What size ring?
October 2, 2007 5:54 AM Subscribe
I'm popping the question soon and have a particularly thorny problem: I don't know her ring size.
Here are my constraints:
No one knows my girlfriend's ring size (asked parents and friends. Nothing doing.)
I can't get hold of the one ring she already wears to have it measured. She never takes it off.
She cannot know that I am planning this.
She knows/suspects I'm going to ask soon, and so I can't directly approach her with ring related questions or she WILL guess. (She's as wily as a bag of foxes)
The ring size must be right first time.
My question then, is can anyone think of a way of getting her left third finger measured without her knowing what's going on OR can anyone think of a method of accurately guessing ring size based on, say photos. (She's 5'1").
(And, as this is Ask Metafilter, bonus points to anyone who suggests a way of finger measuring guaranteed to make a good anecdote to grandchildren. )
Here are my constraints:
No one knows my girlfriend's ring size (asked parents and friends. Nothing doing.)
I can't get hold of the one ring she already wears to have it measured. She never takes it off.
She cannot know that I am planning this.
She knows/suspects I'm going to ask soon, and so I can't directly approach her with ring related questions or she WILL guess. (She's as wily as a bag of foxes)
The ring size must be right first time.
My question then, is can anyone think of a way of getting her left third finger measured without her knowing what's going on OR can anyone think of a method of accurately guessing ring size based on, say photos. (She's 5'1").
(And, as this is Ask Metafilter, bonus points to anyone who suggests a way of finger measuring guaranteed to make a good anecdote to grandchildren. )
When in doubt, overestimate. It's a lot easier to make a ring smaller than bigger.
And the jeweler should offer to resize for free. You're not the first guy who ever bought an engagement ring without knowing his girl's ring size.
posted by jozxyqk at 6:06 AM on October 2, 2007
And the jeweler should offer to resize for free. You're not the first guy who ever bought an engagement ring without knowing his girl's ring size.
posted by jozxyqk at 6:06 AM on October 2, 2007
Why *must* it be right the first time? While it would be nice to get it right the first time, it's not that big a deal. Take one of the pictures above to the jeweler and get their best guess, but 1 resizing will almost definitely be included in the cost of the ring. My ring was too big when I got it, we took it in to get resized the next weekend, and all was well.
posted by rachelv at 6:06 AM on October 2, 2007
posted by rachelv at 6:06 AM on October 2, 2007
A piece of string around her ring finger whilst she's asleep, marked and then taken in to the jeweller?
On a similar note, is there no way that you can remove the ring at night without waking her?
posted by Chunder at 6:10 AM on October 2, 2007
On a similar note, is there no way that you can remove the ring at night without waking her?
posted by Chunder at 6:10 AM on October 2, 2007
The friend method will almost certainly tip her off, but it's one step removed from you asking and gives her the chance to play along as if she has no clue while deliciously anticipating a ring from you in the near future. I expect she'll be very happy to tell the story -- especially about her wily ability to see what you were up to -- to your grandchildren.
I'd suggest going for a half size larger than you estimate so it slips on her finger all the way, even if it's a bit loose. Have it resized afterwards. A ring slightly too small won't go on completely and will probably make for a more awkward proposal moment.
posted by maudlin at 6:10 AM on October 2, 2007
I'd suggest going for a half size larger than you estimate so it slips on her finger all the way, even if it's a bit loose. Have it resized afterwards. A ring slightly too small won't go on completely and will probably make for a more awkward proposal moment.
posted by maudlin at 6:10 AM on October 2, 2007
(Are you sure she doesn't read MeFi? Between the info in your profile and her pictures, that's a lot of leads to be left lying around.)
posted by maudlin at 6:12 AM on October 2, 2007
posted by maudlin at 6:12 AM on October 2, 2007
Best answer: get her to help you knead bread dough. you can't knead dough with a ring on, or you have to at the very least take it off to wash because it gets disgusting. while she's washing, have someone call (or something starts boiling over on the stove, etc.) anything so that she gets distracted and leaves the sink. her hands will be gross and fairly unusable until she finishes washing, which takes minutes. make a quick trace of the ring along the inside and outside of the ring on paper.
posted by letahl at 6:16 AM on October 2, 2007 [4 favorites]
posted by letahl at 6:16 AM on October 2, 2007 [4 favorites]
Give her a plate of fried chicken, followed by a cold delicious beer, measure the greasy fingerprints....
