How to know you're in the good old days, before you've left them

December 27, 2024 9:07 PM

Some introspection in 2024 made me want to focus less on expecting things to go a certain way and more on focusing on the present. I have a gratitude practice but am interested in thoughts about how to remind my brain to focus on the present, beyond cultivating gratitude. Example under the fold.

One thought exercise I learned about this year that I seem to use mostly when I'm at the end of my patience after a long day: imagining I'm on my deathbed and some higher power has sent me back to relive the next five minutes all over again. I can appreciate things like having my child near me at the exact age she is now, having my partner with me, feeling healthy and well, being comfortable in my bed.

But I struggle with turning this into a concrete goal. What are some ways to appreciate the present? How to turn this into a measurable resolution?

posted by Threeve to Religion & Philosophy (14 answers total)

Mindfulness practices are designed to help you practice being in the moment and developing the "muscle" to return to the present moment when your mind inevitably wanders. Find a style of mindfulness meditation you like.
posted by lapis at 9:10 PM on December 27

I think it's simply a matter of appreciating good days as they happen. You have no way of knowing if later days will be the same, better, or worse. But you can make a point of appreciating good times as they occur.

As Kurt Vonnegut wrote:

My Uncle Alex, who is up in Heaven now, one of the things he found objectionable about human beings was that they so rarely noticed it when times were sweet. We could be drinking lemonade in the shade of an apple tree in the summertime, and Uncle Alex would interrupt the conversation to say, "If this isn't nice, what is?"

So I hope that you will do the same for the rest of your lives. When things are going sweetly and peacefully, please pause a moment, and then say out loud, "If this isn't nice, what is?”

posted by DirtyOldTown at 9:40 PM on December 27

I thought of that Vonnegut quote too! But moreso looking for really specific tactics on how to turn it into a concrete, measurable goal for 2025.
posted by Threeve at 11:37 PM on December 27

Go outside and touch the ground 2-4 times a day for 2-3minutes each. Say to yourself “thank fuck I am still here” that is all. It is entirely achievable and measurable - you either went out and touched the ground or you didn’t.
Bonus points if said ground is at the base of a tree.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 12:20 AM on December 28

if you have a practice that's working for you, that's great!

I struggle with turning this into a concrete goal. What are some ways to appreciate the present?

let go of the struggle? breathe, reflect
posted by HearHere at 1:37 AM on December 28

There are always people/businesses/institutions that are telling you, for reasons of their own, "these are hard times".. Trump campaigned on it even as statistics showed the country. In a prettty good place. And plenty of businesses sell stuff to fix problems, so they have to convince you there is a problem.

I think we all have our little ways of building a nest in which we can be comfortable, ways of knowing that we may be at sea, but out feet can still touch bottom. Like having pancakes for Sunday breakfast. Now, that's important.
posted by SemiSalt at 4:55 AM on December 28

You might also want to think about how turning mindfulness into a "concrete" trackable measurable goal is undermining the entire point of staying in the present. It's necessarily focusing on the past ("How have I been doing?") and future ("Will I accomplish my goal?"). There's a reason most of these practices are called "practices" rather than "accomplishments." Practice. Be. Don't focus so much on "do."
posted by lapis at 5:56 AM on December 28

Keep a journal? The measurement would be that you recorded it on a regular basis.
posted by hooray at 7:29 AM on December 28

When I saw Peggy Sue Got Married, I was moved when she went back and saw her mother.

My mom, who I was never really close to, moved in with us and drove me a bit nuts. I sometimes zapped myself back to calm imagining it was 40 years later and I had this chance to see her again. It made sitting through blaring Nancy Grace on TV a bit more bearable and I miss her now and wish she was in the other room, shouting - requesting some wacky dinner like scallop wrapped bacon again.

The harsh reality of knowing everything I have now will be no doubt be gone relatively soon makes me appreciate it.
posted by beccaj at 7:40 AM on December 28

Ooh, I've got ideas! I hate gratitude practice with a passion (protestant upbringing + tendency to downplay my own suffering = mixes badly with most gratitude stuff) but am working on cultivating attention to the present, which may or may not include appreciation for it--who knows what you'll find or how you'll feel about it if you pay attention!

Things I do:

- I have a self-care app (Finch) that I use for a number of things, but regarding present moment focus, I have a daily goal to spend five minutes connecting with the feelings in my body. I use the in-app timer and just focus on those physical sensations. It's surprisingly hard! I find doing things like grabbing my leg or scrunching my hair or rubbing my face to be helpful ways to connect with the physicality.

- I keep a small sketchpad on my desk and when I need a break I like to sketch at least one thing or person nearby. Doesn't matter how bad it is, and the focus is more about observing and learning all the details about objects I usually ignore in my day-to-day.

- I draw a daily tarot card with the general question of "what should I think about today?" and then try and observe how it plays out across my day. For example yesterday I drew the Emperor reversed, which calls you to examine your relationship to control and authority. It happened to be a day my partner and I had planned a big cleaning project, which I'm usually the "manager" of, and it cued me to pay closer attention to how I interacted with my partner throughout our work and made me more intentional in my words and actions. My partner thanked me later for how patient I was with them through the process. I keep the card out on my desk so that I can look at it and think, "How is this card reflecting my life right now?" While it does sometimes change my behavior, I use it more to just to give me something specific to observe in my life. It's had to just be like "I'm going to pay attention to everything that happens to me!" so the tarot card gives me a specific theme to look for and observe throughout the day.

I don't really measure any of these, though Finch does keep track of whether I've completed the connecting with my body timer. You could certainly make "do this thing consistently" a goal, though.
posted by brook horse at 7:53 AM on December 28

Heh, when I saw your question I thought of the Vonnegut quote, too. And then my Finch app. I've had various daily goals for "appreciate one thing I did well today" or similar, and it has been helpful.
posted by ldthomps at 11:59 AM on December 28

I think this is absolutely a habit you can develop consciously and I am noticing myself being better about it. The great thing is that every time I feel myself remarking on a nice moment I get reminded of a bunch of other times when I thought I was in a memorably nice moment.
posted by potrzebie at 12:58 PM on December 28

I don't practice gratitude as much as noticing the things that don't suck. I am in adequate health, I have a home, friends, a dog, good food. I have books, music, places to walk in nature, streaming media, the Web. I have libraries. There are things I'd like to have, but I have a livable life that is full of abundance. So, If this isn't nice, what is?
posted by theora55 at 1:46 PM on December 28

I’m answering the title question, how to recognize the good times, and not the last question, how to make this a concrete measurable goal. I’m not good at that last bit.

So, what I do, when I am VERY grumpy and circumstances do not permit me to isolate with snacks and tv and cats, is imagine it’s the apocalypse, the after times, the post-disaster world and that just for today I have been sent back to now, the before times. I spend quite some time imagining the empty, burnt, wrecked world that I will eventually be living in (forgive me, my thoughtless childhood media choices make this come easily to me) and then I look around at a world filled with hot water and air conditioning and people who are actually generally very decent to each other and can almost bring myself to tears that it’s all still here.

This is definitely a Your Mileage May Vary strategy, I can see how it might tip a person out of gratitude and into anxiety, but it works for me.

If you met me you would be surprised I’ve got these dark visions going on inside (and they help me stay upbeat!), I am often described as cheerful and bubbly!
posted by Jenny'sCricket at 4:28 AM on December 29