Coming out of your shell

March 31, 2008 12:59 PM

How do I get people to try new things?

I have a huge hunger for novelty. The most important thing (besides family and friends) in life is seeking experiences. The more offbeat and wild, the better. It is more important than money, security, etc. I also like learning a lot of new stuff.

The problem is that I have trouble finding people who share this hunger. I have friends/family who always want to eat at the same restaurants, travel to the same places, do the same activities and hang out with same people over and over. If I had my way, I would go out 3-5 nights a week, try a new restaurant each week, and take new trips once a month.

How can I persuade people to try new things? For those who don't like to try new things, what are your objections? What would convince to try something new?

posted by sixcolors to human relations (51 comments total)

How can I persuade people to try new things?

How are these people related to you? And what do you want to get them to try? Could you be a bit more specific about who you want to convince of what? Convincing a boyfriend to try anal is probably a different skill-set than convincing your mom to try brisket.

If everyone around you is just totally about their routine preferences, though, you might try making some new friends. In my experience, young folk seem to have more of a belief in experience-as-self-evident-virtue than older ones.
posted by Greg Nog at 1:10 PM on March 31

Lie to them. Say you're going to Old Faithful Restaurant, get them in the car with you and drive them to whatever new, cool place you want to try. (I'm kind of kidding on that one, kind of not. Depends on the person accompanying you, I guess.)

I have a friend who is completely resistant to anything new. One night I wanted to go eat Greek food (which to me, does not qualify as too far out there) but he wasn't having it. I assured him that they had hamburgers on the menu, and he went along, even tried some of my food and had to admit it wasn't too bad. I've gotten him to go back with me since then... just not to anywhere else new (yet).

Sorry I don't have any solid advice, but maybe it's a start.
posted by Ruby Doomsday at 1:11 PM on March 31

You should give up.

People who like to try new things, do. People who don't, don't. Very occasionally, you'll meet someone on the fence, and a tiny bit of prodding will topple them over into your camp. But if you have to prod twice, you're probably just irritating someone.

I hope this isn't a bad answer. I feel a little like I'm answering a "What sort of PC should I get?" question by saying, "PC's suck! Get a mac!"

But I honestly think you're trying to change a deeply-rooted personality trait, and that ain't going to work or make you well-loved.

People who are adventure-seekers seem to think everyone is like them on the inside, and it's really annoying to those of us who aren't. (For the record, I CAN be an adventure seeker, but I need to be free to do it -- or not -- when I want to do it.) The same people drag all the wallflowers onto the dance floor, thinking, "Who WOULDN'T want to dance? I'm sure the only reason they're not dancing is because no one asked them to." I pretty much quit going to parties because of people like this. They wouldn't leave me be.

As to why some people don't seek adventure: I think it's because everyone has a different excitement level. I'm a book work, and I get genuinely thrilled (as in my heart races) by reading a well-constructed sentence. To me, I seem very adventurous. To others, I'm sure I seem boring as hell.

I'm also a very picky eater. Your exciting new restaurant makes me worried I won't find anything there I like. What do I mean by "a picky eater?" I don't like tomatoes. I don't like mushrooms. I don't like mustard... I'm not TRYING not to like those things. I WISH I liked them. I hate being so picky. Every once in a while, I give a tomato (or whatever) a try. Still makes me gag.

Again, people don't believe me. They think I'm just scared and if I eat a tomato cooked just so, OF COUSE I'll like it. Then they're surprised (or angry) when I gag after they bully me into trying it.

If I were you, I'd quit trying to change the people around me. Instead, I'd look for some new friends who shared my threshold for adventure. That's mush more apt to work. There are plenty of people like you.
posted by grumblebee at 1:15 PM on March 31 [10 favorites]

Are you wanting the people in your life to be as get-up-and-go about trying new things as you are, as in, suggesting new stuff, being as spontaneous as you'd like to be? Or are you finding lots of interesting things that you want to do and having a hard time getting your friends and loved ones to join you?

I am similarly drawn to trying new things, having new experiences, etc, and while a lot of my friends seem to enjoy themselves when they try new stuff, I think most of my pals are content to sort of hang out at the same old spots, go to the same old places, without a little prodding to try something new, but once you suggest it, it usually goes over really well.

So, I spend time on the internets -- yelp is a good place, if they support your city, finding fun looking restaurants, events, etc. Then I'll make a plan to go to it and invite friends with me. I find that if you want to have that sort of lifestyle, you really do need to create it yourself.

It's hard to tell from your post if you've tried that - just looking out for things that seem interesting and attempting to make plans. Can you elaborate a bit?
posted by pazazygeek at 1:15 PM on March 31

Lie to them.

