Psychological social technique for communication/behavior mod?
February 21, 2022 2:18 PM
Psych enthusiasts or psyches/sociologists: What's the technique called when a person assumes another person's identity or disposition in an effort to communicate/relate/prompt them?
Eg. Harry and Sally are hanging out. Sally keeps speaking in a whisper and Harry cannot hear her. Harry doesn't want to directly contact Sally (to not be rude or otherwise), so Harry takes on Sally's role himself and says, "sometimes my voice drops to a scratch or whisper when indoors," this prompts Sally and she begins to speak at volume.
There's a name for this sort of Victorian politeness. I think it's also considered more "spiritually progressive," if that's your thing.
Eg. Harry and Sally are hanging out. Sally keeps speaking in a whisper and Harry cannot hear her. Harry doesn't want to directly contact Sally (to not be rude or otherwise), so Harry takes on Sally's role himself and says, "sometimes my voice drops to a scratch or whisper when indoors," this prompts Sally and she begins to speak at volume.
There's a name for this sort of Victorian politeness. I think it's also considered more "spiritually progressive," if that's your thing.
Mirroring is the behavior in which one person unconsciously imitates the gesture, speech pattern, or attitude of another. Mirroring often occurs in social situations ...
posted by SaltySalticid at 2:29 PM on February 21, 2022
posted by SaltySalticid at 2:29 PM on February 21, 2022
It may simply be mirroring. I thought a specific name existed for the rhetoric: I remember reading an entire handout, breaking the process down.
"Spiritually progressive," suggesting some people feel it's of a higher sense of spirit/enlightenment to indirectly refer a person's actions, then criticize or comment on any interactions directly (so the person can notice in subtly or "have a choice," as to whether or not their actions need revision.)
The person is conscious. The second subject is conscious or unconscious.
Sorry if this is confusing, it's a thing!
posted by firstdaffodils at 2:36 PM on February 21, 2022
"Spiritually progressive," suggesting some people feel it's of a higher sense of spirit/enlightenment to indirectly refer a person's actions, then criticize or comment on any interactions directly (so the person can notice in subtly or "have a choice," as to whether or not their actions need revision.)
The person is conscious. The second subject is conscious or unconscious.
Sorry if this is confusing, it's a thing!
posted by firstdaffodils at 2:36 PM on February 21, 2022
"Spiritually progressive," suggesting some people feel it's of a higher sense of spirit/enlightenment to indirectly refer a person's actions, then criticize or comment on any interactions directly (so the person can notice in subtly or "have a choice," as to whether or not their actions need revision.)
In my universe, people who play these sorts of games are known as “manipulative”, “presumptuous”, and frequently “assholes”. I’d run screaming from anyone that tried to pass off that kind of maladaptive behavior as “spiritually progressive”. (Mirroring most definitely gets used by cult members/leaders)
posted by a box and a stick and a string and a bear at 2:51 PM on February 21, 2022
In my universe, people who play these sorts of games are known as “manipulative”, “presumptuous”, and frequently “assholes”. I’d run screaming from anyone that tried to pass off that kind of maladaptive behavior as “spiritually progressive”. (Mirroring most definitely gets used by cult members/leaders)
posted by a box and a stick and a string and a bear at 2:51 PM on February 21, 2022
What was the context of the handout? That may narrow down or jog loose the memory connection to identify the jargon domain. Any number of movements and practices have made some hay by dressing up things like consciously making use of mirroring and code switching and whatnot and jargoning them up even further. For instance, it sounds like something that a neuro-linguistic programming seminar would probably charge corporate clients of its heyday an arm and leg for by presenting it as a new thing.
posted by Drastic at 3:09 PM on February 21, 2022
posted by Drastic at 3:09 PM on February 21, 2022
I believe the context was etiquette, psychology, and therapy or self actualization.
I'm sure some techniques are occult, some not, some are probably totally neuro ling programming. I'm not concerned for these uses, I'm seeking classic psych or sociology terminology.
posted by firstdaffodils at 3:46 PM on February 21, 2022
I'm sure some techniques are occult, some not, some are probably totally neuro ling programming. I'm not concerned for these uses, I'm seeking classic psych or sociology terminology.
posted by firstdaffodils at 3:46 PM on February 21, 2022
Actually, cultic or programming contrast is interesting, too. Wish I could find the referral. Thanks!
posted by firstdaffodils at 4:02 PM on February 21, 2022
posted by firstdaffodils at 4:02 PM on February 21, 2022
Mirroring is definitely a thing, but the example scenario you gave isn't mirroring. Is it possible you might be conflating neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) with Non-Violent Communication (NVC)?
Using language intended to subtly suggest something and therefore influence your interlocutor's behavior is classic NLP. The exact example you described is almost too explicit to actually fit NLP--it's more just passive-aggressive--but I think NLP is what you were getting at. The NLP version of your example would be more like Harry sprinkling the conversation with words like "quiet" and "soft" in a subtly negative way and "loud" and "clear" and "voice" in a subtly positive way. This would supposedly subconsciously influence Sally to start speaking more loudly and clearly.
NLP is not typically considered "spiritually progressive"--it's more often considered manipulative. The "spiritually progressive" angle, especially the way you described it acknowledging that the other person has a choice, is more NVC-like. The vastly oversimplified core of NVC is that you express how the other person's actions have made you feel, and they have the choice whether or not to do something about that. It's much more explicit, though: The NVC version of your example would be Harry saying "I feel frustrated and left out when I can't hear what you say."
