Anxiety about a job I messed up at, because of anxiety
October 24, 2018 10:04 PM Subscribe
I really underperformed at an internship because of my intense introversion and social anxiety. How do I talk about this job in interviews?
After my college graduation, I applied for a job at a large organization. I didn't get the job, but the head of the department offered me a paid internship. I quickly discovered it was a bad fit. I wasn't assigned any major projects, and the most significant work anyone gave me was data entry. Once they asked me to organize a filing cabinet. I asked for more work on my own a few times -- though not as much as I probably should have -- and was told they didn't have anything for me.
I think a large reason I wasn't assigned more work was because of my shyness, magnified by social anxiety. While the internship wasn't very closely defined, the department's work involved building relationships with people, something I'm good at, in a professional setting, when it's in a transactional way (customer service), but not outside of that. Occasionally there would be large mixers and gatherings for the department, and I'd always be painfully shy. The worst example was our Christmas party, where everyone was going around and chatting, and I just sat at my front desk chair, using "DJing" (managing the playlist, really) as an excuse to not mingle, taking like four bathroom breaks in a course of an hour. I knew I was embarrassing myself at the time, appearing standoffish, uninterested, and rude to people, but I just felt so intensely uncomfortable, it still felt like a better alternative to mingling.
The lack of work and the fact that I felt uncomfortable around my coworkers meant I'd come into the job, surf the internet, and collect my paycheck. Sometimes I'd use my time productively -- learning a new skill -- but most of the time, I wouldn't. I knew I was doing a terrible job, but I even asked my supervisor in the role, more than once, if she had any notes on my performance, and she didn't suggest anything for me. (I've assumed she felt too awkward to tell me that I was too awkward for the job.) When she told me that they'd decided to end the internship at a certain date, it didn't feel like a firing -- they gave me almost two months notice -- but that's what it feels like in retrospect.
I ended up taking a food service job after the internship ended, and I've stuck with it for over two years. But I've been trying to get a more stable, more creative job, and I just dread having to talk about this internship where I had no accomplishments. I've tried to get around it by hyping up a position I filled in for at the internship, where I did a more specific role when another employee was out for two weeks, which I handled well. That feels pretty dishonest, though, but "that job was a bad match for my crippling social anxiety" feels like a definite disqualifier for most jobs. Occasionally I'll pivot to "I discovered that field wasn't right for me," but then the interviewer will usually press me about what I was actually doing at the job.
Is there any good narrative I could tell about this job? I feel a rush of embarrassment and shame whenever I think about my time there, and that, coupled with my lack of accomplishments, makes it my most dreaded thing to talk about in an interview.
After my college graduation, I applied for a job at a large organization. I didn't get the job, but the head of the department offered me a paid internship. I quickly discovered it was a bad fit. I wasn't assigned any major projects, and the most significant work anyone gave me was data entry. Once they asked me to organize a filing cabinet. I asked for more work on my own a few times -- though not as much as I probably should have -- and was told they didn't have anything for me.
I think a large reason I wasn't assigned more work was because of my shyness, magnified by social anxiety. While the internship wasn't very closely defined, the department's work involved building relationships with people, something I'm good at, in a professional setting, when it's in a transactional way (customer service), but not outside of that. Occasionally there would be large mixers and gatherings for the department, and I'd always be painfully shy. The worst example was our Christmas party, where everyone was going around and chatting, and I just sat at my front desk chair, using "DJing" (managing the playlist, really) as an excuse to not mingle, taking like four bathroom breaks in a course of an hour. I knew I was embarrassing myself at the time, appearing standoffish, uninterested, and rude to people, but I just felt so intensely uncomfortable, it still felt like a better alternative to mingling.
The lack of work and the fact that I felt uncomfortable around my coworkers meant I'd come into the job, surf the internet, and collect my paycheck. Sometimes I'd use my time productively -- learning a new skill -- but most of the time, I wouldn't. I knew I was doing a terrible job, but I even asked my supervisor in the role, more than once, if she had any notes on my performance, and she didn't suggest anything for me. (I've assumed she felt too awkward to tell me that I was too awkward for the job.) When she told me that they'd decided to end the internship at a certain date, it didn't feel like a firing -- they gave me almost two months notice -- but that's what it feels like in retrospect.
I ended up taking a food service job after the internship ended, and I've stuck with it for over two years. But I've been trying to get a more stable, more creative job, and I just dread having to talk about this internship where I had no accomplishments. I've tried to get around it by hyping up a position I filled in for at the internship, where I did a more specific role when another employee was out for two weeks, which I handled well. That feels pretty dishonest, though, but "that job was a bad match for my crippling social anxiety" feels like a definite disqualifier for most jobs. Occasionally I'll pivot to "I discovered that field wasn't right for me," but then the interviewer will usually press me about what I was actually doing at the job.
