Post baby body issues
June 2, 2017 8:39 AM Subscribe
I have gained weight since having a baby and I'm looking for advice on what to do next.
I searched for a related question but I can't find my scenario.
I have an 12 week old baby and I am not quite sure what to make of my post baby body. I gained 40 lbs while pregnant. I gained most of the weight during the last trimester and a large amount (10 lbs) during the last 2 weeks. I exercised often during pregnancy and walked 10k steps on days that I didn't have formal exercise. I ate okay - some days were better than others and I was definitely hungry often. My weight gain got ahead of me toward the end and I gained steadily.
I had a healthy 8 lb baby via a wonderful uncomplicated vaginal delivery. I only lost 10 lbs after the 1st week. I was retaining water (my feet were gigantic!) so I wasn't alarmed. I didn't try to lose weight for the first 6 weeks but 10 additional lbs came off. From 6 weeks to 12 weeks postpartum, I've gained 4 lbs back. I now still 24 lbs above my pre pregnancy weight and i'm looking for advice on the best way to lose it.
I nurse and pump (pump 4x per day and nurse about 3x) but we also supplement with formula. I don't have a great milk supply. I walk with the baby daily and I eat okay. I have tracked my calories and I'm averaging 1600 calories but I'm not consistent with food. I'm also on the mini pill.
I'm terribly unhappy with my post baby body and I'm willing to quit nursing and pumping in order to lose weight. I didn't have the easiest time emotionally postpartum and losing weight and getting back to my old self is important to me. I feel like I look like a mom (in a bad way) and I've only put on jeans twice in the last 12 weeks. I have met other new moms who have babies younger than mine and they are below their pre pregnancy weight while I still look 5 months pregnant.
The baby sleeps through the night and I'm going back to work so I'm emerging from the fog and looking for some advice on losing baby weight. Has anyone else been in my boat? Any advice on how to lose the baby weight? Ideally, I'd like to keep my milk supply up but I'm willing to quit as I believe my well being is an important factor too.
I searched for a related question but I can't find my scenario.
I have an 12 week old baby and I am not quite sure what to make of my post baby body. I gained 40 lbs while pregnant. I gained most of the weight during the last trimester and a large amount (10 lbs) during the last 2 weeks. I exercised often during pregnancy and walked 10k steps on days that I didn't have formal exercise. I ate okay - some days were better than others and I was definitely hungry often. My weight gain got ahead of me toward the end and I gained steadily.
I had a healthy 8 lb baby via a wonderful uncomplicated vaginal delivery. I only lost 10 lbs after the 1st week. I was retaining water (my feet were gigantic!) so I wasn't alarmed. I didn't try to lose weight for the first 6 weeks but 10 additional lbs came off. From 6 weeks to 12 weeks postpartum, I've gained 4 lbs back. I now still 24 lbs above my pre pregnancy weight and i'm looking for advice on the best way to lose it.
I nurse and pump (pump 4x per day and nurse about 3x) but we also supplement with formula. I don't have a great milk supply. I walk with the baby daily and I eat okay. I have tracked my calories and I'm averaging 1600 calories but I'm not consistent with food. I'm also on the mini pill.
I'm terribly unhappy with my post baby body and I'm willing to quit nursing and pumping in order to lose weight. I didn't have the easiest time emotionally postpartum and losing weight and getting back to my old self is important to me. I feel like I look like a mom (in a bad way) and I've only put on jeans twice in the last 12 weeks. I have met other new moms who have babies younger than mine and they are below their pre pregnancy weight while I still look 5 months pregnant.
The baby sleeps through the night and I'm going back to work so I'm emerging from the fog and looking for some advice on losing baby weight. Has anyone else been in my boat? Any advice on how to lose the baby weight? Ideally, I'd like to keep my milk supply up but I'm willing to quit as I believe my well being is an important factor too.
I've been listening to Padma Lakshmi's memoir and she talks about the difficulties she had losing baby weight. It took her 13 months to lose her baby weight, and she was hosting "Top Chef" at the time so she was in a very visible position. There's so much pressure on women to lose baby weight quickly, but every body is different. Twelve weeks is really a short amount of time. I know this is easier said than done, but I don't think you should be so hard on yourself. Let your body recover in its own time.
posted by shornco at 8:56 AM on June 2, 2017 [6 favorites]
posted by shornco at 8:56 AM on June 2, 2017 [6 favorites]
Best answer: It took you nine months to put it on, it's ok for it to take nine months to take it off.