I'd be very pissed off. I expect honesty from my friends.
posted by grumblebee at 1:17 PM on March 31

For those who don't like to try new things, what are your objections? What would convince to try something new?

Well, one thing is that I don't like to spend money on stuff I don't like. So I don't like to go to a restaurant and try something I might not like, because that means I've wasted my money and I'm still hungry. So, you could always offer to pick up the check.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 1:17 PM on March 31 [2 favorites]

Especially with food, I'm one of those people you're going to have a hard time convincing to go anywhere new. Why, you ask? For one - i'm a picky eater. I have a hard time finding something I want in my favourite restaurants, never mind some unknown foreign one. Two - I can't figure out why I should spend good money for something I may like, or may not, when there's something else I know I will enjoy and I'm willing to pay for. Yes, I may be missing out, but unless it's stupid cheap it's not worth the gamble to me.

And people who nag me to do things I don't want to do usually only succeed in pissing me off.

Or, on preview, what grumblebee said.
posted by cgg at 1:20 PM on March 31

I like to try new things. I don't like new restaurants - I won't enjoy the food any more than my established favourites, it will most likely be worse, and food simply doesn't qualify as any kind of "experience" that I'm interested in. But if you said "Let's rent some dirtbikes and explore the desert", I'd be "Hell yes!".

What I'm saying is keep tabs on who is open to what. That everybody regularly shuts you down when you want to try something new doesn't necessarily mean they don't want to try new things, just that some friends may only be open to new activity X, and others only to Y.

Then, if friend A but not B is open to X, get A on board and focus your combined influence on B (even better if A has considerably more sway over B than you have). And person C isn't interested in anything much at all, but tends to go to things where A and B are all there, so can now be persuaded, and so on.

Also, if you are financially better off (or have less debt or responsibilities) than most of your friends, that is probably a factor, and can be addressed in other ways.
posted by -harlequin- at 1:28 PM on March 31 [2 favorites]

All the advice in this thread seems to come down to: Make new friends [but keep the old/one is silver and the other, gold] who enjoy novelty-seeking.

I feel for you. I just happened to get lucky enough to find a partner who loves this too.
posted by fiercecupcake at 1:28 PM on March 31

AMEN to everything grumblebee said. I'm drifting away from one of my best friends in the whole world right now because she's constantly doing what you're asking about. The gist of it is: "Why isn't everyone more LIKE ME?"
posted by peep at 1:28 PM on March 31 [2 favorites]

I definitely agree with grumblebee - thrill seekers and nesters don't make good friends. Go out and find new friends who are looking for adventure. Go ski-diving and make friends with the people in your class. Go to eccentric art openings, new music concerts, etc. I am love the new experience, but, recognizing that not everyone does, I seek out friends who have that desire as well. It is highly unlikely that you will convince your current nesting friends to become thrill seekers.
posted by hworth at 1:32 PM on March 31

To be fair, peep, I think many "adventure" types are honestly just confused. They enjoy whatever they're into so much, it's really hard for them to imagine someone NOT liking it. Their internal Occam's Razor tells them it's much more likely the other person is just shy, just waiting for someone to break him out of his shell.

Pop culture doesn't help. It's full of stories about shy, introverted people who are forced into EXPERIENCE and wind up loving it.
posted by grumblebee at 1:32 PM on March 31 [4 favorites]

You have to open their mind first. Which for most people is like a chinese finger puppet...the harder you pull at it, the tighter it gets. It's so circular its ridiculous. Almost like you have to open their mind to open their mind.

I notice this in small things all the time. I've been going to school for the last 20+ years. I hate to sit in the same seat in every class, every day. But people are REALLY attached to their seats. If I choose a different seat at every class meeting, chances are I'm usually displacing somebody. Some of those people may be disgruntled at the disturbance, and not be able to focus as well as if they were in their established comfort space. Others may see the new perspective as an opportunity for positive learning and change. They may discover that being closer to the window is nice, or closer to the teacher is beneficial, or being in the back requires them to concentrate harder. But their mind needs to be open to that for the change to enlighten them. And all the musical chairs I inflict on others isn't going to make them see that. So, with respect to them and their comfort, I try to choose my seat last, or pick one that won't intentionally force a possibly unwanted change on somebody else. But in the end, all I can do is just be me and sit where I want. Maybe others will be curious about my seating habits and maybe I will inspire them to take such a bold chance on their own, but that is the best I can do without being disrespectful to them in the space we share. And forcing others to change is not why I'm there in the first place.

