Is someone stalking me?
June 9, 2018 1:50 PM Subscribe
I was getting weird messages on Grindr so I deleted my account. Yesterday somebody texted me from a Google Voice or Skype number saying weird things. Am I being stalked? Is there any way to figure out whose number it is?
Two weeks ago I got a message from a guy on Grindr with no profile picture. He sent me two pictures. He looked way out of my league. He asked for a nude picture and I said maybe, if he sent first. He said never mind and sent a sad face.
A few days later I got similar messages from another guy. Again, no profile picture. Sent two pictures. Way out of my league. This time he said he was from my home town (before I said where I was from). He asked for a nude. I said "You first" so after like a 10 minute delay he sent a nude but the skin tone and body didn't match. The guy in the picture was absolutely ripped. I said that's clearly not him. He responded, "Oh yeah, that's just a joke. Here's my real picture." And again the bodies just didn't match up. I stopped responding and deleted my Grindr account.
Yesterday I got a text message from a random number. They said "Hey man, it's been a while. Wanna grab drinks soon?"
I searched for the number and it appears to be a non-fixed VOIP number that was formerly a Verizon account. Whitepages says it's either Skype or Google Voice.
I texted this person asking who it was. The conversation went like this..
Him: Oh you deleted my number. :/ We met up on Grindr a while ago.
Me: You'll have to be more specific.
Him: I fucked your ass. 😂 (Crying laughing emoji) Is that specific enough?
(I have never had sex with anyone from Grindr, mind you)
Me: Nope. There's obviously been hundreds. What's your name?
Him: It's Mike.
Me: I've never had sex with a Mike. Let me guess, your name starts with D...
(I thought I was being clever here. D is the first letter of the name of my friend from my last question that I had a falling out with. It's also the first letter of the name of an ex from 6 years ago who occasionally messages me on Grindr asking to hang out. I never respond to him. He's a textbook sociopath.)
Him: How'd you know? :/ I'm sorry, I just miss you. I know you hate me and obviously don't want to talk so I will respect your wishes.
Me: How did you get my number?
He stopped responding. The way I see it, this could be one of three people.
1. Dan, the friend from my previous question. He and I used to use Google Hangouts to video chat so I assume he would have a Google Voice number, too. I thought "I fucked your ass" was a weird thing to say for a gay guy. Why the need to specify what was fucked? I kind of get the vibe this is something a straight guy would say. I have not contacted him in 3+ weeks. In the past when we've stopped talking he would reach out to me when he didn't hear from me for a while. After I'd respond he would disappear again.
2. The sociopath ex. He's messaged me on Grindr from blank profiles before but he usually reveals who he is very quickly. He also begs me to talk to him so it makes no sense that when given a chance to talk to me he would stop responding. I'm also fairly certain he wouldn't be able to get my number. If he has, why has he never tried this before? He messages me on Grindr from different accounts at least twice a year.
3. A guy I met two weeks ago that I went on dates with. I didn't get those two weird catfish attempts until after we started talking. We didn't exchange nudes. We went out twice and he seems super nice but I don't have romantic feelings for him. When he asked to hang out again I clarified that it would have to be as friends. I said it was because I really don't have the time for a relationship right now (which is true, too. I just felt like it would be mean to say "I don't see you as more than a friend"). He said he was fine with that and he'd like to be friends. It was a day or so after this conversation that I got those texts. He is constantly using the 😂 crying laughing emoji, but I know that's a fairly popular one right now so that might not actually be a "clue." I mentioned the catfish attempts to him and he asked, "Why do you assume it's a catfish? Maybe he's just in the closet." And when I mentioned this random number texting me he said, "Well if he has your number it's obviously a guy you met up with." And then almost right after I told him he said he was catfished on Grindr the same way I was. They sent him two face pictures and then a body that didn't match. I asked to see the guy's face to see if it was the same guy who catfished me but he said he blocked him. Maybe there's just a guy catfishing in our area. Or maybe he's trying to divert the attention away from him..
It seems to me that the main motive of whoever this is, other than to fuck with me, was to find out if I'd hooked up with anyone from Grindr recently. That motive fits with the ex bf and the recent date more so than the ex friend. But who knows.
The annoying catfish attempts on Grindr were one thing but this texting is another. I feel really paranoid right now. I know the obvious answer is to just block this and any future random number I get texted from, but now I don't even want to talk to the recent date anymore, just in case it's him.
