Dealing with financial woes of the socially inept.
March 27, 2006 5:20 AM Subscribe
How can I become more socially adept/assertive? I'm now losing money because of my social anxiety.
I avoid most social confrontations at all costs. I arrive to work 30 minutes early (unpaid) to avoid people, I rarely buy anything not online or in the "self checkout" asile, have no friends qq, etc, the entire socialphobe gambit.
This is really frustrating, but I usually comfort myself by thinking "if I weren't this way, I wouldn't be able to do whatever" basically the RPG stats justification: I have so many points to distribute among certain character stats (I have gimped 'social'-> but I no longer play rpgs =).
In the past, I've lost money because I do not want to call and talk with pushy customer service. But, I used to take zeros if I had to speak to a class, later I began loving those opportunities (maybe because I felt I knew my shite, and otherwise I do not). Now I have a few bleeding money issues that my social wimpness doom for the apathy pile. It's not so bad, maybe $400-500/year but maybe I'm just trying to justify it. I'm otherwise very prudent with money and take pride in being so, although I'm easily ripped off.
Has anyone beat something like this? I'd like to master one domain at a time and financially this looks like a good place to start. How can I a) systematically approach problems that require non-writing interaction w/o panicing and putting off b) use some sort of system to overcome this problem as whole, eventually?
Big question, but if I could get some ideas about not being such a wimp, it'd be nice. My feelings on the subject do not equal my thoughts; it seems so easy when I plan it, when I try to execute, it does not happen =/
I avoid most social confrontations at all costs. I arrive to work 30 minutes early (unpaid) to avoid people, I rarely buy anything not online or in the "self checkout" asile, have no friends qq, etc, the entire socialphobe gambit.
This is really frustrating, but I usually comfort myself by thinking "if I weren't this way, I wouldn't be able to do whatever" basically the RPG stats justification: I have so many points to distribute among certain character stats (I have gimped 'social'-> but I no longer play rpgs =).
In the past, I've lost money because I do not want to call and talk with pushy customer service. But, I used to take zeros if I had to speak to a class, later I began loving those opportunities (maybe because I felt I knew my shite, and otherwise I do not). Now I have a few bleeding money issues that my social wimpness doom for the apathy pile. It's not so bad, maybe $400-500/year but maybe I'm just trying to justify it. I'm otherwise very prudent with money and take pride in being so, although I'm easily ripped off.
Has anyone beat something like this? I'd like to master one domain at a time and financially this looks like a good place to start. How can I a) systematically approach problems that require non-writing interaction w/o panicing and putting off b) use some sort of system to overcome this problem as whole, eventually?
Big question, but if I could get some ideas about not being such a wimp, it'd be nice. My feelings on the subject do not equal my thoughts; it seems so easy when I plan it, when I try to execute, it does not happen =/
One thing that helps with my (much milder than yours) social anxiety is to just remember that the other person doesn't care nearly as much about our interaction as I do, so all my worrying is pointless.
But, yeah. You do very much need to talk to a therapist. No kidding around.
posted by ook at 5:54 AM on March 27, 2006
But, yeah. You do very much need to talk to a therapist. No kidding around.
posted by ook at 5:54 AM on March 27, 2006
Could you approach a customer service interaction as if it was a performance or an act, like you weren't really being you, you were just improvising and playing a part?
(Like you are role playing).
posted by visual mechanic at 5:58 AM on March 27, 2006
(Like you are role playing).
posted by visual mechanic at 5:58 AM on March 27, 2006
I am also hoping to see more creative answers to this question than just, 'get a therapist'. It seems that therapy is viewed as a panacea a certain amount in the world, a lot in the US and almost ubiquitously on AskMeFi.
As CL said, it seems like getting a therapist might be helpful, but maybe we can all pitch in an suggest strategies for coping with social interaction.
