How to prove slander when it's a whisper campaign
October 17, 2018 3:05 PM Subscribe
I was thinking recently, due to a personal and currently ongoing bullying situation at work: how can someone find out what sorts of lies and slander are being spread about them if the person doing the damage is operating with a whisper campaign sort of tactic - meaning talking to people individually behind my back. It is something I am seriously considering taking legal action over.
But how to go about collecting evidence when the person smearing me is preemptively lying about me to coworkers so that everyone avoids me? I can't just go up to people apropos of nothing and ask them to tell me what kinds of information (or more likely lies) is being said because that doesn't seem like it would work-- but also it would come off as unprofessional and dramatic, an impression I avoid. I can't plant microphones or anything like that because that seems and probably is illegal. I don't really have trusted contacts because my bully has turned any potential friends against me and is sort of a ringleader type who runs social interactions, and uses their job to further their professional social network -- and intentionally leaves me out of events whenever possible, which is most of the time. So it isn't simply lies and gossip but real social (and arguably professional) sabotage. Any suggestions? I should add this person is an administrator so it isn't as easy as talking to the management.
But how to go about collecting evidence when the person smearing me is preemptively lying about me to coworkers so that everyone avoids me? I can't just go up to people apropos of nothing and ask them to tell me what kinds of information (or more likely lies) is being said because that doesn't seem like it would work-- but also it would come off as unprofessional and dramatic, an impression I avoid. I can't plant microphones or anything like that because that seems and probably is illegal. I don't really have trusted contacts because my bully has turned any potential friends against me and is sort of a ringleader type who runs social interactions, and uses their job to further their professional social network -- and intentionally leaves me out of events whenever possible, which is most of the time. So it isn't simply lies and gossip but real social (and arguably professional) sabotage. Any suggestions? I should add this person is an administrator so it isn't as easy as talking to the management.
Get a new job. Keep your head down and just do your work until you do.
This well is either poisoned for real, or poisoned in your mind. It will not improve.
Just do your job and leave it behind at the end of the day. Nothing good can come of any of this. Even if there is an actual whisper campaign going on, you bugging the lamps or demanding information or lawyering up will only make you look unhinged. Get out of there.
posted by 41swans at 3:23 PM on October 17, 2018 [12 favorites]
This well is either poisoned for real, or poisoned in your mind. It will not improve.
Just do your job and leave it behind at the end of the day. Nothing good can come of any of this. Even if there is an actual whisper campaign going on, you bugging the lamps or demanding information or lawyering up will only make you look unhinged. Get out of there.
posted by 41swans at 3:23 PM on October 17, 2018 [12 favorites]
Thirding. I would get the hell out of there. At some point it doesn't matter whether they're sabotaging you or not, whether the gossip is fair or not-- you have to work with the reputation you have, deserved or not. It sounds like things are not good. So I would pour all your energy into making a plan to leave.
posted by coffeeand at 3:25 PM on October 17, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by coffeeand at 3:25 PM on October 17, 2018 [2 favorites]
If you’re not going to leave (which I would do) your options are to get ahead of the whispers, make your own professional contacts and friendships to build up your social capital and/or then get this person back on side and kill them with kindness. Figure out what went wrong with your relationship just so you can either mend it or avoid it happening in the future if you played a part too.
posted by Jubey at 3:33 PM on October 17, 2018 [5 favorites]
posted by Jubey at 3:33 PM on October 17, 2018 [5 favorites]
If you are actually seriously considering legal action, you should talk to an attorney. The attorney will tell you what kind of evidence you would need and how you can (lawfully) gather it in a way that preserves it's value as evidence in a legal proceeding. The type of evidence you would need will depend on what type of claim you might have, which really only an attorney licensed in your jurisdiction can assess. Not knowing what jurisdiction you're in, slander/defamation cases are often difficult to prove, and there may be certain legal bars to such claims - again, depending on jurisdiction and the specific facts. Better to find that out early on then to spend a ton of time and energy trying to gather evidence if that time/energy would be better spent looking for new employment. (I am a lawyer, I am not your lawyer, this is not legal advice, nor could I provide legal advice without much much more information than is presented here.) Best of luck to you in dealing with what sounds like a difficult situation.
posted by wuzandfuzz at 3:52 PM on October 17, 2018 [10 favorites]
posted by wuzandfuzz at 3:52 PM on October 17, 2018 [10 favorites]
In my experience, unless your manager has your back and is willing to expend political capital to protect you, the best and only option is to leave.
posted by Lexica at 4:37 PM on October 17, 2018 [3 favorites]
posted by Lexica at 4:37 PM on October 17, 2018 [3 favorites]
You might look into what's called "mobbing," which is bullying by a bigger group. You might also browse the Ask a Manager archives.