I don't give my number out a lot and it's not posted on any social media. I can't imagine there's anyone else in my life who would do this. I honestly don't even know for sure if the Grindr catfisher and this texter are the same person.
Is there anything I'm missing that's obvious? Should I end a new friendship just in case he's secretly stalking me? Is there any way to track a Google Voice or Skype number?
Thank you.
Two weeks ago I got a message from a guy on Grindr with no profile picture. He sent me two pictures. He looked way out of my league. He asked for a nude picture and I said maybe, if he sent first. He said never mind and sent a sad face.
A few days later I got similar messages from another guy. Again, no profile picture. Sent two pictures. Way out of my league. This time he said he was from my home town (before I said where I was from). He asked for a nude. I said "You first" so after like a 10 minute delay he sent a nude but the skin tone and body didn't match. The guy in the picture was absolutely ripped. I said that's clearly not him. He responded, "Oh yeah, that's just a joke. Here's my real picture." And again the bodies just didn't match up. I stopped responding and deleted my Grindr account.
Yesterday I got a text message from a random number. They said "Hey man, it's been a while. Wanna grab drinks soon?"
I searched for the number and it appears to be a non-fixed VOIP number that was formerly a Verizon account. Whitepages says it's either Skype or Google Voice.
I texted this person asking who it was. The conversation went like this..
Him: Oh you deleted my number. :/ We met up on Grindr a while ago.
Me: You'll have to be more specific.
Him: I fucked your ass. 😂 (Crying laughing emoji) Is that specific enough?
(I have never had sex with anyone from Grindr, mind you)
Me: Nope. There's obviously been hundreds. What's your name?
Him: It's Mike.
Me: I've never had sex with a Mike. Let me guess, your name starts with D...
(I thought I was being clever here. D is the first letter of the name of my friend from my last question that I had a falling out with. It's also the first letter of the name of an ex from 6 years ago who occasionally messages me on Grindr asking to hang out. I never respond to him. He's a textbook sociopath.)
Him: How'd you know? :/ I'm sorry, I just miss you. I know you hate me and obviously don't want to talk so I will respect your wishes.
Me: How did you get my number?
He stopped responding. The way I see it, this could be one of three people.
1. Dan, the friend from my previous question. He and I used to use Google Hangouts to video chat so I assume he would have a Google Voice number, too. I thought "I fucked your ass" was a weird thing to say for a gay guy. Why the need to specify what was fucked? I kind of get the vibe this is something a straight guy would say. I have not contacted him in 3+ weeks. In the past when we've stopped talking he would reach out to me when he didn't hear from me for a while. After I'd respond he would disappear again.
2. The sociopath ex. He's messaged me on Grindr from blank profiles before but he usually reveals who he is very quickly. He also begs me to talk to him so it makes no sense that when given a chance to talk to me he would stop responding. I'm also fairly certain he wouldn't be able to get my number. If he has, why has he never tried this before? He messages me on Grindr from different accounts at least twice a year.
3. A guy I met two weeks ago that I went on dates with. I didn't get those two weird catfish attempts until after we started talking. We didn't exchange nudes. We went out twice and he seems super nice but I don't have romantic feelings for him. When he asked to hang out again I clarified that it would have to be as friends. I said it was because I really don't have the time for a relationship right now (which is true, too. I just felt like it would be mean to say "I don't see you as more than a friend"). He said he was fine with that and he'd like to be friends. It was a day or so after this conversation that I got those texts. He is constantly using the 😂 crying laughing emoji, but I know that's a fairly popular one right now so that might not actually be a "clue." I mentioned the catfish attempts to him and he asked, "Why do you assume it's a catfish? Maybe he's just in the closet." And when I mentioned this random number texting me he said, "Well if he has your number it's obviously a guy you met up with." And then almost right after I told him he said he was catfished on Grindr the same way I was. They sent him two face pictures and then a body that didn't match. I asked to see the guy's face to see if it was the same guy who catfished me but he said he blocked him. Maybe there's just a guy catfishing in our area. Or maybe he's trying to divert the attention away from him..
It seems to me that the main motive of whoever this is, other than to fuck with me, was to find out if I'd hooked up with anyone from Grindr recently. That motive fits with the ex bf and the recent date more so than the ex friend. But who knows.
