What are all options for remedying these misogynst death threats?
November 13, 2018 3:43 PM Subscribe
My girlfriend's roommate sent her 30+ serious, terrifying threats by text messages. These messages caused her to pack up her entire apartment on Sunday while the police kept the man locked in his bedroom. I want advice on all legal and creative options for redressing his crime against her, and the inaction / mishandling of the case by the police. Happy to also hear tenancy advice from anyone familiar with tenancy law in Los Angeles specifically.
(Trigger warning: rape, torture, and death threats discussed below.)
BACKGROUND
GF is on the lease. Asshole is not on the lease, has never been on the lease, and pays his rent directly to GF. (Landlord has never cashed a single check by asshole.)
GF asked roommate to move out, with his verbal agreement, and gave him 30 days. Asshole did not move. GF attempted to move him out herself by changing the locks. Other female roommate let him back in for reasons unclear to all, since she also wanted him gone. GF then gave him a 60 day notice on paper. Then a 3 day notice.
THREATS AGAINST GF
After the 3 day notice, text messages became increasingly bizarre and aggressive.
On Wednesday, neighbors called the police to the residence because Asshole was in a loud fight with his girlfriend. (Asshole's GF is not an ally to my GF, just FYI.)
On Thursday, GF files 30 day notice to move out of the apartment, because she's tired of everything.
On Friday, my GF filed a police report which was recorded as "Annoying Text Messages."
On Friday, Asshole began vandalizing GF's door, including Nazi "SS" logo, the word "shiksa" dozens of times, drug store Halloween "RIP" tombstone, "Goodluck - BYE," and various other things. Vandalism continued for at least a day.
On Saturday, GF learned via security camera that Asshole broke into her room and appeared to be throwing her things out the window. Police are called to the scene; we wait for them to arrive. Police engage in a heated exchange with Asshole from my GF's window. He appears to be totally unhinged and on meth - police confirm the same suspicion. He yells at them, insists they speak to him in Hebrew, yells that he is unsafe with my GF in the apt, etc.
Police learn there is possible a gun (Asshole's GF) and then tell us that they didn't want to enter the apartment based on a property crime with no monetary value attached to it. Police advise GF never to come back to the apartment without police present (I'm serious), and leave, saying they ran a background check and "he's clean." (LAPD Rampart Division, AMIRIGHT?!?!?)
On Saturday night (same day), GF receives over 30 text messages including the following threats: "i will end you," threats to cut off her head and breasts with a knife, various pseudo-religiouis reference to "the Hebrew god," along with threats to rape her, burn her, destroy the apartment, etc.
On Saturday night, police came back, decided not to go inside, and advised us to bring a moving truck and call the police the next morning. (GF was okay with this because planning to move out as a result of all this.)
On Sunday morning, we did this. Police locked Asshole in his bedroom while we spent four hours moving her out. Then he left us alone with him the apartment, after instructing him to stay in the apartment. We said we thought the text messages were a crime, and a real threat, and the cops said they were not "credible threats." We pressed him on this, and the cop said, "[Asshole] said you threatened to kick his ass, I have criminal threats on both of you." (GF is 5'3", 110 lbs, the Asshole is a grown 42 year old man.) Then they left. We moved her stuff into a storage space.
On Monday we learned that Asshole was throwing her few remaining things into the parkway in front of the neighbor's house, possessions valued at several hundred dollars.
Today, the Courts are opened again and so GF is seeking a restraining order.
ALL ACTION TAKEN SO FAR
Landlord has been aware of the situation for three months but hesitated to do anything for what I assume are arcane reasons of not wanting to acknowledge non-lease tenants under LA law. Landlord is willing to let GF move back in (she doesn't want this guy to know where she lives though). Landlord will likely evict soon, since the two remaining occupants are not on the lease.
Six police complaints at the address, initiated by three separate women on three separate occasions (neighbor, GF, GF's friend who found herself barred from exiting the apartment by Asshole, only to escape later). All from Wednesday to Monday. Police have seen: photos of the vandalized door, the threatening texts, and possibly an IG photo of Asshole's GF's gun, which does exist.