Extrapolate all you want.
posted by iamkimiam at 1:42 PM on March 31 [1 favorite]

I do think it comes down to ingrained personality types as others have said.

I also think its a bit futile to ask so-called "un-adventurous" people what would change them. The obvious answer you'll get back (and you already have) is "We don't want to change! Leave us alone!"

As someone who is more in the adventurous camp, I'd say, first of all, never push anyone into anything. People, in general, hate that. Don't drag people onto the dance floor, so to speak, or force them to eat their vegetables.

What you can try and sometimes has worked for me is more of introduction by osmosis. Ask: "Hey, I'd like to do X because I really enjoy/want to do X. Will you come with me so I dont have to go alone?" They dont have to do X, themselves, they just have to be around. If X is "Going to this restaurant thats supposed to have the best oysters around", make sure that they (your friend) has a good selection of non-oysters.

This might work. But in the end, the best suggestion may in fact be: Find more friends like you.

To be fair, peep, I think many "adventure" types are honestly just confused. They enjoy whatever they're into so much, it's really hard for them to imagine someone NOT liking it.

Consider for the moment that some of them are former I-didnt-like-this types who became converts. I imagine those are the most annoying types actually since any objection you raise will be met with "Yes, I know what you mean, I used to be like you too but..."
posted by vacapinta at 1:42 PM on March 31

There's reciprocity to consider, if you always want to do something new and your friends/family always want to go to the same old place, you should consider offering them a trade. You go to the same old place with them once if they go with you to eat Ethiopian, etc.
Timing is also an issue, not everyone is "up" for a challenge every day. After a hard or bad week, your friends might not feel like doing something different, they might want comfort food and a dumb movie on a Friday night. You may find them more interested on Saturday when they've had a chance to rest and un-wind a bit.
posted by doctor_negative at 1:45 PM on March 31

Find some new friends.

Some people are just set in their ways and that works for them. You might be able to drag them out somewhere but you’ll both have a lousy time if they’ve already made up their minds not to like it. In real life that book would have ended with “There, I touched it to my tongue, are you happy? I told you I wouldn’t like green eggs and ham. Let’s go to Applebee’s.”

I used to try talking people into going hiking with me. I loved hiking, if they’d just expend the effort, they’d love it too! The result? Everyone had a crappy time. From the first step they whined about everything. Eventually I smartened up and found some friends who liked to hike. Everyone was much happier.

So yeah, give up. It’s not worth it. The only exception is someone who has lived a sheltered life, has never been exposed to new things, and is willing to try. It can be fun introducing these people to new stuff. Unfortunately the older you get, the harder it can be to find someone like that.
posted by bondcliff at 1:53 PM on March 31

By the way, one thing that really helps out timid people like me is a time-limit. I really hate feeling like I might be trapped someplace for hours. I'd be much more likely to go somewhere new if you said, "I'd love it if you came to X with me. I'm only planning to stay for an hour."

Don't say, "If you don't like it, we'll leave after an hour," because that puts me in the position of having to spoil all your fun.

After we've been there for an hour, EVEN IF IT LOOKS LIKE I'M HAVING FUN, come up to me and say, "It's time for us to go." Maybe I'll say, "Really? Can we stay a little longer?" Maybe I won't. But I'll know that you really care about my well-being and that your "one hour" promise wasn't just a ploy to get me there.

Why should you have to do all this? You shouldn't. I'm just saying it might help someone like me accept an out-of-my-safe-zone activity.
posted by grumblebee at 1:54 PM on March 31 [8 favorites]

There's a fundamental difference between trying new things and making people like the things that you like. For instance, look at the 'get a mac' comment above. Just because I dont have a mac doesnt mean I'm this PC simpleton. It may mean that I find new things to do with my PC all the time that dont include buying an overpriced piece of Apple hardware.

So when you complain about "people" who "dont like stuff" its usually saying "People dont do what I tell them." Not to mention people are busy social beings. If I decided to try some odd ethnic food this weekend I may not tell my Mac-loving friend, who will continue to think I'm just set in my ways because I'm not exactly like him.

If I had my way, I would go out 3-5 nights a week, try a new restaurant each week, and take new trips once a month.

I'm pretty frugal and even I cant afford a trip a month. It may be that your friends' economic situation may be the main cause for this. Also your idea of novelty may not be the same as your friends. For instance my hipster friend may want to go to some odd indie show on sat night but I may stay in and play a new video game. He could say "The ape is just playing videogames." WHich is fair, but he's just going to another forgettable indie show. If his idea of novelty is new acts then I'm the crabby old man who wont go out. If my idea of novelty is playing and discovering new technology and videogames then he's the annoying hipster always looking for people to see bland shows with.