posted by bq at 9:21 AM on June 2, 2017 [9 favorites]
posted by bq at 9:21 AM on June 2, 2017 [9 favorites]
I gained a similar amount and both times it took me approximately 2 years to get my body back. I have a lot more dresses in my wardrobe now because they are more flexible in terms of fluctuating size through those periods. I also had my thyroid checked and treated but that affected my energy/temperature more than weight.
posted by typecloud at 9:25 AM on June 2, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by typecloud at 9:25 AM on June 2, 2017 [2 favorites]
Be aware that your bone shape can change somewhat (ribs, hips) due to pregnancy and childbirth, and you may need different jeans as a result. Milk production in general burns extra calories. Personally, I ended up thinner than I ever had been previously, and I swear it was because breastfeeding burned some previously-untouchable fat stores.
posted by xo at 9:30 AM on June 2, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by xo at 9:30 AM on June 2, 2017 [2 favorites]
Best answer: Someone said to me not long after I had my daughter - "It took 9 months for your body to get that way. At least give it 9 more months to readjust."
I think the claim that you lose weight breastfeeding is kinda bullshit - I don't know anyone who did, other than the token baby/placenta/fluid weight + initial retained water loss. I put on weight, because I was starving *all the damn time* (breastfeeding is pretty energy-intensive), and as my midwife pointed out, when breastfeeding, your body is designed to famine-proof itself -- so if you're restricting your calories in hopes of losing weight, your body may actually be trying desperately to keep the fat packed on in order to continue supplying nutrition to your kiddo.
Were you on the mini pill before you got pregnant? HBC has always made me gain/keep weight.
I really suggest you talk to a doctor, and mention that it's affecting you mentally and emotionally. That's important, and you're right, your well-being is really important. You're still in a mess of post-partum hormones that may or may not be affected by the HBC, and it's worth exploring how much that's affecting your response to this. Stopping breastfeeding certainly might help, though it's unlikely it will be an instant fix. Absolutely buy yourself some pants that fit - even if you get back to your pre-pregnancy weight, your body may be shaped differently and your hips, butt, thighs, and stomach may have slightly different relative proportions than they used to, meaning your pre-pregnancy clothes may not fit or flatter the way they used to. But seriously, having pants that fit (or even a bra that doesn't have nursing flaps on it that you can wear out when you don't need to nurse) can be such a mental help in this phase.
posted by olinerd at 9:36 AM on June 2, 2017 [5 favorites]
I think the claim that you lose weight breastfeeding is kinda bullshit - I don't know anyone who did, other than the token baby/placenta/fluid weight + initial retained water loss. I put on weight, because I was starving *all the damn time* (breastfeeding is pretty energy-intensive), and as my midwife pointed out, when breastfeeding, your body is designed to famine-proof itself -- so if you're restricting your calories in hopes of losing weight, your body may actually be trying desperately to keep the fat packed on in order to continue supplying nutrition to your kiddo.
Were you on the mini pill before you got pregnant? HBC has always made me gain/keep weight.
I really suggest you talk to a doctor, and mention that it's affecting you mentally and emotionally. That's important, and you're right, your well-being is really important. You're still in a mess of post-partum hormones that may or may not be affected by the HBC, and it's worth exploring how much that's affecting your response to this. Stopping breastfeeding certainly might help, though it's unlikely it will be an instant fix. Absolutely buy yourself some pants that fit - even if you get back to your pre-pregnancy weight, your body may be shaped differently and your hips, butt, thighs, and stomach may have slightly different relative proportions than they used to, meaning your pre-pregnancy clothes may not fit or flatter the way they used to. But seriously, having pants that fit (or even a bra that doesn't have nursing flaps on it that you can wear out when you don't need to nurse) can be such a mental help in this phase.
posted by olinerd at 9:36 AM on June 2, 2017 [5 favorites]
I have a one year old! And like you, I had difficult emotional time post-partum. For me, it exacerbated existing body image issues, and this jumped out at me from your post:
I have met other new moms who have babies younger than mine and they are below their pre pregnancy weight while I still look 5 months pregnant.
This line of thinking is super-tempting, but was incredibly unhelpful for me in actually trying to do anything. I found out, for example, that one mom I knew who got back to her starting weight within six months was waking herself and her baby up at 4:30 in the morning, going to a 5:30 workout while her (early rising and nearby-living) parents baby-sat the kid while her husband made the 90+ minute commute into his job, and then picking up the kid, taking him home, and working a full day while only really eating salads for lunch.
And I just got super-sad for a while, because I did not want to do that, and since I was super-sad, I tried to make myself feel better the only way I'd been able to while pregnant, which was to eat. So uh.