Is there any good narrative I could tell about this job? I feel a rush of embarrassment and shame whenever I think about my time there, and that, coupled with my lack of accomplishments, makes it my most dreaded thing to talk about in an interview.
"Immediately after I graduated, I was offered an internship at X department at Y company/university/whateveritwas. The department's work involved building professional relationships with people in a customer-service-oriented transactional setting, which I excelled at. In addition to assigned tasks and projects such as data entry and organizational work, I often actively sought out additional duties, and was even asked to take on the specific role of whateveritwas while an employee was out for several weeks. The internship had a set end date of month/date."
Internships end. They are not meant to be indefinite employment. Not all internships are meant to lead to permanent employment opportunities.
It wasn't a job, so you don't need to talk about why you felt "that job was a bad match" or why "that field wasn't right" for you. There's definitely no need to discuss what you think people there may have thought of you, especially because you had literally zero negative feedback -- you weren't fired or let go, they decided to end the internship with two month's notice, and when you directly asked for performance improvement feedback, they had none to give you. If you were seriously underperforming, they could have given you negative feed back and/or just let you go with very little notice, since you weren't an employee. That didn't happen.
posted by erst at 10:52 PM on October 24, 2018 [38 favorites]
Internships end. They are not meant to be indefinite employment. Not all internships are meant to lead to permanent employment opportunities.
It wasn't a job, so you don't need to talk about why you felt "that job was a bad match" or why "that field wasn't right" for you. There's definitely no need to discuss what you think people there may have thought of you, especially because you had literally zero negative feedback -- you weren't fired or let go, they decided to end the internship with two month's notice, and when you directly asked for performance improvement feedback, they had none to give you. If you were seriously underperforming, they could have given you negative feed back and/or just let you go with very little notice, since you weren't an employee. That didn't happen.
posted by erst at 10:52 PM on October 24, 2018 [38 favorites]
Don't overthink the internship - a lot of times these positions are created by higher up and then teams are given an intern even if no real work available for them. You did what was asked of you and even requested additional tasks so seems far more on them than you that you weren't productive.
posted by JonB at 11:51 PM on October 24, 2018 [4 favorites]
posted by JonB at 11:51 PM on October 24, 2018 [4 favorites]
Legally, in many places, interns aren’t actually supposed to do work that’s vital to the business or that would normally be done by a paid employee. Employers have to come up with things for interns to do, and it’s often more work for them to supervise etc than it’s worth, as in it takes time away from core activities. Many businesses and especially charities don’t follow this rule but it’s very possible this company did. So I doubt the issue was your anxiety, sounds like it’s more that you were feeling the inherent contradiction in the role. Also it’s pretty normal to feel awkward where you don’t really have a defined function and don’t know anyone well. So I don’t think the story you’re telling *yourself* about what happened here is quite right (though yes if you have anxiety, get assistance with it).
posted by cotton dress sock at 12:03 AM on October 25, 2018 [6 favorites]
posted by cotton dress sock at 12:03 AM on October 25, 2018 [6 favorites]
This could sound harsh, so I'm trying to be careful how I say it.
If you're in a job interview & they're asking all these difficult questions about past experience & you genuinely don't know how to spin what you've done into what they appear to be looking for... then you applied for the wrong job.
I haven't had a job interview for a number of years - lucky me - but really the breakthrough for me was when I started to apply for jobs that were actually a fit. Partly they were a fit because I'd become more serious about working for a living, rather than half-heartedly bumming around in temp jobs - and that change in attitude was evidently clear to interviewers. Partly they were a fit because I'd developed some relevant skills, having decided what sort of thing I was looking for.
I didn't know any of this, until I knew it. I just blindly applied for stuff that looked interesting, and was puzzled & disappointed when I was always rejected. Then I worked at a temp job that was only supposed to last two weeks but eventually dragged out for a couple of years, and over time I noticed that no-one around me in that office had any magic powers - they were just a bit more serious than I'd been about applying themselves to the day to day activities of getting a job done. Realising it wasn't so hard, I got serious myself.
So yeah, that stable & creative job that you'll get eventually is probably your next-but-two or next-but-three job. IMHO you're making too big a step. Maybe take a smaller step into anything that even remotely resembles the direction you want to move in. Something where the barrier to entry is low. Then take another small step from there.
Can you touch-type? If not, think about learning. That's what got me starter-level admin work via temp agencies, which was my first step up from washing dishes.
posted by rd45 at 12:05 AM on October 25, 2018 [8 favorites]
If you're in a job interview & they're asking all these difficult questions about past experience & you genuinely don't know how to spin what you've done into what they appear to be looking for... then you applied for the wrong job.