Most people dislike making phonecalls to people they don't know, so you're not alone. To solve your immediate problems, you need to learn to do this. It does get easier the more you do it. And really, the trick is to just make the first call. Just force yourself to do it. It might be easier if you make a few quick notes about what you need to say or ask. Do it in the morning so you don't spend all day worrying about it and building it up into an absolute nightmare in your mind. It might help to try imagining the person on the other end of the phone - build up a mental picture of what they look like.
Good luck.
posted by pollystark at 6:23 AM on March 27, 2006
As CL said, it seems like getting a therapist might be helpful, but maybe we can all pitch in an suggest strategies for coping with social interaction.
Most people dislike making phonecalls to people they don't know, so you're not alone. To solve your immediate problems, you need to learn to do this. It does get easier the more you do it. And really, the trick is to just make the first call. Just force yourself to do it. It might be easier if you make a few quick notes about what you need to say or ask. Do it in the morning so you don't spend all day worrying about it and building it up into an absolute nightmare in your mind. It might help to try imagining the person on the other end of the phone - build up a mental picture of what they look like.
Good luck.
posted by pollystark at 6:23 AM on March 27, 2006
I've often found there are a lot of (minor) successes to be had when sticking up for myself with customer service agents. Since you've found that you can get over some of your anxiety by focusing on how capable you can be (e.g. with public speaking - shudder!), maybe you could employ the same strategy with customer service agents. Give it a try, learn some techniques, keep track of your successes. You might find this is another area where you can branch out.
As for techniques that might help you succeed with customer service people, this Real Simple article might help.
posted by Amizu at 6:24 AM on March 27, 2006
As for techniques that might help you succeed with customer service people, this Real Simple article might help.
posted by Amizu at 6:24 AM on March 27, 2006
I am also hoping to see more creative answers to this question than just, 'get a therapist'. It seems that therapy is viewed as a panacea a certain amount in the world, a lot in the US and almost ubiquitously on AskMeFi.
That kind of seems like saying "I'm hoping to see more creative answers to this than just 'see a doctor.' It seems that medicine is viewed as a panacea to a certain amount of the world."
A therapist is someone who helps you work through a psychological problem. Saying "see a therapist" is like saying "see a doctor." It's not a recommendation for a particular procedure, but a recommendation to consult a professional; or, read another way, an acknowledgement of the limitations on helping people solve their interior problems in an impersonal, text-only medium. Your "therapist" doesn't really have to be a paid professional - it could be a close, patient friend. But as anon says that he has few friends, and as few of us really have friends who want to play therapist, the recommendation is usually to consult someone who does this for a living. I suppose it could be a copout sometimes, but I don't think it is as much as you seem to be implying.
posted by ludwig_van at 6:35 AM on March 27, 2006
That kind of seems like saying "I'm hoping to see more creative answers to this than just 'see a doctor.' It seems that medicine is viewed as a panacea to a certain amount of the world."
A therapist is someone who helps you work through a psychological problem. Saying "see a therapist" is like saying "see a doctor." It's not a recommendation for a particular procedure, but a recommendation to consult a professional; or, read another way, an acknowledgement of the limitations on helping people solve their interior problems in an impersonal, text-only medium. Your "therapist" doesn't really have to be a paid professional - it could be a close, patient friend. But as anon says that he has few friends, and as few of us really have friends who want to play therapist, the recommendation is usually to consult someone who does this for a living. I suppose it could be a copout sometimes, but I don't think it is as much as you seem to be implying.
posted by ludwig_van at 6:35 AM on March 27, 2006
This is what works for me sometimes.
I am often overanalyzing social interactions, essentially I end up thinking about all the things that could happen and since I can't really predict how it will turn out, I tend to avoid the situations altogether.
When I realize I'm falling into that trap, I take a step back and rather than worry about the content of the interaction, I focus instead on the steps. For example, I need to call customer service, talk to someone that knows about x, and tell them my situation. Then I STOP THINKING and do. Often I'll write it down, and I make myself not think about what will happen by focusing on what I need to do. Once I've finished with the social interaction I reflect on the fact that I made it worse in my head than it was in reality and try to use that to overcome resistance for the next interaction.
posted by forforf at 6:45 AM on March 27, 2006
I am often overanalyzing social interactions, essentially I end up thinking about all the things that could happen and since I can't really predict how it will turn out, I tend to avoid the situations altogether.