Long story short: Don't find ways to make yourself be this superior neoliphic uber-man character, because chances are you're not. Just find people who share your interests and expand your social circle.
posted by damn dirty ape at 2:07 PM on March 31 [1 favorite]

I do a lot of folk dancing. It is hard as hell to get a non-dancer to try folk dancing. People perceive it as — well, I don't know what, exactly. Hard? Boring? Dorky? This is a frequent topic of conversation among dancers: "How do you convince a non-dancer to give this a try?" Most of us, we drag a friend or a loved one along now and again, they hate it, and we give up.

The guy I know who's most successful at making converts of non-dancers, he doesn't drag anyone along with him. He doesn't even ask people to come. He's just a naturally enthusiastic guy. Every Monday, when a coworker asks him how his weekend was, he talks a little about how much fun he had dancing.

90 times out of 100, the coworker rolls their eyes and changes the subject. He doesn't mind; it's just small talk, after all. Another 9 times out of 100, the coworker says "Hey, that sounds like fun," he says "Well, you should come sometime," and then they blow him off and nothing ever comes of it. He doesn't mind that either. Maybe one time in 100, the coworker says "Hey, that sounds like fun," he says "Well, you should come sometime," and the coworker says "I think I will. How's next weekend?" JACKPOT!

If he was more of a pessimist, he'd worry that he's only got a 1% success rate. But as an optimist, he knows that 1% of EVERYONE YOU EVER MEET is still a lot of people. So he just goes on casually mentioning his love of dance whenever it's appropriate, and letting the conversation take its course from there.

There's a moral here, yes?
posted by nebulawindphone at 2:14 PM on March 31 [6 favorites]

Or are you finding lots of interesting things that you want to do and having a hard time getting your friends and loved ones to join you?

YES! Doing something "fun" alone, significantly reduces the fun factor. Shared experiences rock. Some instances even unsafe. For example, some of my favorite bars/restaurants are in sketchy neighborhoods, or close by them. I don't like going to those places alone.

I'm not trying to convert the truly neophobic. I'm trying to reach out to the fence-sitters, and those who are burning to do stuff but something is holding them back. Usually these types drop hints that they may be open to things, but I don't know how to give them the push (tactfully).

I used to be really timid, then a fence-sitter, and now I'm open to many things. I consider myself as a convert, and I thank those who helped me to come out of my shell. I'm not saying that everyone will enjoy everything once persuaded, but we're definately out there!
posted by sixcolors at 2:18 PM on March 31

It's nice to have different kinds of friends. I love to try new things (that don't involve too much money because I don't have too much money) and I have friends who are into that. But then I also have friends who are content with the same ole restaurant or wine & game night. I hang out with both and I do new things AND I keep the old.

And remember, slowly introducing something new is a good way to "trick" people into expanding the possibilities. Lower your expectations, though, of those who you know. They might just be nesters instead of adventurers. And I think letting them know that you'll pay the cover or treat the meal will help them be more willing. But still, get new friends for this kind of thing!

Good luck!
posted by cachondeo45 at 2:18 PM on March 31

There's a prominent model in personality psychology called the Big Five. "Openness to experience" is one of them. While it does change a little over the course of your life, psychologists tend to view your appetite for new experiences as a relatively fundamental, static trait.

Some people are open enough to be pushed, and some people aren't. If you try and push the ones that aren't, they're just not going to be happy with you.
posted by svolix at 2:26 PM on March 31

I'm one of those on-the-fencers grumblebee mentions. I like new experiences, but it's the experience itself that's important to me, not the novelty of it. I'm not going to try something just because it's new. And people who are constantly trying to drag me to events that sound thoroughly unappealing, for the sake of Trying New Things, might as well be telling their cat that the vet will be a fun trip.

"You should try new things!" is not very encouraging in these instances. Rather, it comes across as an indictment of my character: "You are BOOOO-RING." Fine, I'll go hang out with my friends who like doing the same things as me, and who think I'm interesting as I am.

You can't convince all your friends to share all your adventures, but maybe you can get some of them to come along some of the time. It might help you if you tailor your new experiences to the friends who you think would be most interested in the type of experience you're trying out. If you're going hiking, take a friend who gardens or runs or something, not someone who's largely sedentary or complains about the heat when it's above 50 out. If you really want to experience new things with your old friends, make it more about what they might want to do and not about your thrillseeking.
posted by Metroid Baby at 2:27 PM on March 31

Well, I tried the route of finding friends who like to do a lot of things, and failed. I have trouble finding them, the ones I do find ALWAYS move!