posted by zeoslap at 6:17 AM on October 2, 2007
posted by zeoslap at 6:17 AM on October 2, 2007
Best answer: Play that game where you stab a knife between the fingers then measure the knife points in the table...
posted by zeoslap at 6:19 AM on October 2, 2007 [7 favorites]
posted by zeoslap at 6:19 AM on October 2, 2007 [7 favorites]
In addition to what everyone has said here, the ring she never takes off may not even be the right size for her. I wore a ring on my ring finger for a few years and it's a size 6, and I really wear a size 7 3/4. How on earth it worked, I don't know. I also wore a size 7 on my other which didn't fit as well and I have a permanent scar on my finger because it was too small and I wore it all the time.
Also, your fingers are more bloated in the mornings, so if you're trying to measure her finger with a string at night, it won't fit the next morning. Right now I can't even get my wedding rings off, but by the end of the day they're almost slipping off. My husband is the same way.
Ring resizing is usually free. If you're worried she'll freak out because the ring is a size too big, man are you in trouble when you start planning the wedding. That would be fun. The perfect proposal isn't about the ring, it's about the proposal - what do you say, how do you say it, set the mood, show her you love her and want to be with her forever, and oh you also have a pretty diamond to prove it. She should be more excited about YOU than about the ring.
posted by jesirose at 6:21 AM on October 2, 2007
Also, your fingers are more bloated in the mornings, so if you're trying to measure her finger with a string at night, it won't fit the next morning. Right now I can't even get my wedding rings off, but by the end of the day they're almost slipping off. My husband is the same way.
Ring resizing is usually free. If you're worried she'll freak out because the ring is a size too big, man are you in trouble when you start planning the wedding. That would be fun. The perfect proposal isn't about the ring, it's about the proposal - what do you say, how do you say it, set the mood, show her you love her and want to be with her forever, and oh you also have a pretty diamond to prove it. She should be more excited about YOU than about the ring.
posted by jesirose at 6:21 AM on October 2, 2007
oh and letahls' suggestion, while a bit elaborate, is pure genius and plotting. Nice :) Love it.
posted by jesirose at 6:22 AM on October 2, 2007
posted by jesirose at 6:22 AM on October 2, 2007
You can just propose without the ring. The idea that the diamond must be presented at the proposal is sort of petty. If she was really hoping to get a ring right the hell away, I'm sure she'll understand that you didn't want to give her one that didn't fit.
posted by tehloki at 6:23 AM on October 2, 2007
posted by tehloki at 6:23 AM on October 2, 2007
I'm not 100% sure it would work, but you could try making wax hand impressions together, then seeing if you can find another girl whose hand fits your girlfriends' wax impression. This might not work, though - the wax might just be brittle and break.
You could also try making hand-impression garden stepping stones and use that to find your model girl.
posted by amtho at 6:23 AM on October 2, 2007
You could also try making hand-impression garden stepping stones and use that to find your model girl.
posted by amtho at 6:23 AM on October 2, 2007
In crime scene photography for forensic purposes they use little measuring markers next to the objects they photograph so they can figure out how large they are. Perhaps you could take a picture of her hand with a finely graded ruler next to it as she sleeps?
Alternatively, you may be able to check forensics manuals on relative sizes of fingers and finger prints... then lift her prints off of something.
posted by phrontist at 6:27 AM on October 2, 2007
Alternatively, you may be able to check forensics manuals on relative sizes of fingers and finger prints... then lift her prints off of something.
posted by phrontist at 6:27 AM on October 2, 2007
Response by poster: rachelv - it has to be right first time because I will make the world a perfect place - though the heavens fall!
maudlin - I'm not worried - although anyone here who knows her: Schtum!
all - thanks for fantastic suggestions so far. Looks like I'm going to have to find an answer to the mumbled question "It's 3am, what the hell are you doing?"
posted by Jofus at 6:33 AM on October 2, 2007
maudlin - I'm not worried - although anyone here who knows her: Schtum!
all - thanks for fantastic suggestions so far. Looks like I'm going to have to find an answer to the mumbled question "It's 3am, what the hell are you doing?"
posted by Jofus at 6:33 AM on October 2, 2007
If she's already suspicious she'll be tipped off by the "casual" inquiry of a friend. (Though the sizing via friend's fingers was a good idea.)