When I realize I'm falling into that trap, I take a step back and rather than worry about the content of the interaction, I focus instead on the steps. For example, I need to call customer service, talk to someone that knows about x, and tell them my situation. Then I STOP THINKING and do. Often I'll write it down, and I make myself not think about what will happen by focusing on what I need to do. Once I've finished with the social interaction I reflect on the fact that I made it worse in my head than it was in reality and try to use that to overcome resistance for the next interaction.
posted by forforf at 6:45 AM on March 27, 2006
Take a call centre job (or any job where you work the phones). That way, you HAVE to call people, and you'll get used to it.
posted by Orange Goblin at 6:46 AM on March 27, 2006
posted by Orange Goblin at 6:46 AM on March 27, 2006
To prevent a potential derail, here is a MetaTalk post about whether therapy is too readily suggested as a solution on AskMeFi.
posted by pollystark at 6:51 AM on March 27, 2006
posted by pollystark at 6:51 AM on March 27, 2006
I'm sorry if it sounds like I snarked on the idea in the first comment. In this case, the poster really sounds like he needs professional help of some kind. This is the kind of thing that's cureable.
posted by CunningLinguist at 6:56 AM on March 27, 2006
posted by CunningLinguist at 6:56 AM on March 27, 2006
Practice being a little more social in situations where there is no pressure on you to get something out of it (like money or service).
Use the cashier lane and smile and make eye contact with him or her. You don't have to carry on a conversation. Start with the small step of acknowledging them. Smile and nod at a nieghbor when you pass in the hall. Pick one coworker who is friendly enough, and ask them how their weekend was.
As far as dealing with customer service or any kind of sticky situation over the phone, I've found that the physical act of writing out a script of what I wanted to say, and how I would answer their questions (almost like preparing for an interview) helped me have more confidence.
A book I'm reading right now that is very illuminating is "The Introvert Advantage" by Marti Olsen Laney.
posted by SuperSquirrel at 6:58 AM on March 27, 2006
Use the cashier lane and smile and make eye contact with him or her. You don't have to carry on a conversation. Start with the small step of acknowledging them. Smile and nod at a nieghbor when you pass in the hall. Pick one coworker who is friendly enough, and ask them how their weekend was.
As far as dealing with customer service or any kind of sticky situation over the phone, I've found that the physical act of writing out a script of what I wanted to say, and how I would answer their questions (almost like preparing for an interview) helped me have more confidence.
A book I'm reading right now that is very illuminating is "The Introvert Advantage" by Marti Olsen Laney.
posted by SuperSquirrel at 6:58 AM on March 27, 2006
You used to play RPGs? Well, why did you ever quit? Start it up again. Find a campaign and get gaming. It'll be a perfect low-pressure situation in which to get used to people.
posted by Faint of Butt at 7:09 AM on March 27, 2006
posted by Faint of Butt at 7:09 AM on March 27, 2006
I actually did what Orange Goblin said, took a job at a technical support job (for construction products not computers) for just that reason. For me it was like an acrophobic taking a window washing job but it helped me a lot more than therapy did.
One thing you don't mention is how old you are. Social stuff tends to get easier the older you are and the more practice you get. The thing to remember is that you're always going to be an introvert to some extent but if you can fake being an extrovert you can function just fine in society. I still hate having to lead meetings or give presentations but I do them anyway and muddle my way through them. I still think of my self as being really shy and introverted but when I say that to people that know me, they are often surprised so I guess that I've learned to fake it well enough.
posted by octothorpe at 7:45 AM on March 27, 2006
One thing you don't mention is how old you are. Social stuff tends to get easier the older you are and the more practice you get. The thing to remember is that you're always going to be an introvert to some extent but if you can fake being an extrovert you can function just fine in society. I still hate having to lead meetings or give presentations but I do them anyway and muddle my way through them. I still think of my self as being really shy and introverted but when I say that to people that know me, they are often surprised so I guess that I've learned to fake it well enough.
posted by octothorpe at 7:45 AM on March 27, 2006
Personal experience suggests a couple of things:
1) Just smiling and giving a general greeting (i.e. use eye contact, but don't stop and don't lead into conversation, etc.) to people you pass regularly feels weird initially, but gives you a bit of a buzz. Don't do it to the drunk guy at the back of the bus, or the lunatic with the knife shoved in his belt...