If you might pursue legal action, then the thing to do is to talk to a lawyer first. Maybe ask for a free consultation?
In any case, I agree with others that revenge likely won't work here. The best thing is to look for a new job.
posted by bluedaisy at 4:46 PM on October 17, 2018
If you might pursue legal action, then the thing to do is to talk to a lawyer first. Maybe ask for a free consultation?
In any case, I agree with others that revenge likely won't work here. The best thing is to look for a new job.
posted by bluedaisy at 4:46 PM on October 17, 2018
Look, if you're seriously considering actually suing your coworkers for slander, it's time to get the fuck out of there and on to somewhere where you don't have to deal with that noise. I know that from where you are, in the middle of all this, it feels super important and unjust and outrageous and you feel like you have to fight, have to vindicate yourself. I have a streak of that too, I know how it feels.
But it's not that important. It's actually really petty and stupid. This place sounds miserable, and I can't imagine that filing suit is going to make it any less miserable. Right? I mean, what's your goal? Is it to live a happy, trouble-free life where you have worthwhile, interesting work to do in a supportive and encouraging environment that helps you succeed and excel, or is it to be proven right at any cost?
If it's the latter, I guess it's time to consult with a lawyer about a realistic plan for legal action. If it's the former though, just find yourself a new fucking job and once you have it thank your lucky stars that you're shot of this toxic shithole and can finally get on with your damn life.
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 5:16 PM on October 17, 2018 [20 favorites]
But it's not that important. It's actually really petty and stupid. This place sounds miserable, and I can't imagine that filing suit is going to make it any less miserable. Right? I mean, what's your goal? Is it to live a happy, trouble-free life where you have worthwhile, interesting work to do in a supportive and encouraging environment that helps you succeed and excel, or is it to be proven right at any cost?
If it's the latter, I guess it's time to consult with a lawyer about a realistic plan for legal action. If it's the former though, just find yourself a new fucking job and once you have it thank your lucky stars that you're shot of this toxic shithole and can finally get on with your damn life.
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 5:16 PM on October 17, 2018 [20 favorites]
Short of the ringleader leaving in disgrace, I can't imagine a resolution that allows you to remain in this job and be anything other than miserable. So, agreeing with those recommending that you leave.
In the meantime, I would go about my business as though all is well, e.g., assume your coworkers know what's going on re the ringleader and don't give a rat's about the whispers. (Is there any chance this might be true.)
posted by she's not there at 5:44 PM on October 17, 2018
In the meantime, I would go about my business as though all is well, e.g., assume your coworkers know what's going on re the ringleader and don't give a rat's about the whispers. (Is there any chance this might be true.)
posted by she's not there at 5:44 PM on October 17, 2018
Leave.
I did have my union lawyer look at my case, and his verdict was: he'd really like to sue the heck out of my former workplace, because I wasn't the only victim of mobbing and the union is looking for a way to crack the injustice that is happening. But he felt my personal well-being was more important, and that they would come up with all sorts of slander in court, which would be painful to contest. That didn't mean I had done anything wrong or that I didn't have a clear case, just that there are things in my life I don't want out in the public life and that there might be "friends" who are more loyal to the company than to me. Look at what happened with Ellison's divorce filings. He did nothing wrong himself, but tried to protect his ex-wife from what was in those filings for reasons that are his.
My personal situation is very similar to Ellison's in the sense that I want to protect my daughter from the history of my divorce, so they struck a chord, yours may be completely different, but if you are up against the type of people you describe, you need to know that they know no boundaries.
posted by mumimor at 8:50 PM on October 17, 2018 [2 favorites]
I did have my union lawyer look at my case, and his verdict was: he'd really like to sue the heck out of my former workplace, because I wasn't the only victim of mobbing and the union is looking for a way to crack the injustice that is happening. But he felt my personal well-being was more important, and that they would come up with all sorts of slander in court, which would be painful to contest. That didn't mean I had done anything wrong or that I didn't have a clear case, just that there are things in my life I don't want out in the public life and that there might be "friends" who are more loyal to the company than to me. Look at what happened with Ellison's divorce filings. He did nothing wrong himself, but tried to protect his ex-wife from what was in those filings for reasons that are his.
My personal situation is very similar to Ellison's in the sense that I want to protect my daughter from the history of my divorce, so they struck a chord, yours may be completely different, but if you are up against the type of people you describe, you need to know that they know no boundaries.
posted by mumimor at 8:50 PM on October 17, 2018 [2 favorites]
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posted by spacewrench at 3:12 PM on October 17, 2018 [5 favorites]