1) How soon do you plan to ask her? Can you wait untill after Halloween? If so, get her to wear a costume that simply cannot be worn with the ring. It could have ornate gloves or body paint on the fingers, etc. When she takes it off to get ready for the party you should have plenty of time to trace the ring.
2) Does she wear the ring in the shower and to bed? (My wife doesn't, and I think most women don't.) If not I would think that's a great time for covert measuring. If she takes it off while showering I wouldn't try to sneak in. She might spot you and figure out what you are doing. I would instead walk in loudly and pretend that I had to go to the bathroom very badly. She'll (hopefully) be grossed out and will refuse to peak out from around the curtain. Thus giving you plenty of time to trace the ring.
3) Do you have any kind of jewelry? Does your mom? If you do you might try buying a jewelry cleaning kit (the kind that requires you to submerge the ring in a solution, you can get them at Target). Clean your item(s) when she's around and offer to clean her ring "while your are at it." Then you can use Cooker Girls' ring sizing trick.
Finally, I agree with the other posters that it's not normally a big deal for it to perfectly the first time. Still, I hope one of my suggestions (or someone else's) works for you.
posted by oddman at 6:33 AM on October 2, 2007
1) How soon do you plan to ask her? Can you wait untill after Halloween? If so, get her to wear a costume that simply cannot be worn with the ring. It could have ornate gloves or body paint on the fingers, etc. When she takes it off to get ready for the party you should have plenty of time to trace the ring.
2) Does she wear the ring in the shower and to bed? (My wife doesn't, and I think most women don't.) If not I would think that's a great time for covert measuring. If she takes it off while showering I wouldn't try to sneak in. She might spot you and figure out what you are doing. I would instead walk in loudly and pretend that I had to go to the bathroom very badly. She'll (hopefully) be grossed out and will refuse to peak out from around the curtain. Thus giving you plenty of time to trace the ring.
3) Do you have any kind of jewelry? Does your mom? If you do you might try buying a jewelry cleaning kit (the kind that requires you to submerge the ring in a solution, you can get them at Target). Clean your item(s) when she's around and offer to clean her ring "while your are at it." Then you can use Cooker Girls' ring sizing trick.
Finally, I agree with the other posters that it's not normally a big deal for it to perfectly the first time. Still, I hope one of my suggestions (or someone else's) works for you.
posted by oddman at 6:33 AM on October 2, 2007
You can just propose without the ring.
Although there is zero chance she won't ask "but where's the ring?"
posted by smackfu at 6:33 AM on October 2, 2007
Although there is zero chance she won't ask "but where's the ring?"
posted by smackfu at 6:33 AM on October 2, 2007
Best answer: Jeweler here. Stock mounting ring size is usually 7.5. Your girlfriend is petite, so it's very possible that she's smaller than the stock size. By the look of the photo of her that shows the ring that she wears now, she's wearing her ring loose (notice how the stone is turned to the side?)
I run across this question all the time, and I'm sorry to say that the only reliable way to get her size is to get your hands on that ring that she wears now. But, is that the finger that she'll be wearing her engagement ring on? Nope. It's the right hand, and it's customary to wear an engagement ring on the left. It's pretty common for the third finger to have different sizes between hands, unfortunately.
In general, the first sizing of an engagement ring is free. I know that this isn't what you want to hear, but I would get the ring in the stock size, and make an appointment with the jeweler (prior arranged) to bring her in and size the ring while you wait, maybe even right after you give it to her. We do that all of the time, and it can be pretty festive.
Oh, and congratulations!
posted by Flakypastry at 6:38 AM on October 2, 2007 [2 favorites]
I run across this question all the time, and I'm sorry to say that the only reliable way to get her size is to get your hands on that ring that she wears now. But, is that the finger that she'll be wearing her engagement ring on? Nope. It's the right hand, and it's customary to wear an engagement ring on the left. It's pretty common for the third finger to have different sizes between hands, unfortunately.
In general, the first sizing of an engagement ring is free. I know that this isn't what you want to hear, but I would get the ring in the stock size, and make an appointment with the jeweler (prior arranged) to bring her in and size the ring while you wait, maybe even right after you give it to her. We do that all of the time, and it can be pretty festive.
Oh, and congratulations!
posted by Flakypastry at 6:38 AM on October 2, 2007 [2 favorites]
Take some of those photos to the jeweler.
Experienced men's suit salespeople have the knack of picking your size correctly every time ("So, you're a 42 long, step right over here.")