2) Once you can do (1) have a go at asking random people the time, or perhaps ask for directions (to somewhere that you know where it is) - very low-pressure conversation, but standard, universal principle. Don't forget to say thanks!
3) Get past the point of caring what people think - I would never used to speak up in class, even though I knew the answers. It got to the point where, because nobody spoke up, we'd sit there in silence like dumbasses - so I just thought "what the hell", and piped up with a quavering, nervous little voice. There's bound to be someone who'll snigger if you get it wrong - but my response (after a few cringing embarrassed episodes) was then "hey - at least I tried."... it was usually the class troublemaker/underachiever, so ultimately their opinion was worthless anyway.
4) If you're going to say something - be it a question, an answer, a discussion - at least either know about the subject, have an opinion about it, or at least have a throwaway remark to explain (e.g. "Sorry, I have no idea what happened in episode 18 of Star Trek; I was more into Star Wars" - this may then lead the conversation into an area you're more familiar with)
5) Related to (4) somewhat - planning conversations is OK, but be careful to not plan/rehearse too much. We've all (probably) seen the comedy films where a guy practices what he'll say to the girl, but it doesn't go to plan and he's left floundering (or perhaps carries on with the same script even though his statements have no bearing on what she's just said).
6) Brain freezes as mentioned in (5) happen all the time - to everyone. You need a good escape line ("uhh... my brain's frozen; tell me about 'x' ")
7) There will always be some people who will try to put you down and make you feel stupid - often bosses, or insecure types. Dig up some really cool put-downs ("Yeah, if I was paid as much as you, I'd have been able to afford an accurate calculator too!"), or perhaps try for self-deprecating humour ("Oh yeah, that's really obvious isn't it? Perhaps I shouldn't have cancelled my brain transpant operation last week!")
8) Do you have the same kind of issues when conversing online? e.g. in IRC, IM, online games? Maybe that'd be a starting point to broach the interaction barrier...
Hope that some of this helps!
(On preview - I'm also in a similar situation to octothorpe, in that I'd call myself an intravert, and would by nature choose to be introverted, alone, and quiet - but everyone I know thinks I'm a role-model extravert, as I've forced myself to behave in that manner for meetings at work, social events, parties, sports, etc.)
posted by Chunder at 7:53 AM on March 27, 2006 [1 favorite]
1) Just smiling and giving a general greeting (i.e. use eye contact, but don't stop and don't lead into conversation, etc.) to people you pass regularly feels weird initially, but gives you a bit of a buzz. Don't do it to the drunk guy at the back of the bus, or the lunatic with the knife shoved in his belt...
2) Once you can do (1) have a go at asking random people the time, or perhaps ask for directions (to somewhere that you know where it is) - very low-pressure conversation, but standard, universal principle. Don't forget to say thanks!
3) Get past the point of caring what people think - I would never used to speak up in class, even though I knew the answers. It got to the point where, because nobody spoke up, we'd sit there in silence like dumbasses - so I just thought "what the hell", and piped up with a quavering, nervous little voice. There's bound to be someone who'll snigger if you get it wrong - but my response (after a few cringing embarrassed episodes) was then "hey - at least I tried."... it was usually the class troublemaker/underachiever, so ultimately their opinion was worthless anyway.