I haven't had a job interview for a number of years - lucky me - but really the breakthrough for me was when I started to apply for jobs that were actually a fit. Partly they were a fit because I'd become more serious about working for a living, rather than half-heartedly bumming around in temp jobs - and that change in attitude was evidently clear to interviewers. Partly they were a fit because I'd developed some relevant skills, having decided what sort of thing I was looking for.
I didn't know any of this, until I knew it. I just blindly applied for stuff that looked interesting, and was puzzled & disappointed when I was always rejected. Then I worked at a temp job that was only supposed to last two weeks but eventually dragged out for a couple of years, and over time I noticed that no-one around me in that office had any magic powers - they were just a bit more serious than I'd been about applying themselves to the day to day activities of getting a job done. Realising it wasn't so hard, I got serious myself.
So yeah, that stable & creative job that you'll get eventually is probably your next-but-two or next-but-three job. IMHO you're making too big a step. Maybe take a smaller step into anything that even remotely resembles the direction you want to move in. Something where the barrier to entry is low. Then take another small step from there.
Can you touch-type? If not, think about learning. That's what got me starter-level admin work via temp agencies, which was my first step up from washing dishes.
posted by rd45 at 12:05 AM on October 25, 2018 [8 favorites]
Do you find interviewers are really digging into why the internship didn't go anywhere? Because probably my highest priority as an interviewer isn't to probe into things like that but rather to find some rich vein of relevant material for a candidate to open up about. Like, if they're asking you about something from two years ago, I'd imagine it just sounds interesting to them, and they're hoping to find something that relates to the position you're applying for. So, in that respect, I'd guess it's a positive thing on your resume.
I don't think it's dishonest to focus your answer on the two weeks of the internship you feel good about if you're clear on the fact it was just the most interesting thing, not the most typical thing. Say what you liked about that part, what you achieved, what you learned, what more you'd have liked to learn, and shift back to a question about, like, whether there's something comparable you'll be able to practice in the job you're applying for. But if the interviewer really is probing for why the internship didn't turn into more, it seems accurate to say you're not sure there was a position to move into, because they were sometimes coming up with what felt like busywork.
posted by Wobbuffet at 12:15 AM on October 25, 2018 [3 favorites]
I don't think it's dishonest to focus your answer on the two weeks of the internship you feel good about if you're clear on the fact it was just the most interesting thing, not the most typical thing. Say what you liked about that part, what you achieved, what you learned, what more you'd have liked to learn, and shift back to a question about, like, whether there's something comparable you'll be able to practice in the job you're applying for. But if the interviewer really is probing for why the internship didn't turn into more, it seems accurate to say you're not sure there was a position to move into, because they were sometimes coming up with what felt like busywork.
posted by Wobbuffet at 12:15 AM on October 25, 2018 [3 favorites]
"I interned at Company X from date to date. I was a general intern in Department Y. I had a wide variety of responsibilities -- pretty normal internship activities actually, most of the time. I had a chance to do a lot of the hands on operational tasks necessary to run the department. I substituted for other coworkers when they were on leave. I even was the DJ at the company Christmas party! I feel like I learned a lot about b/c/d. If I have any regrets, it's that the unstructured nature of the internship kept me from deep diving into subject E. But I guess it's always a trade off in an internship between getting an overview and getting specific domain experience. The internship didn't lead to further work at Company X, largely because I found it challenging to see how I could be a good fit given my interests and aspirations. Part of what I'm looking for in a next assignment would be something a bit more structured which would give me the chance to really develop my skills in Topic F."
If challenged about why you didn't get any project work: "As I said, the Internship wasn't very structured. It could be I was too young then to proactively look for projects on my own when they weren't part of the programme they put together for me. In fact, part of why I decided to work at TastyBurger after I left was I felt like I needed more life experience before I tried for more work experience-- if you understand what I mean?"
posted by frumiousb at 1:35 AM on October 25, 2018 [5 favorites]
If challenged about why you didn't get any project work: "As I said, the Internship wasn't very structured. It could be I was too young then to proactively look for projects on my own when they weren't part of the programme they put together for me. In fact, part of why I decided to work at TastyBurger after I left was I felt like I needed more life experience before I tried for more work experience-- if you understand what I mean?"
posted by frumiousb at 1:35 AM on October 25, 2018 [5 favorites]
There is nothing I read in this post that suggests you did a bad job in the internship except for things you're saying to yourself.
You got an internship where you got paid. No matter how glorified the position, somebody liked you enough to say "yes, let's get them on board and give them some money". This is not trivial! If they gave you that much notice when it was ending, it was nothing to do with you; their funding was just running out.