I still struggle with this, but making myself re-learn all the things I used to enjoy besides eating has been important in limiting weight gain/trying to lose weight. I'm also slowly trying to add vigorous exercise back in, and have been making myself think of "getting my pre-baby body back" not in terms of looking the same (because those stretch marks and that c-section and that pooch and saggy boobs aren't going away short of plastic surgery), but in terms of being able to run up three flights of stairs the way I used to/go on a 7 mile hike like I used to/keep up with my spin class.
(As a side note, even though my friend got back to her original weight, she couldn't fit into her old clothes -- pregnancy had permanently expanded her ribcage, and all of her beautiful, fitted-to-a-tee Theory dresses had to be donated.)
posted by joyceanmachine at 9:37 AM on June 2, 2017 [9 favorites]
I have met other new moms who have babies younger than mine and they are below their pre pregnancy weight while I still look 5 months pregnant.
This line of thinking is super-tempting, but was incredibly unhelpful for me in actually trying to do anything. I found out, for example, that one mom I knew who got back to her starting weight within six months was waking herself and her baby up at 4:30 in the morning, going to a 5:30 workout while her (early rising and nearby-living) parents baby-sat the kid while her husband made the 90+ minute commute into his job, and then picking up the kid, taking him home, and working a full day while only really eating salads for lunch.
And I just got super-sad for a while, because I did not want to do that, and since I was super-sad, I tried to make myself feel better the only way I'd been able to while pregnant, which was to eat. So uh.
I still struggle with this, but making myself re-learn all the things I used to enjoy besides eating has been important in limiting weight gain/trying to lose weight. I'm also slowly trying to add vigorous exercise back in, and have been making myself think of "getting my pre-baby body back" not in terms of looking the same (because those stretch marks and that c-section and that pooch and saggy boobs aren't going away short of plastic surgery), but in terms of being able to run up three flights of stairs the way I used to/go on a 7 mile hike like I used to/keep up with my spin class.
(As a side note, even though my friend got back to her original weight, she couldn't fit into her old clothes -- pregnancy had permanently expanded her ribcage, and all of her beautiful, fitted-to-a-tee Theory dresses had to be donated.)
posted by joyceanmachine at 9:37 AM on June 2, 2017 [9 favorites]
And now seeing the post before mine (that's what I get for getting distracted for ten minutes and then posting without preview) - this is clearly giant YMMV territory. Everyone's body, hormones, and metabolism is different. Be patient with yours.
posted by olinerd at 9:37 AM on June 2, 2017
posted by olinerd at 9:37 AM on June 2, 2017
I was COMPLETELY UNABLE to lose even ONE POUND until I weaned my son (at 2 and a half -- so I had plenty of time for that weight to come off and it so, so did not). In my personal opinion the whole "nursing burns calories and helps you lose weight" theory is 100% bullshit. YMMV of course but if you decide to continue nursing be aware that you may not make any headway at all.
I easily lost the baby weight after I weaned though.
posted by rabbitrabbit at 9:43 AM on June 2, 2017
I easily lost the baby weight after I weaned though.
posted by rabbitrabbit at 9:43 AM on June 2, 2017
This is a huge YMMV, and it doesn't work the same way for any two women, or even necessarily for the same woman between pregnancies.
After my first child, I nursed for about a year and though it didn't happen right away, by the end of that time I was 5 lbs below my pre-pregnancy weight without really thinking about it very hard. After my second child, I walked out of the hospital about 10 lbs lighter (baby+placenta weight), nursed for a year, and haven't lost one single solitary goddamned pound since the day I left the hospital. I figured at least I should pee off some fluid or something! That baby is long weaned (she's 3.5 and starting preschool in the fall!) and nothing has helped - not nursing, not weaning, not modest exercise, not modest attempts to eat healthier.
I felt terrible about this for a long time, though I've come to accept it better. I'm still hopeful that I'll be able to shift my "new normal" back closer to the old one. If nursing and pumping isn't for you, that's fine. But please don't stop JUST to lose weight - there's no guarantee that it'll be the magic bullet. Start by getting some clothes that fit. It really makes a difference. Then start working on maintainable healthy lifestyle changes, see where you are in several more months, and go from there.
posted by telepanda at 10:10 AM on June 2, 2017 [1 favorite]
After my first child, I nursed for about a year and though it didn't happen right away, by the end of that time I was 5 lbs below my pre-pregnancy weight without really thinking about it very hard. After my second child, I walked out of the hospital about 10 lbs lighter (baby+placenta weight), nursed for a year, and haven't lost one single solitary goddamned pound since the day I left the hospital. I figured at least I should pee off some fluid or something! That baby is long weaned (she's 3.5 and starting preschool in the fall!) and nothing has helped - not nursing, not weaning, not modest exercise, not modest attempts to eat healthier.