4) If you're going to say something - be it a question, an answer, a discussion - at least either know about the subject, have an opinion about it, or at least have a throwaway remark to explain (e.g. "Sorry, I have no idea what happened in episode 18 of Star Trek; I was more into Star Wars" - this may then lead the conversation into an area you're more familiar with)
5) Related to (4) somewhat - planning conversations is OK, but be careful to not plan/rehearse too much. We've all (probably) seen the comedy films where a guy practices what he'll say to the girl, but it doesn't go to plan and he's left floundering (or perhaps carries on with the same script even though his statements have no bearing on what she's just said).
6) Brain freezes as mentioned in (5) happen all the time - to everyone. You need a good escape line ("uhh... my brain's frozen; tell me about 'x' ")
7) There will always be some people who will try to put you down and make you feel stupid - often bosses, or insecure types. Dig up some really cool put-downs ("Yeah, if I was paid as much as you, I'd have been able to afford an accurate calculator too!"), or perhaps try for self-deprecating humour ("Oh yeah, that's really obvious isn't it? Perhaps I shouldn't have cancelled my brain transpant operation last week!")
8) Do you have the same kind of issues when conversing online? e.g. in IRC, IM, online games? Maybe that'd be a starting point to broach the interaction barrier...
Hope that some of this helps!
(On preview - I'm also in a similar situation to octothorpe, in that I'd call myself an intravert, and would by nature choose to be introverted, alone, and quiet - but everyone I know thinks I'm a role-model extravert, as I've forced myself to behave in that manner for meetings at work, social events, parties, sports, etc.)
posted by Chunder at 7:53 AM on March 27, 2006 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: I feel for you. My anxiety about dealing with people has improved tremendously since I started my current job coordinating volunteers--I have to make phone calls and talk to people I don't know. You're still a step ahead--like CunningLinguist, public speaking = screaming horrors.
I would try "transitioning" to the point where you're comfortable meeting new people. That's what worked for me--I mean, I'm still not comfortable, but I can do it OK.
First (and this has helped me more than anything), make eye contact and smile and say hello to strangers when you're walking down the street. Or even just make eye contact and smile--work your way up. Most people will not stop to talk with you or say anything more than "How are you doing" (which you can reply "Fine" and keep walking). This is a great way to get used to initiating social interaction without having to deal with the niceties of small talk. Being able to say hello to people you don't know is really the first step.
Second, email. Are you able to send emails to people you don't know? If the company you're trying to contact has an email address or online help form, use it! This is like talking to another person, but without the split-second contact. You get plenty of time to compose your thoughts and process their reply. When I started my job, I used email almost exclusively as my contact method.
Then comes the phone calls. Treat the phone call like a speech. Write down exactly what you want to say before you call so if you freeze up in the middle you'll have notes to fall back on. Remember, when dealing with customer service you're the one in control, and you gotta make sure you make all your points even if they don't fit in to the conversation.
A cheat: If you think the person is likely to call back, call during the off-hours and leave a message. Then you have free range to say everything you need to and they have to call you to reply.
Finally, send emails or make phone calls as soon as you know they need to be done! For me, the longer I procrastinate and obsess about making contact the less likely anything's going to happen. You must simply get your papers together and do it.
posted by Anonymous at 8:00 AM on March 27, 2006
I would try "transitioning" to the point where you're comfortable meeting new people. That's what worked for me--I mean, I'm still not comfortable, but I can do it OK.
First (and this has helped me more than anything), make eye contact and smile and say hello to strangers when you're walking down the street. Or even just make eye contact and smile--work your way up. Most people will not stop to talk with you or say anything more than "How are you doing" (which you can reply "Fine" and keep walking). This is a great way to get used to initiating social interaction without having to deal with the niceties of small talk. Being able to say hello to people you don't know is really the first step.
Second, email. Are you able to send emails to people you don't know? If the company you're trying to contact has an email address or online help form, use it! This is like talking to another person, but without the split-second contact. You get plenty of time to compose your thoughts and process their reply. When I started my job, I used email almost exclusively as my contact method.
Then comes the phone calls. Treat the phone call like a speech. Write down exactly what you want to say before you call so if you freeze up in the middle you'll have notes to fall back on. Remember, when dealing with customer service you're the one in control, and you gotta make sure you make all your points even if they don't fit in to the conversation.