/Despite/ your anxiety, you actively engaged with the internship in various ways. You asked for more work (I know from casual work that sometimes - especially if I've been quick - there's simply no more work at my pay grade that day). You took on work roles at company events. You were able to step up confidently to a temporary vacancy in the company when needed.
Want to spin this to an employer? Say "I was highly willing and engaged, but X company did not offer me the opportunities to continue." Phrase it your own way. It sounds like they could've given you opportunities that you could handle admirably.
It has been Two Years. You should not be concerned about a bad job you did after that long. A typical Metafilter response is to seek therapy to deal with the anxiety issues you have over work. I'd agree.
I have detested therapy in the past but that was because what I needed to manage my anxiety was ADHD medication and less sugar, not advice on how to think. If it does nothing for you after a while then you might be in my kind of boat and have at least narrowed it down.
posted by solarion at 2:53 AM on October 25, 2018 [11 favorites]
You got an internship where you got paid. No matter how glorified the position, somebody liked you enough to say "yes, let's get them on board and give them some money". This is not trivial! If they gave you that much notice when it was ending, it was nothing to do with you; their funding was just running out.
/Despite/ your anxiety, you actively engaged with the internship in various ways. You asked for more work (I know from casual work that sometimes - especially if I've been quick - there's simply no more work at my pay grade that day). You took on work roles at company events. You were able to step up confidently to a temporary vacancy in the company when needed.
Want to spin this to an employer? Say "I was highly willing and engaged, but X company did not offer me the opportunities to continue." Phrase it your own way. It sounds like they could've given you opportunities that you could handle admirably.
It has been Two Years. You should not be concerned about a bad job you did after that long. A typical Metafilter response is to seek therapy to deal with the anxiety issues you have over work. I'd agree.
I have detested therapy in the past but that was because what I needed to manage my anxiety was ADHD medication and less sugar, not advice on how to think. If it does nothing for you after a while then you might be in my kind of boat and have at least narrowed it down.
posted by solarion at 2:53 AM on October 25, 2018 [11 favorites]
This sounds like a perfectly normally internship at which you performed at least sufficiently, upon which you are reflecting with a huge amount of anxiety with no basis:
I knew I was embarrassing myself at the time... I've assumed she felt too awkward to tell me that I was too awkward for the job... but that's what it feels like in retrospect.
Are you under medical treatment for your anxiety? Because while other people's comments about the job itself are spot on, it's the anxiety and not the job that seems to be the real problem here.
posted by DarlingBri at 3:49 AM on October 25, 2018 [17 favorites]
I knew I was embarrassing myself at the time... I've assumed she felt too awkward to tell me that I was too awkward for the job... but that's what it feels like in retrospect.
Are you under medical treatment for your anxiety? Because while other people's comments about the job itself are spot on, it's the anxiety and not the job that seems to be the real problem here.
posted by DarlingBri at 3:49 AM on October 25, 2018 [17 favorites]
As others have pointed out, it does sound like you may anxiety issues at play here. The internship was two years ago, you will probably not get any questions about it other than perhaps a mild inquiry about what you did there. Think of ways to showcase your skills and abilities- no one is going to grill you about a previous internship in a job interview, you can just say something vague like "it was a rewarding experience and I learned a lot" and leave it at that.
posted by emd3737 at 4:29 AM on October 25, 2018
posted by emd3737 at 4:29 AM on October 25, 2018
Please don't talk yourself down in job interviews. Your role in a job interview is to talk yourself up, to sell yourself. You should always be focusing on the positive things that you've done (see erst's script above, which is excellent) and you should try to avoid negatives wherever you possibly can. If directly confronted about something negative, you should try to spin it in a way that minimizes it or turns it into a positive.
Your goal in a job interview is not to help the employer find reasons to not hire you. Your goal is to get the job. You are there to advocate for yourself—after all if you don't, who will?
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 4:49 AM on October 25, 2018 [2 favorites]
Your goal in a job interview is not to help the employer find reasons to not hire you. Your goal is to get the job. You are there to advocate for yourself—after all if you don't, who will?
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 4:49 AM on October 25, 2018 [2 favorites]
Definitely get your social anxiety treated! It's telling you this was an awful experience. In reality - I've had so many situations - paid and unpaid - where whoever was supervising me didn't really know what to do with me and I spent a lot of time sitting around, anxiously wondering why I didn't have any work to do, asking for work and feedback and getting nothing. And yet in some cases I got recommended for other jobs at the company.
For an internship (or any job) to be successful, someone at the company needs to make an effort to make it successful. Some of them do, some of them don't. I takes effort and thought to assign tasks that are appropriate for their experience level and familiarity with the company, explain how to do it, be available for questions and provide feedback. Very often either no one is specifically tasked with doing this or there's - as far as I can tell - not much accountability if they don't do it well (or at all).