The annoying catfish attempts on Grindr were one thing but this texting is another. I feel really paranoid right now. I know the obvious answer is to just block this and any future random number I get texted from, but now I don't even want to talk to the recent date anymore, just in case it's him.
I don't give my number out a lot and it's not posted on any social media. I can't imagine there's anyone else in my life who would do this. I honestly don't even know for sure if the Grindr catfisher and this texter are the same person.
Is there anything I'm missing that's obvious? Should I end a new friendship just in case he's secretly stalking me? Is there any way to track a Google Voice or Skype number?
Thank you.
This post was deleted for the following reason: poster's request -- cortex
Ugh, I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. It sounds like you're handling it well but that doesn't make the scary feeling go away. Like sarcasticah said, I'd certainly block that number for starters.
At first I thought it was most likely that old friend but then I thought it might be your ex and, after that, perhaps it was the new guy. That really doesn't help you but I'd listen to your gut. Might these exes be working together to harass you? It sounds paranoid and, hopefully, unlikely but might be possible. Clearly and wisely, your ex-boyfriend and the ex-friend are out of your life so it's just about maintaining that boundary. As for this new guy, if your gut tells you something isn't right, please listen to your gut and take whatever steps feel right. That could be confronting him, blocking him, waiting to see what happens or whatever else feels best.
posted by smorgasbord at 3:53 PM on June 9, 2018 [1 favorite]
At first I thought it was most likely that old friend but then I thought it might be your ex and, after that, perhaps it was the new guy. That really doesn't help you but I'd listen to your gut. Might these exes be working together to harass you? It sounds paranoid and, hopefully, unlikely but might be possible. Clearly and wisely, your ex-boyfriend and the ex-friend are out of your life so it's just about maintaining that boundary. As for this new guy, if your gut tells you something isn't right, please listen to your gut and take whatever steps feel right. That could be confronting him, blocking him, waiting to see what happens or whatever else feels best.
posted by smorgasbord at 3:53 PM on June 9, 2018 [1 favorite]
It's either of the first two and it sounds like the same person, probably trying to catfish you. If it worries you enough, get a new number and stay off grindr for a bit.
posted by ryanbryan at 4:54 PM on June 9, 2018
posted by ryanbryan at 4:54 PM on June 9, 2018
The guy from grindr you you friendzoned right before the catfishing started is defensive about you calling it catfishing, then reports getting catfished too, right after you talk to him, but he blocked the person so he can't show you the messages or pics. Hmm ok.
posted by headnsouth at 5:24 PM on June 9, 2018 [4 favorites]
posted by headnsouth at 5:24 PM on June 9, 2018 [4 favorites]
Response by poster: I ended up opening another Grindr account just to see if the messages would continue. Sure enough within a couple hours I get a message from a blank profile that sends two pictures. He was a mile away from me and said he lived in my hometown. I lied and said I lived in the town over. He asked how I was so close if I lived in that town and I just said I wasn't home. (Weird thing to say to someone unless you know where they live) He starts telling me about how he went out on a date with a guy but he's not that interested in him and doesn't know how to tell him. He then asked if I'd ever been in a situation like that and what I said to the guy. Later he asked me to meet up and randomly started questioning whether I'm seeing anyone else because if I am then he's not okay with hooking up.
It seems like the whole conversation was a fishing expedition to find out what I thought of the guy I recently dated and if I was hooking up with other people. So at this point I'm almost certain that's what's going on here. Either way I'm thoroughly creeped out. Especially since he was so close to my house. I told the guy not to text me anymore so hopefully that's the end of that. Even if I'm wrong I just don't have a good feeling and I don't want to spend the rest of our friendship wondering if he's stalking me.
posted by blackzinfandel at 6:03 PM on June 9, 2018 [1 favorite]
It seems like the whole conversation was a fishing expedition to find out what I thought of the guy I recently dated and if I was hooking up with other people. So at this point I'm almost certain that's what's going on here. Either way I'm thoroughly creeped out. Especially since he was so close to my house. I told the guy not to text me anymore so hopefully that's the end of that. Even if I'm wrong I just don't have a good feeling and I don't want to spend the rest of our friendship wondering if he's stalking me.
posted by blackzinfandel at 6:03 PM on June 9, 2018 [1 favorite]
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by sarcasticah at 2:05 PM on June 9, 2018