A cheat: If you think the person is likely to call back, call during the off-hours and leave a message. Then you have free range to say everything you need to and they have to call you to reply.
Finally, send emails or make phone calls as soon as you know they need to be done! For me, the longer I procrastinate and obsess about making contact the less likely anything's going to happen. You must simply get your papers together and do it.
posted by Anonymous at 8:00 AM on March 27, 2006
Response by poster: Or exactly what Chunder said. Holy crap, I should've previewed.
posted by Anonymous at 8:02 AM on March 27, 2006
posted by Anonymous at 8:02 AM on March 27, 2006
I think part of it is learning what our strengths and weaknesses are. I have to kind of disagree with CL- I was well known in my classes to be able to talk in front of the class nonstop, yet when I detest talking on the phone. If you are good at talking in front of a class, what about teaching? Or tutoring?
It's also easy to see you're an introvert, and I might suggest partaking in activities that force you to break this mold. I used to be extremely extremely shy, and while I still don't relish the spotlight, I am much better at coming out of my shell then I used to be. A large part of the reason is I took jobs forcing my out of my comfort zone. When I was younger, I took a job as a server which obviously forces me talk all day to people regardless of whether or not I want to, albeit on an informal basis. After that, I took a couple year job as a supervisor forcing me to build and maintain relationships with fellow co-workers; regardless of my feelings to said workers, I still had to work kosherly with them. It was either make myself deal with the people and not be so introverted, or loose my job. I chose to keep my job, and it has paid dividends over the years.
Something very important to keep in mind is realize this isn't going to take place over night. I've been working hardcore on this problem myself for a number of years, and there are a number of things where I'm too withdrawn from others and hold me back (number one of these is learning how to networking. My nemesis). Work on your strengths, and key in one things you can improve on.
posted by jmd82 at 8:11 AM on March 27, 2006
It's also easy to see you're an introvert, and I might suggest partaking in activities that force you to break this mold. I used to be extremely extremely shy, and while I still don't relish the spotlight, I am much better at coming out of my shell then I used to be. A large part of the reason is I took jobs forcing my out of my comfort zone. When I was younger, I took a job as a server which obviously forces me talk all day to people regardless of whether or not I want to, albeit on an informal basis. After that, I took a couple year job as a supervisor forcing me to build and maintain relationships with fellow co-workers; regardless of my feelings to said workers, I still had to work kosherly with them. It was either make myself deal with the people and not be so introverted, or loose my job. I chose to keep my job, and it has paid dividends over the years.
Something very important to keep in mind is realize this isn't going to take place over night. I've been working hardcore on this problem myself for a number of years, and there are a number of things where I'm too withdrawn from others and hold me back (number one of these is learning how to networking. My nemesis). Work on your strengths, and key in one things you can improve on.
posted by jmd82 at 8:11 AM on March 27, 2006
Any social interaction has risks; you might be more able to bear the risks if you really think them through. Severity/probability of bad outcomes, benefits/probabilities of good outcomes. Of course you're not going to be able to get really solid numbers, you'll just be guesstimating, and on limited experience at that, but I bet making a nice detailed list will make the whole thing much more manageable, and will encourage the logical part of you to override your desire to simply flee.
Don't see yourself as a failure or merely inept; I believe these social skills are taught/learned, and if you didn't learn them, maybe your environment when you were a kid didn't allow it for whatever reason. Instead you learned other skills; now you can focus on the social, and when and to whatever degree you improve this skill, you'll really be ahead of the game. So to speak.
One thing that has helped me take social risks in the past: thinking to myself "I can always move and start over somewhere else". This is easier if you're younger, of course, and the fact is that I haven't had to move yet, but it was a tremendously helpful thought. Also, if you're in a large city (I'm not) it may be less necessary.