If the interviewer is probing into what you did, you could say something like "Mostly data entry work - entering client names into the database, organizing filing cabinets. I had a chance to cover for the xx person, doing tasks xx and xx, and really enjoyed it." If they keep probing ... Honestly, I can't tell you if it's good advice but it's what I'd do - just be honest without being critical. "They didn't seem to have a lot of work for me besides data entry and filing - I would have liked to do a lot more."
And if they probe into it further - "I realized that while I'm very good at building relationships in a customer service setting, xx setting is not where I'm at my best. That's why I'm looking for jobs like this one, which is suited to my strengths in xx and xx."
I suspect you may have done other tasks, but you feel they aren't significant enough to mention. But mention them, even if you only did them once. Seriously. If you made coffee, picked up dry cleaning, answered the phone, ordered catering, organized paper clips - talk about it. First jobs are full of boring, menial tasks - no one is going to think less of you for having picked up your boss's Panera order.
posted by bunderful at 4:52 AM on October 25, 2018
For an internship (or any job) to be successful, someone at the company needs to make an effort to make it successful. Some of them do, some of them don't. I takes effort and thought to assign tasks that are appropriate for their experience level and familiarity with the company, explain how to do it, be available for questions and provide feedback. Very often either no one is specifically tasked with doing this or there's - as far as I can tell - not much accountability if they don't do it well (or at all).
If the interviewer is probing into what you did, you could say something like "Mostly data entry work - entering client names into the database, organizing filing cabinets. I had a chance to cover for the xx person, doing tasks xx and xx, and really enjoyed it." If they keep probing ... Honestly, I can't tell you if it's good advice but it's what I'd do - just be honest without being critical. "They didn't seem to have a lot of work for me besides data entry and filing - I would have liked to do a lot more."
And if they probe into it further - "I realized that while I'm very good at building relationships in a customer service setting, xx setting is not where I'm at my best. That's why I'm looking for jobs like this one, which is suited to my strengths in xx and xx."
I suspect you may have done other tasks, but you feel they aren't significant enough to mention. But mention them, even if you only did them once. Seriously. If you made coffee, picked up dry cleaning, answered the phone, ordered catering, organized paper clips - talk about it. First jobs are full of boring, menial tasks - no one is going to think less of you for having picked up your boss's Panera order.
posted by bunderful at 4:52 AM on October 25, 2018
From the ask: Occasionally I'll pivot to "I discovered that field wasn't right for me," but then the interviewer will usually press me about what I was actually doing at the job.
If I understand correctly, the OP *is* getting asked about what they did at the internship.
posted by bunderful at 4:54 AM on October 25, 2018
If I understand correctly, the OP *is* getting asked about what they did at the internship.
posted by bunderful at 4:54 AM on October 25, 2018
Best answer: What you describe sounds fairly par for the course for internships. What would concern me interviewing you would not be the internship but not following up after it by transitioning into something other than food service.
the interviewer will usually press me about what I was actually doing at the job.
They're probably trying to throw you a bone rather than questioning the quality of your work at the internship. They're giving you a chance to talk about something in an office environment that you did well at and enjoyed - come up with something that fits that and talk enthusiastically about it.
And yes, nthing therapy and treatment for anxiety etc.
posted by Candleman at 4:58 AM on October 25, 2018 [6 favorites]
the interviewer will usually press me about what I was actually doing at the job.
They're probably trying to throw you a bone rather than questioning the quality of your work at the internship. They're giving you a chance to talk about something in an office environment that you did well at and enjoyed - come up with something that fits that and talk enthusiastically about it.
And yes, nthing therapy and treatment for anxiety etc.
posted by Candleman at 4:58 AM on October 25, 2018 [6 favorites]
"It was a pretty typical internship -- a lot of data entry and filing and the occasional amazing opportunity to really grow and learn. I didn't mind doing the routine work -- everyone has to pay their dues, right? -- but the best part was when I was assigned to backfill a full-time employee for two weeks -- I really enjoyed doing X, Y and Z and I learned A, B and C while doing that."