I felt terrible about this for a long time, though I've come to accept it better. I'm still hopeful that I'll be able to shift my "new normal" back closer to the old one. If nursing and pumping isn't for you, that's fine. But please don't stop JUST to lose weight - there's no guarantee that it'll be the magic bullet. Start by getting some clothes that fit. It really makes a difference. Then start working on maintainable healthy lifestyle changes, see where you are in several more months, and go from there.
posted by telepanda at 10:10 AM on June 2, 2017 [1 favorite]
I lost a lot of weight while nursing my little one with an extremely large appetite. Like, I went to bring her into her daycare so I could look around before she started at about 6 weeks, and I was already 10 pounds below my pre-pregnancy weight. With my other kid, who did not eat as much, I did not. My milk supplies were no nowhere near as strong for the second one. I was pumping over a quart a day for my first one and could barely eke out 16 ounces or so for the second, if I remember. In other words, I think if your milk supply isn't great, you're probably not using up a ton of calories nursing. If that makes you want to stop nursing, no judgement here.
However. I think 12 weeks is really early on. For my second baby I tried not to worry about losing weight until 6 months. At 6 months, I felt like my body was stable enough (I had had a repeat c-section) to start exercising and doing Weight Watchers. The great thing about Weight Watchers is that they have the nursing mom options right in there to make sure you are getting enough of what you need.
All in all, please be kind to yourself and your body. There is time to lose the weight if that's what you want to do.
posted by freezer cake at 10:16 AM on June 2, 2017
However. I think 12 weeks is really early on. For my second baby I tried not to worry about losing weight until 6 months. At 6 months, I felt like my body was stable enough (I had had a repeat c-section) to start exercising and doing Weight Watchers. The great thing about Weight Watchers is that they have the nursing mom options right in there to make sure you are getting enough of what you need.
All in all, please be kind to yourself and your body. There is time to lose the weight if that's what you want to do.
posted by freezer cake at 10:16 AM on June 2, 2017
FWIW, I really don't think milk supply has much to do with it... I couldn't lose weight while nursing and I was yielding about 35oz per day from the pump (in addition to actually nursing). Some mamas' bodies are just really good at holding onto fat when they're feeding a baby.
posted by rabbitrabbit at 10:28 AM on June 2, 2017
posted by rabbitrabbit at 10:28 AM on June 2, 2017
Hey, you are getting great advice in this thread. I cried for 20 minutes in a change room after having my first baby because my body shape changed so much, plus weight, and I could not adjust and it was awful...so I understand how hard it is when people tell you to hang in there. But hang in there.
I did want to mention that I have had 3 babies and in one I was sobbing about my new body weight and configuration and...it was a strong marker for PPD. If you haven't been evaluated it might be something to think about it -- not because you should give up on your weight loss goals or stop caring, that's ridiculous, it's your body and of course you care.
But because it may seem like a huge big deal emergency right now/everyone else is losing weight and that feeling of I don't want to look like a mom is overwhelming not because of the weight but because you are suffering from PPD and that is how it is coming out. Just something to consider!
posted by warriorqueen at 10:39 AM on June 2, 2017 [6 favorites]
I did want to mention that I have had 3 babies and in one I was sobbing about my new body weight and configuration and...it was a strong marker for PPD. If you haven't been evaluated it might be something to think about it -- not because you should give up on your weight loss goals or stop caring, that's ridiculous, it's your body and of course you care.
But because it may seem like a huge big deal emergency right now/everyone else is losing weight and that feeling of I don't want to look like a mom is overwhelming not because of the weight but because you are suffering from PPD and that is how it is coming out. Just something to consider!
posted by warriorqueen at 10:39 AM on June 2, 2017 [6 favorites]
I lost weight using the Weight Watchers program for nursing mothers. It worked really well and I was able to continue nursing which was incredibly important to me.
posted by teamnap at 10:49 AM on June 2, 2017
posted by teamnap at 10:49 AM on June 2, 2017
Best answer: I'd like to point out that 1600 calories is pretty low for someone who is walking and breastfeeding. It's possible that restricting your calories may be ironically encouraging your body to hang on to fat stores, especially since you're nursing.