Moving doesn't apply to talking to customer service, of course, but perhaps to more local social adventures you might undertake.
posted by amtho at 8:52 AM on March 27, 2006
Don't see yourself as a failure or merely inept; I believe these social skills are taught/learned, and if you didn't learn them, maybe your environment when you were a kid didn't allow it for whatever reason. Instead you learned other skills; now you can focus on the social, and when and to whatever degree you improve this skill, you'll really be ahead of the game. So to speak.
One thing that has helped me take social risks in the past: thinking to myself "I can always move and start over somewhere else". This is easier if you're younger, of course, and the fact is that I haven't had to move yet, but it was a tremendously helpful thought. Also, if you're in a large city (I'm not) it may be less necessary.
Moving doesn't apply to talking to customer service, of course, but perhaps to more local social adventures you might undertake.
posted by amtho at 8:52 AM on March 27, 2006
Paxil's FDA approved for treatment of this 'syndrome'.
posted by ikkyu2 at 12:16 PM on March 27, 2006
posted by ikkyu2 at 12:16 PM on March 27, 2006
Wouldn't it be great if there were some kind of magic liquid that you could drink to make you feel more confident? And wouldn't it be better still if such a liquid were available in an almost limitless array of tasty variants?
Alright, it's by no means the answer to (or the cause of!) every problem, but I don't see why you couldn't have a wee drink before calling the cable company or whatever if it makes you feel better. After a bit of practice you won't need it.
posted by teleskiving at 12:55 PM on March 27, 2006
Alright, it's by no means the answer to (or the cause of!) every problem, but I don't see why you couldn't have a wee drink before calling the cable company or whatever if it makes you feel better. After a bit of practice you won't need it.
posted by teleskiving at 12:55 PM on March 27, 2006
Fake it. Call customer service as an experiment, don't be concerned about getting your money refunded this time. This time you are just educating yourself. Be nice. Say something like: "Help! Can you help me? Please? I'm trying to figure out why my bill is so high (or whatever). Would you walk me through it?" Ask questions, "Why?" What does that mean?. How do I do that?" You have already paid for "customer service" by buying the product , dammit, they can just serve as your teacher here. Remember to be nice, this time it is not about winning. Write that in big letters at the top of a piece of paper then write down the points you want to make to use as a guideline.
What helped me was when I ended up be "customer service" for a company I was working for (everyone had to do it). I really fought it but guess what? For the first few weeks I FAKED IT. I acted like one of the people who was good at it. I acted like I wasn't afraid some customer was going to yell at me or get me to give them something they didn't deserve and I'd get in trouble. And, I was always so grateful when someone was nice about it. I'd really try to help those people. I ended up being pretty good at it. Just remember, some of them are terrified too, or at least they used to be. You could even try saying: "I'm not usually a complainer and I'm not good at this sort of thing but could you please help me?" Just keep being kind and remember it's not about winning, this time it's just about learning. Good luck..
posted by BoscosMom at 2:27 PM on March 27, 2006
What helped me was when I ended up be "customer service" for a company I was working for (everyone had to do it). I really fought it but guess what? For the first few weeks I FAKED IT. I acted like one of the people who was good at it. I acted like I wasn't afraid some customer was going to yell at me or get me to give them something they didn't deserve and I'd get in trouble. And, I was always so grateful when someone was nice about it. I'd really try to help those people. I ended up being pretty good at it. Just remember, some of them are terrified too, or at least they used to be. You could even try saying: "I'm not usually a complainer and I'm not good at this sort of thing but could you please help me?" Just keep being kind and remember it's not about winning, this time it's just about learning. Good luck..
posted by BoscosMom at 2:27 PM on March 27, 2006
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But did I understand right? You used to be afraid of speaking to a class but now you can? If that's so, you can do *anything.* I can, and do, routinely talk to strangers and have no problem barging into a party and talking everyone's ear off, but in a million, billion years I couldn't get up and talk to a class. I made one speech once and the memory still gives me the screaming horrors. So you might not be as bad off as you think, is my point. You've overcome a phobia that remains the number one fear for people.
posted by CunningLinguist at 5:40 AM on March 27, 2006