Depression and assholes
June 13, 2018 2:06 PM Subscribe
I need advice on how to handle an annoying depressed, suicidal, person
I posted a thing on FB when Anthony Bourdain committed suicide about my 15 month long severe suicidal depression and my attempt to kill myself in January of 2018. I'm in "show business" and I've had two close friends commit suicide, so I wanted people to know how close a person can come to suicide and no one would ever have a clue that you were depressed. My story was of how I ended up calling my significant other and begging her to take over my mental health care. She helped arrange cutting edge treatment. It was successful. Naturally, I got a million private messages from people struggling. Mostly acquaintances you have in the business but aren't necessarily friends with. One of them was a woman who said she was planning on killing herself that day then read my post. She wanted someone to help. I sent her all my research on the various forms of depression treatment. I also gave her 4 very important actions that she owuld need to take, they were: Contact family and let them know what she's going through. Contact friends she'd lost touch with and do the same. Inform her family doctor of her situation. Also her therapist or psychiatrist. These are all the things I did that I believe saved me. I said she needed these people for support so she could get treatment and not have to worry about other things.
Then, she wrote back, and basically said all those people were assholes and she didn't want them in her life. She wanted to know if I knew of support groups in her area. I googled for her area and found a ton of resources. I wrote back and told her to google for her area. And to try meetup.com because there are a ton of groups there for all kinds of things and she might find a group of supportive people there. She wrote back, "I googled a long time ago, it's all Psychology Today listings which are bullshit. What is meetup? What kind of groups are they?"
At this point, I tagged out. This woman is nothing like me. I never blamed ANYONE for my depression. I was never bitter, I didn't cut off contact with everyone and decide they were all assholes. I had a psychiatrist, my spouse, a therapist, my family GP, my closest friends all aware and working to help me. She's kind of an asshole. And she's stuck in helplessness. I can't fix that. Especially if she's going to do NONE of the things I recommended, and she's not going to do her own googling. She refuses to get a psychiatrist or therapist.
I have my own mental health I have to take care of. I've only been out of the depression for 90 days. I have helped other friends, and we are a genuine group of supportive people. It's been really nice. But, she's just a nay sayer. I assume part of it is the depression, but, I am not able to get saddled by such a joy-suck just now, when I'm freshly healthy, but, honestly, I don't have sympathy for people who will not do even the smallest things for themselves, so, at no point in the future would I be willing to subject myself to this kind of person.
I'm not a guru. I don't want to be one. I have made FRIENDS that I talk to on the phone, but the exchange is equally supportive on both sides. I love calling my depressed friend John, who's working so hard to get better, and let him know when I'm struggling. It's great to have SOMEONE WHO GETS IT. I'm not an expert, I'm a comrade. And that's all I want to be. It has been the most lovely thing to come out of this. She's the only one of all the people to reach out to me who has been this way.
The problem is, she's suicidal. How do I disengage? Do I give her a reality check? Like: I sent you all this stuff that needed to be done and you don't want to do any of it, so I'm afraid I can't help you? Or is that just my anger talking? I'm supposed to meet her in a week for coffee, but I don't want to do that now.
I posted a thing on FB when Anthony Bourdain committed suicide about my 15 month long severe suicidal depression and my attempt to kill myself in January of 2018. I'm in "show business" and I've had two close friends commit suicide, so I wanted people to know how close a person can come to suicide and no one would ever have a clue that you were depressed. My story was of how I ended up calling my significant other and begging her to take over my mental health care. She helped arrange cutting edge treatment. It was successful. Naturally, I got a million private messages from people struggling. Mostly acquaintances you have in the business but aren't necessarily friends with. One of them was a woman who said she was planning on killing herself that day then read my post. She wanted someone to help. I sent her all my research on the various forms of depression treatment. I also gave her 4 very important actions that she owuld need to take, they were: Contact family and let them know what she's going through. Contact friends she'd lost touch with and do the same. Inform her family doctor of her situation. Also her therapist or psychiatrist. These are all the things I did that I believe saved me. I said she needed these people for support so she could get treatment and not have to worry about other things.
Then, she wrote back, and basically said all those people were assholes and she didn't want them in her life. She wanted to know if I knew of support groups in her area. I googled for her area and found a ton of resources. I wrote back and told her to google for her area. And to try meetup.com because there are a ton of groups there for all kinds of things and she might find a group of supportive people there. She wrote back, "I googled a long time ago, it's all Psychology Today listings which are bullshit. What is meetup? What kind of groups are they?"
At this point, I tagged out. This woman is nothing like me. I never blamed ANYONE for my depression. I was never bitter, I didn't cut off contact with everyone and decide they were all assholes. I had a psychiatrist, my spouse, a therapist, my family GP, my closest friends all aware and working to help me. She's kind of an asshole. And she's stuck in helplessness. I can't fix that. Especially if she's going to do NONE of the things I recommended, and she's not going to do her own googling. She refuses to get a psychiatrist or therapist.
I have my own mental health I have to take care of. I've only been out of the depression for 90 days. I have helped other friends, and we are a genuine group of supportive people. It's been really nice. But, she's just a nay sayer. I assume part of it is the depression, but, I am not able to get saddled by such a joy-suck just now, when I'm freshly healthy, but, honestly, I don't have sympathy for people who will not do even the smallest things for themselves, so, at no point in the future would I be willing to subject myself to this kind of person.
I'm not a guru. I don't want to be one. I have made FRIENDS that I talk to on the phone, but the exchange is equally supportive on both sides. I love calling my depressed friend John, who's working so hard to get better, and let him know when I'm struggling. It's great to have SOMEONE WHO GETS IT. I'm not an expert, I'm a comrade. And that's all I want to be. It has been the most lovely thing to come out of this. She's the only one of all the people to reach out to me who has been this way.
The problem is, she's suicidal. How do I disengage? Do I give her a reality check? Like: I sent you all this stuff that needed to be done and you don't want to do any of it, so I'm afraid I can't help you? Or is that just my anger talking? I'm supposed to meet her in a week for coffee, but I don't want to do that now.
This post was deleted for the following reason: Heya, I'm sorry you're in this situation, and glad to hear you're in a good place with your own depression. I think this will strike some readers in a bad way right now, if they're struggling themselves, and that's not your fault but also not something we want to take a chance on. -- LobsterMitten
I think this is one only you can answer for yourself. Let's say she makes the attempt. Will you feel like you failed and should have tried harder, or will you feel that you did the best you could? I recommend the glass-half-full approach and focus on all the people you're helping and who are helping you.
posted by whuppy at 2:15 PM on June 13, 2018
posted by whuppy at 2:15 PM on June 13, 2018
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by sockermom at 2:10 PM on June 13, 2018 [1 favorite]