I messed around with calorie counting during maternity leave and, looking back at My Fitness Pal records, my pretty well researched calorie goal was 2,100 net (i.e. not counting burning any off with exercise). Maybe try either setting your calories higher or eating what you want for a while and see if it makes a difference. FWIW, I got back to my prepregnancy weight (lowish normal BMI) very gradually over my baby's first year while breastfeeding, but definitely not by 12 weeks. I still look pregnant in the family photos from my brother's wedding that we attended at around that time. So give yourself a break.
Which is not to say you shouldn't stop nursing if that's what you want - I believe articles like this one that say that the benefits are overstated. For me, the biggest obvious benefit was emotional, and... it sounds like that's not happening for you.
I'd also like to second warriorqueen's suggestion to get evaluated for PPD and chesty a arthur's suggestion to buy yourself new pants!
posted by Kriesa at 11:00 AM on June 2, 2017 [3 favorites]
I messed around with calorie counting during maternity leave and, looking back at My Fitness Pal records, my pretty well researched calorie goal was 2,100 net (i.e. not counting burning any off with exercise). Maybe try either setting your calories higher or eating what you want for a while and see if it makes a difference. FWIW, I got back to my prepregnancy weight (lowish normal BMI) very gradually over my baby's first year while breastfeeding, but definitely not by 12 weeks. I still look pregnant in the family photos from my brother's wedding that we attended at around that time. So give yourself a break.
Which is not to say you shouldn't stop nursing if that's what you want - I believe articles like this one that say that the benefits are overstated. For me, the biggest obvious benefit was emotional, and... it sounds like that's not happening for you.
I'd also like to second warriorqueen's suggestion to get evaluated for PPD and chesty a arthur's suggestion to buy yourself new pants!
posted by Kriesa at 11:00 AM on June 2, 2017 [3 favorites]
Nthing all of the advice above about giving it more time. I gained 50lbs when I was pregnant with Baby Kitty and ended up losing 65 by his 1st birthday. At 12 weeks post partum, i think i had only lost 20 lbs or so. Breastfeeding was a huge part of losing all the weight. Also - Baby Kitty had some significant food sensitivities (a lot of babies have issues with soy and cow's milk) so cutting those out of my diet helped make him feel better and helped me lose the additional weight. It's a lot easier to stick to a diet when you're doing it for your baby.
As for exercise, wear your baby when you can. Walking with a 12 lb weight helps a ton. I also recommend baby squats (doing squats while holding baby to your chest). Baby Kitty loves it, gets stimulation of movement and mommy time, and I get some exercise in while taking care of baby.
Hang in there. You made another human being with your body. It is going to take time to get your organs back where they belong. 12 weeks is no where near enough time to do this healthily. You're doing great.
posted by Suffocating Kitty at 11:12 AM on June 2, 2017 [1 favorite]
As for exercise, wear your baby when you can. Walking with a 12 lb weight helps a ton. I also recommend baby squats (doing squats while holding baby to your chest). Baby Kitty loves it, gets stimulation of movement and mommy time, and I get some exercise in while taking care of baby.
Hang in there. You made another human being with your body. It is going to take time to get your organs back where they belong. 12 weeks is no where near enough time to do this healthily. You're doing great.
posted by Suffocating Kitty at 11:12 AM on June 2, 2017 [1 favorite]
I am going to put being a bit heavier as a totally viable option. I went from a BMI of 20 before kid to a BMI of 24 after.
With time, and no weight loss what so ever, my weight redistributed a bit away from my middle. (My underweight sister kept lots of fat around her middle post baby because, nature thinks it'll keep future babies safe, this is normal biology.)
I do exercise when I can and eat well a good portion of the time. These things help me feel good. And I wear a different cut of clothing than I did when I was lean that flatters a curvier body.
I think our culture has unrealistic expectations of women all the time, but especially after giving birth. Please try to place any body image issues aside until baby is 9 to 12 months. Please focus on well being. Try to be healthy and treat yourself well. If you like to nurse, keep at it. If it's not right for you right now, quit. Body image is like at the bottom of super important life things right now. Cause having a young baby is hard and you are physically and emotionally recovering from giving birth.
posted by Kalmya at 11:25 AM on June 2, 2017 [8 favorites]
With time, and no weight loss what so ever, my weight redistributed a bit away from my middle. (My underweight sister kept lots of fat around her middle post baby because, nature thinks it'll keep future babies safe, this is normal biology.)
I do exercise when I can and eat well a good portion of the time. These things help me feel good. And I wear a different cut of clothing than I did when I was lean that flatters a curvier body.
