Blessings for a technological age
January 31, 2022 8:32 PM Subscribe
Brandon Blatcher shared a curse about email and passwords on MetaTalk. Now I want blessings/benedictions/etc. in the same vein - what are your favorites?
I was amused by the concept of technology-oriented curses, but prefer to put positive things in my brain wherever possible.
A broad definition of technology is encouraged! Got any good ones for your sewing machine? Blender? Drill press?
I was amused by the concept of technology-oriented curses, but prefer to put positive things in my brain wherever possible.
A broad definition of technology is encouraged! Got any good ones for your sewing machine? Blender? Drill press?
Best answer: May your box of random unsorted screws contain exactly the number and sort you need for your next quick repair.
posted by pernoctalian at 10:27 PM on January 31, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by pernoctalian at 10:27 PM on January 31, 2022 [1 favorite]
Best answer: I'm sorry (but you did say broad definition!) ... your post title sent me inexorably in the way of WH40K :
- The Chant for the Consecration of a New Machine -
Oh great Vessel of Honour,
May your servo-motors be guarded,
Against malfunction,
As your spirit is guarded from impurity.
We beseech the Machine God to watch over you.
Let flow the sacred oils,
And let not the sorrows of the Seven Perplexities
trouble thine pistons.
Let flow the blessed unguents,
And may thine circuitry remain divinely blessed.
More here, if Cult Mechanicus fires your grav-fields
posted by protorp at 3:44 AM on February 1, 2022
- The Chant for the Consecration of a New Machine -
Oh great Vessel of Honour,
May your servo-motors be guarded,
Against malfunction,
As your spirit is guarded from impurity.
We beseech the Machine God to watch over you.
Let flow the sacred oils,
And let not the sorrows of the Seven Perplexities
trouble thine pistons.
Let flow the blessed unguents,
And may thine circuitry remain divinely blessed.
More here, if Cult Mechanicus fires your grav-fields
posted by protorp at 3:44 AM on February 1, 2022
Best answer: May your Google search never fail.
May your Tumblr reblog get lots of notes and funny hashtags.
May the comments under your article be polite and germane.
May you be retweeted a reasonable amount of times and not get dragged in the QRTs.
May your post be ignored by spambots and crypto scammers.
May Pinterest never show up in your search results (unless you're specifically looking for something on Pinterest).
May you not be ratio'd.
posted by fight or flight at 4:16 AM on February 1, 2022
May your Tumblr reblog get lots of notes and funny hashtags.
May the comments under your article be polite and germane.
May you be retweeted a reasonable amount of times and not get dragged in the QRTs.
May your post be ignored by spambots and crypto scammers.
May Pinterest never show up in your search results (unless you're specifically looking for something on Pinterest).
May you not be ratio'd.
posted by fight or flight at 4:16 AM on February 1, 2022
Best answer: May you find the photo you are looking for before it becomes awkward with the person you want to show it to.
posted by slmorri at 5:40 AM on February 1, 2022 [3 favorites]
posted by slmorri at 5:40 AM on February 1, 2022 [3 favorites]
Well, there is my favourite curse that you probably already know…
May you step on a Lego.
posted by Jubey at 6:25 AM on February 1, 2022
May you step on a Lego.
posted by Jubey at 6:25 AM on February 1, 2022
Best answer: May your next phone upgrade actually make it better.
posted by Mchelly at 6:32 AM on February 1, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by Mchelly at 6:32 AM on February 1, 2022 [1 favorite]
Best answer: May your battery be miraculously removable and easily replaceable, before it begins to bulge.
May the auto-rotate function, and not annoy.
May you gain root without bricking it.
posted by eclectist at 9:24 AM on February 1, 2022 [1 favorite]
May the auto-rotate function, and not annoy.
May you gain root without bricking it.
posted by eclectist at 9:24 AM on February 1, 2022 [1 favorite]
Best answer: May your USB cables always go in on the first try.
posted by jedicus at 11:26 AM on February 1, 2022 [2 favorites]
posted by jedicus at 11:26 AM on February 1, 2022 [2 favorites]
Best answer: May your autocorrect dictionary never memorise your typos.