QUESTIONS ABOUT THE POLICE
The police appear to have fucked up epically here - we interacted with eight officers on three occasions in less than 24 hours, and none were willing to arrest this person despite being pretty much the dictionary definition of felony criminal threats under CA law. Also, a leaseholder was essentially evicted overnight by a subletter who threatened to rape and murder her, and this was done basically by the suggestion and under the watch of the police. What should we do about the police?
We have been advised that she should demand her police report, see if "felony threats" have been added to it, and if not, file a new report for that specific crime.
I have reached out to Councilmember O'Farrell's office in my district in Los Angeles. I'm playing phone tag with them as we speak. My goal is to meet with them, ask them to lend some creedence or assistance in filing a complaint and seeking action at Rampart Division in LA. I truly believe that the only difference between my GF's story and the "LAPD BUREAUCRATIC OVERSIGHT LEADS TO TRAGIC KILLING AFTER ALL THE WARNING SIGNS WERE THERE" is just that my GF isn't dead. I saw the way the guy was acting. Psychotic break mixed with violent ideation mixed with deep-seated misogyny.
What else should I do or my GF do?
QUESTIONS ABOUT THE ASSHOLE
The Asshole owes my GF about $4,000 in rent, loss of deposit, and damages by my reckoning, plus emotional damages. What is the best way for a person of modest means (non-profit salary) to seek and successfully win these damages?
The asshole is a marginal human being making a marginal living by trying to ride the coattails of two local Los Angeles musicians, one of whom is Pitchfork royalty indie rock shit, and the other of whom is a musician in Pitchfork royalty rap shit. I am not well connected in the local rock scene, but I know some people who are, and I believe that I'm just one or two degrees removed from people who book venues in the over-gentrified neighborhoods of Silver Lake, Echo Park, Highland Park, Westlake, etc. I think this person is a threat to women and should not be allowed to further his career in LA rock clubs.
What else should GF and I be thinking about related to her safety, her ability to right the wrong he has perpetrated on her, and making sure everyone knows that this local musician is a threat to women? Specifically, this is a white man who appears to enjoy bullying and trying to destroy/harm women of color? (Both female roommates are Asian women.)
(Trigger warning: rape, torture, and death threats discussed below.)
BACKGROUND
GF is on the lease. Asshole is not on the lease, has never been on the lease, and pays his rent directly to GF. (Landlord has never cashed a single check by asshole.)
GF asked roommate to move out, with his verbal agreement, and gave him 30 days. Asshole did not move. GF attempted to move him out herself by changing the locks. Other female roommate let him back in for reasons unclear to all, since she also wanted him gone. GF then gave him a 60 day notice on paper. Then a 3 day notice.
THREATS AGAINST GF
After the 3 day notice, text messages became increasingly bizarre and aggressive.
On Wednesday, neighbors called the police to the residence because Asshole was in a loud fight with his girlfriend. (Asshole's GF is not an ally to my GF, just FYI.)
On Thursday, GF files 30 day notice to move out of the apartment, because she's tired of everything.
On Friday, my GF filed a police report which was recorded as "Annoying Text Messages."
On Friday, Asshole began vandalizing GF's door, including Nazi "SS" logo, the word "shiksa" dozens of times, drug store Halloween "RIP" tombstone, "Goodluck - BYE," and various other things. Vandalism continued for at least a day.
On Saturday, GF learned via security camera that Asshole broke into her room and appeared to be throwing her things out the window. Police are called to the scene; we wait for them to arrive. Police engage in a heated exchange with Asshole from my GF's window. He appears to be totally unhinged and on meth - police confirm the same suspicion. He yells at them, insists they speak to him in Hebrew, yells that he is unsafe with my GF in the apt, etc.
Police learn there is possible a gun (Asshole's GF) and then tell us that they didn't want to enter the apartment based on a property crime with no monetary value attached to it. Police advise GF never to come back to the apartment without police present (I'm serious), and leave, saying they ran a background check and "he's clean." (LAPD Rampart Division, AMIRIGHT?!?!?)