I bet an experienced jeweler can peg the ring size exactly from a few good pictures. It's an expert opinion, at least. Short of the suggested girlfriend chitchat method in the first answer above, that's what I'd do.
posted by beagle at 6:38 AM on October 2, 2007
Experienced men's suit salespeople have the knack of picking your size correctly every time ("So, you're a 42 long, step right over here.")
I bet an experienced jeweler can peg the ring size exactly from a few good pictures. It's an expert opinion, at least. Short of the suggested girlfriend chitchat method in the first answer above, that's what I'd do.
posted by beagle at 6:38 AM on October 2, 2007
I know a few people who have worked around this by proposing with a dummy ring - just something like CZ and silver. That way, they weren't out too much money for something that was not only the wrong size, but potentially the wrong style. They subsequently went with their fiancees to pick out "the ring", and said fiancees were thrilled with the situation of getting to choose what was right for them. Of course, if it must be the real ring right up front, that won't work, and it's not as much a concern if you know her style. Congrats!
posted by flying kumquat at 6:48 AM on October 2, 2007
posted by flying kumquat at 6:48 AM on October 2, 2007
Anecdotal:
When I found myself needing to know my fiancee-to-be's ring size, I conveniently found myself in the dough kneading situation that letahl mentioned. Fortunately, she actually asked me to hold her ring while she went about it. With these sausages I call fingers, I couldn't even have tried to wear it, so I just slipped it over my pinkie finger. It might have made it past the first knuckle. I slipped it down snug and made a mental note of how tight that felt. Then I nonchalantly made a small dot on my finger with a pen (on the tighter side). The next day, I went to a jeweler and tried on the sizing rings until I found one that fit the same. Lucky me, she wears a 7/7.5 (the common stock size).
Even if it's not an exact science, it'll get you in the ballpark.
posted by mysterious1der at 7:07 AM on October 2, 2007
When I found myself needing to know my fiancee-to-be's ring size, I conveniently found myself in the dough kneading situation that letahl mentioned. Fortunately, she actually asked me to hold her ring while she went about it. With these sausages I call fingers, I couldn't even have tried to wear it, so I just slipped it over my pinkie finger. It might have made it past the first knuckle. I slipped it down snug and made a mental note of how tight that felt. Then I nonchalantly made a small dot on my finger with a pen (on the tighter side). The next day, I went to a jeweler and tried on the sizing rings until I found one that fit the same. Lucky me, she wears a 7/7.5 (the common stock size).
Even if it's not an exact science, it'll get you in the ballpark.
posted by mysterious1der at 7:07 AM on October 2, 2007
Best answer: The ring size must be right first time.
No it doesn't. Or if it does, you have to give up the surprise element. Here's a little story for you:
Like you, I wanted the ring to be the right size. I asked the sister, we plotted and guessed and did the best we could, and when I bought the ring I had the guy fill it out to what we thought was the size. When the time came, it turned out to be too big, and the guy wound up taking off all the gold he'd put on. It was stupid and embarrassing, and I wished I'd just bought the damn ring and dealt with the fit later. Demanding perfection is pointless and will just make you (and eventually your lovely bride, if you can't curb the tendency now) unhappy.
posted by languagehat at 7:18 AM on October 2, 2007 [2 favorites]
No it doesn't. Or if it does, you have to give up the surprise element. Here's a little story for you:
Like you, I wanted the ring to be the right size. I asked the sister, we plotted and guessed and did the best we could, and when I bought the ring I had the guy fill it out to what we thought was the size. When the time came, it turned out to be too big, and the guy wound up taking off all the gold he'd put on. It was stupid and embarrassing, and I wished I'd just bought the damn ring and dealt with the fit later. Demanding perfection is pointless and will just make you (and eventually your lovely bride, if you can't curb the tendency now) unhappy.
posted by languagehat at 7:18 AM on October 2, 2007 [2 favorites]
Just a thought but how about taking some pictures with a ruler and her hand in them somehow? To give a jewler a better idea about it?
posted by sully75 at 7:31 AM on October 2, 2007
posted by sully75 at 7:31 AM on October 2, 2007
One potential bugaboo with the "measure with string while she sleeps" method: sometimes, knuckles are larger than where the ring sits. It's often possible to force a ring over the knuckle and then not be able to get it off again, but who knows, maybe that's what you're after.
