Moving in with an ex - got a feeling he is just using me for money
August 8, 2018 12:38 PM Subscribe
Long story shot: I have the feeling that to him, I am mainly someone who 'contributes' with money and has, in addition, some other good / useful features, such as cooking, taking care, sex. I never took advantage of anyone financially, not even in relationships. But I hit the rock bottom and have nowhere to go.
I hit the rock bottom. I practically overnight stayed without housing and a job abroad, currently living with my friend and waiting for my job to reach its final day within two weeks and return to Middle/Eastern Europe area where I'm from.
I got left with not much. One of the few options is to move in with my ex who lives near my home country. Well, ''ex'', he presents himself as my current partner.
Half a year ago, I decided to break up with him, because after almost a year of association I claimed that "it's not there yet" about feelings and that I can not say anything more, but he only ''likes me''. And that he started telling me he loved me (it felt very forced), he sent me flowers for his birthday, he started pressuring me to move with him to his country, whose language I am not speaking , I do not like the city and there are not many opportunities for foreigners.
He recently admitted that he wanted to be with me at the very beginning of the relationship because he only wanted to ''secure'' me – he didnt wanna be with me really but he didn't want me to date other people. Because I seemed like a very cool person.
It is very difficult for me to overcome various disrespects like this, and there are quite some examples from his side, and all my friends say that I deserve better. But I nevertheless thought that perhaps he was not used to be in relationships, and we will try to improve some things, because from time to time it seems like he has such a purpose.
I'm trying to observe his actions. When I was recently visiting him after several months, I asked him to prepare me a dinner after 12h of flight, and when I arrived, he said that he had only bread. Even when I asked him to pick me up at the main station, he somehow didn't wanna do it, even though he tried to hide it. We went to the store where I bought all the food, never offered to contribute, although he knew that I lost my job. But I still felt guilty, because as far as I was concerned, he could live from bread and pâté, my desire was to eat 'properly', so I covered everything myself. Similarly on the trip a couple of months ago, we went to the places and restaurants I knew, so even though I lived withpretty much income (he had a secure part time job), I financed most of it because it was my idea. Perhaps h is under the impression "You are the one who comes from the rich country," although I'm far from being rich.
I also found that he lies to me a bit, the ''my phone has no battery so i can't pay for uber'', ''I do not have these ingredients that we need' – but he had them after all (He moved in recently and is very careful with the money, so hard to believe he didn't know he had them) and petty things like that.
I asked him if he was honest with me if he had financial problems or something else to say. He claims that no, that everything is OK, that he wants me to move in with him ASAP. If I want to talk about stuff, he just keeps silent or answers me with something romantic so that i would lose focus.
I'll probably have to, because I have no choice, but I will still need a new job and I do not know how long it will take. My family is toxic so I can't move in there.
Long story shot: I have the feeling that to him, I am mainly someone who 'contributes' with money and has, in addition, some other good / useful features, such as cooking, taking care, sex. He was someone for whom I really felt love and respect for quite some time, but it slowly declined, and now it's just a void of distrust and exhaustion. I am only wondering whether I am being overly suspicious or what would you do if you were me.
Please, do not get frustrated. I will seek for professional help as soon as it will be financially possible. I realize i have many issues with setting the limitations to people and feeling guilt all the time.
I hit the rock bottom. I practically overnight stayed without housing and a job abroad, currently living with my friend and waiting for my job to reach its final day within two weeks and return to Middle/Eastern Europe area where I'm from.
I got left with not much. One of the few options is to move in with my ex who lives near my home country. Well, ''ex'', he presents himself as my current partner.
Half a year ago, I decided to break up with him, because after almost a year of association I claimed that "it's not there yet" about feelings and that I can not say anything more, but he only ''likes me''. And that he started telling me he loved me (it felt very forced), he sent me flowers for his birthday, he started pressuring me to move with him to his country, whose language I am not speaking , I do not like the city and there are not many opportunities for foreigners.
He recently admitted that he wanted to be with me at the very beginning of the relationship because he only wanted to ''secure'' me – he didnt wanna be with me really but he didn't want me to date other people. Because I seemed like a very cool person.
It is very difficult for me to overcome various disrespects like this, and there are quite some examples from his side, and all my friends say that I deserve better. But I nevertheless thought that perhaps he was not used to be in relationships, and we will try to improve some things, because from time to time it seems like he has such a purpose.
I'm trying to observe his actions. When I was recently visiting him after several months, I asked him to prepare me a dinner after 12h of flight, and when I arrived, he said that he had only bread. Even when I asked him to pick me up at the main station, he somehow didn't wanna do it, even though he tried to hide it. We went to the store where I bought all the food, never offered to contribute, although he knew that I lost my job. But I still felt guilty, because as far as I was concerned, he could live from bread and pâté, my desire was to eat 'properly', so I covered everything myself. Similarly on the trip a couple of months ago, we went to the places and restaurants I knew, so even though I lived withpretty much income (he had a secure part time job), I financed most of it because it was my idea. Perhaps h is under the impression "You are the one who comes from the rich country," although I'm far from being rich.
I also found that he lies to me a bit, the ''my phone has no battery so i can't pay for uber'', ''I do not have these ingredients that we need' – but he had them after all (He moved in recently and is very careful with the money, so hard to believe he didn't know he had them) and petty things like that.
I asked him if he was honest with me if he had financial problems or something else to say. He claims that no, that everything is OK, that he wants me to move in with him ASAP. If I want to talk about stuff, he just keeps silent or answers me with something romantic so that i would lose focus.
I'll probably have to, because I have no choice, but I will still need a new job and I do not know how long it will take. My family is toxic so I can't move in there.
Long story shot: I have the feeling that to him, I am mainly someone who 'contributes' with money and has, in addition, some other good / useful features, such as cooking, taking care, sex. He was someone for whom I really felt love and respect for quite some time, but it slowly declined, and now it's just a void of distrust and exhaustion. I am only wondering whether I am being overly suspicious or what would you do if you were me.
Please, do not get frustrated. I will seek for professional help as soon as it will be financially possible. I realize i have many issues with setting the limitations to people and feeling guilt all the time.
This post was deleted for the following reason: I'm sorry you're in such a difficult spot, but this isn't a question, and this isn't how AskMe is meant to be used. -- LobsterMitten
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