Gift ideas for elderly father?
June 4, 2022 9:33 AM Subscribe
What would a man in his early 80s like to receive? I am thinking of Father’s Day and his birthday in a couple of months.
He says he doesn’t need anything and doesn’t have room for anything. All he ever asks for anymore is restaurant gift cards. But I just gave him a little rechargeable fan you can hold in your hand (for the power outages expected this summer), and he liked that. He does like to be ready for contingencies.
He goes to the gym and lifts weights with a trainer once or twice a week, but seldom exercises on his own. Most weeks, he goes to a local casino for the slots. He enjoys jigsaw puzzles. He reads some science fiction and fantasy. He also likes sweets. He lives alone and goes out to eat a couple of times a week. His politics are conservative.
He likes gadgets and keeping track of things. I have been thinking of getting him a weather station, but I don’t know how that would go over.
I do try to spend time with him. But I am still being covid-cautious, and would take him somewhere probably only if it were outside. Tickets to X probably wouldn’t work unless it is for something outside. He socializes only with family, and I don’t know whether he would go on his own.
He also likes Julie London and some other jazz. I used to give him tickets to an outdoor jazz concert series. But he seems like he hasn’t enjoyed that as much the past few years. So I might take him to just a couple of those.
One year, I did give him a sports massage. He seemed so-so about that. Maybe I just didn’t pick a good provider. I also gave him some meals from personal chef. (The chef cooks at the chef’s place and delivers to the home.) I am considering doing that again.
We both live in Albuquerque, New Mexico, USA.
My budget is $50 to $200, although I usually spend about $100.
He says he doesn’t need anything and doesn’t have room for anything. All he ever asks for anymore is restaurant gift cards. But I just gave him a little rechargeable fan you can hold in your hand (for the power outages expected this summer), and he liked that. He does like to be ready for contingencies.
He goes to the gym and lifts weights with a trainer once or twice a week, but seldom exercises on his own. Most weeks, he goes to a local casino for the slots. He enjoys jigsaw puzzles. He reads some science fiction and fantasy. He also likes sweets. He lives alone and goes out to eat a couple of times a week. His politics are conservative.
He likes gadgets and keeping track of things. I have been thinking of getting him a weather station, but I don’t know how that would go over.
I do try to spend time with him. But I am still being covid-cautious, and would take him somewhere probably only if it were outside. Tickets to X probably wouldn’t work unless it is for something outside. He socializes only with family, and I don’t know whether he would go on his own.
He also likes Julie London and some other jazz. I used to give him tickets to an outdoor jazz concert series. But he seems like he hasn’t enjoyed that as much the past few years. So I might take him to just a couple of those.
One year, I did give him a sports massage. He seemed so-so about that. Maybe I just didn’t pick a good provider. I also gave him some meals from personal chef. (The chef cooks at the chef’s place and delivers to the home.) I am considering doing that again.
We both live in Albuquerque, New Mexico, USA.
My budget is $50 to $200, although I usually spend about $100.
Response by poster: He also likes crossword puzzles. I think I have previously given him both a crossword dictionary book and a an electronic puzzle dictionary/helper. I don't know whether he does sudoku.
posted by NotLost at 9:41 AM on June 4, 2022
posted by NotLost at 9:41 AM on June 4, 2022
Best answer: Maybe accompany him to Bubonicon this August, COVID permitting?
posted by carmicha at 9:47 AM on June 4, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by carmicha at 9:47 AM on June 4, 2022 [1 favorite]
Best answer: Slip-on shoes. My dad's in his eighties and bending over for laces is not on his to-do list.
posted by OHenryPacey at 9:48 AM on June 4, 2022 [5 favorites]
posted by OHenryPacey at 9:48 AM on June 4, 2022 [5 favorites]
Since he likes jigsaw puzzles and tinkery things, do you think he would enjoy a Lego set? They have all kinds of versions nowadays from Star Wars to Botanicals to City Skylines, etc. at a variety of price points. I just got my slightly younger but also less active dad the Mustang set as a combination Father's Day/Sorry life is kicking you in the teeth gift (he's a big classic Mustang guy) and am planning to spend some time helping him get his bearings with Lego assembly.
posted by Ufez Jones at 9:48 AM on June 4, 2022
posted by Ufez Jones at 9:48 AM on June 4, 2022
Best answer: A jigsaw puzzle made of family photos? Collage.com always has a sale on and they make beautiful custom jigsaws from your photos. You can do it from one photo or a collage.
posted by fingersandtoes at 10:00 AM on June 4, 2022
posted by fingersandtoes at 10:00 AM on June 4, 2022
One year, my adult daughter made a little booklet with her memories of all the things I’d done right as a parent. It was the best gift ever.
Second best was a Fitbit. Seeing step counts helps me want to exercise more, though I also realize that’s not for everyone.
posted by FencingGal at 11:10 AM on June 4, 2022 [6 favorites]
Second best was a Fitbit. Seeing step counts helps me want to exercise more, though I also realize that’s not for everyone.
posted by FencingGal at 11:10 AM on June 4, 2022 [6 favorites]
Kindle. And help getting a llibrary card, if he doesn't have one, so he can check out books to the Kindle for free.
posted by charlesminus at 11:30 AM on June 4, 2022 [4 favorites]
posted by charlesminus at 11:30 AM on June 4, 2022 [4 favorites]
Best answer: Maybe an easy to use power battery?i use this one to power my cpap incase of outages.
posted by tipsyBumblebee at 12:28 PM on June 4, 2022 [2 favorites]
posted by tipsyBumblebee at 12:28 PM on June 4, 2022 [2 favorites]
Good sun hat?
posted by LizardBreath at 12:28 PM on June 4, 2022 [4 favorites]
posted by LizardBreath at 12:28 PM on June 4, 2022 [4 favorites]
Best answer: A subscription service of some sort? For food, Zingerman offers options from coffee to bread to meats/cheeses to desserts. Potted plants or cut flowers are also possible. As are theater and concert events.