On Saturday night (same day), GF receives over 30 text messages including the following threats: "i will end you," threats to cut off her head and breasts with a knife, various pseudo-religiouis reference to "the Hebrew god," along with threats to rape her, burn her, destroy the apartment, etc.
On Saturday night, police came back, decided not to go inside, and advised us to bring a moving truck and call the police the next morning. (GF was okay with this because planning to move out as a result of all this.)
On Sunday morning, we did this. Police locked Asshole in his bedroom while we spent four hours moving her out. Then he left us alone with him the apartment, after instructing him to stay in the apartment. We said we thought the text messages were a crime, and a real threat, and the cops said they were not "credible threats." We pressed him on this, and the cop said, "[Asshole] said you threatened to kick his ass, I have criminal threats on both of you." (GF is 5'3", 110 lbs, the Asshole is a grown 42 year old man.) Then they left. We moved her stuff into a storage space.
On Monday we learned that Asshole was throwing her few remaining things into the parkway in front of the neighbor's house, possessions valued at several hundred dollars.
Today, the Courts are opened again and so GF is seeking a restraining order.
ALL ACTION TAKEN SO FAR
Landlord has been aware of the situation for three months but hesitated to do anything for what I assume are arcane reasons of not wanting to acknowledge non-lease tenants under LA law. Landlord is willing to let GF move back in (she doesn't want this guy to know where she lives though). Landlord will likely evict soon, since the two remaining occupants are not on the lease.
Six police complaints at the address, initiated by three separate women on three separate occasions (neighbor, GF, GF's friend who found herself barred from exiting the apartment by Asshole, only to escape later). All from Wednesday to Monday. Police have seen: photos of the vandalized door, the threatening texts, and possibly an IG photo of Asshole's GF's gun, which does exist.
QUESTIONS ABOUT THE POLICE
The police appear to have fucked up epically here - we interacted with eight officers on three occasions in less than 24 hours, and none were willing to arrest this person despite being pretty much the dictionary definition of felony criminal threats under CA law. Also, a leaseholder was essentially evicted overnight by a subletter who threatened to rape and murder her, and this was done basically by the suggestion and under the watch of the police. What should we do about the police?
We have been advised that she should demand her police report, see if "felony threats" have been added to it, and if not, file a new report for that specific crime.
I have reached out to Councilmember O'Farrell's office in my district in Los Angeles. I'm playing phone tag with them as we speak. My goal is to meet with them, ask them to lend some creedence or assistance in filing a complaint and seeking action at Rampart Division in LA. I truly believe that the only difference between my GF's story and the "LAPD BUREAUCRATIC OVERSIGHT LEADS TO TRAGIC KILLING AFTER ALL THE WARNING SIGNS WERE THERE" is just that my GF isn't dead. I saw the way the guy was acting. Psychotic break mixed with violent ideation mixed with deep-seated misogyny.
What else should I do or my GF do?
QUESTIONS ABOUT THE ASSHOLE
The Asshole owes my GF about $4,000 in rent, loss of deposit, and damages by my reckoning, plus emotional damages. What is the best way for a person of modest means (non-profit salary) to seek and successfully win these damages?
The asshole is a marginal human being making a marginal living by trying to ride the coattails of two local Los Angeles musicians, one of whom is Pitchfork royalty indie rock shit, and the other of whom is a musician in Pitchfork royalty rap shit. I am not well connected in the local rock scene, but I know some people who are, and I believe that I'm just one or two degrees removed from people who book venues in the over-gentrified neighborhoods of Silver Lake, Echo Park, Highland Park, Westlake, etc. I think this person is a threat to women and should not be allowed to further his career in LA rock clubs.
What else should GF and I be thinking about related to her safety, her ability to right the wrong he has perpetrated on her, and making sure everyone knows that this local musician is a threat to women? Specifically, this is a white man who appears to enjoy bullying and trying to destroy/harm women of color? (Both female roommates are Asian women.)