That tells the interviewer that you're willing to do the routine tasks and boring work to also be allowed more creative opportunities but also lets you open up about which more creative things you liked and found interesting.
posted by jacquilynne at 5:45 AM on October 25, 2018 [8 favorites]
That tells the interviewer that you're willing to do the routine tasks and boring work to also be allowed more creative opportunities but also lets you open up about which more creative things you liked and found interesting.
posted by jacquilynne at 5:45 AM on October 25, 2018 [8 favorites]
Sounds like the internship just didn't include fulfilling work, which is sadly all too common for internships. Agreed that the real thing you need to explain is why you then didn't continue pursuing that pathway but are now. (Perhaps you wanted / needed more daytime flexibility to pursue courses or developing an artistic or athletic career that you now feel would be better pursued after hours?)
posted by salvia at 5:46 AM on October 25, 2018
posted by salvia at 5:46 AM on October 25, 2018
Nthing this is normal for internships, and thinking you are feeling such intense shame and confusion about your productivity there because that's what one feels with bullshit jobs. . Thinking of this internship as a bullshit job doesn't mean you were the one doing bullshit. In Graber's structure, this kind of position is created in part to make the organization itself seem important -- "we have an intern." Or whatever. The individual is given no meaningful work, but the individual is the one who feels bad about their built-in slacking.
Obviously don't tell an interviewer you had a bullshit job / internship but hopefully it can shift the narrative in your head about how your being shy was the reason you had no projects.
posted by nantucket at 5:55 AM on October 25, 2018 [2 favorites]
Obviously don't tell an interviewer you had a bullshit job / internship but hopefully it can shift the narrative in your head about how your being shy was the reason you had no projects.
posted by nantucket at 5:55 AM on October 25, 2018 [2 favorites]
If your brain is like my brain, I have had problems in the past in which I think that job interviews and performance reviews are some kind reckoning about my behaviour. I ruminate and self-punish, and I think that's what others will do too.
It's bananas. Don't be like me!
As Candleman said above: "They're probably trying to throw you a bone rather than questioning the quality of your work at the internship. They're giving you a chance to talk about something in an office environment that you did well at and enjoyed - come up with something that fits that and talk enthusiastically about it."
Job interviewers are not usually trying to trip you up. They want to know why they *should* hire you. If you are getting an interview YOU WERE SCREENED IN BY THOSE PEOPLE. They want to think that they have good judgment. They want you to be a good candidate. They are not there to uncover the secret shame you have about this job. They just want to know what skills and experiences you have.
And yes, as everyone said above, address your anxiety. Please look at therapy or read Mind over Mood or other resources for dealing with the negative self-talk you are giving yourself.
posted by girlpublisher at 6:10 AM on October 25, 2018
It's bananas. Don't be like me!
As Candleman said above: "They're probably trying to throw you a bone rather than questioning the quality of your work at the internship. They're giving you a chance to talk about something in an office environment that you did well at and enjoyed - come up with something that fits that and talk enthusiastically about it."
Job interviewers are not usually trying to trip you up. They want to know why they *should* hire you. If you are getting an interview YOU WERE SCREENED IN BY THOSE PEOPLE. They want to think that they have good judgment. They want you to be a good candidate. They are not there to uncover the secret shame you have about this job. They just want to know what skills and experiences you have.
And yes, as everyone said above, address your anxiety. Please look at therapy or read Mind over Mood or other resources for dealing with the negative self-talk you are giving yourself.
posted by girlpublisher at 6:10 AM on October 25, 2018
Like others have said, interviewers aren't trying to find faults with you, they're trying to create opportunities for you to talk about what you're good at, so that they can see how those skills match their needs. If I were interviewing you for an office-based job, I'd talk to you about your food service experience to get an idea of how you do time-management in a stressful environment, and how you interact with managers and customers, but I'd definitely keep asking questions about your previous experience in an office environment (i.e. your internship) until I got you to tell some kind of story about your experience related to the type of job I'm hiring for. They're not grilling you, they just want you to tell them a story, and you can frame that any way you want. Talking about your favorite two weeks of it and ignoring the rest is fine.
You're looking back at this internship and feeling like you didn't handle it optimally. Take a little while to imagine what you'd do differently if you could time-travel back and control your fresh-out-of-college self. Would you talk differently to your manager about getting tasks? Would you interact differently with coworkers? Would you try to find teams that needed assistance and help them? Would you dig into the mission of the company and try to learn something industry-specific? Imagine yourself as the therapist or life-coach of your past self, and suggest some actions for that person to take.
Ideally, you’d then be able to truthfully say things like: “The best part was when I [your role for those 2 weeks] because [this is where you are enthusiastic about the kinds of jobs/tasks that you like]. Other parts of the job were a real learning experience, like you'd expect for an internship. Because I didn’t know then how to be proactive with my manager, I had more down-time than I wanted – now that I have seen how teams of people (like the restaurant staff?) can pick up slack for each other, and I know the kinds of questions that would help a manager understand, I think I could get a lot more out of a job like that, and I think I could help the company a lot better as well. I’m in a place now where I can take a more active role in defining what my next steps should be, as opposed to relying on external direction.” Or whatever you feel personally are your lessons learned and your statement about the way you want to (will!) handle office tasks going forward.
posted by aimedwander at 7:24 AM on October 25, 2018 [2 favorites]
You're looking back at this internship and feeling like you didn't handle it optimally. Take a little while to imagine what you'd do differently if you could time-travel back and control your fresh-out-of-college self. Would you talk differently to your manager about getting tasks? Would you interact differently with coworkers? Would you try to find teams that needed assistance and help them? Would you dig into the mission of the company and try to learn something industry-specific? Imagine yourself as the therapist or life-coach of your past self, and suggest some actions for that person to take.