It's worth noting that neither of these have much basis in psychological science, so they might not be what you're actually looking for--but a lot of people talk about them as if they do, so maybe they are what you're looking for.
posted by rhiannonstone at 5:34 PM on February 21, 2022
Using language intended to subtly suggest something and therefore influence your interlocutor's behavior is classic NLP. The exact example you described is almost too explicit to actually fit NLP--it's more just passive-aggressive--but I think NLP is what you were getting at. The NLP version of your example would be more like Harry sprinkling the conversation with words like "quiet" and "soft" in a subtly negative way and "loud" and "clear" and "voice" in a subtly positive way. This would supposedly subconsciously influence Sally to start speaking more loudly and clearly.
NLP is not typically considered "spiritually progressive"--it's more often considered manipulative. The "spiritually progressive" angle, especially the way you described it acknowledging that the other person has a choice, is more NVC-like. The vastly oversimplified core of NVC is that you express how the other person's actions have made you feel, and they have the choice whether or not to do something about that. It's much more explicit, though: The NVC version of your example would be Harry saying "I feel frustrated and left out when I can't hear what you say."
It's worth noting that neither of these have much basis in psychological science, so they might not be what you're actually looking for--but a lot of people talk about them as if they do, so maybe they are what you're looking for.
posted by rhiannonstone at 5:34 PM on February 21, 2022
It's probably NLP and a dash of classic passive aggressive behavior. Other suggestions welcome.
posted by firstdaffodils at 6:07 PM on February 21, 2022
posted by firstdaffodils at 6:07 PM on February 21, 2022
I'm not sure if this is an official name, but it does sound like a therapeutic technique I learned in grad school of strategic self-disclosure. That is, ethical self-disclosure from the therapist (whether truthful or a manipulation of the truth with good intentions) of an issue similar to the one the client is wrestling with, with the goal of either strengthening the therapeutic relationship, validating the client, or helping the client achieve insight into their issues. So maybe "self disclosure" in the context of a therapeutic relationship would be something to search for.
posted by carlypennylane at 6:51 PM on February 21, 2022
posted by carlypennylane at 6:51 PM on February 21, 2022
Heh, my uncle was manipulative, It was his job. Therapist turned ordained minister, long story. There is a thing like mirroring where one takes on most of the other's thinking and craftily points out the wrong-think or posits the better-think. Done well, it's exactly why people seek out therapists, or talk to their ministers. It is an arrogant sort of "I know better than you do" sort of thing, but it's also good Samaritan honest advice from some sort of experience. One couldn't be a therapist or minister without being manipulative or arrogant, that's the point.
So yeah, all the cultish things. But also the genuine disclosure things.
I call this minimizing Impedance Mismatch in communication to ensure maximal information transferal and avoid low information communication. But we're getting into communication theory.
Putting yourself into another's shoes. Eh, mirroring with exceptions of the things needed to be communicated.
posted by zengargoyle at 9:37 PM on February 21, 2022
So yeah, all the cultish things. But also the genuine disclosure things.
I call this minimizing Impedance Mismatch in communication to ensure maximal information transferal and avoid low information communication. But we're getting into communication theory.
Putting yourself into another's shoes. Eh, mirroring with exceptions of the things needed to be communicated.
posted by zengargoyle at 9:37 PM on February 21, 2022
therapists may strategically "self-disclose", as is their specialty term for telling the truth about what they think or what they have done, but self-disclosure is supposed to be true, no matter the use to which it is put. this is something else, and this other technique banks on its target understanding it but being too polite or repressed to confront it (e.g. by responding "Are you asking me to speak louder? Is there a reason you don't feel able to do so in a normal and respectful way?")
generally, the target of this blundering, patronizing nonsense will choose to humor the dipshit and just raise their voice as if they had been asked respectfully. meanwhile the other party goes off feeling very sneaky and clever because it "worked". much in the way that a parent may pretend not to see a toddler stealthily sneaking something, not because the toddler is so smooth but because it's sort of funny and sweet to let them feel like criminal masterminds.
an exception, that follows the form of this technique but is intrinsically different because it isn't employed as a technique, is when someone hurts you by accident and you say "Sorry!" --especially when you really thought they were about to apologize, but they don't. there is a situation created in which someone's got to apologize, and the appropriate person isn't going to, so the next best thing is doing it yourself.
if you're very very lucky, the other person was just distracted & will then say Oh no, I'M sorry. but that's still different, because even when this is the goal, it's just good old-fashioned shaming people into correct behavior, nothing underhanded about it.
posted by queenofbithynia at 4:54 PM on February 22, 2022
generally, the target of this blundering, patronizing nonsense will choose to humor the dipshit and just raise their voice as if they had been asked respectfully. meanwhile the other party goes off feeling very sneaky and clever because it "worked". much in the way that a parent may pretend not to see a toddler stealthily sneaking something, not because the toddler is so smooth but because it's sort of funny and sweet to let them feel like criminal masterminds.
an exception, that follows the form of this technique but is intrinsically different because it isn't employed as a technique, is when someone hurts you by accident and you say "Sorry!" --especially when you really thought they were about to apologize, but they don't. there is a situation created in which someone's got to apologize, and the appropriate person isn't going to, so the next best thing is doing it yourself.
if you're very very lucky, the other person was just distracted & will then say Oh no, I'M sorry. but that's still different, because even when this is the goal, it's just good old-fashioned shaming people into correct behavior, nothing underhanded about it.
posted by queenofbithynia at 4:54 PM on February 22, 2022
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posted by a box and a stick and a string and a bear at 2:28 PM on February 21, 2022