Help me deal with Mrs. Kravitz.

February 11, 2008 5:27 PM

How do you deal with extremely nosy neighbors?

We basically have Mrs. Kravitz living next door, only worse. Our neighbor doesn't seem to understand that she's doing anything wrong- she asks us right out about things that she sees from her own house! She's even asked me about an item I had on my bookshelf in my bedroom on the second floor, something only visible from the window in her son's bedroom easily thirty feet away. Every time any of us see her we're sucked into a twenty minute long conversation we don't want to be in and she says inappropriate ("Bill and I were having sex the other night and..."), invasive ("What's your dad doing at his desk all evening?"), and presumptive ("Why don't you have a girlfriend?") things.

What the hell do I do?

posted by tumbleweedjack to society & culture (18 comments total)

"I'm sorry I don't have time to chat right now, I'll catch you later" for the conversations, blinds for the windows?
posted by aeighty at 5:30 PM on February 11

Buy shades and don't talk to her unless absolutely necessary. Use the Miss Manners approach: "I'm sorry, I don't discuss that."
posted by desjardins at 5:31 PM on February 11 [1 favorite]

for nosy questions, i like the smile and the "oh? why do you ask?"
for privacy-invading questions, "oh, i didn't realize you could see into the house! i'll have to buy some curtains."
for inappropriate statements, "oh, mrs. kravitz, i'm flattered that you trust me with such private matters, but it embarrasses me when you talk about things like that. please stop."
for conversations that drag on, "i hate to interrupt, but i have to get going now. nice seeing you!"
posted by thinkingwoman at 5:37 PM on February 11 [9 favorites]

yeah, cover the windows.

be very direct. just tell her you feel she is being inconsiderately curious about your home life, etc., and you do not wish to (and furthermore will not) discuss such personal topics with her. you could put it more nicely, maybe, but be direct.

also, maybe this is horrible, but always have some random chore that you need to get to, just so you have a handy excuse. doesnt even have to be true, whatever it takes to get away...
posted by gcat at 5:38 PM on February 11 [1 favorite]

(we know someone like that. you really do have to be a little rude to get through to them. it won't register as rudeness to them. they just don't have that filter.)
posted by thinkingwoman at 5:38 PM on February 11

I don't understand why this is an issue. Tell her to stop being nosy, point out she's being rude and invasive. 90% of people's problems would be solved if they were just honest and forthright.
posted by xmutex at 6:08 PM on February 11

You seem like the kind of family that likes sunshine in the house. It would suck to deprive yourself of that so that you didn't have to deal with Mrs. Nosy. Get blinds.

There are multiple settings for blinds, but most people only use 1 or 2. The open setting lets sunshine in, AND lets people look into. Its when the folds of the blind are parallel to the ground. The closed setting lets nothing in and nothing out.

There is a setting that allows you to get light in...but doesn't let your neighbors look in. You will have to customize it for every level of your house though. For instance, for the ground floor, you want the setting to allow light in from below...but anybody AT the level of the blinds or above it will not be able to see in. Get it?

Do the exact opposite the upstairs levels if necessary.

That should help...but nosy people are not easily dissuaded from nosing around, so expect something else...but at least now you'll be prepared. She will hit you up with something new. AS SOON AS SHE DOES THAT...give her a statement that you will be able to use again and again in the future.

Hope that helps.
posted by hal_c_on at 6:34 PM on February 11

Do you live two doors down from me?

Assuming we have different nosy neighbors, here's what I've learned: Subtlety will be lost on her. Directness will only stop her from discussing these things with you (and even then, the cessation might be only temporary). She will still share your business with others in the neighborhood.

The only thing you can do is prevent her from learning anything about you. Yep, get blinds or shades.

And, I hate to say it, but a certain amount of aloofness -- even rudeness -- may be called for.
posted by mudpuppie at 7:07 PM on February 11

You could always put up a poster in your home where it can only be seen by someone being nosy. Have it say:

If you can see this, MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!

The other alternative could be some RNT. (Random Naked Time)
posted by slavlin at 7:47 PM on February 11

The poor woman is obviously bored - I think you should spice things up for her by staging a fake murder.

Have a friend come over and pretend to kill them. Later that night be digging in your garden. Pick up some old clothes from a charity shop that are obviously not your size and after a slight splattering with fake blood, make sure to put them out in your trash in a clear plastic bag.

Watch Hitchcock's Rear Window to get the right suspicious facial expressions, and make sure you slink around your house for about a week.

Hopefully she'll be too terrified or ridiculed enough to poke her nose into your business again.
posted by gomichild at 9:56 PM on February 11 [13 favorites]

I was about to suggest the same thing as gomichild. Stage a fake horrible crime, and if she calls you on it, you just look her straight in the eye and say "I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about!"

Adds whole new layers to the idea of home theater!
posted by flabdablet at 12:59 AM on February 12

If you could do it with a straight face, I think it would be hilarious to pick a theme and answer every question with crazy answers on the theme. For example:

What's that item on your bookshelf in your bedroom?

It's a peanut pedestal; we got it from a peanut gallery.

What's your dad doing at his desk all evening?

He's drawing blueprints for a split-level peanut.

Why don't you have a girlfriend?

I do, she's just really small and hard to see; I call her "peanut".

Bill and I were having sex the other night and...

ooooh, peanut butter! *claps hands*
_____________________________

If she keep it up in the face of all that, she's a bulldog. Give up.
posted by taz at 1:42 AM on February 12 [2 favorites]

I should add that if you don't feel like playing around with it, you can do what I do, which is be totally blunt. "Why are you looking in our bedroom window?" "Why do you want to know?" etc. There's no reason to bend over backwards to be polite to rude people - it increases your discomfort and does nothing to discourage them.
posted by taz at 1:54 AM on February 12 [3 favorites]

If you really want nothing more to do with her, put a Satanic Pentagram on display in one of the windows that face her house, and wait for her to ask about it.
posted by roofus at 3:06 AM on February 12

Get a long zoom and take her picture as she's peeping. Rasterbate a huge wallpaper of the image and post it in her line of sight. Add some votive candles. Snap a picture of her espying the shrine for the first time.

Post it on MetaFilter for added meta-ness.
posted by prophetsearcher at 6:18 AM on February 12 [1 favorite]

Use software like MacZaic to create a poster (ex.) to mount on one of the walls she can see that says "If you can read this you're committing a crime!"
posted by jwells at 6:23 AM on February 12

Another idea - roman shades, which let in light from the top while obscuring the view through the rest of the window.
posted by desjardins at 10:38 AM on February 12

Put up signs that say "NOSEY" next to things she's already mentioned she can see from her house.
posted by Lucinda at 2:06 PM on February 12