How do I start a dialog with my wife about her weight?
March 15, 2008 10:01 PM Subscribe
How do I open a dialog with my wife about her weight gain?
posted by anonymous to health & fitness (65 answers total) 8 users marked this as a favorite
I need to find a way to constructively broach the topic of my wife's weight gain. I won't try to couch my concerns in anything but incredibly selfish terms. I don't want to have sex with her anymore because she's overweight and unattractive to me. She complains about her weight but does very little to change her eating habits or get more exercise and then complains that we're not intimate enough without ever seeming to put the two together.
The one time her weight came up in conversation and I hinted at something along the lines of "losing weight would be a good thing" she got extremely defensive and promised to show me just how much weight she could pack on. Which is self-defeating and would do nothing but push me further away.
I do love my wife and want to make this work but I am not willing to put my libido on the shelf permanently because she's unwilling to address the issue. I do not want to cheat on my wife but I have needs that aren't being met at home and there's only so many years I will be able to just put up with it.
How do I constructively tell/encourage my wife to get herself back into something more closely resembling a fitter and healthier lifestyle?
And yes, it goes beyond sex, I want to be able to go bicycling with her but she's so out of shape that I get frustrated having to wait and wait and wait and go incredibly slowly. And I also know that she'll be a happier person if she gets rid of the weight too. She just seems unwilling to actually accept responsibility for her weight gain which allows her to not do anything about it.
Please keep responses to constructive ways to address this issue. I have zero interest in being told I'm a shallow jerk because I can't see beyond her physical form to the woman inside her that I do love. I'm well aware that part of the problem here is me. But I live a fairly healthy lifestyle, eat well, get exercise, ride my bikes and workout not only because it makes me a healthier person but because a fit person is an attractive person (or so I believe).
And yes, I have read previous threads but found them to be not quite the information I am looking for.