posted by yohko at 7:36 AM on October 2, 2007
posted by yohko at 7:36 AM on October 2, 2007
get her to help you knead bread dough.
if you have a slice of prepared bread handy when you're doing this method, press the ring into it. it'll be quicker than attempting to trace it, and if you press firmly enough, it should hold the shape.
posted by almostmanda at 7:47 AM on October 2, 2007
if you have a slice of prepared bread handy when you're doing this method, press the ring into it. it'll be quicker than attempting to trace it, and if you press firmly enough, it should hold the shape.
posted by almostmanda at 7:47 AM on October 2, 2007
Another thing you might think about is presenting her with a token ring -- a little bit of costume jewelry or something like that -- and then going together to choose an engagement ring. Then you can get one that goes with your wedding rings, or one that actually mates with her wedding ring, etc etc, and you can be sure of getting one that she likes.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 7:53 AM on October 2, 2007 [1 favorite]
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 7:53 AM on October 2, 2007 [1 favorite]
Guess. Seriously. You can fix the ring after the fact. And jewelers can make the ring bigger and smaller with no real difficulty.
posted by chunking express at 7:55 AM on October 2, 2007
posted by chunking express at 7:55 AM on October 2, 2007
I went the token ring method. It actually took us a while to find a real one we both liked, but that worked well.
posted by stevis23 at 8:07 AM on October 2, 2007
posted by stevis23 at 8:07 AM on October 2, 2007
Response by poster: languagehat - once again you manage to be infuriatingly right. :)
posted by Jofus at 8:30 AM on October 2, 2007
posted by Jofus at 8:30 AM on October 2, 2007
My ex-husband simply asked me my ring size, but the ring itself was a surprise. I never really liked it- it was a traditional diamond that stuck way out. It caused a callous on my finger by me stuffing my hand into my pockets. It got caught on things. It was gold, and I didn't like gold. It had a diamond, and I didn't want any stones.
I never told him this, but it always bugged me. Like he thought he knew me. Turns out, I didn't know him.
So I would advise the token ring, unless you are pretty sure of your lady's taste.
And pre-congrats!
posted by Monday at 8:38 AM on October 2, 2007 [1 favorite]
I never told him this, but it always bugged me. Like he thought he knew me. Turns out, I didn't know him.
So I would advise the token ring, unless you are pretty sure of your lady's taste.
And pre-congrats!
posted by Monday at 8:38 AM on October 2, 2007 [1 favorite]
She knows/suspects I'm going to ask soon, and so I can't directly approach her with ring related questions or she WILL guess.
So she knows…you’ve talked about getting married? I so what is the harm asking her? If she knows it’s gonna happen then she knows it’s gonna happen just not when.
Ask to try on the ring and do the knuckle test. The problem is no matter what you do unless she actually tries on the ring you will not know for sure. Now since she knows something is cooking throw her off. The night I proposed to my wife I had her convinced she was getting an XBOX. She knew she was getting something so I put the ring box in a bigger box and made it look like the box was heavy.
Good Luck
posted by doorsfan at 9:20 AM on October 2, 2007
So she knows…you’ve talked about getting married? I so what is the harm asking her? If she knows it’s gonna happen then she knows it’s gonna happen just not when.
Ask to try on the ring and do the knuckle test. The problem is no matter what you do unless she actually tries on the ring you will not know for sure. Now since she knows something is cooking throw her off. The night I proposed to my wife I had her convinced she was getting an XBOX. She knew she was getting something so I put the ring box in a bigger box and made it look like the box was heavy.
Good Luck
posted by doorsfan at 9:20 AM on October 2, 2007
Jewelry-seller here. Forget sizing the ring she's wearing. As flakypastry pointed out, it's on the wrong hand and likely doesn't fit properly. Also, it looks to have a wide band, which would require a larger size than the traditional narrow engagement ring.
The best way to measure would be the string-around-the-finger-while-she's-sleeping method, but even that it just an estimate.
Per beagle's comment, I can usually guess someone's ring size correctly when they're in front of me just by eyeballing it. But from photos? No way. Relative size of fingers is just too hard to judge from a photo.
At 5'1", it's highly unlikely that she's the stock size of 7 1/2 unless she is quite big-boned for her height. My best guess from the photos is based on her build and height, and would be more like a 6 or 6 1/2. However, since a resizing is included in the cost of the ring, why waste it on a guess?
posted by desuetude at 9:36 AM on October 2, 2007
How soon is soon? My husband found my ring size by watching me try on rings at one of those sterling silver jewelry kiosks in the mall. He noticed what size fit me, and a couple of months later I was the ecstatic, completely surprised recipient of a perfectly sized (non-silver) engagement ring.
