in nothing but metaphors
- passive voice to avoid saying something concrete
- changing nouns into verbs
- using "do" or "be" for whole package-deal concepts; an action, an object, an actor -- all left unexplored and unvoiced and nebulous
posted by cmiller at 8:20 AM on April 3, 2008
If I hear one more person say they've got the 'bandwidth' to do something when they mean time, energy and inclination, I'll band their bloody width.
posted by Happy Dave at 8:21 AM on April 3, 2008 [1 favorite]
posted by Happy Dave at 8:21 AM on April 3, 2008 [1 favorite]
I wouldn't call them abuses of the English language, but here we go with some overused, meaningless phrases...
at the end of the day
paradigm shift
deliverables
call to action
thinking out of the box
I know, but [insert tired excuse]
[insert color] hat
could you please correlate these papers?
change the way they think
groundbreaking and revolutionary
high tech and state-of-the-art
nice, clean lines
unique
posted by iamkimiam at 8:22 AM on April 3, 2008
at the end of the day
paradigm shift
deliverables
call to action
thinking out of the box
I know, but [insert tired excuse]
[insert color] hat
could you please correlate these papers?
change the way they think
groundbreaking and revolutionary
high tech and state-of-the-art
nice, clean lines
unique
posted by iamkimiam at 8:22 AM on April 3, 2008
Out of pocket.
As in, I am in trial next week and will be out of pocket.
WHAT THE HELL?
I wish I could make it stop.
posted by Sheppagus at 8:25 AM on April 3, 2008
As in, I am in trial next week and will be out of pocket.
WHAT THE HELL?
I wish I could make it stop.
posted by Sheppagus at 8:25 AM on April 3, 2008
I can't stand being asked what the "takeaway" from something is.
posted by dmt at 8:25 AM on April 3, 2008
posted by dmt at 8:25 AM on April 3, 2008
"Let's take this off-line..."
posted by WinnipegDragon at 8:25 AM on April 3, 2008
posted by WinnipegDragon at 8:25 AM on April 3, 2008
"Close the loop" for finishing something up and "ping me" for "get in touch."
posted by sneakin at 8:26 AM on April 3, 2008
posted by sneakin at 8:26 AM on April 3, 2008
Dammit, dmt!
Okay, how about "leverage" used as a verb?
posted by casarkos at 8:27 AM on April 3, 2008
Okay, how about "leverage" used as a verb?
posted by casarkos at 8:27 AM on April 3, 2008
I cringed in a meeting this morning when a colleague used "architect" as a verb, as in "Steve did a great job architecting this project for us."
posted by Perplexity at 8:27 AM on April 3, 2008
posted by Perplexity at 8:27 AM on April 3, 2008
"Let's take this off-line..."
That is the best one, because it's secret code for "shut up".
posted by smackfu at 8:28 AM on April 3, 2008
That is the best one, because it's secret code for "shut up".
posted by smackfu at 8:28 AM on April 3, 2008
Oh, and "going forward" in place of "from now on". I hate hate hate that one.
posted by casarkos at 8:31 AM on April 3, 2008
posted by casarkos at 8:31 AM on April 3, 2008
Idiots are always trialing things and gifting things and asking what the ask is. I had one arm-breakingly rage-inducing person say "we're not solutionalizing today, so parking-lot that ask" in a meeting.
posted by Sallyfur at 8:32 AM on April 3, 2008 [1 favorite]
posted by Sallyfur at 8:32 AM on April 3, 2008 [1 favorite]
"Concept" as a verb.
"Download" to mean "share information." It's not even analogous. My boss says it all the time, and it drives me bonkers.
posted by peachfuzz at 8:33 AM on April 3, 2008
"Download" to mean "share information." It's not even analogous. My boss says it all the time, and it drives me bonkers.
posted by peachfuzz at 8:33 AM on April 3, 2008
Casarkos - totally agree, "leverage" winds me the fuck up.
One of the worst ones I've heard is "to hero".
posted by jontyjago at 8:34 AM on April 3, 2008
One of the worst ones I've heard is "to hero".
posted by jontyjago at 8:34 AM on April 3, 2008
"How are we going to operationalise this?" and even worse "serious issues with the operationalisation of that"
AARGH! FFS.
posted by Wilder at 8:37 AM on April 3, 2008
AARGH! FFS.
posted by Wilder at 8:37 AM on April 3, 2008
"reach out to _____" as in "Poindexter will reach out to Drusilla to find out where the paperclips are."
Because "call", "contact", "email", or "speak to about" aren't spiffy enough to say, I guess.
And nthing pretty much everything above.
posted by pointystick at 8:39 AM on April 3, 2008
Because "call", "contact", "email", or "speak to about" aren't spiffy enough to say, I guess.
And nthing pretty much everything above.
posted by pointystick at 8:39 AM on April 3, 2008
-sports metaphors (a home run, a lay up, etc)
-headwinds/tailwinds
-space ("we want to enter this space"... "I'm really interested in the media space")
posted by milkrate at 8:40 AM on April 3, 2008
-headwinds/tailwinds
-space ("we want to enter this space"... "I'm really interested in the media space")
posted by milkrate at 8:40 AM on April 3, 2008
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by kmtiszen at 8:15 AM on April 3, 2008