Ideally, you’d then be able to truthfully say things like: “The best part was when I [your role for those 2 weeks] because [this is where you are enthusiastic about the kinds of jobs/tasks that you like]. Other parts of the job were a real learning experience, like you'd expect for an internship. Because I didn’t know then how to be proactive with my manager, I had more down-time than I wanted – now that I have seen how teams of people (like the restaurant staff?) can pick up slack for each other, and I know the kinds of questions that would help a manager understand, I think I could get a lot more out of a job like that, and I think I could help the company a lot better as well. I’m in a place now where I can take a more active role in defining what my next steps should be, as opposed to relying on external direction.” Or whatever you feel personally are your lessons learned and your statement about the way you want to (will!) handle office tasks going forward.
posted by aimedwander at 7:24 AM on October 25, 2018 [2 favorites]
Best answer: Gosh, I was expecting some really catastrophic story here, and there's just...nothing! You had an internship that turned out to be pretty blah and routine, which is (a) common and (b) something you have very little control over. I see nothing here but catastrophizing and incredibly harsh and unrealistic self-judgment, an absolutely textbook case of anxiety, e.g.:
I knew I was embarrassing myself at the time, appearing standoffish, uninterested, and rude to people, but I just felt so intensely uncomfortable, it still felt like a better alternative to mingling.
I cannot tell you how little anyone cares what an intern is doing at a Christmas party, unless they are getting drunk and setting things on fire or making a pass at their boss. But here you are, two years later, still torturing yourself over the memory that I can guarantee you no one else even bothered to notice in the first place. I bet you're reading this now and thinking, "Oh, she's just being nice, she wasn't there, she might be telling the truth in general, but she doesn't know how absurd and offensive I was really being." Am I right? (Guess how I know.)
Get some treatment for anxiety. You really don't have to live this way. Once you're no longer pouring your energy into beating yourself up over the past and anticipating doom in the future, your present will get a good bit easier.
posted by praemunire at 7:27 AM on October 25, 2018 [18 favorites]
I knew I was embarrassing myself at the time, appearing standoffish, uninterested, and rude to people, but I just felt so intensely uncomfortable, it still felt like a better alternative to mingling.
I cannot tell you how little anyone cares what an intern is doing at a Christmas party, unless they are getting drunk and setting things on fire or making a pass at their boss. But here you are, two years later, still torturing yourself over the memory that I can guarantee you no one else even bothered to notice in the first place. I bet you're reading this now and thinking, "Oh, she's just being nice, she wasn't there, she might be telling the truth in general, but she doesn't know how absurd and offensive I was really being." Am I right? (Guess how I know.)
Get some treatment for anxiety. You really don't have to live this way. Once you're no longer pouring your energy into beating yourself up over the past and anticipating doom in the future, your present will get a good bit easier.
posted by praemunire at 7:27 AM on October 25, 2018 [18 favorites]
It's always a revelation when you end up on the other side of the table and you realize that no one has their shit together. Nthing everyone else that it sounds like you did FINE. You have nothing to be ashamed of.
Times I've had an intern work for me, they've often been assigned to me without me requesting them, so I don't immediately have anything for them to do. Or, there's a big project for them to work on... as soon as we can get started on it! Which isn't yet for reasons outside of my control. And that 'whatever reason' can go on for weeks and months or the project fizzles altogether. That's just life. There's times I'm totally over my head and need the help desperately, but can't stop a day to teach the intern how to help me. None of these had anything to do with feelings towards the intern, or their skill set.
A few people have touched on it above, but I think this is a good way to mention in an interview that you are a team player and are willing to get things done even if it's not glamorous. Grunt work like filing and data entry needs to get done by someone. It's not meaningless. (At least in my industry where hundreds of thousands of dollars can ride on finding that evidence that the customer said X, or that no one fatfingered a computer entry) An intern is at the bottom of the food chain, so they get the bottom of the food chain job. It's a GOOD THING that you did what you were asked to do, and asked for more when you were done. Frankly I have no use for new people who think they're too good and important for it.