May your randomised playlist always pick the perfect song.
May your device battery last as long as you need it to.
posted by sailoreagle at 1:05 PM on February 1, 2022
May your randomised playlist always pick the perfect song.
May your device battery last as long as you need it to.
posted by sailoreagle at 1:05 PM on February 1, 2022
Best answer: May your charging cable never crack at the connecty bit.
posted by Mchelly at 1:08 PM on February 1, 2022
posted by Mchelly at 1:08 PM on February 1, 2022
Response by poster: Thank you so much! These are fantastic and entertaining and mostly things I would actually wish on friends.
Jubey, I think you misread the question... so I'm going to misread your answer as "May you never step on a lego."
protorp, I do not WH40K and have only a vague sense of what it is, but that seems like it would be relevant for a great many electromechanical things.
Thank you all, and may all your future questions be answered so well!
posted by sibilatorix at 9:11 PM on February 1, 2022 [1 favorite]
Jubey, I think you misread the question... so I'm going to misread your answer as "May you never step on a lego."
protorp, I do not WH40K and have only a vague sense of what it is, but that seems like it would be relevant for a great many electromechanical things.
Thank you all, and may all your future questions be answered so well!
posted by sibilatorix at 9:11 PM on February 1, 2022 [1 favorite]
May the ebook you want be immediately available in your library app
May your keyboard remain free of crumbs
May your CAPTCHAs not catch ya
May your speakers/headphones always be at the ideal volume
May you have enough charging cable of the right length wherever you go
May your lightbulbs and smoke alarms last forever
May you never have to wait for your streaming content to buffer
posted by eyeball at 11:04 PM on February 1, 2022 [1 favorite]
May your keyboard remain free of crumbs
May your CAPTCHAs not catch ya
May your speakers/headphones always be at the ideal volume
May you have enough charging cable of the right length wherever you go
May your lightbulbs and smoke alarms last forever
May you never have to wait for your streaming content to buffer
posted by eyeball at 11:04 PM on February 1, 2022 [1 favorite]
May your headphone cables untangle as you lift them up.
May the thread get into your sewing machine as easy as putting your foot into your favorite slipper.
May your earbuds huddle together and patiently wait for you, just where you need them.
May there be One Charger to rule them all. One Way to put them. One Cable to charge them all and in the darkness find them.
May your blender be clean after the first quick rinse.
May the tabs you’ll never read, and only those you’ll never need, close themselves when you’re not looking.
May your standing desk rise noiselessly and the cable of your monitor be just the right length to afford serene indifference to the desk’s rising and lowering.
posted by meijusa at 1:29 AM on February 2, 2022
May the thread get into your sewing machine as easy as putting your foot into your favorite slipper.
May your earbuds huddle together and patiently wait for you, just where you need them.
May there be One Charger to rule them all. One Way to put them. One Cable to charge them all and in the darkness find them.
May your blender be clean after the first quick rinse.
May the tabs you’ll never read, and only those you’ll never need, close themselves when you’re not looking.
May your standing desk rise noiselessly and the cable of your monitor be just the right length to afford serene indifference to the desk’s rising and lowering.
posted by meijusa at 1:29 AM on February 2, 2022
May there be file duplicates only when you are looking for one.
May your bag contain all of and only the electronics accessories you need right then.
May the brightness of your screens adapt according to your needs.
May the notifications of your kettle, microwave, egg boiler, oven only pleasantly chime in the volume and duration you need and remain silent when you already know it’s done.
posted by meijusa at 1:36 AM on February 2, 2022
May your bag contain all of and only the electronics accessories you need right then.
May the brightness of your screens adapt according to your needs.
May the notifications of your kettle, microwave, egg boiler, oven only pleasantly chime in the volume and duration you need and remain silent when you already know it’s done.
posted by meijusa at 1:36 AM on February 2, 2022
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by itsamermaid at 8:47 PM on January 31, 2022 [3 favorites]