Could location be a problem? I live in a midwest suburb.
posted by sixcolors at 2:28 PM on March 31

So I don't like to go to a restaurant and try something I might not like, because that means I've wasted my money and I'm still hungry.

My mind is fairly boggled here. Are you claiming you'd go hungry rather than eat a meal you didn't like? Sure, if the meal left you kind of "meh" then don't order it next time, but refusing to eat it entirely seems like an overreaction unless it's spoiled or otherwise repulsive.
posted by kindall at 2:44 PM on March 31

Also its worth noting if youre always trying something then youre not sticking with anything. So if you invite me to Jazz night and never go again or start a book club and it never has a second meeting, etc then I have a huge incentive to avoid you.
posted by damn dirty ape at 2:47 PM on March 31

Some things I stick to, others I do not. It depends how much I enjoy it. Resources are also a factor.
posted by sixcolors at 2:52 PM on March 31

I like new experiences, but it's the experience itself that's important to me, not the novelty of it. I'm not going to try something just because it's new.

Metroid Baby nails it for me here. I'm interested in new experiences, but an experience being something new is not sufficient to make it something worthwhile. I'd prefer new and exciting over tried and true, but I'll happily settle for tried and true over new and uninteresting.
posted by -harlequin- at 2:53 PM on March 31

Are you claiming you'd go hungry rather than eat a meal you didn't like? Sure, if the meal left you kind of "meh" then don't order it next time, but refusing to eat it entirely seems like an overreaction unless it's spoiled or otherwise repulsive.

If I don't like something, it's because it tastes bad to me. If it tastes bad to me, I don't want to eat it. If you consider that an overreaction, than that's the difference between you and me, and the OP and some of his friends, I'd guess. And even if I do manage to choke it down, then I spent my money on a meal I didn't enjoy, when there was probably something on the menu that would have been a safer choice, and that makes me crabby.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 3:02 PM on March 31 [3 favorites]

I have a sensitive stomach and I shy away from unfamiliar foods because the risk isn't worth it to me.
posted by desjardins at 4:23 PM on March 31

Some people will simply refuse to do or try anything novel.

I used to work with some guys who would sometimes see me eating Hokkien Mee, thick egg noodles covered in that wonderful dark sauce.

`Ewwww' was their response, `what IS that? Worms?!"

I'd describe what it was, and ask if they wanted to taste some, or even if I could buy them a serving for lunch. They ALWAYS refused.

Many people simply don't like change or new experiences.
posted by tomble at 4:31 PM on March 31

I like trying new things in some settings (love new restaurants, going to exhibitions and other cultural events, and traveling) and am pretty against novelty in other situations (I'm pretty meh about going to parties or social events just to meet new people).

One thing about your question that really strikes me is this:

Some instances even unsafe. For example, some of my favorite bars/restaurants are in sketchy neighborhoods, or close by them. I don't like going to those places alone.

Many people really dislike going into situations where they feel uncomfortable because they don't know how to act, particularly when it's outside of the type of crowd, the type of neighborhood, or the type of social interaction that they know how to operate in. It sounds like what you might be running into is less that your friends never want to try anything new (for example, the pasta place down the street), but rather that they are uncomfortable trying things so far outside of their own experiences that they don't how to act or what will happen (for example, the Ethiopian restaurant across town in the sketchy neighborhood). It's the apprehension of, "Oh my gosh, are we going to get there and stand around and wait to be seated but really everyone seats themselves at this restaurant, and we're going to stand there uncomfortably for 10 minutes while other people in the restaurant turn around and look at us, and what if the menu is laid out in a way where I don't understand how to order (for example, family style versus picking four courses), and..."

I mean, it's not paralyzing or anything, it just kind of deters you from going into situations where you don't know exactly how things work or how you're supposed to comport yourself. I'm not opposed to trying the new food at the new restaurant, I just don't want to stand around and have everyone think I'm clueless. The fear of sticking out or acting "wrong" can be the barrier in trying new things.

In those sorts of situations, where the event sounds interesting but I'm a bit apprehensive about going because I feel like I'm not sure how things work and I don't want to stand around (feeling really uncomfortable) trying to figure it out once I'm there, the biggest thing someone could do to convince me to go is (1) either have gone/done this or something liek this before, so they can take the lead ("hey, want to come to restaurant X with me? I used to eat at these types of restaurants all the time in LA, and the food is great") or (2) be the sort of person that takes the lead in those situations so I don't feel so much like I'm just standing there not knowing what to do.

