Is there some kind of trick to breaking a stereotype a person has of you from the first moment they meet you when it relates to racism and lack of cultural understanding?
July 10, 2007 4:03 PM Subscribe
How do I interact with thugged-out black people that blatantly bear a preconceived notion of me being white and thus rich and elitist and not just further contribute to their heavily biased attitude?
I was out chilling with a friend of mine, and we ran into this dude he knew who happened to be black. He was clearly a member of "polite society"- friendly and courteous, not hyper-confrontational or mean in any way(this is only relevant as contrast to the individuals we met briefly through him shortly after) We left the spot we were sitting and walked over to a group of guys who he was apparently acquainted with. These dudes immediately approached my friend and I (clean-cut white guys) with a group demeanor and set of expressions which were extremely confrontational and cold. Basically asked for an inventory of our possessions and that we "break it out" Things like "whut kinna drugss you got?" "you white so you must be rich" "you gotta LAPTOP?" "how much money you fools got?" "you got no money fo' weed?!?" etc.. and I didn't know what to say, other than "no, I'm pretty broke, I don't have shit"(which was true) and just clammed up. They took this as being scared and elitist and walked away and said we should just get the fuck out.
All the things I'd have said would have been out of anger which seemed foolish considering how generally angry they obviously were already, I felt helpless, so I didn't say shit and just walked off.
I don't really care about people being polite as long as they are trying to be friendly in some way, but to me this felt in no way friendly.. is that because I am conditioned to find the sorts of things they asked about as some kind of violation or
what?
I would have said something to them if I could think of anything to respond with that wasn't along the lines of "why the fuck do you want to know? Whatever led you to believe that I would find you treating me like this even remotely acceptable? Do YOU have a fucking LAPTOP?!?" "The worst way to get me to be generous is to ask me what I have before even asking my name! Are you stupid or just an asshole?"
Is it likely that this was as close as they get to friendly to people that look like me and that I was in their minds actually being racist? Was it an opportunity to show them that I was a better person than they thought or could they not care less?
There was definitely a barrier of programming and assumptions but I wanted to break it, even if they didn't want me to.. I guess that's just how it goes, but I feel worthless having no ability to adapt.
I will never hate based on race or culture but I hate this kind of thing..
I don't say all this in a "woe is me, I'm so mistreated and black people are racist" way, I just wish I knew what I could say that would bridge the gap and not just cause conflict; I really hate just walking away.
I was out chilling with a friend of mine, and we ran into this dude he knew who happened to be black. He was clearly a member of "polite society"- friendly and courteous, not hyper-confrontational or mean in any way(this is only relevant as contrast to the individuals we met briefly through him shortly after) We left the spot we were sitting and walked over to a group of guys who he was apparently acquainted with. These dudes immediately approached my friend and I (clean-cut white guys) with a group demeanor and set of expressions which were extremely confrontational and cold. Basically asked for an inventory of our possessions and that we "break it out" Things like "whut kinna drugss you got?" "you white so you must be rich" "you gotta LAPTOP?" "how much money you fools got?" "you got no money fo' weed?!?" etc.. and I didn't know what to say, other than "no, I'm pretty broke, I don't have shit"(which was true) and just clammed up. They took this as being scared and elitist and walked away and said we should just get the fuck out.
All the things I'd have said would have been out of anger which seemed foolish considering how generally angry they obviously were already, I felt helpless, so I didn't say shit and just walked off.
I don't really care about people being polite as long as they are trying to be friendly in some way, but to me this felt in no way friendly.. is that because I am conditioned to find the sorts of things they asked about as some kind of violation or
what?
I would have said something to them if I could think of anything to respond with that wasn't along the lines of "why the fuck do you want to know? Whatever led you to believe that I would find you treating me like this even remotely acceptable? Do YOU have a fucking LAPTOP?!?" "The worst way to get me to be generous is to ask me what I have before even asking my name! Are you stupid or just an asshole?"
Is it likely that this was as close as they get to friendly to people that look like me and that I was in their minds actually being racist? Was it an opportunity to show them that I was a better person than they thought or could they not care less?
There was definitely a barrier of programming and assumptions but I wanted to break it, even if they didn't want me to.. I guess that's just how it goes, but I feel worthless having no ability to adapt.
I will never hate based on race or culture but I hate this kind of thing..
I don't say all this in a "woe is me, I'm so mistreated and black people are racist" way, I just wish I knew what I could say that would bridge the gap and not just cause conflict; I really hate just walking away.
This post was deleted for the following reason: This is a lot of personal description/rant without much of a real question, and is going really badly.
Uhh, perhaps they were playing a prank on you, by deliberately taking on the aspects of the most extreme stereotypes? "Heh, we sure scared those guys. Anyway, as I was saying, I think Shakespeare's intent in Act III is to lead the audience ..."
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 4:08 PM on July 10, 2007 [1 favorite]
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 4:08 PM on July 10, 2007 [1 favorite]
"Yeah man I gotta laptop, and when I get home I'm gonna log onto that shite and tell all my white Metafilter homies all about you and your uncouth behaviour!"
posted by fire&wings at 4:10 PM on July 10, 2007 [4 favorites]
posted by fire&wings at 4:10 PM on July 10, 2007 [4 favorites]
(TrollFilter, LiveJournalFilter, HopeThis"Question"GetsDeletedFilter]
Speaking of "blatantly bear[ing] a preconceived notion" and "a barrier of programming and assumptions".......
Honey, if you are seriously asking if this "as close as THEY get to friendly to people that look like" YOU....is this the first time you've met anyone who didn't look like you who wasn't on the tee vee (or in a Michael Bay movie)?
posted by availablelight at 4:11 PM on July 10, 2007
Speaking of "blatantly bear[ing] a preconceived notion" and "a barrier of programming and assumptions".......