(p.s. Don't be surprised to see this repeat itself with a "real" job. At my current job - not an entry level job either - it took two weeks for them to get me a computer, and about 8 months before I was finally doing anything useful. It's not because of you)
posted by Caravantea at 10:53 AM on October 25, 2018
Times I've had an intern work for me, they've often been assigned to me without me requesting them, so I don't immediately have anything for them to do. Or, there's a big project for them to work on... as soon as we can get started on it! Which isn't yet for reasons outside of my control. And that 'whatever reason' can go on for weeks and months or the project fizzles altogether. That's just life. There's times I'm totally over my head and need the help desperately, but can't stop a day to teach the intern how to help me. None of these had anything to do with feelings towards the intern, or their skill set.
A few people have touched on it above, but I think this is a good way to mention in an interview that you are a team player and are willing to get things done even if it's not glamorous. Grunt work like filing and data entry needs to get done by someone. It's not meaningless. (At least in my industry where hundreds of thousands of dollars can ride on finding that evidence that the customer said X, or that no one fatfingered a computer entry) An intern is at the bottom of the food chain, so they get the bottom of the food chain job. It's a GOOD THING that you did what you were asked to do, and asked for more when you were done. Frankly I have no use for new people who think they're too good and important for it.
(p.s. Don't be surprised to see this repeat itself with a "real" job. At my current job - not an entry level job either - it took two weeks for them to get me a computer, and about 8 months before I was finally doing anything useful. It's not because of you)
posted by Caravantea at 10:53 AM on October 25, 2018
> I think a large reason I wasn't assigned more work was...
>
> I knew I was embarrassing myself at the time, appearing standoffish, uninterested, and rude to people,
>
> I knew I was doing a terrible job, but I even asked my supervisor in the role, more than once, if she had any notes on my performance, and she didn't suggest anything for me.
>
> (I've assumed she felt too awkward to tell me that I was too awkward for the job.)
>
> it didn't feel like a firing ... but that's what it feels like in retrospect.
I think, I knew, I knew, I assumed, I rewrote history, all without a shred of evidence.
Frankly I'm happy and somewhat amazed you can make it all the way through a job interview without the being crushed by your own narrative. Seriously, you are in a bad way and making life much much harder on yourself than you need to. Please seek help with that.
> the department's work involved building relationships with people
Yeah, they're not going to give that work to an intern, someone who by definition isn't going to be around long.
Frankly no one expects an intern to have done anything of consequence. The fact that they let you sit in for an employee for two weeks is a Big Deal; you don't normally hand responsibility to kids out of college.
So, you did data entry, you filed some stuff, you learned skills, YOU SAT IN FOR AN EMPLOYEE, and most importantly you learned what it means to work in a professional office with professionals. That's far more than enough for any intern to accomplish.
But once again, seek help for the anxiety. I've been where you are now and in fact I still can be somewhat awkward in groups. What I've lost is the conviction that anyone but me really cares, and the compelling urge to believe that everyone is judging me harshly. That's available to you and I hope you pursue it.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 11:37 AM on October 25, 2018 [2 favorites]
>
> I knew I was embarrassing myself at the time, appearing standoffish, uninterested, and rude to people,
>
> I knew I was doing a terrible job, but I even asked my supervisor in the role, more than once, if she had any notes on my performance, and she didn't suggest anything for me.
>
> (I've assumed she felt too awkward to tell me that I was too awkward for the job.)
>
> it didn't feel like a firing ... but that's what it feels like in retrospect.
I think, I knew, I knew, I assumed, I rewrote history, all without a shred of evidence.
Frankly I'm happy and somewhat amazed you can make it all the way through a job interview without the being crushed by your own narrative. Seriously, you are in a bad way and making life much much harder on yourself than you need to. Please seek help with that.
> the department's work involved building relationships with people
Yeah, they're not going to give that work to an intern, someone who by definition isn't going to be around long.
Frankly no one expects an intern to have done anything of consequence. The fact that they let you sit in for an employee for two weeks is a Big Deal; you don't normally hand responsibility to kids out of college.
So, you did data entry, you filed some stuff, you learned skills, YOU SAT IN FOR AN EMPLOYEE, and most importantly you learned what it means to work in a professional office with professionals. That's far more than enough for any intern to accomplish.
But once again, seek help for the anxiety. I've been where you are now and in fact I still can be somewhat awkward in groups. What I've lost is the conviction that anyone but me really cares, and the compelling urge to believe that everyone is judging me harshly. That's available to you and I hope you pursue it.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 11:37 AM on October 25, 2018 [2 favorites]
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If you really want to address anxiety, being self-reflective about the situations you thrive in, that can totally work too. "I'm most successful when... do you think that's something this job can offer me?" is a fine interview prompt. I've even had candidates ask ME that when interviewing (i.e. "what are your strengths as a manager?"), and it's been a productive conversation.
posted by heresiarch at 10:49 PM on October 24, 2018 [4 favorites]