And yes, the ring fingers on my right and left hands happen to be the same size. I'm weird.
posted by somanyamys at 9:42 AM on October 2, 2007
And yes, the ring fingers on my right and left hands happen to be the same size. I'm weird.
posted by somanyamys at 9:42 AM on October 2, 2007
And by "watching me try on rings," I mean that he happened to notice when I was shopping for some rings on my own, of course. So I was none the wiser. Just in case I wasn't clear. Argh
posted by somanyamys at 9:44 AM on October 2, 2007
posted by somanyamys at 9:44 AM on October 2, 2007
desuetude as a jeweler says he can guesstimate by eye-balling it ...
if you have figured out where you are buying the ring from, talk to the jeweler (at a mall ?) and have him run into you or meet you in the food court or whatever while you are just "shopping" with your girlfriend and introduce the jeweler as an "old friend"
a slightly extended handshake or a two handed "so pleased to meet you" later he should have a pretty good estimate.
maybe this works ?
posted by cusecase at 9:52 AM on October 2, 2007
if you have figured out where you are buying the ring from, talk to the jeweler (at a mall ?) and have him run into you or meet you in the food court or whatever while you are just "shopping" with your girlfriend and introduce the jeweler as an "old friend"
a slightly extended handshake or a two handed "so pleased to meet you" later he should have a pretty good estimate.
maybe this works ?
posted by cusecase at 9:52 AM on October 2, 2007
or have the jeweler "friend" go with you to buy a watch for his girlfriend ... your girl friend would be kind enough to try on a couple for him ... more time to "study" the hand ?
posted by cusecase at 9:57 AM on October 2, 2007
posted by cusecase at 9:57 AM on October 2, 2007
Definately give up on getting the right size first go. I went to a jeweler and got my finger sized, only to have the ring be way too big because apparently either that jeweler was incompetent or my finger had a huge day. Reduce your stress, focus on getting the type of ring she'll want, and trust me, she won't care if she has to get it sized down later.
posted by JonahBlack at 10:03 AM on October 2, 2007
posted by JonahBlack at 10:03 AM on October 2, 2007
What size shoe does she take? A jeweller in the US told me that shoe size and ring size are often the same, weirdly. (This does not work for the UK or Europe, where sizes are different.)
posted by essexjan at 10:52 AM on October 2, 2007
posted by essexjan at 10:52 AM on October 2, 2007
Here's another vote for using a dummy ring and then picking out the real one together. The only real reason not to do this is if she's a very traditional girl with a very traditional idea of what an engagement should look like and very traditional taste in jewelery.
If the whole popping the question bit won't mean a thing to her unless it's the real ring, then yeah, go ahead and buy the ring. If that isn't true, she might very well really enjoy picking out the ring herself. I know I did.
I ended up with a really unusual, art deco-ish ring that fits my personality, the proportions of my hand, and my lifestyle. I would have hated the classic gold band and diamond on tall prongs style. A lot of women these days are opting for unusual stones, no stones, all kinds of things. Heck, a lot of women (myself included) have very strong feelings about whether they prefer white or yellow gold.
If she's going to be the one to wear it, and if you don't have much experience picking out women's fine jewelery, let her pick it out. For the dummy ring, get something interesting but casual, may in silver, maybe made by some kind of local artisan. Don't spend tons on it, but maybe make it something nice enough that wearing it will always be special in and of itself. Then, really, she gets two engagement rings that mean different things to her, and that's pretty cool.
posted by mostlymartha at 11:06 AM on October 2, 2007
If the whole popping the question bit won't mean a thing to her unless it's the real ring, then yeah, go ahead and buy the ring. If that isn't true, she might very well really enjoy picking out the ring herself. I know I did.
I ended up with a really unusual, art deco-ish ring that fits my personality, the proportions of my hand, and my lifestyle. I would have hated the classic gold band and diamond on tall prongs style. A lot of women these days are opting for unusual stones, no stones, all kinds of things. Heck, a lot of women (myself included) have very strong feelings about whether they prefer white or yellow gold.