I think our culture has unrealistic expectations of women all the time, but especially after giving birth. Please try to place any body image issues aside until baby is 9 to 12 months. Please focus on well being. Try to be healthy and treat yourself well. If you like to nurse, keep at it. If it's not right for you right now, quit. Body image is like at the bottom of super important life things right now. Cause having a young baby is hard and you are physically and emotionally recovering from giving birth.
posted by Kalmya at 11:25 AM on June 2, 2017 [8 favorites]
Not everyone loses weight while nursing. A few of us gain weight, especially as we need to both eat extra calories and drink extra water. I did extended nursing with both of my kiddos but lost weight in a reasonable amount of time after we stopped nursing. I had to decide if I could live with my pp body in order to continue nursing. Truthfully, part of the reason that I didn't go as long with my 2nd as I did with my first was body issues (but there were other issues as well).
Are you taking fenugreek? Fenugreek can lower blood sugar for some people, causing you to feel hungry more often.
Otherwise, I have found that a keto diet works best for me to lose weight. No amount of exercise has ever really made a difference.
posted by vignettist at 11:40 AM on June 2, 2017 [1 favorite]
Are you taking fenugreek? Fenugreek can lower blood sugar for some people, causing you to feel hungry more often.
Otherwise, I have found that a keto diet works best for me to lose weight. No amount of exercise has ever really made a difference.
posted by vignettist at 11:40 AM on June 2, 2017 [1 favorite]
I lost maybe 10 pounds in the couple of weeks after birth and pretty much stayed that way for 4 months. I gained 60 pounds during my pregnancy. I didn't start losing until I began a keto diet and started going to strollercize (which I ended up absolutely loving) 4 or so times a week. I'm not saying that will work for you, just that it worked for me.
posted by kitcat at 11:56 AM on June 2, 2017
posted by kitcat at 11:56 AM on June 2, 2017
I didn't lose the last 10 pounds until I quit breastfeeding my daughter. I didn't breastfeed my son at all and I went back to under pregnancy weight much much faster, with no exercise or diet changes. Some bodies respond to the hormonal changes from nursing by holding onto the extra fat and your mileage may definitely vary.
I think the biggest thing to accept, for me, was that losing the baby weight did not mean going back to pre-baby shape. I weigh less than I did before I had my children but now my boobs are smaller, my hips are wider, and my ribcage is larger which made all my clothes fit wrong anyway. My youngest is 15 months old and I'm still mourning my pre-motherhood shape (with the obvious caveats of it being worth it and who cares about hips anyhow and yay motherhood and blah blah blah - it still sucks to not look the way you want to look).
posted by lydhre at 12:24 PM on June 2, 2017
I think the biggest thing to accept, for me, was that losing the baby weight did not mean going back to pre-baby shape. I weigh less than I did before I had my children but now my boobs are smaller, my hips are wider, and my ribcage is larger which made all my clothes fit wrong anyway. My youngest is 15 months old and I'm still mourning my pre-motherhood shape (with the obvious caveats of it being worth it and who cares about hips anyhow and yay motherhood and blah blah blah - it still sucks to not look the way you want to look).
posted by lydhre at 12:24 PM on June 2, 2017
I wasn't sure whether to make this comment since it's not a direct answer to your question. But you talked about postpartum being emotionally difficult and about wanting to go back to your old shape, so I'll add this for whatever it's worth. I've never been pregnant, but as I get older I find my body has started to change shape somewhat every few years, sometimes weirdly suddenly (or at least it feels that way). This has been happening since my late twenties. I'm getting more of a stereotypical "mom" shape without ever having been one, and it's not even a matter of gaining weight; my body just seems to be rearranging itself on its own. The point is that obviously pregnancy has brought about drastic changes in your body, but it's possible that at least some part of those changes , or some different changes altogether, would be taking place anyway, and that some of this is not "mom body" so much as "adult body." (I'm posting this in case it's helpful to think about; please ignore if it's not.)
posted by trig at 2:18 PM on June 2, 2017 [6 favorites]
posted by trig at 2:18 PM on June 2, 2017 [6 favorites]
Response by poster: Thank you. Thank you. I read all the responses several times. I was hoping someone had been here before and would suggest the exact eating plan that worked for them :) but I appreciate being steered in another direction.