We had success also with binoculars for bird and animal watching for someone whose house backs a wooded area.
posted by beaning at 12:29 PM on June 4, 2022 [5 favorites]
We had success also with binoculars for bird and animal watching for someone whose house backs a wooded area.
posted by beaning at 12:29 PM on June 4, 2022 [5 favorites]
Best answer: One year my dad's birthday, I made a card that had 4 choices on it: a gift card to a campground of his choice, a membership at the local senior center, a family ride in a hot air balloon, and the last was a fishing trip.
It went over well -- he has an RV and choose the campground -- and the process gave him some agency instead of me guessing and forcing something he wouldn't like on him. Perhaps you could select a few things you think he would like and let him choose?
posted by chiefthe at 1:39 PM on June 4, 2022 [4 favorites]
It went over well -- he has an RV and choose the campground -- and the process gave him some agency instead of me guessing and forcing something he wouldn't like on him. Perhaps you could select a few things you think he would like and let him choose?
posted by chiefthe at 1:39 PM on June 4, 2022 [4 favorites]
Really good bourbon or Scotch?
Or a fancy ass brunch at Los Poblanos. I love that place.
posted by cyndigo at 6:02 PM on June 4, 2022
Or a fancy ass brunch at Los Poblanos. I love that place.
posted by cyndigo at 6:02 PM on June 4, 2022
Best answer: A picture frame that can be updated remotely.
My dad really liked a remote control helicopter he could fly around the house and yard.
A long shoehorn.
A bird feeder for his window.
posted by dpx.mfx at 8:58 PM on June 4, 2022
My dad really liked a remote control helicopter he could fly around the house and yard.
A long shoehorn.
A bird feeder for his window.
posted by dpx.mfx at 8:58 PM on June 4, 2022
Response by poster: Thank you for all the good ideas. I am leaning toward a Fitbit or a rival. That would check three boxes: a gadget, tracking something, and related to exercise.
Bubicon might work if covid ever ends. I had never heard of that before, but he did enjoy Roswell.
I marked as best answers ideas I might use in the future.
posted by NotLost at 9:27 AM on June 5, 2022
Bubicon might work if covid ever ends. I had never heard of that before, but he did enjoy Roswell.
I marked as best answers ideas I might use in the future.
posted by NotLost at 9:27 AM on June 5, 2022
He says he doesn’t need anything and doesn’t have room for anything. All he ever asks for anymore is restaurant gift cards.
I am not a man in his 80s, but I am a man who tells people exactly what your father tells you. And I can tell you that the single best gift I get is when people actually listen to me and respect my judgment about my own needs.
I can tell that your question comes from a kind and loving place. You want to make your dad's life better. Maybe you feel that an experience-based gift is temporary, but a physical object can be a part of his life forever-- even in those times when (because of COVID or some other reason) you yourself can't physically be there.
I'm probably projecting here. I have elderly parents and I know how frustrating it is is not to be able fix the inherent difficulties of age, and how strong the urge is to do... well, something. But if you're wrestling with the same complex emotions I'm feeling, and you make yourself feel better by bringing an unwanted item into his living space, then all you've really done is shifted the emotional burden onto him. After all, when he gets a physical gift he has asked you not to give, he has three choices:
1. He can get rid of your gift and feel guilty about it.
2. He can keep your gift and get rid of something that he chose for himself because he actively wanted it.
3. He can keep your gift and not get rid of anything and feel even more cluttered and stressed in his living space.
If it helps, there is a scientific evidence that the happiness we get from memories lasts longer than the happiness we get from objects. If you honor his request and give him a restaurant gift card, you're not giving him a single meal. You're giving him the anticipation of the meal, the pleasure of the meal, and then the happiness of the memory. So please honor his wishes and respect the fact that at this specific stage of life, he's more interested in building up memories than adding to his store of physical objects.
posted by yankeefog at 6:55 AM on June 6, 2022 [1 favorite]
I am not a man in his 80s, but I am a man who tells people exactly what your father tells you. And I can tell you that the single best gift I get is when people actually listen to me and respect my judgment about my own needs.
I can tell that your question comes from a kind and loving place. You want to make your dad's life better. Maybe you feel that an experience-based gift is temporary, but a physical object can be a part of his life forever-- even in those times when (because of COVID or some other reason) you yourself can't physically be there.
I'm probably projecting here. I have elderly parents and I know how frustrating it is is not to be able fix the inherent difficulties of age, and how strong the urge is to do... well, something. But if you're wrestling with the same complex emotions I'm feeling, and you make yourself feel better by bringing an unwanted item into his living space, then all you've really done is shifted the emotional burden onto him. After all, when he gets a physical gift he has asked you not to give, he has three choices:
1. He can get rid of your gift and feel guilty about it.
2. He can keep your gift and get rid of something that he chose for himself because he actively wanted it.
3. He can keep your gift and not get rid of anything and feel even more cluttered and stressed in his living space.
If it helps, there is a scientific evidence that the happiness we get from memories lasts longer than the happiness we get from objects. If you honor his request and give him a restaurant gift card, you're not giving him a single meal. You're giving him the anticipation of the meal, the pleasure of the meal, and then the happiness of the memory. So please honor his wishes and respect the fact that at this specific stage of life, he's more interested in building up memories than adding to his store of physical objects.
posted by yankeefog at 6:55 AM on June 6, 2022 [1 favorite]
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posted by BlahLaLa at 9:41 AM on June 4, 2022