The key to (2), though, is also not being the aggressively obnoxious "I have no idea what I'm doing, let's just grab a plate and get some food, I'm sure it's fine, don't worry about it" type. (Oh man, that's even worse that the type of person who stands there cluelessly with you.) Instead, cultivate the take-charge, I'll-go-ask-or-find-info problem-solving type of personality that makes other people feel like trying going into new situations is less stressful.
posted by iminurmefi at 4:54 PM on March 31

If you've been trying and failing, it probably isn't going to happen. So try your new things anyway, and you'll meet new people. Then you'll have more friends, and more places to go.
posted by iguanapolitico at 5:31 PM on March 31

Thanks, many of the comments have been quite insightful. I'll take the advice and see what happens.
posted by sixcolors at 6:53 PM on March 31

Here's my suggestion:

Get a bunch of takeout menus from all the new restaurants you want to try. Be sure to get duplicates.

Next time you and your friends/family are all sitting around trying to figure out where to eat, whip out the takeout menus, pass them around, and say something along the lines of "Btw, I've been wanting to try this place for some time. Doesn't ____ (insert name of tasty-sounding item on menu) sound really good?"

If everyone is looking at the menu, chances are that there will be at least one person whose curious - at which point you can use him/her to help gently persuade everyone else.

This is all from my perspective as an extremely picky eater.
posted by invisible ink at 7:11 PM on March 31

I've gotten my girlfriend (who comes from a small town in southern Austria) to try and often like a ton of new things in our two-and-a-half years together. The list is long: sushi, eggplant, fish, shrimp, broccoli, mexican food, thai food, sri lankan food, japanese food, middle eastern food, calimari, tofu. Also non-food things like independent movies, speedminton, long hikes/walks, spontaneous travel, crossword puzzles - the list goes on and on.

I started out small and worked my way up. One thing you can do here is to try a new restaurant on your own - if it's really good, you can talk it up more, and the person who tries it out is more likely to be pleased by the result. If it's an unknown, you're more likely to have a disappointing experience.

As you build a successive record of pleasing new experiences with your "victims", they'll hopefully come around to the idea that novelty can be fun, and that your suggestions are usually pretty good.
posted by syzygy at 4:43 AM on April 1

If I had my way, I would go out 3-5 nights a week, try a new restaurant each week, and take new trips once a month.

You may have two problems here - not just the something old/something new dichotomy, but your schedule, which, speaking as a fan of the tried-and-true who still loves new experiences, is completely freaking insane. It's very possibly your friends and family have their hackles up with the attitude, "Oh, gosh, sixcolors is always trying to drag us out somewhere; can't she give it a rest?"
posted by bettafish at 7:00 AM on April 1

I agree with all of grumblebee's posts here. When someone really likes something, it is difficult for them to imagine that other people would not like it if they tried it. When I was younger I was especially bad about this; I would have something I was excited about, and I wanted my friends/family to have as much fun as I was having. It took my own friends trying to get me to like things I simply didn't like to realize that I do the same thing.

Now, if there's something I'm into, I simply mention it and if the person asks me for more information, I provide it.

So to answer your question of what keeps people from trying new things: they genuinely are not interested, or it's similar enough to something they dislike it's not worth their time or money, or they tried it before and they didn't like it. For example, I dislike anything involving crowds. You could force me to go somewhere with crowds and I might not hate the entire experience, but I would still rather have done something else. Even though you'd have taken me because on some level you want me to enjoy myself, I'm not going to be as happy or excited about it as you are. I'd think, I know sixcolors means well, but I'm going to have to be more persistent in turning down these outings, and argh, that's going to be awkward.

People like different things, really. My mom will never like the movies I like and vice versa, I will never like the same music as my friends, I almost never like the books myf friends like... people really have different tastes, and it's not lack of experience that colors those tastes. Basically, some people do not enjoy being adventurous, and if you try to get them to do adventurous things with you, they will quickly become annoyed. I know I would. I'm the kind of person that likes going to different restaurants and stuff, but all the same, some nights I just want the kind of food I want and I would be cranky if someone tried to make me go elsewhere. Doubly so if we end up somewhere I don't like the food, which is bound to happen. I get cranky when I don't like the food at a new restaurant I picked, heh.

I agree with the recommendation of just finding friends who enjoy those kinds of things, and doing those kinds of things with them. Do other, familiar stuff with your current friends.
posted by Nattie at 7:42 AM on April 1

I've tried to teach my mom how to use a computer for years. It would make her life easier. She could put her contacts on the PC instead of using paper address books. She could e-mail people instead of writing, etc.