It's easier said than done to take it slow and give it a few more months but I will. I am going to buy some new clothes and talk to the doc about the mini pill and how I'm feeling. Of course I can't self diagnose PPD but I don't feel incredibly desperate or overwhelmed by the lack of weight loss. I"m just looking forward to get back to my "new" old self and I'd really love to fit into all my old clothes!
posted by duddes02 at 2:48 PM on June 2, 2017 [3 favorites]
It's easier said than done to take it slow and give it a few more months but I will. I am going to buy some new clothes and talk to the doc about the mini pill and how I'm feeling. Of course I can't self diagnose PPD but I don't feel incredibly desperate or overwhelmed by the lack of weight loss. I"m just looking forward to get back to my "new" old self and I'd really love to fit into all my old clothes!
posted by duddes02 at 2:48 PM on June 2, 2017 [3 favorites]
I definitely agree to give it a few more months. Breastfeeding in the 4th tri can be really hard. Once they get a little older is when it actually gets more enjoyable and cuddly. Give it a chance a little while longer - I'm not in favor of continuing nursing when it is truly adversely affecting your health/mental health, but with a slightly older baby you might end up finding more joy in it and be glad not to lose the opportunity for bonding.
There is nothing wrong with stretchy pants! I love stretchy pants. The first time I wore 2nd tri maternity jeans, it was like a revelation, I was thinking "why don't they make every pair of jeans like this? They're SO COMFORTABLE."
posted by treehorn+bunny at 1:07 AM on June 3, 2017
There is nothing wrong with stretchy pants! I love stretchy pants. The first time I wore 2nd tri maternity jeans, it was like a revelation, I was thinking "why don't they make every pair of jeans like this? They're SO COMFORTABLE."
posted by treehorn+bunny at 1:07 AM on June 3, 2017
Breastfeeding length as an infant has a proven effect on that child's BMI later in life. Maybe considering prolonging breastfeeding as a gift you are giving to your child at the (possible) expense of hanging onto the baby weight a bit longer would help you reframe the issue. I think it's a good trade-off and one you should feel proud of making.
Honestly, I think mother's don't always have 'mom-bodies' because they can't get back to a good weight, but because they reprioritize that time and focus toward the child's needs. I don't say this to make you feel bad for focusing on yourself, people need different things to be happy and fulfilled. But... you don't sound happy, and I really do think this change in focus is emotionally healthy and will make you feel happier in the short and long term. (At the very least, by helping you relax about the extra weight.)
posted by mirabelle at 3:01 PM on June 3, 2017
Honestly, I think mother's don't always have 'mom-bodies' because they can't get back to a good weight, but because they reprioritize that time and focus toward the child's needs. I don't say this to make you feel bad for focusing on yourself, people need different things to be happy and fulfilled. But... you don't sound happy, and I really do think this change in focus is emotionally healthy and will make you feel happier in the short and long term. (At the very least, by helping you relax about the extra weight.)
posted by mirabelle at 3:01 PM on June 3, 2017
I don't know if this is useful data or not - I gained a bit more weight than recommended during my later two pregnancies, enough to make the doctor cluck slightly at me during check ups but not with any real interest.
After they were born I didn't want the kids getting either cows milk or soy until they were a year old as I had read it might help prevent diabetes later in life and diabetes runs hard in their father's family so I nursed them as their primary source of food until they were each twelve months old. Basically my babies got essentially nothing but breast milk for the first six months and mainly breast milk for the second six months; I gave them some soft and mushy fruits and veggies like peaches and carrots cereal like oatmeal and finally biccies, but up until the twelfth month it was 80% my own milk. I also nursed around the clock, probably nursing about three times during the night for about forty-five minutes at a stretch, often while asleep in bed with the baby, but I was also able to take my daughter to work with me when I worked night shift. They were both big babies so to keep them fed I ended up having to eat massive amounts.
Nursing a large eight and ten month old baby who is getting most of his or her nutrition from breast milk makes it hard to not lose weight. I remember a pot luck where I had a couple of plates of potato salad-cold cuts-meat balls etc. and then going back afterwards for a third plate for dessert where I got three large slabs of cheese cake. What with the size of my kids and the amount they needed and the fact that I carried them around a lot and that there were two of them reasonably closely spaced so that I was often carrying a two year old and a nine month old, I often actually needed to eat nearly three-thousand calories a day to maintain my weight.
Now my experience is likely an outlier. But my point is that you are supposed to lose that pregnancy weight, I think, when you are nursing a big baby, one that is almost old enough to walk, but is not eating much in the line of solids yet. I think the weight is meant to come off when the kid is between say seven and eighteen months, depending on when you might fully wean him or her in a more primitive society. The problem being that likely you only get six weeks of maternity leave and can't set up your life so you can nurse your kid overnight and still get up for work in the morning, and nursing her during the day time results in the ridiculous workaround of a breast pump and storing breast milk... I can suggest that the biological way of losing weight post partum is to switch to round the clock nursing with no supplemental formula, but I can't make it practical, or possible.
