If you can design your own theme park, what would you put in it?

November 6, 2007 1:13 PM

If you can design your own theme park, what would you put in it?

New ideas would be great (ie, not the same old rollercoaster, water ride, etc.)

posted by BigBrownBear to Sports, Hobbies, & Recreation (18 answers total)

when I was a kid, I went to this one strange but fascinating theme park outside of Houston somewhere (not Astroland).

It had one thing that has stuck in my mind forever. I only remember it as the Spider Web. It was basically a tower, several stories high, with big thick rubber bands making different "levels" of the tower, strung across in a zig zag pattern that formed a bouncy surface. You then had to squeeze through the bands and drop a significant distance down onto the next layer of rubber bands. It was tons of fun, but I have no idea how this wasn't a lawsuit waiting to happen.

So I would have one of those.

Also, those mechwarrior virtual reality team play things like at Dave and Busters. And go carts. And bad-ass remote control car indoor multi-level racing.

And poker.
posted by Espoo2 at 1:22 PM on November 6, 2007

Do you have a motivation for asking this question? Or do you want to build ChatFilterLand?
posted by ALongDecember at 1:23 PM on November 6, 2007

Ah c'mon...y'gotta have roller coasters...
My dream would be a park full of dozens of superb coasters...the trick would be that I would want all of the tracks to intertwine with each other all over the park. So that you'd have tracks from other coasters flying above, below, and around your coaster.
I'd also want the coasters integrated with nature...the way the Beast at Kings Island did. Running through the woods.

I'd also want the rides to last at least 5 minutes.
posted by Thorzdad at 1:24 PM on November 6, 2007

Tilt-A-Beer
Sharks with Lasers
Ferris Bueller Wheel
Lick-A-Toad Wild Ride
Carrots of the Pirabean
posted by grumpy at 1:29 PM on November 6, 2007

Response by poster: My motivation is I am designing an amusement park.
posted by BigBrownBear at 1:30 PM on November 6, 2007

Response by poster: Sharks with Lasers are awesome.

and poker.
posted by BigBrownBear at 1:31 PM on November 6, 2007

Admission limits. Count the number of rides, figure out how long each ride lasts, do some math, and figure out the maximum number of people that can be in the park at once while still keeping average ride wait times below, say, 10 minutes. Once you hit that number in the park, don't let anybody else in until somebody leaves.
posted by vytae at 1:35 PM on November 6, 2007

A dress code.
posted by lpsguy at 1:36 PM on November 6, 2007

A bar.
posted by zazerr at 1:37 PM on November 6, 2007

Roller coasters EVERYWHERE. Going around EVERYTHING. Like one corkscrewing around the loading platform of another. Like five roller coasters that race eachother. Like a big wooden trestle roller coaster with a modern tube one zipping through gaps in the frame. Like roller coasters that drop you into an underwater tube that contains the log flume. Like roller coasters going upside down over the entryway or parking lot. Roller coasters diving into underground pits that are like haunted houses. Like one of those out-and-back up the curve launcher coasters that shoots along the ground through all the other coasters then comes up vertically right in the middle.

I am envisioning a gigantic, sprawling, tangled mess of tracks, covering a few dozen acres, that is just a huge, roaring, shrieking, rattling briar patch of coasterness.
posted by OldReliable at 1:37 PM on November 6, 2007

Seriously, tangled briar patch of coasterness. The whole park could be called the briar patch.
posted by OldReliable at 1:39 PM on November 6, 2007

Adding on to Thorzdad's point...I like when the rollercoasters are integrated in the park in such a way that the park goer can get real close to the ride. Case in point: Vortex's Batwing at King's Island or the Corscrew over Cedar Point's midway.

Oh and The Beast still runs through the woods (albeit a little slower than it used to).
posted by mmascolino at 1:41 PM on November 6, 2007

I would agree with OldReliable, but have at least some of the rides look like they were set up that morning by some guy with a mullet and a Dokken t-shirt. Or make the big rickety wooden coaster look like it's riddled with dry rot.

This was always one of my favorite things about the CNE. The midway rides were extra scary.

Also, as many rides as possible should have airbrushed pictures of women in fur bikinis riding sleighs pulled by polar bears on them.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 1:46 PM on November 6, 2007

underground rides are always good.
A really long, fast zip line. Preferably one that goes over water so that you let go and drop in.
posted by Autarky at 1:52 PM on November 6, 2007

A kickass arcade. 25 cent machines (none of this 50 cent or, gods forbid, a buck). A good mix of classic and modern games. Some high quality pinball (expecially some of the great Williams tables).
posted by Riemann at 2:03 PM on November 6, 2007

metafilter.
posted by fake at 2:04 PM on November 6, 2007

I've always wanted a rollercoaster that plunges underground. It should be both the highest and the lowest thing around. That first drop should take you about 30' underground. Put a fog machine at the entrance so you can't see what's coming. Then let it travel underground for quite a while, several seconds then pop up above ground. Build an arch people can walk under while the cars hurtle overhead. think of a Sea Serpent swimming, for example. Or a dolphin breaking the water and plunging back in. Over and over - all around the park. Make each car going by a surprise.

I've always thought that could be the Big Ride of a great amusement park.

Of course, a pair of Sky Gliders that let you get from the front of the park to the furthest corner, and back would be cool, too. Fun to ride and lots' or "Oooo, let's do THAT one next."
posted by davereed at 2:10 PM on November 6, 2007

Deep Fried Dippin' Dots
a 10-in-1 sideshow
a free beach
jousting
posted by mattbucher at 2:14 PM on November 6, 2007