This post was deleted for the following reason: Heya, I appreciate you're trying to provide context for a worrying situation, but I reckon there's a way to get at the key bits you want advice on with a rewrite that doesn't involve painting a super detailed picture of your GF in the process and that'd be a better way to go. Maybe give this an edited-down do-over. -- cortex
owes my GF about $4,000 in rent, loss of deposit, and damages.....making a marginal living by trying to ride the coattails of two local Los Angeles musicians
Chances of collecting damages sound poor unless he owns property such as a car, I am sorry to say
posted by thelonius at 4:01 PM on November 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
Chances of collecting damages sound poor unless he owns property such as a car, I am sorry to say
posted by thelonius at 4:01 PM on November 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
Response by poster: thelonius -
This is kinda what I figured. I mean, he is a literal trust fund baby, so there's money in his life, but it's probably not his money, technically.
posted by kensington314 at 4:08 PM on November 13, 2018
This is kinda what I figured. I mean, he is a literal trust fund baby, so there's money in his life, but it's probably not his money, technically.
posted by kensington314 at 4:08 PM on November 13, 2018
Contact a local domestic violence agency. They will be able to point you to any of a variety of resources that might be able to provide assistance/advice w/r/t safety, next steps, etc.
Consider also looking at the Stalking Resource Center for information, documentation notebooks, etc. Consider downloading and keeping a documentation notebook, which usually goes hand-in-hand with a restraining order.
And I don't want to patronize, but don't put too much faith in a restraining order. It's just a piece of paper, and it won't stop him from hurting her, if he's determined. It might scare him off, but it doesn't have the power to actually stop him. I think a lot of people see it as a magical force field, and it is not.
posted by Gorgik at 4:08 PM on November 13, 2018 [6 favorites]
Consider also looking at the Stalking Resource Center for information, documentation notebooks, etc. Consider downloading and keeping a documentation notebook, which usually goes hand-in-hand with a restraining order.
And I don't want to patronize, but don't put too much faith in a restraining order. It's just a piece of paper, and it won't stop him from hurting her, if he's determined. It might scare him off, but it doesn't have the power to actually stop him. I think a lot of people see it as a magical force field, and it is not.
posted by Gorgik at 4:08 PM on November 13, 2018 [6 favorites]
This looks like a list of providers in the area, and there's a hotline listed that you can call - 1-800-978-3600
posted by Gorgik at 4:11 PM on November 13, 2018
posted by Gorgik at 4:11 PM on November 13, 2018
Yes, contact a local domestic violence agency. I'm sorry this is happening to you.
posted by sockermom at 4:13 PM on November 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by sockermom at 4:13 PM on November 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
Please wait to seek redress. Your GF could end up with PTSD from all of this, she might have additional damages in the form of counselling bills, etc.
Focus on your GF's safety, health, and wellbeing before getting to retribution. Our cops have victim services that would be helpful in this kind of situation (where a person is a victim or witness to a crime), but I understand if you do not have faith in LA's police department to get these kind of services at this point. Nthing contact domestic violence agency for assistance.
posted by crazycanuck at 4:14 PM on November 13, 2018 [5 favorites]
Focus on your GF's safety, health, and wellbeing before getting to retribution. Our cops have victim services that would be helpful in this kind of situation (where a person is a victim or witness to a crime), but I understand if you do not have faith in LA's police department to get these kind of services at this point. Nthing contact domestic violence agency for assistance.
posted by crazycanuck at 4:14 PM on November 13, 2018 [5 favorites]
- Get copies of your police reports, copies of the video, copies of text messages, pics of the vandalism. Absolutely file a new police report.
- Take evidence to court, get the emergency restraining order.
- Contact a good DV org and obtain legal advice, including for the restraining order.
- Who is her council person? Go to his/her office in City Hall in person and talk to them!
- Call an attorney and seek legal advice.
- Lock down all social media, be on alert in public spaces and at work. Do not ever return to that apartment.
Your GF was not allowed to change the locks, that was against the law.
I know you want to warn people, but for the moment I advise against it. I’m sorry this is happening, truly. This guy sounds like he will end up in the hospital, in jail, or on the street in short order. I suggest your GF gets herself out of the way and let’s him get where he’s going. If she owes money to the landlord, maybe she can work out a payment plan? I’m... so very sorry.
This is one of those situations where she needs to be grateful she’s alive and safe.