I'm guessing that your hormones and stress hormones are telling you that you are very vulnerable and low status now, with the resulting weight gain and drive to stay in the nest where predators and higher status bullies can't harm you and your baby. So what I am going to suggest is that perhaps you consider taking up a violent exercise or sport - something like boxing, a combat sport that involves hitting other people or dominating them. That kind of exercise and confidence builder might help lower your cortisol levels and that in turn might help you lose weight better than something like walking exercises will.
posted by Jane the Brown at 9:52 PM on June 3, 2017
After they were born I didn't want the kids getting either cows milk or soy until they were a year old as I had read it might help prevent diabetes later in life and diabetes runs hard in their father's family so I nursed them as their primary source of food until they were each twelve months old. Basically my babies got essentially nothing but breast milk for the first six months and mainly breast milk for the second six months; I gave them some soft and mushy fruits and veggies like peaches and carrots cereal like oatmeal and finally biccies, but up until the twelfth month it was 80% my own milk. I also nursed around the clock, probably nursing about three times during the night for about forty-five minutes at a stretch, often while asleep in bed with the baby, but I was also able to take my daughter to work with me when I worked night shift. They were both big babies so to keep them fed I ended up having to eat massive amounts.
Nursing a large eight and ten month old baby who is getting most of his or her nutrition from breast milk makes it hard to not lose weight. I remember a pot luck where I had a couple of plates of potato salad-cold cuts-meat balls etc. and then going back afterwards for a third plate for dessert where I got three large slabs of cheese cake. What with the size of my kids and the amount they needed and the fact that I carried them around a lot and that there were two of them reasonably closely spaced so that I was often carrying a two year old and a nine month old, I often actually needed to eat nearly three-thousand calories a day to maintain my weight.
Now my experience is likely an outlier. But my point is that you are supposed to lose that pregnancy weight, I think, when you are nursing a big baby, one that is almost old enough to walk, but is not eating much in the line of solids yet. I think the weight is meant to come off when the kid is between say seven and eighteen months, depending on when you might fully wean him or her in a more primitive society. The problem being that likely you only get six weeks of maternity leave and can't set up your life so you can nurse your kid overnight and still get up for work in the morning, and nursing her during the day time results in the ridiculous workaround of a breast pump and storing breast milk... I can suggest that the biological way of losing weight post partum is to switch to round the clock nursing with no supplemental formula, but I can't make it practical, or possible.
I'm guessing that your hormones and stress hormones are telling you that you are very vulnerable and low status now, with the resulting weight gain and drive to stay in the nest where predators and higher status bullies can't harm you and your baby. So what I am going to suggest is that perhaps you consider taking up a violent exercise or sport - something like boxing, a combat sport that involves hitting other people or dominating them. That kind of exercise and confidence builder might help lower your cortisol levels and that in turn might help you lose weight better than something like walking exercises will.
posted by Jane the Brown at 9:52 PM on June 3, 2017
Best answer: When I went back to work at 16 weeks after giving birth, I had to buy pants one size up because my old ones were way too snug.
One month later, I felt that the new pants were kinda always slipping down my hips and looked really baggy. So I went back to my old pants and whaddya know, fit fine.
It's a great feeling, like those weight loss ads, to stand in the new pants and hold out the empty space, just one month later.
tl;dr: don't buy too many new clothes, you will continue to shrink. I have another pair of pants same size as the new ones I've been meaning to hem, now they're too big.
Also, I quit breastfeeding about a month before I went back to work. Not sure if it made a difference.
posted by satoshi at 4:05 PM on June 4, 2017
One month later, I felt that the new pants were kinda always slipping down my hips and looked really baggy. So I went back to my old pants and whaddya know, fit fine.
It's a great feeling, like those weight loss ads, to stand in the new pants and hold out the empty space, just one month later.
tl;dr: don't buy too many new clothes, you will continue to shrink. I have another pair of pants same size as the new ones I've been meaning to hem, now they're too big.
Also, I quit breastfeeding about a month before I went back to work. Not sure if it made a difference.
posted by satoshi at 4:05 PM on June 4, 2017
This thread is closed to new comments.
Also, get new pants. There's no motivational value in wearing too-small pants to the office. Everyone deserves pants that fit in the NOW, even people who have just had babies. And really, in the grand scheme of things, you have just had a baby (although it probably feels like forever.)
You're doing great. You're doing everything you need to be doing. Hang in there and be patient.
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 8:50 AM on June 2, 2017 [24 favorites]