The Face of the Earth
January 8, 2018 7:05 AM Subscribe
So, I kept going with the divorced guy, and things continued to go well. Until this past weekend...
I’m not really sure how to handle this situation and many of my friends don’t know either. I’m really trying to give him the benefit of the doubt and remain cool but I’m seriously confused.
He went on his trip over the holidays and made a comment about seriousness (not trying to be super serious) once again and I was getting ready to end it. I didn’t though and figured it was time to start distancing myself so I could get away relatively unscathed. He told me he is having a hard time embracing the idea of commitment.
He called me a few nights later telling me he’s falling for me, that he wants to be happy, and I make him so, so very happy (my sarcasm might bleed through here a bit, sorry), and that he wants to keep seeing me. He told me he is scared. He said all the right things and I believed him because, well, why not? He even told me he missed me SO much!
On new year’s, we talked again and his friend got on the phone telling me he’s so happy for us and that he’s so glad his friend is happy again.
It’s been just over three months. He returned last week. I picked him up from the airport and he seemed like the same guy from before, just a little friendlier (very complimentary). We spent time together the next day (Wednesday) after work and that was great, too.
And I spoke up this time. I asked him if he kept his dating profile up and if he had, what his motivation was for having it at this point. I explained that I’m not going to tell him what to do with it or how I feel about it, but that I was just asking. It was very difficult to do. I don’t regret it all.
He tells me that yes he still had it (which I knew he did because I found it online—we didn’t meet this way), and that he wasn’t using it but he hadn’t deleted it. He got it and paid for a year, plus he had heard great things about it. He told me that it probably wasn’t what I wanted to hear but he will ALWAYS be honest with me (awww, ain’t he a peach?).
We left it like that, minus a few jokes as I was leaving (he kicked me out because it was getting late!). I turned to him and asked if he wanted to do anything this weekend, and he said he didn’t have plans. I said that he hasn’t seen his friends in awhile so maybe he’d want to do that. He asked if I had plans and I said no. “Let me know,” I said and smiled as I turned on my heel.
The next day I didn’t expect to hear from him because he had a lot going on with catching up at work, etc. I understand. Just out of curiosity, I checked his profile and he deleted it. This is what caused me massive confusion. I didn’t ask him to touch it or remove it but he did.
And Friday rolls around. I still don’t hear anything from him. So I text. He said he’s still at work and he’s cold and grumpy. I tell him once again to let me know if he wants to do anything. He agrees.
I don’t hear from him the rest of the night. Saturday rolls around and it becomes apparent that I won’t be hearing from him then either. So I text him once and call him once, then he comes back saying he made plans with his buddy, he’s taking it easy this weekend because he’s tired from traveling and work. Says a lot but not really saying much at all.
I respond telling him that I’ll give him his space and to have a good time. He asks me if everything is okay and says something else, but I stopped responding. I honestly didn’t know what to say after that. It isn’t that he didn’t want to spend time with me, it’s the lack of communication that pissed me off.
I knew that if I hadn’t said anything at all, he wouldn’t have. And yesterday, that proved to be true. Also haven’t heard anything yet today. And I’m just not interested in chasing him down.
What gives? He’s falling off the face of the earth. It’s starting to get messy now. I can’t imagine that this is going to go anywhere after this performance. He’s doing a lot of damage.
I’m not really sure how to handle this situation and many of my friends don’t know either. I’m really trying to give him the benefit of the doubt and remain cool but I’m seriously confused.
He went on his trip over the holidays and made a comment about seriousness (not trying to be super serious) once again and I was getting ready to end it. I didn’t though and figured it was time to start distancing myself so I could get away relatively unscathed. He told me he is having a hard time embracing the idea of commitment.
He called me a few nights later telling me he’s falling for me, that he wants to be happy, and I make him so, so very happy (my sarcasm might bleed through here a bit, sorry), and that he wants to keep seeing me. He told me he is scared. He said all the right things and I believed him because, well, why not? He even told me he missed me SO much!
On new year’s, we talked again and his friend got on the phone telling me he’s so happy for us and that he’s so glad his friend is happy again.