She should start working a self-care plan immediately. I don’t know her lifestyle or schedule or interests, but I have ideas. Even if it’s just ONE thing she does for herself every day that builds stability and positive emotions, like hiking or spin class or meditation, visiting a spiritual center, or a volunteer opportunity - Do That.
posted by jbenben at 4:52 PM on November 13, 2018 [1 favorite]
- Take evidence to court, get the emergency restraining order.
- Contact a good DV org and obtain legal advice, including for the restraining order.
- Who is her council person? Go to his/her office in City Hall in person and talk to them!
- Call an attorney and seek legal advice.
- Lock down all social media, be on alert in public spaces and at work. Do not ever return to that apartment.
Your GF was not allowed to change the locks, that was against the law.
I know you want to warn people, but for the moment I advise against it. I’m sorry this is happening, truly. This guy sounds like he will end up in the hospital, in jail, or on the street in short order. I suggest your GF gets herself out of the way and let’s him get where he’s going. If she owes money to the landlord, maybe she can work out a payment plan? I’m... so very sorry.
This is one of those situations where she needs to be grateful she’s alive and safe.
She should start working a self-care plan immediately. I don’t know her lifestyle or schedule or interests, but I have ideas. Even if it’s just ONE thing she does for herself every day that builds stability and positive emotions, like hiking or spin class or meditation, visiting a spiritual center, or a volunteer opportunity - Do That.
posted by jbenben at 4:52 PM on November 13, 2018 [1 favorite]
In the future if you did not already, write down the names & badge #’s of any officers and elected or appointed officials you interact with. Get a notebook with file pockets to keep everything in one place.
posted by jbenben at 4:54 PM on November 13, 2018
posted by jbenben at 4:54 PM on November 13, 2018
I would delete this. The amount of identifying information is staggering.
I know you're upset but it is likely that you can get help without all of the details about the guy's profession, your girlfriend's employment and weight, etc.
posted by k8t at 5:58 PM on November 13, 2018 [9 favorites]
I know you're upset but it is likely that you can get help without all of the details about the guy's profession, your girlfriend's employment and weight, etc.
posted by k8t at 5:58 PM on November 13, 2018 [9 favorites]
So sorry this is happening. Forget the money and the items. Don’t hold your breath that the police will be helpful or accountable (sorry, but that’s experience talking, many women/poc will back me up here.) If she wants to pursue the restraining order then that’s her decision, but be aware there are pros and cons. Forget the apartment. Forget taking this public.
This is a crisis that is still ongoing, and as her partner, your job is to remove her from the crisis situation, separate her from any/all dealings with the dangerous person, and support her in any practical and emotional way. Now is not the time for vengeance. She isn’t safe. If you talk about him within his circles, serve him notices, pursue him for money, you may endanger her. Forget all of that until you’re sure she’s safe.
posted by kapers at 6:19 PM on November 13, 2018 [3 favorites]
This is a crisis that is still ongoing, and as her partner, your job is to remove her from the crisis situation, separate her from any/all dealings with the dangerous person, and support her in any practical and emotional way. Now is not the time for vengeance. She isn’t safe. If you talk about him within his circles, serve him notices, pursue him for money, you may endanger her. Forget all of that until you’re sure she’s safe.
posted by kapers at 6:19 PM on November 13, 2018 [3 favorites]
Yeah did your GF give you permission to post all this info on the Internet? I know you are all scared and feeling like you want/need to do something but I would also strongly suggest deleting or severely editing this and seeking legal advice.
posted by nakedmolerats at 6:36 PM on November 13, 2018 [3 favorites]
posted by nakedmolerats at 6:36 PM on November 13, 2018 [3 favorites]
Yes, delete, but meanwhile what the HELL with these cops? They blockaded him in his room in his sublet? Since when is that protocol?
posted by Don Pepino at 7:02 PM on November 13, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by Don Pepino at 7:02 PM on November 13, 2018 [1 favorite]
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I also want to say: anyone who knows anyone in Los Angeles who could helpful in reaching out to local venues, musicians, etc. to raise the alert on this person in lieu of police doing their job, please DM me.
posted by kensington314 at 3:44 PM on November 13, 2018