Fulfilling a need for recognition
June 2, 2019 12:54 AM Subscribe
So as I described in my last question I have been doing a lot better lately than I was previously. However I feel like even though I’m doing really well, no-one is noticing or being happy for me. I feel invisible. How do I address this need before it becomes a problem?
I mostly described how my life is going in that previous question but some things that aren’t in there: I have lost weight (24.7kg over the last 6 months) and okay, I’m not at my goal weight yet but I’ve gone from being a BMI of well into the obese category to only overweight.
I have taken on increased responsibility at work and I really do my best to do a good job, not a half- assed one like so many people I have to deal with and I have increased my self confidence (not sure if anyone can tell)
The dating thing has yet to yield any dates, so that might be contributing to why I am feeling unnoticed, but I really feel like I am working really hard and doing really well, but the recognition from others is not forthcoming. Obviously I can’t control what they do, but I don’t want to just accept their indifference to me either. How do I get this need met now before it becomes a problem?
Note: Please do not suggest therapy. I work full time and have explored the only therapist available in my area on Saturdays but she was very expensive and not a good fit.
I mostly described how my life is going in that previous question but some things that aren’t in there: I have lost weight (24.7kg over the last 6 months) and okay, I’m not at my goal weight yet but I’ve gone from being a BMI of well into the obese category to only overweight.
I have taken on increased responsibility at work and I really do my best to do a good job, not a half- assed one like so many people I have to deal with and I have increased my self confidence (not sure if anyone can tell)
The dating thing has yet to yield any dates, so that might be contributing to why I am feeling unnoticed, but I really feel like I am working really hard and doing really well, but the recognition from others is not forthcoming. Obviously I can’t control what they do, but I don’t want to just accept their indifference to me either. How do I get this need met now before it becomes a problem?
Note: Please do not suggest therapy. I work full time and have explored the only therapist available in my area on Saturdays but she was very expensive and not a good fit.
This post was deleted for the following reason: A couple of problems here: a) Ask Me isn't meant to be used for an ongoing, "here's where I am now" sort of dialogue, but also b) this is too general to be answered in a satisfactory way, where "others" is an undefined, amorphous group. Please contact us if you'd like help narrowing this down into a more specific question. -- taz
Are you happy for anyone around you? Who are you happy for?
I really do my best to do a good job, not a half- assed one like so many people I have to deal with and I have increased my self confidence (not sure if anyone can tell)
Do you expect these people to notice the extra effort you're putting in and praise you for it? It doesn't sound like they would necessarily view it as a positive. How does your self confidence reflect onto them? What would recognition look like?
posted by RainyJay at 2:43 AM on June 2, 2019
I really do my best to do a good job, not a half- assed one like so many people I have to deal with and I have increased my self confidence (not sure if anyone can tell)
Do you expect these people to notice the extra effort you're putting in and praise you for it? It doesn't sound like they would necessarily view it as a positive. How does your self confidence reflect onto them? What would recognition look like?
posted by RainyJay at 2:43 AM on June 2, 2019
This thread is closed to new comments.
I'm not saying this to put your accomplishments down in any way - you should be proud of your hard work and the results you're seeing in different parts of your life! But also the only time you mention others in this question is to allude to folks who half-ass it at work. Maybe you're in a place right now that you can spend a little energy on finding people who are also working hard and doing well, and tell them so? You have to mean it, though - a reflexive "oh you too!" is not going to fulfill your need for validation, I don't think. What you're looking for is a lot more thoughtful and truthful, and the only way to get that is to put out the same.
posted by Mizu at 2:26 AM on June 2, 2019