If she's going to be the one to wear it, and if you don't have much experience picking out women's fine jewelery, let her pick it out. For the dummy ring, get something interesting but casual, may in silver, maybe made by some kind of local artisan. Don't spend tons on it, but maybe make it something nice enough that wearing it will always be special in and of itself. Then, really, she gets two engagement rings that mean different things to her, and that's pretty cool.
posted by mostlymartha at 11:06 AM on October 2, 2007
I ordered a plastic ring sizing kit (got it sent free) from an online jeweler. I measured the ring she wore while she was in the shower by putting it on my pinkie and making a mental note of where it come down to. Then used the ring sizing kit to get the size. I know you say you can't get her ring off, but maybe take a piece of string while she is sleeping (or tell her to remember something and tie it around her finger so she remembers?)
posted by jeffe at 12:09 PM on October 2, 2007
posted by jeffe at 12:09 PM on October 2, 2007
Getting the style right is more important than the size. What if you get the perfect size and find out years later that she had always wanted a pear shaped stone instead of the round one you bought? She has to wear this piece of jewelry every day. Let her help you pick it out.
posted by happyturtle at 12:13 PM on October 2, 2007
posted by happyturtle at 12:13 PM on October 2, 2007
I handled this with onlyconnect by conspiring with a friend who took her out shopping and tried on different rings and reported back on the results. She had no idea, and was totally surprised. Of course it was also two full sizes too big! We went back to the jeweler, got her properly measured for a whole new ring (platinum and pave set stones means zero opportunity to resize) and she wore a spacer on her big ring until the replacement came in. No charge for the reorder or stone remounting, so other than a giddy trip to the store, there really was no downside to guessing too big. Certainly no lasting downside.
posted by NortonDC at 12:27 PM on October 2, 2007 [1 favorite]
posted by NortonDC at 12:27 PM on October 2, 2007 [1 favorite]
Just a thought but how about taking some pictures with a ruler and her hand in them somehow?
This made me laugh, it sounds like a scenario with dirty possibilities.
I love your Flickr set, Jofus. You and your girlfriend are a glorious couple. She's gorgeous! Congratulations!
posted by Locative at 8:36 PM on October 2, 2007 [1 favorite]
This made me laugh, it sounds like a scenario with dirty possibilities.
I love your Flickr set, Jofus. You and your girlfriend are a glorious couple. She's gorgeous! Congratulations!
posted by Locative at 8:36 PM on October 2, 2007 [1 favorite]
I don't know how appropriate that would be in the US, but the way I did it (in France) was to propose without the ring, then give her the ring at a later engagement party. Bonus : she was able to choose the ring, and I think most girls would have fun doing that, plus you're sure she will like it.
I was facing the same dilemna with the ring before my mother told me that proposing with the ring was only done in the movies :-)
Another thing is that it is probably easy to tip her off if you are trying to find a ring, find out her size, etc. whereas you can easily find an excuse for a nice dinner in town... even if it's nicer than any before, and therefore keep it a complete surprise.
posted by arnoooooo at 12:28 AM on October 3, 2007
I was facing the same dilemna with the ring before my mother told me that proposing with the ring was only done in the movies :-)
Another thing is that it is probably easy to tip her off if you are trying to find a ring, find out her size, etc. whereas you can easily find an excuse for a nice dinner in town... even if it's nicer than any before, and therefore keep it a complete surprise.
posted by arnoooooo at 12:28 AM on October 3, 2007
I know I'm a bit late to the party, but you could consider this idea..
Tell her you want to support the cause for gay marriage in CA so you're getting both of you the "Let California Ring" ring. You can find it here.
Obviously, you'll need her ring size for that. And you can just ask her. It'll be obvious that you don't intend this for an engagement ring so it won't tip her off, she'll have a neat ring just for kicks, and you'll be doing a good thing for your fellow countrymen.
posted by revmitcz at 3:09 PM on October 19, 2007
Tell her you want to support the cause for gay marriage in CA so you're getting both of you the "Let California Ring" ring. You can find it here.
Obviously, you'll need her ring size for that. And you can just ask her. It'll be obvious that you don't intend this for an engagement ring so it won't tip her off, she'll have a neat ring just for kicks, and you'll be doing a good thing for your fellow countrymen.
posted by revmitcz at 3:09 PM on October 19, 2007
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You may, though, have to live with the fact that the sizing may not be right the first time.
posted by cooker girl at 5:57 AM on October 2, 2007