Help someone find a job without pressuring them?
September 25, 2006 12:41 PM Subscribe
How do I help my boyfriend find a job and be supportive rather than making him feel bad?
posted by fr0zen to human relations (168 answers total)
My boyfriend and I are currently living in an apartment in Connecticut. It's expensive to live here (I've lived in a few other states, as has he), especially on my salary. We're not even breaking even at this point. I've always been scared/nervous about money issues and tend to overreact. I'm getting into what seems to me to be tremendous amounts of debt, just to live (try $25k on the credit cards).
We are both pretty bad about justifying spending. I know I get weird when he spends money that we don't have on his car, so I spend money we don't have on the pets. He tries so hard to make me feel okay with all the debt and my money issues. We talk about everything all the time, including this, so really communication is not the problem in the talking out issues sense, but I know he gets upset when I bring up the job subject.
I want him to get a job to help pay for our debts - and he will. I want him to get a job that he loves not just some crap job to bring in pay. We can probably live for a 6 mo. more if we're beyond careful with spending, off the credit.
Anyway, I want him to get a job that he loves, but I feel like everytime we talk about it he feels that I'm pressuring him to get work to pay for stuff. I am trying so hard to be supportive, but I want to help him find a job. He is a computer programmer with very little professional experience. He's not terribly confident in his skills, but I *know* he can do anything if they give him the chance. Without a college education, in our area, no one will even consider hiring. There just doesn't seem to be entry level work.
The craigslist solution of find work there doesn't seem to be working either. I've encouraged him to go to employment agencies but they are being quite nasty/intimidating. How do I help without pressuring? Should I start applying for better paying work even though I'm happy where I'm at (I started this past May)?
This post was deleted for the following reason: removed at poster's request