Honey, if you are seriously asking if this "as close as THEY get to friendly to people that look like" YOU....is this the first time you've met anyone who didn't look like you who wasn't on the tee vee (or in a Michael Bay movie)?
posted by availablelight at 4:11 PM on July 10, 2007
If certain people are predisposed to stereotyping you upon the moment of meeting, there's probably not much you are going to able to do to change their preconceptions.
posted by gnutron at 4:11 PM on July 10, 2007
posted by gnutron at 4:11 PM on July 10, 2007
What would really show them if whenever this happened you hopped on Metafilter and posted really racist questions!
posted by thehmsbeagle at 4:16 PM on July 10, 2007
posted by thehmsbeagle at 4:16 PM on July 10, 2007
They could have been messing with you or they could have been serious. The fact that they walked away probably means they were hoping to start something - to get you to react in some way that would be confrontational.
they wanted you to lash out and this has nothing to do with being "black". it has to do with male mentality / aggression / alpha male, what have you. they were trying to pick on you and wanted you to react. and you didn't. you were honest, you didn't fight back, and you stood your ground and didn't react otherwise. and that totally deflated their balloon.
so you did exactly what you should have done.
does it suck that this happened? yes. is there a culture to bridge? not really. what you experienced is an overt form of existence that most males experience everyday - the male posturing, dominance, blah blah blah attitude where one male is playing off another. it's primitive behavior but it's prevalent and all aspects of being a guy and you yourself probably practice similar behaviors in your everyday life.
next time this happens, do what you did. be honest, be polite, allow them to make an ass of themselves while remaining calm and collected. then, since you'll probably be feeling a tad pissed, rant to a friend/girlfriend/neighbor/what-have-you to get the pent up frustration out of your system. or post another ask.me about it. if you let the frustration fester in you, the next time some guy tries to start something, you're going to end up doing something wrong and painful.
posted by Stynxno at 4:17 PM on July 10, 2007 [2 favorites]
they wanted you to lash out and this has nothing to do with being "black". it has to do with male mentality / aggression / alpha male, what have you. they were trying to pick on you and wanted you to react. and you didn't. you were honest, you didn't fight back, and you stood your ground and didn't react otherwise. and that totally deflated their balloon.
so you did exactly what you should have done.
does it suck that this happened? yes. is there a culture to bridge? not really. what you experienced is an overt form of existence that most males experience everyday - the male posturing, dominance, blah blah blah attitude where one male is playing off another. it's primitive behavior but it's prevalent and all aspects of being a guy and you yourself probably practice similar behaviors in your everyday life.
next time this happens, do what you did. be honest, be polite, allow them to make an ass of themselves while remaining calm and collected. then, since you'll probably be feeling a tad pissed, rant to a friend/girlfriend/neighbor/what-have-you to get the pent up frustration out of your system. or post another ask.me about it. if you let the frustration fester in you, the next time some guy tries to start something, you're going to end up doing something wrong and painful.
posted by Stynxno at 4:17 PM on July 10, 2007 [2 favorites]
There are certain social situations in which fucking with you is considered a basic test. I've experienced this behavior in racially mixed company, in working-class bars - even in gay bars. I've found that humor is universally useful in asserting yourself without either giving away too much ground or claiming too much familiarity. But you'd better learn to have a good ear for it, too. Anyway - that's the trick that has worked the best for me.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:17 PM on July 10, 2007
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:17 PM on July 10, 2007
and considering you're borderline racist in your assumption about blacks, it's hard to have any sympathy for you in your "plight" at the moment.
posted by Stynxno at 4:18 PM on July 10, 2007
posted by Stynxno at 4:18 PM on July 10, 2007
"The worst way to get me to be generous is to ask me what I have before even asking my name!"
They're just looking for handouts, eh?
Anyways, this is a class issue, not a race issue (except tangentially). Everyone has strained relationships with different groups. They were busting your balls, don't worry about it.
The fact that they were most likely fucking with you and you respond with "There was definitely a barrier of programming and assumptions..." does make you sound like an uptight country club snob. Chill out.
posted by null terminated at 4:19 PM on July 10, 2007
They're just looking for handouts, eh?
Anyways, this is a class issue, not a race issue (except tangentially). Everyone has strained relationships with different groups. They were busting your balls, don't worry about it.
The fact that they were most likely fucking with you and you respond with "There was definitely a barrier of programming and assumptions..." does make you sound like an uptight country club snob. Chill out.
posted by null terminated at 4:19 PM on July 10, 2007
It's sounds to me like they were testing you to see if you were worthy of respect and based on your reaction they decided that you weren't.
posted by The Straightener at 4:19 PM on July 10, 2007
posted by The Straightener at 4:19 PM on July 10, 2007
I would have said something to them if I could think of anything to respond with that wasn't along the lines of "why the fuck do you want to know? Whatever led you to believe that I would find you treating me like this even remotely acceptable? Do YOU have a fucking LAPTOP?!?" "The worst way to get me to be generous is to ask me what I have before even asking my name! Are you stupid or just an asshole?"
You can't just say "Why do you ask?" or, "I don't want to talk about my stuff, we just met"? "How do you guys know Calrton?"
It doesn't sound like you treated them the same as you would "polite" white people speaking the queen's English.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 4:21 PM on July 10, 2007
You should have shot them.
posted by felix betachat at 4:27 PM on July 10, 2007
posted by felix betachat at 4:27 PM on July 10, 2007
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by ericb at 4:07 PM on July 10, 2007