The only thing she has learned is how to surf the Web.

People will only learn what they want to. Prodding or cajoling someone into trying something new rarely works if that person is not already receptive to the idea.
posted by reenum at 8:34 AM on April 1

Are you claiming you'd go hungry rather than eat a meal you didn't like? Sure, if the meal left you kind of "meh" then don't order it next time, but refusing to eat it entirely seems like an overreaction unless it's spoiled or otherwise repulsive.

If I don't like something, it's because it tastes bad to me. If it tastes bad to me, I don't want to eat it. If you consider that an overreaction, than that's the difference between you and me

Though people vary greatly in their sensitivity to stimulus, in my experience, people tend to have a really hard time imagining (or believing) that others feel differently than themselves. Sticking points include differing thresholds of pain, disgust at certain foods and sleep.

(I had a friend who refused to believe I was a light sleeper. He could sleep anywhere, and he fell asleep really easily. Sometimes when I was sleeping, he'd wake me up by being really loud. If I complained, he's say, "What's the big deal? Just go back to sleep." No matter how many times I explained that I was a light sleeper, he didn't buy it. Clearly -- to him -- I was just whining to get attention. I'm 100% sure he believed that. To him, saying "sleep is hard" seemed like claiming a two-piece jigsaw puzzle is hard.),

I'm like TPS. If I say I dislike a food, that usually means it makes me gag. It's literally hard -- sometimes impossible -- for me to swallow it. From what I can tell, many other people don't dislike foods as intensely as that. Something might taste bland to them -- or a little off-putting -- but it doesn't make them sick.

One example is vinegar. To me, vinegar doesn't even taste like a food. It's like eating bark or feces. That's not hyperbole. That's my immediate reaction when vinegar touches my tongue. My body reacts like it's been poisoned.

It's hard to talk about this without coming across as a "special snowflake" or as someone who is trying to act like he's more refined than everyone else. I'm not more refined. I'm not special. I just have the reactions I have. Maybe there's a way I could become less sensitive. If so, I'd love to know about it. But it's not just a matter of will-power. If I was starving, sure, I'd swallow whatever I had to to stay alive. But it would be difficult.

(On the flip side, I have a high-tolerance to scary movies. I'm often amazed when people around me scream. "That wasn't even remotely scary," I think. I can't really understand how they feel, but I take it on trust that they're genuinely scared.)
posted by grumblebee at 9:28 AM on April 1 [1 favorite]

My job is basically to get people to try new things. I do it by finding out about them, what they want to do or accomplish or be, and then outlining how these new things could help them achieve that.

If it comes down to someone not wanting to try a certain food, then fuck, I can't imagine a worse punishment than not getting to try all the deliciousness that's out there.
posted by anildash at 11:26 AM on April 1

If anyone knows of a way to stop gagging when eating the large number of foods that have always, my whole life, made me gag at the taste of them, I'd be happy to try more new dishes. Anyone?
posted by decathecting at 12:28 PM on April 1

decathecting, as someone in your shoes, I've had LIMITED success by mixing the dreaded food in with more palatable foods.

Let's say onions make you gag. Try making a stew with just a TINY bit on onion in it -- and chop the onion really fine. I'm talking 1% onion, 99% other stuff (that you like).

Repeat this many times, extremely gradually increasing the amount of onion. If you get the onion up to 10% and start gagging, lower the amount of onion until you don't notice again. And then slowly build up again.

This method takes a ton of time and a lot of dedication, and if -- like me -- you have a huge list of things you dislike, it's hard to know where to start. But it has worked for me a little.
posted by grumblebee at 6:14 PM on April 1

If anyone knows of a way to stop gagging when eating the large number of foods that have always, my whole life, made me gag at the taste of them

One thing you could try is the Seth Roberts approach. His hypothesis, which forms the basis of his weight loss plan (the Shangri-La Diet), is that we crave foods because we learn to associate their flavors with calories. In his book he specifically gives the example of cilantro. So what you could do is add the flavors you dislike to things that don't have a lot of flavor on their own but are rich in calories (such as the extra-light olive oil that Roberts uses in his diet). Do this an hour or so away from any other food or flavors. Your brain learns quickly, so if it's going to work at all for you, you shouldn't need to do this very many times to achieve success.