It’s been just over three months. He returned last week. I picked him up from the airport and he seemed like the same guy from before, just a little friendlier (very complimentary). We spent time together the next day (Wednesday) after work and that was great, too.
And I spoke up this time. I asked him if he kept his dating profile up and if he had, what his motivation was for having it at this point. I explained that I’m not going to tell him what to do with it or how I feel about it, but that I was just asking. It was very difficult to do. I don’t regret it all.
He tells me that yes he still had it (which I knew he did because I found it online—we didn’t meet this way), and that he wasn’t using it but he hadn’t deleted it. He got it and paid for a year, plus he had heard great things about it. He told me that it probably wasn’t what I wanted to hear but he will ALWAYS be honest with me (awww, ain’t he a peach?).
We left it like that, minus a few jokes as I was leaving (he kicked me out because it was getting late!). I turned to him and asked if he wanted to do anything this weekend, and he said he didn’t have plans. I said that he hasn’t seen his friends in awhile so maybe he’d want to do that. He asked if I had plans and I said no. “Let me know,” I said and smiled as I turned on my heel.
The next day I didn’t expect to hear from him because he had a lot going on with catching up at work, etc. I understand. Just out of curiosity, I checked his profile and he deleted it. This is what caused me massive confusion. I didn’t ask him to touch it or remove it but he did.
And Friday rolls around. I still don’t hear anything from him. So I text. He said he’s still at work and he’s cold and grumpy. I tell him once again to let me know if he wants to do anything. He agrees.
I don’t hear from him the rest of the night. Saturday rolls around and it becomes apparent that I won’t be hearing from him then either. So I text him once and call him once, then he comes back saying he made plans with his buddy, he’s taking it easy this weekend because he’s tired from traveling and work. Says a lot but not really saying much at all.
I respond telling him that I’ll give him his space and to have a good time. He asks me if everything is okay and says something else, but I stopped responding. I honestly didn’t know what to say after that. It isn’t that he didn’t want to spend time with me, it’s the lack of communication that pissed me off.
I knew that if I hadn’t said anything at all, he wouldn’t have. And yesterday, that proved to be true. Also haven’t heard anything yet today. And I’m just not interested in chasing him down.
What gives? He’s falling off the face of the earth. It’s starting to get messy now. I can’t imagine that this is going to go anywhere after this performance. He’s doing a lot of damage.
This post was deleted for the following reason: Heya, I'm sorry this situation is frustrating, but coming back to the well again and again with "okay but now *this*" updates on substantially the same issue on Ask isn't workable. -- cortex
Just let it die, this relationship doesn't sound like it's going anywhere. You don't even sound like you like the guy (you come across as kind of contemptuous, even).
posted by mskyle at 7:16 AM on January 8, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by mskyle at 7:16 AM on January 8, 2018 [1 favorite]
Did you talk every day before he left on his trip? Why are you not taking at face value that he might be tired from traveling and wants to take it easy? He told you he wouldn't lie to you. It's not clear to me why you're jumping straight to worst case scenario here.
I didn't read the entirety of your previous questions, but it seems like you've had some serious misgivings about being in this relationship since the very beginning, and maybe you're looking for behaviors to latch onto that confirm your misgivings. Or maybe your misgivings are well-founded and the relationship isn't going anywhere. Regardless, it doesn't sound like you're in a great headspace with it right now. Maybe it's time try something else.
posted by something something at 7:16 AM on January 8, 2018
I didn't read the entirety of your previous questions, but it seems like you've had some serious misgivings about being in this relationship since the very beginning, and maybe you're looking for behaviors to latch onto that confirm your misgivings. Or maybe your misgivings are well-founded and the relationship isn't going anywhere. Regardless, it doesn't sound like you're in a great headspace with it right now. Maybe it's time try something else.
posted by something something at 7:16 AM on January 8, 2018
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I don't know if this relationship can work - he seems flighty and you seem to need more stability and someone who knows their own mind a bit better who can take the lead - but what happened this weekend seems to be more of a communication issue than a deep incompatibility issue.
posted by I'm Not Even Supposed To Be Here Today! at 7:16 AM on January 8, 2018