How do I stop obsessing over a serious mistake that I can’t correct?
April 21, 2019 3:17 PM Subscribe
A co-worker got fired a month ago, and I just found out that I might have done something that contributed to his termination. I can’t stop beating myself up for it.
My co-worker “Frank” was unexpectedly canned last month. It was all hush-hush, but a very reliable source recently told me the general reason for the firing – and it came as quite a shock to me. I’m not certain, but I think I inadvertently played a significant role in the sequence of events that ended with his termination.
Here’s what I know. Frank was usually a conscientious employee, but one day he made a mistake – one that involved a significant breach of organizational rules. I spotted the mistake – and had I been thinking clearly, I would have fixed it myself, or talked to him privately about it, so that he could take care of it. If I had acted this way, everything would have worked out fine. Instead, I did something very reckless and irresponsible, something I really regret now, that essentially just covered-up the problem without actually fixing it. Sorry this is all so vague.
I should mention that no-one knows about my actions, especially not Frank. It’s also important to know that neither one of us acted with any malice. Frank was sloppy, and I was just plain stupid. But a disinterested outside observer would probably conclude that my misdeed was the worse one of the two.
Until this recent firing, I had thought that no-one noticed either of our blunders. But now I suspect that it all came to light, and Frank was (correctly) blamed for the initial mistake, but incorrectly blamed for the second misstep that followed it. Had the true facts come to light, I think the likeliest outcome would have been a reprimand for Frank, and termination for me.
I now feel horribly guilty for my role in all this . And there is really nothing I can do to rectify the situation. Theoretically, I could go to HR and confess everything, but it’s very unlikely that Frank would be re-hired, and it’s also quite likely that I would be fired. I also can’t really talk to Frank about it, because I think that he might go to HR, and… he still wouldn’t get his job back (and, as above, there would be repercussions for me).
Meanwhile, I’ve been ruminating about this issue literally all day, every day, for the past week. I wasn’t close with Frank, but he seemed like a decent sort of guy. I’d guess that he was about 10 years away from retirement age, and he and his spouse had just bought a new home. At the very least, I feel like I could have easily prevented Frank from getting fired. My biggest consolation is that I could be wrong about all the details surrounding his firing, so perhaps his termination had nothing to do with me. I’d give it an 80% chance that I’m right, though.
I’m seeking advice on how to move past this, as it's causing me significant distress with no obvious way out.
My co-worker “Frank” was unexpectedly canned last month. It was all hush-hush, but a very reliable source recently told me the general reason for the firing – and it came as quite a shock to me. I’m not certain, but I think I inadvertently played a significant role in the sequence of events that ended with his termination.
Here’s what I know. Frank was usually a conscientious employee, but one day he made a mistake – one that involved a significant breach of organizational rules. I spotted the mistake – and had I been thinking clearly, I would have fixed it myself, or talked to him privately about it, so that he could take care of it. If I had acted this way, everything would have worked out fine. Instead, I did something very reckless and irresponsible, something I really regret now, that essentially just covered-up the problem without actually fixing it. Sorry this is all so vague.
I should mention that no-one knows about my actions, especially not Frank. It’s also important to know that neither one of us acted with any malice. Frank was sloppy, and I was just plain stupid. But a disinterested outside observer would probably conclude that my misdeed was the worse one of the two.
Until this recent firing, I had thought that no-one noticed either of our blunders. But now I suspect that it all came to light, and Frank was (correctly) blamed for the initial mistake, but incorrectly blamed for the second misstep that followed it. Had the true facts come to light, I think the likeliest outcome would have been a reprimand for Frank, and termination for me.
I now feel horribly guilty for my role in all this . And there is really nothing I can do to rectify the situation. Theoretically, I could go to HR and confess everything, but it’s very unlikely that Frank would be re-hired, and it’s also quite likely that I would be fired. I also can’t really talk to Frank about it, because I think that he might go to HR, and… he still wouldn’t get his job back (and, as above, there would be repercussions for me).
Meanwhile, I’ve been ruminating about this issue literally all day, every day, for the past week. I wasn’t close with Frank, but he seemed like a decent sort of guy. I’d guess that he was about 10 years away from retirement age, and he and his spouse had just bought a new home. At the very least, I feel like I could have easily prevented Frank from getting fired. My biggest consolation is that I could be wrong about all the details surrounding his firing, so perhaps his termination had nothing to do with me. I’d give it an 80% chance that I’m right, though.
I’m seeking advice on how to move past this, as it's causing me significant distress with no obvious way out.
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