It is normal for children to find certain foods repulsive, to the point of having a physical reaction, but it is curious that some people don't grow out of it. would be interested to hear whether the people who still suffer from this problem today were allowed to skip eating things they didn't like as children, or if they were, as I was, made to eat things they gagged on. Also, did your family eat mostly the same foods all the time, or was there a lot of variety? And does the problem arise for different recipes of the same dish -- i.e., you like your mom's meatloaf or spaghetti, but not someone else's, because it "tastes wrong"? I can't help but guess that a lot of the problem might stem from not having enough variety in one's early diet.
posted by kindall at 11:44 AM on April 2

kindall, I don't understand at all what you're suggesting. Can you explain? It sounds like you're suggesting that I drink oil, which is just as gag-inducing to me as many of the other foods I'm trying to get over. The texture of it, specifically.

My family ate a wide variety of foods. We ate together every night until I was a teenager, and I was required to eat several bites of everything on my plate. I always gagged on the same foods. There were many foods that reduced me to tears every time they were served, but I had to eat several (usually 3-5) bites every time, as a rule. Once I threw up from disgust after eating cauliflower. No one else in my family has this problem. I think your hypothesis is seriously flawed.
posted by decathecting at 9:20 AM on April 3

decathecting, you're probably a supertaster.
posted by grumblebee at 2:08 PM on April 3

Weird. Spinach is one of the only green vegetables I truly like, and soy is in nearly all of my favorite foods. I also like alcohol a lot. And tonic water. And salt. But I do hate grapefruit and green tea (well, all tea), and I can't eat spicy food at all without crying. And when I say "spicy" I mean "containing black pepper."

Getting back to the original question, I think you're just encountering a difference in preference. Some people like variety while others like routine. Some people like variety, but within limits. I actually like trying new things, but with a lot of restrictions. For example, I'm willing to try almost any new restaurant so long as it's from one of a limited number of cuisines that I know I'm likely to be able to put together a meal from. One thing you could do is give your fence-sitter friends a choice of two or three different new restaurants you want to try on a given night, and let them pick. That way, you get to do your new thing, but they're in control of the situation.

Don't expect a normal, non-variety-craver, to want to do new things five times a week. It's too much. And if you make friends with variety-cravers, it's unsurprising that they will frequently move away; they probably want variety in locale. Could you pick up a hobby that recruits new members frequently as a way of bringing a constant stream of potential new friends into your life?
posted by decathecting at 3:16 PM on April 3

I don't understand at all what you're suggesting. Can you explain? It sounds like you're suggesting that I drink oil, which is just as gag-inducing to me as many of the other foods I'm trying to get over.

Well, something without much flavor but with calories. Sugar water should work too (it appears to be flavorless from the standpoint of flavor-calorie associations, at least as far as Roberts can tell). Or you could have the food you don't like, and follow it up a few minutes later with other food, as long as the flavor of the food you don't like is distinct (not blended in with the other flavors). Or you could try slathering it with butter, which has flavor but probably not a strong enough one to overpower the flavor of the food.

Basically, you want your mind to start to associate the flavor of the food you don't like with calories, and in theory this will cause you to start like it more. It might be worth a few tries, anyway.

As for the hypothesis, well, all I needed was one example to disprove it. I could have gone all day with people confirming it, and still not be sure it was true. Now I'm sure it's false. Thanks!
posted by kindall at 5:47 PM on April 3

Basically, you want your mind to start to associate the flavor of the food you don't like with calories, and in theory this will cause you to start like it more.

But the food I dislike already has calories. That's one of the things that qualifies it as "food." This theory sounds like nonsense.

I just looked up Seth Roberts, who apparently invented this theory. He has never studied nutrition. He's a psychologist. He also recommends replacing a large percentage of the real food in one's diet with fish oil capsules as a "healthy" way to lose weight.
posted by decathecting at 8:38 AM on April 4

decathecting, I'm not a Roberts acolyte. I'm skeptical about his theories (open-mindedly skeptical), but they're interesting and there may be something to them.

I highly recommend his book. It's an entertaining read, whether you wind up buying his theories or not.

His ideas are more sophisticated than "replacing a large percentage of the real food in one's diet with fish oil." He actually suggests that you eat as much real food as you want. He just believes that his diet suppresses appetite, so you won't want to eat as much.

I've had some success with his approach. Whether it's real or a placebo effect, who knows?
posted by grumblebee at 8:45 AM on April 4

But the food I dislike already has calories.

Possibly not enough to get the effect. Maybe you need more than it usually has. The foods people typically dislike (e.g. certain vegetables) aren't very calorie dense.

It may or may not work, I'll be the first to admit.

As to Roberts's qualifications, who exactly would you turn to for information about how your mind works if not a psychologist? This is not an issue of nutrition.
posted by kindall at 3:16 PM on April 4